A Month of Sundays
by marziipan
Summary: How exactly does Lily discover her buried feelings for James Potter? Picks up from James's and Lily's 5th year, shortly after Lily ends her friendship with Snape.
1. A First for Lily Evans

"I'm afraid, Severus," she hissed desperately.

"Quiet," he ordered. Immediately regretting his agitated tone, Severus looked around into the wide, frightened eyes of Lily Evans and added, "It'll be alright."

Apart from the sound of their accelerated breathing, several long moments passed in silence as Lily and Severus absorbed everything they had just seen: Mulciber, Avery, and Nott tormenting a Muggleborn first year before the Ravenclaw Prefect, Callaway, had arrived; the duel between Callaway and the Slytherins as the Prefect attempted to shield the first year girl; Lily's horror as Nott shouted "Crucio!" and her inability to move or speak after Severus immobilize her, terrified of what the Slytherins would do next if he was discovered to be in her company. As the duel moved deeper into the Forest, Severus had released Lily from his spell and the pair waited, stooped behind a large boulder on the edge of the Forbidden Forest, hidden from the full moon's rays by the shade of a large oak, until Mulciber approached them again.

"Alright?" Severus stood at his full height again.

"They're wiping his memory. Callaway. But nevermind that," panted Mulciber. "It's true, Severus. What we were discussing before that prat showed. Avery's brought a message from him and everything. He wants to start recruiting. The older students, you know. Avery's brother's already been initiated. Avery's seen, on his left arm, there's—"

"Severus," said Lily in a trembling voice. "I'd like to go back to the castle."

"What's _she_ doing here?" demanded Mulciber.

Severus said nothing, but Lily replied, "We were just leaving."

"_We?_" Mulciber repeated, sounding repulsed. "Still hanging round with this Mudblood then, Severus?"

Lily was afraid, but her anger over hearing the word took precedent, and she spat, "I'd rather be a Mudblood than a filthy, evil little—"

"Lily!" shouted Severus, as Mulciber drew his wand angrily. Nott and Avery returned, both sneering as their eyes followeded the path from Mulciber's wand to Lily's clearly frightened but determined face. Her wand was pointing right back.

"What've we got here?" Nott asked, amused. Goosebumps spread all over Lily's body.

"Only this lowlife Mudblood is—"

Lily could not help it. A curse erupted from her wand, and Mulciber fired back, knocking her clean off her feet. As she struggled to stand again, Avery, Nott, and Mulciber advanced, Severus wringing his hands behind them. "Alright," he called feebly, "can't we just—?"

But just then, they all started at the sound of hurried footsteps. Lily knew that they were coming from behind her, but before she could even turn her head to look, James Potter had dashed in front of her, his wand stretched toward the four Slytherins. As if someone had snapped their fingers and transported her out of harm's way, up to Gryffindor tower, and into the security of her warm bed, Lily felt suddenly and utterly safe. She had spent nearly five years disliking James deeply for his arrogance, his obnoxious persistence, his tormenting of her friend Severus. But now, in a moment when she felt really afraid, immense gratitude for James washed over her, such a warm feeling of security that she could not, at the moment, remember why she usually avoided his company. She struggled to her feet and staggered forward, moving as close to James as she could without touching him.

"Alright, Potter?" Avery snickered. "Got to say, I don't like your odds."

"I don't want a fight, Avery. But I must say I've had quite an enlightening time on the grounds this evening. Lots of good goss flying around, if you know what I mean."

The Slytherins' eyes widened, and Lily could see that they were trying to determine whether James had really heard anything, or if he was merely bluffing.

"So here's how this is going to work," James said evenly, after letting his previous statement sink in a bit. "I forget what I heard, and you sod off back into the Forest or wherever you slimy gits hang around while Evans and I make our way back up to Hogwarts. So much as a spark from any of you, and I see a very interesting conversation with Albus Dumbledore in my future."

Mulciber, Avery, and Nott exchanged worried glances, but Severus looked both mutinous and, somehow, desperately sad, his eyes locked on James and Lily. Mulciber nodded curtly, and James gestured for Lily to walk ahead of him. Lily complied without a word. Several times, the pair glanced over their shoulders, but they made it to Hogwarts unharmed.

As they headed up the marble staircase toward Gryffindor Tower, Lily struggled to find a way to thank him, to explain the relief his arrival had instilled in her. Lily was actually frightened that evening, and she felt compelled to tell James how, even though they had never gotten along, his presence made her feel certain that no harm would befall her. The feeling surprised her, and had been completely absent when she thought her only ally was Severus Snape.

Lily glanced sideways at James and was shocked to see he looked furious. She cleared her throat awkwardly. "Thanks, Potter," she said softly.

He stopped in his tracks and glared at her. "Thanks," he repeated flatly.

"Er—well, yes. For getting me out of there."

"Are you mad, Evans? What were you doing out there to begin with? With them? With _him_? Not a week ago the slimy git called you _Mudblood, _Evans!"

"Just calm—"

"No, I'm not going to calm down!" James shouted, ignoring Lily's continued attempts to hush him. "What sort of sense does it make, going around with people like that? Do you have any idea—do you—they—they're—_honestly, what were you thinking?_"

Lily had never seen James so angry, least of all with her. In fact, she could not remember him ever being genuinely angry with her at all. Indeed, it was difficult to find James Potter even being serious. At most he had been frustrated, or indignant, or otherwise irritated at her constant rejections. But tonight, James was livid. "I wasn't—" she tried, but James did not let her finish.

"This nonsense with you and Snape has got to stop. I dunno what you're playing at, Evans, but he's not the tragic, lonely, complicated soul you think he is—don't look at me like that, I know how you talk about him to Libby," he clarified, pointing a finger at her. "But he's dangerous, Lily," he said, his tone softening. "Even if only by association. And…I know I act like a prat sometimes but, that aside, well…I…you know I care ab—"

"As a matter of fact, Potter," Lily said, "I've already finished it. I've told him we can't be friends anymore. Once he called me that…I dunno. But I didn't mean to be hanging around him tonight, and certainly not _them._ I was coming back from Hagrid's and he sort of…well, let's just say he's taking it quite hard. I never planned to meet any of them. He started talking to me and it just, I dunno…sort of happened."

They had reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, and her words seemed to have appeased James. "_Ignotus_," he said, and the portrait swung open. They climbed in, and James said, "Alright then. Just…er…be careful, I suppose. The stuff I heard tonight…"

"What were you doing out there anyway?" asked Lily

James looked taken aback, partly because Lily had never showed any interest in where he was, why he was there, what he was doing, and whether he was still breathing, but also because he was not sure how to answer. The full moon usually ensured James was on the grounds, accompanied by his three best friends, and he was happy he happened to be in earshot of Lily and Snape, and could transform in time to get her out of there.

"Er…was just…having a stroll," he invented feebly, but Lily did not seem eager to press the subject.

"Well, anyway, thanks," said Lily.

"No problem," he said. "Listen, Evans, I was wondering—"

"Oh in the name of Merlin, Potter, thank you very much for helping me tonight but _no I will not go out with you_."

After an awkward pause, James said. "Er. Right. Actually, I was wondering whether you think I ought to go ahead and speak to Dumbledore. I mean I know I said I wouldn't but…I dunno, they were talking about that Voldemort bloke. Seemed really dodgy."

Lily flushed deeply. "Oh! Well…to be honest…" She was thinking of Severus. Sure, he'd acted horribly to her, but she did not want to get him into trouble, even if they weren't couldn't be friends anymore. But perhaps telling Dumbledore could help him. "I think perhaps we ought to," she decided.

"Right," said James. "Well, 'til tomorrow then, Evans," and he disappeared through the entrance of the boys' dormitory.

Lily eyes lingered on the vacant stairway for several seconds before she headed for the girls' dormitory.

For James Potter, it was just another ordinary day: another evening of mischief with Sirius, Remus, and Peter under the full moon; another display of animosity between himself and the Slytherins; another cold rejection from Lily Evans.

But Lily would always remember that evening, a week before her fifth year at Hogwarts came to a close, as the first time she was actually thankful that James Potter—impossibly arrogant though he was—always seemed to have a way of knowing where she was.


	2. Typical Potter

The day of the end of term feast, Lily took a seat at the Gryffinor Table, in her usual spot next to Alice Warren, Maggie Jacobs, and Libby Eaton, fellow fifth years and very close friends. Lily was very aware of Snape's eyes on her the moment she sat down, but took care to avoid his gaze.

Alice, apparently just as aware as Lily, said quietly, "You did the right thing, lovey. Don't let him guilt you. It's better this way."

Lily smiled widely at her friend, but was distracted by a sudden racket. Someone had released a batch of Dr. Filibuster's into the Great Hall. They were typical fireworks at first, until one took the shape of Albus Dumbledore and pirouetted ludicrously across the Hall. Lily's eyes sought the Headmaster, and she laughed aloud to see that although some of the other teachers were looking cross, Dumbledore was clapping wildly, stopping only to wipe tears from laughter from his crooked nose. With the tiniest of motions, Albus Dumbledore inclined his head, a nod so slight you would have missed it if you were not watching him intently, and barely perceptibly raised his glass toward James Potter, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, and Sirius Black. Could they have—? But Lily quickly learned it must have been them; the finale included a blue and bronze eagle swooping over the tables, a black and yellow badger dashing over their heads, an emerald and silver serpent, which flopped listlessly a few times before vanishing (_of course Potter and his mates were responsible for this!,_ thought Lily, and how typical of Dumbledore to suss them out), and lastly, a magnificent golden lion, which roared loudly before vanishing with a _pop! _

She looked in the guilty parties' direction, and she was not the only one. Some people were giving the four boys high fives, and Libby, who was on the Quidditch team and therefore very friendly with James, went closer to where they were seated and began talking to them. Lily watched them, Sirius flinging a spoonful of mashed potato into Peter's hair and laughing as though it was the funniest thing that had ever happened, Remus wrestling a second year girl's drink from her because he had seen James slip something into it, while James mocked, "Oh Reeeemusss! My heeeroo!! My Ickle Prefect's saved me fwom the evil James Pottow!!!" as the girl went beetroot. Halfway into mocking Remus and the girl he had rescued from whatever his friend had slipped into her goblet, James caught Lily looking at him. He winked and said, "Alright, Evans?" very loudly.

_Boys_, Lily thought to herself.

James slid along the bench, ramming into Sirius—"Oi! What gives?"—so that he'd scoot over, and patted the tiny place he had made. "Plenty of room, my dear Evans," he said, waggling his eyebrows.

Lily smiled scornfully and said, "I'm fine here, thank you very much."

"Ah, I understand," said James, nodding somberly. "You just don't want to sit near Balderdash here," he said, gesturing to the small third-year boy sitting on his other side.

"It's—it's Alderbroo—" the boy began, but James cut him off.

"Well, it's no problem, right Balderdash? You'll sod off so Evans can have a cuddle with the love of her life, won't you?"

"Potter, you are horrible! Leave him alone!" Some of the people near them at the Gryffindor Table turned to see what she was shouting about.

"Well, as long as you're getting up, Balderdash, you might as well go on over to Evans and bring her here for me"

"_Bring me there?_ I'd rather sit in a garden of Devil's Snare."

"Come to think of it, Lily," Sirius laughed, "I reckon if you go anywhere near James it might be a lot like sitting in a garden of Devil's Snare. Although I don't think he'd _grab_ as indiscriminately, if you know what I mean."

Everyone near Sirius laughed apart from Remus, who looked at Lily apologetically, and James, who looked mildly annoyed by his friend's comment.

"When are you going to give up, Potter?" Lily said with a sigh.

"When you go out with me," he answered simply, grinning widely.

"Tell you what," said Lily, "I will go out with you on Saint Glinglin's Day."

"Yeah? Really?" said James, his eyes gleaming with hope as he sat forward in his seat. "When's that then?" Lily, Libby, Alice, and Maggie all laughed rather hard at this. James looked confused, until Remus said, "Er…that's an obscure and, if you ask me, slightly more cruel way of saying, 'when hell freezes over,' mate."

James turned to Lily, his eyes narrowed as if to say _is this true???_ and when she continued to laugh he said, "You cheeky witch!"

"Give it up, mate," said Libby, ruffling James's already untidy hair.

James sunk petulantly into his seat and crossed his arms, but Lily could tell there was a smile fighting to spread across his face.

"_You'd_ go out with me, wouldn't you Libby?"

"Of course I would," she indulged, and wrapped her arms around James. He reciprocated and they spent a moment pretending to snog, as everyone around them chuckled and Peter said, "Oi, get a room!"

"Can it, Pettigrew," Libby said, then added, with an air of mock sophistication, "What James and I have is special. We've been to second base and everything."

Lily, in an irrational moment, gaped at Libby—she had never told her this!

James, who had been sipping on his pumpkin juice, was now coughing loudly, his face very red. "In my defense," he began, still spluttering, and then fell to pieces laughing. Lily thought he had a rather nice smile and charming laugh, even if he was a complete arse. "To be fair," he began again, "I was only trying to high-five her on the pitch. My hands just got away from me."

"I _am_ a stellar chaser," said Libby.

"Quite," said James, "the excitement of the moment, you understand…"

"So romantic," said Libby dreamily, and the two began laughing again.

Lily could not help wondering why she could not have this kind of easy friendship with James. Why did he always have to be such an obnoxious, arrogant toerag?

Lily spend the remainder of dinner talking and laughing with Alice, Libby, and Maggie, and now and again James or Sirius would say something to rile them up.

As dinner came to a close and they were all working on their pudding, Professor McGonagall approached them. "Mr. Potter, a word please."

James looked up at his Head of House, and pulled a face that clearly said _I _actually _haven't done anything this time!_

"Follow me to my office if you will." She turned and began walking away.

Before rising, James looked at Sirius, Remus, and Peter inquiringly and shrugged.

"The fireworks…?" Peter began nervously, to which James replied in a harsh whisper, "Yeah well, if it is, you lot are getting dragged down with me! I'm not filing student records on my own!"

"Mr. Potter!" McGonagall shouted from the Entrance Hall, and James jumped up.

"Care to take a stroll with me, Evans?"

"In your dreams, Potter," said Lily lazily.

James scoffed. "Oh my little innocent flower. We do _way_ more than _stroll_ in my dreams—oi!" James dodged as Lily, appalled, flung a hex at him. The Gryffindor Table erupted in laughter as she flung another and another at him, and a laughing James had to dodge the whole way out of the Great Hall.

It did not take long for news to spread about why one of the most popular students at Hogwarts was called away from the end of term feast to join Professor McGonagall. When he arrived in her office, it was to find Albus Dumbledore, Rubeus Hagrid, and his mother waiting for him; Stephen Potter, James Potter's elderly father, had died in his sleep the previous night.


	3. Push Comes to Shove

The following day, the whole of Hogwarts gathered the last of their things and prepared to board the train back to London. Lily and Alice exited the girls' dormitory together after a final check that they had left nothing behind, Lily looking particularly sullen. "Excited for summer?" asked Alice. "I'm quite excited to see my sister."

Lily chuckled darkly at this. "I'll miss Hogwarts. It's alright being home and seeing Mum and Dad but I feel like things get worse every day with my sister. And Severus lives just down the road. It'll be weird this summer, not being friends."

"Just be careful with him, will you? Try to stay clear."

"I dunno, Alice. Spinner's End isn't the largest street. I'd have better luck avoiding my mother."

Alice smiled. "Still though…at least you're not James Potter. Imagine what _he's_ going home to."

"What do you mean?" Lily asked, as they exited the portrait hole.

"Oh, I thought you knew," she said sadly. "His father's just passed."

"What? Oh, Alice…have you seen him?"

"Haven't seen him, no. I reckon he went home last night with his Mum just after the feast. But Dumbledore's told Remus, Peter, and Sirius to look after him a bit. Sirius told me just before I went down to breakfast. Looked right cut-up about it, too. I mean I'm not surprised, Sirius was like an adopted son over there…"

But Lily had stopped listening. She knew James, the only child, had been very close to his parents; in fact, Lily had often jibed that James had grown up so pampered, so adored that he was spoiled rotten. She felt a stab of guilt.

They walked down the corridor just as Sirius was making his way toward the Common Room.

"Sirius," called Lily softly, and without another word she wrapped her arms around him.

Sirius reciprocated tightly, and into her hair he said, "Ah, Evans, you've always been a doll."

They pulled apart but Lily had taken Sirius's hands in hers. "I'm sorry, Sirius."

He smiled bravely and nodded.

"I hope you got to spend a bit of time with him before he went home," said Lily.

Sirius looked confused for a moment. "Oh, no, he's here. Wasn't really ready to go home yet. Honestly I don't blame him putting it off…going back to that house… He won't be taking the train home though, and he's leaving with Mrs. Potter really soon. I've just left them in the Owlery, you can probably still catch him," he called, as Lily had already begun making her way quickly down the corridor.

"I'll just see you on the train, shall I?" called Alice.

When Lily arrived in the Owlery it was, as she had feared, empty. She had really wanted to say goodbye to James, to tell him how sorry she was. James had talked a lot about his father, had always spoken very highly of him, and Lily's heart ached to know that James had lost the father he so admired. "Pants," she mumbled irritably, and kicked at the straw on the ground.

Lily started when a voice said, "Are you alright, dear?"

She jumped and turned sharply toward the voice. A woman was leaning out the window, tying a letter to one of the owl's legs. Wearing all black, she had blended into the stone walls and a support beam had been blocking her face when Lily entered.

"Oh! I didn't realize I wasn't alone. Yes, I'm fine, thank you very much."

The witch surveyed Lily kindly through a pair of crinkly, light grey eyes. Her hair could have been any color in her youth, but presently it curled in loose, elegant silver waves that barely reached her shoulders.

"You must be Lily Evans," said the woman in a soft, mellow voice, her kind smile stretching across a pair of thin, creased lips.

Lily nodded. "How did you—?"

"My rather loquacious son never fails to come home for the holidays with a wonderful host of stories, and you have made your way into quite a few of them," smiled the woman. "He speaks very highly of you, always," she added.

Lily moved forward, "Oh—Mrs. Potter—I was so, so very sorry to hear about your loss."

Mrs. Potter raised a hand. "Thank you for your very kind condolences. He was a good man," she said, her eyes sparkling with tears that did not fall. "My son and I will miss him terribly. But he led a wonderful life."

"Yes…Pot—er, James has told me—well, all of us—a lot of amazing stories about him. Did he really help Professor Dumbledore track Gellert Grindewald?"

"He did, yes," smiled Mrs. Potter. "And speaking of my son—I presume you are looking for him?"

Lily nodded. She laughed to herself, enjoying the way Mrs. Potter kept saying "my son" with such pride and adoration.

"He has just run into Mr. Hagrid and I believe they are having a few private words. I am meeting him in the Entrance Hall in five minutes if you'd like to accompany me."

"I would, thanks very much Mrs. Potter."

"It is nothing. And you may call me Dorothy."

James was already waiting in the Entrance Hall, and Lily's heart gave a start. Hagrid was thumping James on the back in a way Lily thought he probably imagined to be very tender, but she could see James struggling to remain standing. He was looking paler than usual, and Lily noticed his eyes were very puffy behind his rectangle-framed glasses.

As soon as Lily and Mrs. Potter reached them, Hagrid took Mrs. Potter's hand gently and they began talking quietly. James eyed Lily awkwardly, his hands in his pockets, and for some reason she froze. She had come to give him her condolences but, now that Hagrid and Mrs. Potter were having their own conversation, all she could manage at the moment was mouthing, "I'm so sorry," all her sympathy etched on her face. It was feeble, but it seemed to be enough for James, who nodded with a sad smile.

The display looked even more pathetic, as just that moment, Libby Eaton came bounding down the marble staircase, wrapped her arms around Mrs. Potter to give her her condolences, and turned to James next.

"Oh, Jamie," she said, and took him tightly in her arms.

"Libby, don't," said James uncomfortably as she began to cry. He sounded like he had a bad head cold.

Lily knew that while she had not spent as much time at the Potter's house as Sirius had, she had met James's parents enough times that she had grown very fond of them.

"Don't," he repeated. "You're going to bring me down to your level," he said, laughing tenderly and pushing her away, though he held her at arms length. "I'll be alright, Libbs," he said with a bit too much bravado to fool Lily, and wiped a tear from Libby's face.

"If you need anything—_anything at all­,_" Libby began, but was interrupted by Sirius, Remus, and Peter joining them to say goodbyes to James and Mrs. Potter.

They all stood talking for a moment when Professor McGonagall called to the students who had not begun filing out onto the grounds, "The carriages will be leaving very shortly. I advise you all start making your way…"

Peter, Remus, Sirius, and Libby departed, and as James turned away from them he swung his arm around his mother's shoulders and grinned down at her. "Alright Mum? I see you've met Evans."

"Evans, eh? Sehprised yeh din't call 'er the woman's future daughter-in-law," laughed Hagrid.

James glared up at him. "Ha. Ha."

Hagrid ruffled his hair. "Best be makin' my way out. Remember what I told yeh, James."

James nodded, and Hagrid went off. Shortly after, Mrs. Potter said, "I think I'll walk out with him. I'll see you outside, James. It was lovely to meet you, Lily."

"And you," said Lily, getting the impression she was trying to give the two a moment alone. They were nearly the last remaining students in the Entrance Hall, and James said, "You'd better hurry if you don't want to miss the carriages."

"Yeah," Lily agreed, though she didn't move. "I just wanted to…you know…say goodbye and make sure you're alright. Ugh, that sounded so stupid, of course you aren't alright."

"Agh," he replied casually, waving a hand. "Don't worry. Really."

Lily stared at him. "You don't have to do that, you know."

"What?"

"Pretend like everything's fine. It's okay to be sad right now. You should be _terribly_ sad. And I know you are. There's no shame in that."

There was a pause during which James gazed at her. He chuckled sadly, then looked at their feet with a long, shuddering sigh. Two fat tears dropped from his eyelashes and onto the floor before Lily had even seen them well up. Lily felt her heart breaking as she pulled James to her, and for a full minute they stood quietly in the deserted Entrance Hall, James sniffling now and again.

It was surprisingly difficult for Lily to see James hurting this way. James was always so exuberant, so cheerful and boastful. She was not used to seeing him so vulnerable, and the effect was that she felt an overwhelming desire to protect him, to restore him to his usual happy—even obnoxious, as long as he was happy—self.

James and Lily pulled apart when they heard the first of the carriages pulling away. Lily kissed James on his wet, salty cheek, gave him a final, fleeting hug, and whispered, "You drive me mad, Potter, but you're a good bloke. Take care. Write if you need anything."

James nodded and watched her hurry off, taking a few moments to collect himself before he joined his mother outside.

***

On the train, Lily shared a compartment with her fellow Prefects to take part in the traditional end-of-term meeting. When comments, suggestions for the next term, and speculation over which—if any—of the sixth year prefects would make Head Girl or Boy in September had ended, Lily became engaged in a conversation with Remus about a charm he had seen her use on a student who was bullying another, which made all of his would-be insults come out as rather cloying praise. As the rest of the Prefects went off to find their friends, Remus and Lily stayed behind to chat awhile.

When the conversation inevitably came to James and his loss, Remus said, "I'm sure I'll spend some time in Godric's Hollow this summer. It's a shame, they were really close."

Lily nodded sadly. It was quiet for some time.

"I just got to—I want to ask you something if—you know, if that's alright," Remus said rather unexpectedly.

"Of course," said Lily.

"Well, you know James is mad about you."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Er, right. Something like that, I suppose."

"Well, I know you both care for one another in some way," Remus said, unsure how to complete his thought. "I mean that much is clear, but it doesn't mean…I s'pose what I'm asking is…well…it will sound mad, but…_do_ you? You know, fancy him?"

"Fancy..?"

"James. Do you fancy James?"

Lily's response was a bout of very loud, rather unkind laughter. Remus raised his eyebrows and watched Lily's fit of giggles with patience and a small smile. Soon enough, Lily wiped her eyes and said, "My God, Remus. Cheers. Thanks for that. Really."

Remus merely continued to smile, and his gaze remained fixed inquiringly on Lily.

"What?" she blurted. "You really want me to answer that? Sorry, but do you really _need_ me to answer that?"

"Yeah, I do actually," Remus said, his tone very friendly.

The smile fell from Lily's face and she seemed to be thinking very hard. "Well, you are right about one thing. I do sort of care for him…in a way…the way you'd care for, I dunno, a sibling or something. Sometimes they drive you mad but in the end you're on their side. I suppose. I mean, I was really sorry to hear about his father. That was awful. And I think about how I felt when Severus would fight him, even if it was in retaliation…I mean when he would actually _hurt_ him…" She trailed off, clearly reliving a memory and shuddering. "Really, he drives me mad but I wouldn't want anything horrible to happen to him. And he's been there a lot as well… you know, been there for me. But it doesn't mean…I mean honestly, Remus, over the past couple of years I think I've made it perfectly clear how I feel about Potter."

A very awkward silence descended upon the two Gryffindors, in which Remus held his tongue. Something told him that he must not speak, that he must wait. The silence stretched on, and Lily appeared to be watching the world fly by outside the compartment window very intently.

"Remus," Lily began again, as if there had been no interruption, "I—I _can't_ like him."

"Can't?"

"It just wouldn't make any sense…for me to like him. I can't like him."

But Remus knew from the peculiar smile stretching across Lily's face that she was experiencing a kind of profoundly flummoxed amusement—the kind that comes with slow but shocking realizations—as if her heart had just revealed that it had not been being entirely honest with her.

"I mean, Potter and I…it's mad…and he's such an arrogant little…I can't fancy someone like that." Lily knew she was digging herself into a hole; could see, the very moment she looked up at Remus, that on the tip of his tongue hung the words, "But you do."

The pair sat in silence for a minute before Remus began to laugh. It was the hardest he'd laughed in the while, and that was saying a lot considering the company he kept.

"Blimey Remus, you're hysterical!" But Lily could not help laughing a little, too.

"The bastard was right. The little git was right, I can't believe it," Remus said through laughter.

"What? What are you talking about? Remus, in Merlin's name, pull yourself together! Who was right about what?"

"James," said Remus, wiping his eyes, "I used to think he was just being a prat, saying you fancy him deep down. 'She likes me,' he'd say, 'she just doesn't know it yet.' I used to think he was just, I dunno, covering his embarrassment every time you'd reject him. He reckons you like him but you don't want to be his 'project,' don't want to give him the satisfaction. He reckons you think he only wants you because he can't have you." Here, Lily nearly lost Remus to another fit of laughter, but he said, "And the bastard is right. Isn't he? Go on, Lily…you can tell me. Isn't he?"

Lily gaped at her friend, dumbstruck. She was furious, and confused, and humiliated, and somehow relieved all at once. She wanted to wrap her hands around James Potter's throat almost as much as she wanted to snog him senseless. She hated him, and she hated that he was, as usual, absolutely right. She wanted to tell Remus this, tell him that she hated Potter, that she couldn't stand him, that she wished he'd get stuck down a well, tell Remus that he ought to deliver the message for her, tell James how deeply she despised him.

But all that came out was "Oh, Remus…you won't tell him, will you?"

"No, I won't tell him," Remus smiled, "But you should."

***

**A/N: Thanks a million for the reviews so far!! Keep them coming, I'll take any constructive criticism you have to throw at me so I can shape this into an enjoyable fic…I'm really enjoying writing it. Thanks for reading!**


	4. Like Old Times

Remus kept his promise to Lily. And although there was every reason for the boy to run to James positively bursting with the news, Lily knew he would not. "He's got enough on his plate anyway," Remus said darkly, before returning to his friends' compartment that day.

The truth was, after James's father died, Remus was not at all sure that the news would matter much to James. He had not spoken of Lily all summer, his typical exuberance had been subdued by grief, and James spent the first several weeks of the summer in a dark mourning period that caused Remus, Sirius, and Peter great concern.

As James slowly emerged from his grief that summer, he began to occupy himself with convincing his mother that Sirius ought to keep a permanent residence in their home. Though Sirius had all but moved in by the second year, Mrs. Potter was reluctant to take part in separating Sirius so officially from his family. But deep down she agreed with James and Sirius that conditions in the Black Manor were far too unpleasant for Sirius, and as he was now sixteen, it was really time to be moving on.

While moving his things into a spare room that the Potters had used as an office, Sirius was shocked to find two open letters from Lily on the desk, one promising to keep him in her thoughts during this difficult time and asking whether there was anything she could do, and one telling him that they had accidentally swapped their Transfiguration books in the last lesson, and not to worry in case he was missing his heavily annotated addition.

Normally, James not only wrote to Lily at least once a week during the summer, but in the event that she replied, Remus, Peter, and Sirius were treated to an owl post play-by-play and were forced to listen to James's interpretations of even the simplest of Lily's words, like what it meant that Lily had written, "You, Potter, are _one of_ my least favorite people _at Hogwarts_," rather than "You are my least favorite person _in the history of the universe_."

These letters, however, had not come up in conversation at all, and it seemed that Lily had initiated communication in both cases.

Sirius made a point to ask James about these letters, to which James replied, "Yeah, she was just checking in, I wrote back, it's nothing really." And Sirius took this to mean he had either given up on Lily or was at least determined to give that impression, and Sirius was happy to comply.

The summer was essentially uneventful for Lily Evans. She had exchanged owls several times with Maggie, Alice, Libby, and Remus, and was surprised to observe the lack of cocky albeit cheerful letters from James Potter.

Truthfully, it was a lonely summer. Where she normally spent her afternoons with Severus, Lily filled her time reading over her spellbooks and perusing Muggle romance novels, a guilty pleasure of hers. It was not until August that she received an unexpected owl:

_Lily,_

_I have given things a lot of thought and am having a terrible time with all of this. Please meet me tonight, 7 o'clock, by the stream. I only wish to talk. Please. A reply is not necessary. I will be there. I hope you'll come._

_SS_

And at first, having made up her mind weeks ago, Lily thought no good could come from meeting him. But the truth was, she missed her friend, and her last-minute decision was to comply with Severus's wish.

He was already there when she arrived, sitting on a boulder and staring at the stream with a blank look in his flat black eyes. She felt immediately foolish; what more could possibly be said between them?

Just as she thought she might turn around and head back home she trod on a twig, and as it snapped Severus looked up at her. Ever since the summer after their first year, Lily always found it strange to see him outside Hogwarts, in Muggle dress. He sported a pair of wear-worn jeans and a plain gray t-shirt, and he had evidently cut his usually long black hair so that it barely fell past his ears.

"Lily," he said in surprise. He stood up, his eyes wide with nervousness. "You came."

When he spoke, his bottom lip caught her attention. It was swollen and purple, and when he noticed her looking at it he sucked it into his mouth self consciously.

"What has happened to you?"

"Oh, it's nothing. Just…you know. Dad gets…"

Lily had decided to remain cold during this meeting, in hopes that it would make the truth of their situation—the hopelessness of their friendship—easier on them both. But the moment she saw this, she could not help feeling warm toward him, remembering her old friend Severus Snape and how easy he was to talk and relate to. She felt angry, as she often had, at his father, just as Severus had often felt angry at Petunia.

Lily walked purposefully toward him and hugged him brusquely, immediately backing away afterward. "Are you alright?"

"Fine," he mumbled, his cheeks glowing with color now. "And you?"

"Not bad," she said. There was an awkward pause. "I'm really sorry things had to turn out this way."

"But they don't _have to_ be this way," he said.

"Severus…" she said warningly. "We've talked about this. I don't know what else there is to say."

"Lily, listen. Ever since…from the first…you and I, we've…you've been my best friend. And…and…" It was clear that Severus had rehearsed this, but in his nervousness actually facing Lily, he fumbled his words. Still, he had tried to inject purpose and determination into each stuttering syllable. "I dunno how I can just…move on from that…and…can't we…?"

Before he finished whatever it was he was trying to say, Lily sighed, "Oh, Severus. I do miss you too. I just don't know where we can go from here."

Severus took a step nearer to her, seeming to have drawn strength from hearing her say she missed him. "I know you don't like my friends. But why does that mean you can't be _mine_? Lily, I'd—I'd ditch them all for…I don't care about…"

She was blushing now, but regained her composure and said, "But you won't. I know how it makes you feel, being friends with people like that. I've seen it in your face. I saw it in your face two months ago. Thank God James showed up, or who knows—"

"_James?_" Snape spluttered, revolted to hear Lily refer to the person he so hated by his given name. "He's _James _now, is he? Is that what this is about? Because if it is, Lily—"

"No," she said firmly. "Of course not! You know how I feel about some of the things you've been involving yourself with. Some of the _people_, your aspirations—everything!"

"And you prefer _Potter_, do you? Going around with his stupid mates acting like he owns the—"

"My God, Severus, you are _obsessed_ with James Potter! I know he's been rotten to you, I know that, but he hasn't got anything to do with this! I shouldn't have mentioned his name," she said, regretting her choice of words earlier. "I should have known it would touch a nerve."

"You think just because he likes to stick his nose in other people's—"

"From what I heard about what happened this past June, Severus, it was _you_ going around sticking your nose in other people's business! And what happened? He _saved_ you! I know you hate him and you'll never be best mates, but just _leave_ it alright? Deep down, he's not a bad person."

"And what about me?" Snape demanded, sounding rather childish. "You're judging me based on the company I keep. What about us? Our friendship?"

"Our friendship?" laughed Lily harshly. "Our friendship that includes you looking _embarrassed _every time you're with me and one of your disgusting, evil little mates turns up? Our friendship where you call me _Mudblood?_" Severus tried to interject here, but Lily talked over him. "Our friendship where you refuse to even _try_ to get on with the people I like and spend my time with? They were willing to be friends, they figured if I saw something in you, even if you didn't get along with some of their other mates, you must be alright. Libby and Alice and Maggie…"

"_Libby_," Snape spat, "Another one of Potter's little Quidditch cronies. Another one that will think anything as long as _Potter_ thinks it, do anything as long as _Potter_ does it, I'm sure she and I will be married by next—"

"Severus, I can't stand this anymore! Will you please leave Potter out of this? He has nothing to do with _anything_—"

"I saw you with him!" Snape bellowed, looking rather mad now. "I saw you! At the end of term! _Hugging_ him! You call him arrogant, you say you can't stand to be in his company, but where are you 9 times out of 10?"

"Severus, we have the same frien—"

"You tell me how obnoxious you think he is, how cocky, how unbearable, but did you think I didn't notice the way you practically jumped on top of him when he played the stupid _effing_ hero as usual near the Forest that night? And then hugging him in the Entrance Hall? I was coming up from the Dungeons and I saw _that_. I couldn't even walk past, I just had to stand there like a…like…and you, _hugging him_ like you couldn't _stand_ to spend a summer apart from him—"

"Severus!" Lily shouted, seething with anger. "Stop this. I _was_ hugging him, I was, and not that I owe you any kind of explanation—because I certainly _don't_—but I was trying to comfort him. His father's just died, Severus, and I don't doubt you've heard about it."

"Oh, of course I've heard about it. Something goes wrong in perfect Potter's life and the whole world falls to pieces, does it?"

"Severus," Lily breathed, horrified. "I understand you dislike each other, but there's a time and a place. He doesn't like you either, but when it came down to _saving your neck_, he put his pride aside and realized what was important. That he didn't _actually_ want something horrible to happen to you. But you—you have no compassion whatsoever, do you? He's going through a difficult—"

"Oh my god," said Severus in a trembling voice, and he began to pace, clutching at his hair and looking on the verge of a breakdown. "I can't believe this is finally happening. I knew it. I knew it, I knew it. He's finally gotten to you."

Lily huffed angrily. "This conversation is over. You're impossible to talk to sometimes!" And she turned on her heel to go, but Severus grabbed hold of her wrist.

"No—wait—I'm sorry."

"Sorry, sorry," Lily mocked. "You're always _sorry_, but nothing ever changes, does it? Are you sorry for aspiring to be a Death Eater? Are you sorry for practically drooling over the Dark Arts? You're sorry for calling me Mudblood, sorry for constantly failing to see the point in anything I say because you're so blinded by hatred and jealousy for James, I'm sick of—"

Was it that she had made the humiliating accusation that he was jealous of James Potter? Or was it merely the way she said "James," a syllable Severus could not stand to hear Lily utter? Whatever it was that made him snap, Severus shouted, "Fine! Go off then, go coddle your precious Potter. If you ask me, it's good his father died, the little prat could use a few tragedies, maybe it'll bring him down to Earth with the rest of us!"

Lily was so angry there were tears in her eyes as she stormed off, and though she could hear him calling after her—whether more insults or pleas to return, she did not know—she was determined not to hear him.

**A/N: Again, thanks so much for the reviews! Sorry for the lack of J/L action in this one…don't worry, it's-a-comin!**


	5. Turning of the Tides

Lily didn't think it was possible for anyone to be more eager to return to Hogwarts than she was. The remainder of the summer holidays dragged by painfully slowly, and when the first of September finally arrived and she kissed her parents goodbye at King's Cross, she all but skipped onto the Hogwarts Express.

Already wearing her school robes, Lily entered the Prefects' compartment in high spirits. They all bought sweets and talked for a while about Prefect duties and other things, and Lily was particularly glad to see Remus Lupin again. She had always liked him very much, as he had the same jovial spirit as his friends but had always been a step or two ahead of them in maturity. He was humble and kind, and Lily did not even hold it against him that he had not managed to tame his friends with his status as Prefect. He'd gained an inch or two over the summer, but was looking a bit peaky as always.

When the Prefects had all gone off to find their friends, Lily and Remus walked down the train together while Remus told her about his holiday in Morocco.

He stopped after peaking into a compartment window, not quite at the middle of the train. "This is me," he said, and as he slid the door open, Lily caught a glimpse of disheveled dark hair.

"Moony, m'boy!"

"Remus Lupin, as I live and breathe!"

Remus smiled into the compartment, then looked back at Lily.

"Care to pop in for a quick hello?" he asked with a knowing grin.

Lily flushed deeply. She had almost forgotten about their conversation on the train in June…

She shuffled her feet. "I—no that's alright, I'll just…I'll see him—er, _them_…at…at the feast. 'Bye, Remus." And she hurried off to find her friends.

The truth was, Lily was anxious about seeing James Potter again. What if Remus had told him about their conversation? When she'd last seen him, they'd, for once, been civil. More than that, they'd been quite affectionate. Was he going to expect something the moment he saw her? She did not know how far she was ready to pursue her newly discovered feelings and, although she had admittedly missed his company over the summer, she wasn't sure what she wanted.

Sure, she had feelings for him. There was no denying that. But that didn't change the fact that he was, a lot of the time, almost unbearable. Attractive as he was, James's arrogance had a way of making him so ugly to Lily. And what if he, as usual, asked her out within minutes of seeing her again? Would she say yes? She didn't know… She tried her hardest to enjoy her friends' company on the way to Hogwarts, and decided to put James out of her mind for the time being.

Of course, that could only work for so long. When they entered Hogwarts castle, Libby very predictable took a seat in the Great Hall only two away from James, and Lily sat next to her with Maggie and Alice just across from them. But any tension that might have existed between James and Lily was crowded out by everyone's excitement over seeing their friends again, the mix of overlapping conversation, and a wonderful feast. The only direct contact James and Lily made, in fact, came just before dinner began. Amidst conversation with their friends, their eyes locked. James gave Lily a small, crooked smile, winked, and tended to his conversation with Peter.

Halfway through dinner, Lily overheard Sirius ask his friends, "You lot seen Cordelia Prewett?"

"No, why? asked Peter excitedly, and Remus shook his head in amusement.

"Summer's been mighty kind to her, that's all I'll say." He winked at Peter, then nudged James's side. James looked at him, then followed Sirius's line of vision to the Hufflepuff table. Lily rolled her eyes but could not help watching James out of the corner of her eye to see his reaction.

When he found her, his eyebrows shot up so far they were invisible beneath his hair. "Christ alive," he mumbled.

Sirius chuckled. "Have a word, mate. I have it from George Prichard, you know, Beater on their Quidditch team, that the chaser, Watts or something—"

"It's Watson," James corrected, "Paul Watson. Cracking Chaser."

"Yeah, well, not as good as you, it seems—apparently Watson used to go out with Cordelia and they had a row because she was salivating over your moves on the pitch, just after they'd lost to Gryffindor as well. In front of Watson and all."

James raised his eyebrows again, but a moment later he shrugged and changed the subject. Sirius gave him an odd look, and Lily was not at a loss for why. Had James really passed up this opportunity to gloat? Had he really changed the subject when, for once, _someone else_ brought up his Quidditch skills?

When it was time to go up to Gryffindor Tower, however, Lily discovered that perhaps not much had changed after all. The Marauders (though Lily could hardly count Remus this time) had somehow smuggled an entire side of ham from the feast and were having a game of Quidditch with it, in the middle of the hallway, weaving in and out of their fellow Gryffindors.

"And it's Black with the Quaffle—_oohh_, dodges a Bludger by a _fraction_ of a Bezaor!"

"Brilliant pass to Pettigrew, oh, back to Black, Pettigrew, Black, Pettigrew—Pettigrew fumbles it, pity, pity!"

"Caught by Potter, and it's been a rough game for Potter so far with eight Bludger injuries and only one leg left, but what a bloke, he's still in the game! He swerves, goes for it…annddd scores!"

The corridor was alight with laughter and some applause. Even Lily, looking to set a good example as Prefect, was reluctant to stop them.

"Alright, alright whacky lads. Now, let's have it."

"Ahhh, come on, Evans," said James. "Have a wee lark-about for once. Don't go all prefecty on us and spoil the fun. Are you a bit jealous? You can play Beater if you like, I know how much you'd like to take a swing at me."

Lily felt the color rise in her face. Rather than shout at him or become angry like she normally would, however, she lowered her voice and tried to speak only to James. "Come on, Potter, help me out," she beseeched. "You know I can't let you get away with that."

This new approach to James's troublemaking seemed to take him off guard. He looked like he might speak for a moment, then closed his mouth. He took out his wand and the ham became a crumpled piece of paper. He pocketed it with a mock-bow at Lily.

She grinned and gave him a discreet, playful punch on the arm.

"Aw, James! Don't get rid of it, you haven't even given me a position yet!" cried a fifth-year mirthfully.

"You can be Seeker, Noakes," James laughed. "Get looking. I think I saw it down in the dungeons."

When they arrived in Gryffindor Tower and Lily had almost reached the girls' dormitory, James called to her.

_Blimey_, thought Lily nervously. _Here it comes…_

"What's up?"

"Hate to bother you but when you go up, d'you think you could just nip back down and give me my Transfiguration book? It's Transfiguration first thing tomorrow and I want to look at something quickly before bed."

Lily blinked. "Oh…"

"If it's a bother I can just wait 'til the morning. Just bring it to McGonagall's lesson obviously."

"No, no, I just thought—no, just wait here, I'll be right back."

And even when she went off to the girls' dormitory the second time, James did not ask Lily out.

***

It was strange; James had never gone an entire two weeks without asking Lily out, or openly flirting with her, or going out of his way to touch her or rub up against her. Still, James's behavior remained the same in many ways. He had not lost a cinch of his confidence, though he seemed to have banished his air of superiority. He seemed to get into trouble only slightly less often, but his jokes on other students were down to a lighthearted minimum, and his bullying and cruelty to other students was completely nonexistent.

Severus Snape remained the exception. Before the first week was out, they had already gotten into two altercations, but Lily was surprised to learn (once through Libby and then through Remus) that Snape and his friends had provoked James on both occasions by insulting his father. Lily was disgusted at Severus for so callously digging at James's fresh wound, and she did not miss an opportunity the next time she saw him to throw him a filthy look.

"It's like he's extra evil these days now he hasn't got you on his side," said James in Potions one day, glancing surreptitiously at Snape across the room. "Really bitter over it. I always knew he fancied you rotten."

"We were only friends," Lily clarified quietly.

"Oh, _I_ know that, believe me," said James. "But I dunno that _he_ did." James's tone was passive, and Lily continued to get the strong impression that he had completely given up on asking her out. It was a bit unsettling, missing those days…

The plus side was that without James's constant come-ons, the door was opened for the pair to actually _talk._ When James was not painting the town red with the Marauders or taxing himself to death on the Quidditch Pitch, Lily, Alice, Maggie, Libby, and the Marauders could often be found in the Common Room or on the grounds talking and enjoying each other's company.

Lily tried to keep James out of her mind as anything other than a friend, and for a while she had convinced herself that she did not care that James seemed to have moved on from her. Her first test, however, came very abruptly, nearly two months into term.

It was around nine-thirty on a very rainy evening in November. Libby had just stomped in from Quidditch Practice, and James, on his second year as Captain, had kept them out for nearly four hours.

"Really good practice tonight," said Libby, stretching. "I think we have a good shot at it next week. A lot of Gryffindors came out to watch, you should have come!"

"Prefects' meeting," Lily answered, reading over her Transfiguration essay.

"It's always such a laugh when there's a crowd. Potter always showing off…bloody good flyer though. Really something to watch."

Something about the way she said it made Lily look up. "He's alright I suppose." This was a lie. Lily hated to admit it, because James was never more bigheaded about anything than his skills on the Quidditch Pitch, but he really _was_ something to watch. Lily had never missed a Gryffindor game, partly to support her house, but also because she enjoyed watching him play. She couldn't understand how someone could handle the Quaffle so expertly, throw so precisely, and score so many goals whilst flying as fast as James Potter could, weaving in and out of his teammates and opponents.

"_Alright?_" Libby scoffed. "He's really talented. And I'm not the only one who thinks so."

For some reason, Lily did not like to hear Libby talk about James this way. She could not explain why, but it put her on the defensive, and she replied harshly, "Yeah, _James Potter_ thinks so too. He's really talented, I know that, but…he just _knows _it, doesn't he?" This, again, was not entirely truthful. James had toned down his arrogance on the Quidditch Pitch considerably. Sure, he still played at his best, celebrated his team's victories wholeheartedly, and enjoyed cheers and praise from the crowd. But Lily had noticed that James did not ham it up as much these days, but took praise and support rather graciously.

Eager to make a point for some reason—what point, she did not know—Lily continued, "It's all the same with him. He may as well walk around Hogwarts shouting, 'Look at me! Look how great I am at Quidditch and look how clever I am and look, I can do advanced magic! Everyone look at how good-looking I am!' Remember in fourth year, when Eliza from Hufflepuff had that really big crush on him, and she asked him out, and he turned her down really harshly in front of everyone? Well after she walked away he said to Sirius, 'Is it wrong that I'm actually _offended_ that she asked me, thinking there was a chance I might say yes?' Like he's God's gift or something. Just because she doesn't have the right _measurements_ or something…"

"Lily, that was _fourth year_. He's always like that with girls. Maybe _you_ don't notice it because you're too good for him or whatever, but he gets loads of attention from girls, and, I dunno, that's what blokes do. Especially when they're _fourteen_. So what if he's aware he's good looking? It's better than being awkward and insecure_. _And anyway, I thought you two were getting on alright lately…"

"Yeah. Well. It wouldn't hurt to tone it down a bit, that's all." Lily did not know why she was being this way. She had become even more riled up since Libby said _He's always like that with girls_…

"I dunno. I think he has. Don't get me wrong, he's still a laugh and everything, but he seems to have deflated his head a bit. Maybe you finally knocked him down a few pegs," Libby laughed, but Lily sensed some bitterness in her voice. "Still, I'm kind of glad you feel this way. I want to talk to you, and that makes it much simpler."

"Sure," said Lily, sitting up.

Libby was sitting on the edge of her bed, wringing out her sopping dirty-blonde hair, which sprung back into its characteristic spirals when she released it.

"Well, I know your relationship with James has always been a bit weird…"

Lily shrugged.

"Well, anyway…I dunno, I'm sure you can see where this conversation is going."

The truth was, Lily did have an idea where it was going, and her only fear was that she was right. For some reason, however, she shook her head _no_.

Libby sighed and dropped her hands into her lap. "I _like_ him," she said, shrugging bashfully and smiling. "And I guess I wanted to make sure that doesn't bother you. I know you've always been pretty clear about not being interested in him, but I just wanted to make sure. I know he really fancied you for a few years, but since you've never had those feelings, and since he's finally of grown out of his crush…well, I suppose I want to make sure I have your blessing."

Grown out of his crush? Lily knew she had no right to feel so bothered by those words. She had never given him the slightest chance with her, had never even agreed to go into Hogsmeade with him, not even on a double date. She had never even agreed to let him buy her a Butterbeer...

But Lily had always found him interesting. He had always been good looking, even more so now that he had grown a few inches and filled out a bit. James had entered the sixth year tall and lean, with a strong jaw, mischievous but warm hazel eyes, and full, typically smirking lips. He was clever, talented, and extremely funny. He really _was_ a good person, but deep down perhaps she had just been waiting for him to grow out of his immaturity, to tone down some of his more bombastic behavior. But James had not only grown out of his immaturity; he had grown out of _her._

"Of—of course," said Lily. "D'you think—does he fancy you too?" she asked, trying to sound casual.

"You know something," said Libby, lying on her stomach and balling a pillow between her arms, "I really think he might." Her large, round blue eyes were shining happily, and her wide smile revealed a set of white, straight teeth, save for one slightly crooked tooth on the top left, which created a small gap in the nook of her grin. _She really is a lovely person_, thought Lily rather miserably. _And they'd be good together_. Both Gryffindors were talented Quidditch chasers, both always a bit immature for their age, both confident, neither very studious (though Libby had never gotten away with this quite the way James had. Her grades usually tended to suffer while James got by on ingenuity and pure wit).

"That's…that's really good, Libby. I think you should go for it."

"Oh brilliant," she said happily. "I had a feeling you wouldn't mind, but now I've checked, I won't have to worry."

Lily laughed weakly and crawled under her sheets. "Yeah, it's no problem. Pretty knackered though. 'Night, Libby."

"Goodnight," she replied cheerfully.

That night, Lily drifted off to sleep with a knot in her stomach.


	6. Hogsmead Fever

As the third Hogsmeade weekend of term approached, the last before the winter holidays, there was much excitement in the air. This December, a stage would be erected in the center of Hogsmeade, and witches and wizards from all over the world would come to see the Sickle Sell-Outs play a set. The corridors were buzzing with talk of who would be asking who, and whether the Sickle Sell-Outs would be playing songs from this album and that.

In Lily's mind, this would be the test. If James Potter did not ask her to be his date to this Hogsmeade weekend, she would consider herself shot of him. It was enough, really, and if she had been fine with their platonic relationship for five years there was no reason it should bother her now.

But Lily knew, deep down, that even if he did ask her she would have to say no. How could she do that to Libby? And these days she noticed that every time Libby and James were in company, Libby appeared to always have something on the tip of her tongue, something she couldn't quite get out.

"I feel like such an idiot," she complained one day in the Common Room, out of earshot of everybody but Lily. "I don't usually get like this round guys. But—I dunno, we've been friends for ages and…we're teammates and…blimey, what if I ask him and he just laughs at me?"

Lily started to say _He wouldn't do that_, then realized she couldn't honestly guarantee that. What was more, she secretly was fine with Libby being too afraid to ask James to Hogsmeade; what if he didn't laugh at her? What if he said yes?

"Libby you're a lovely girl and you two get on really well together," Lily said with great effort. "And even if he doesn't want to come with you I'm sure he won't _laugh_. You're friends. I'm sure he'll be really kind about it."

"Ugh, I think that might be even worse," she said, sinking into her chair. "He probably just sees me as a teammate."

"Only one way to find out," said Lily solemnly.

Lily had already been asked three times, and each time she said that she had already agreed to go with someone else. Why? Although one of them was Peter Pettigrew (who Lily laughed loudly at, thinking it was a joke), another was a seventh-year Gryffindor boy that Lily had always gotten along with, and the other was Max Conrad, a Slytherin Prefect that Lily had found herself in many engaging conversations with, whether in Prefects' meetings throughout the year or Slug Club parties, dinners, and luncheons.

Whatever her reasoning, if she kept this up she would have to face all of her rejected suitors in Hogsmeade, and they would find that her mystery date was actually nonexistent.

Lily often found herself wondering how underhanded it would be if she just asked him. Surely after all the times he'd boldly asked her out, she could ask him just this once? But every time she got this far in her thinking, she thought about Libby.

No one took a bolder approach than Sirius Black, who hollered across the Gryffindor Table during dinner one evening, "Hey, Symes…you're not wearing red robes to Hogsmeade this weekend, are you?"

Emily Symes, a very pretty fifth-year, looked taken aback. Her friends looked keenly in Sirius's direction. "No. Why?"

"Because I'm going in green and I don't want us going round looking like a bloody holiday advert. Be ready by five though, will you?" and tended to his pudding.

Emily flushed and could not keep a smile from spreading across her face. Her friends began whispering excitedly to her and many girls along the Gryffindor Table looked daggers at her.

James was looking at his friend like he had just sprouted another head. "You're mental, you know that don't you?"

"What? She's been finding excuses to chat to me for about twelve years, what's she going to say no?"

"Well I heard she's going with Connor Hammond," James pointed out.

"Well, she'll just have to tell him she's changed her mind then, won't she?" said Sirius through a mouth full of pie.

James rolled his eyes, smiling.

"That reminds me," said Sirius, disregarding the lack of privacy, "Are you really going to give it a go asking—"

"Hey James!" Sirius was interrupted by Cordelia Prewett approaching the Gryffindor Table. She was a bit tall for a girl, with long, thick, chestnut hair, dark eyes with a sweeping fan of lashes, and full, pink lips. Lily was rather annoyed by the way she stood, her hand on a hip that was thrust rather unnecessarily in James's direction, her Head Girl badge placed to bring attention to the neck of her shirt, the first three buttons of which were undone…

"Alright, Trouble?" asked James.

Lily felt a twinge in her stomach…James usually called _her _that… She glanced at the Hufflepuff table; several girls were watching Cordelia.

Uh oh…

"How are you?" she asked only James, taking a vacant place along the bench across from him.

Lily thought it was strange that someone James had never really even spoken to came over to their table this way to talk to him. She was a year above them and never had any classes with them. _What gives?_ thought Lily, and when she glanced at Libby she could see that she was not the only one thinking that. Libby sat, tight-lipped and calculating, watching everything that happened between James and Cordelia down to body language. She seemed to be aware of something about the pair that Lily was not.

"Better now my nose isn't on the other side of my head," laughed James.

Cordelia giggled, "I really am sorry about that. I did put it right for you, didn't I?"

"I do appreciate it," said James, pretending to be sour, "but I dunno that I can forgive the offense."

Cordelia giggled again. It was almost excessive. "We had a laugh that day, didn't we?"

James nodded with his charming, crooked smile, then turned to his friends. "After last practice the pitch was open for just casual games of Quidditch and free flying and things, and Miss Prewett, as I've learned, has quite an arm."

"You know I didn't mean to though!" she laughed.

"Bludger right to the face," said James, shaking his head in mock solemnity. "Nah, that's alright," he said in a way that Lily would have found patronizing, but Cordelia was eating it up. "You did put it right in the end, so I'll forgive you. No harm no foul."

"Good," she said, actually looking relieved that he wasn't upset with her. There was a bit of an awkward silence before Cordelia cleared her throat. "Actually, I came over because—well, I was wondering—I thought if you aren't going to Hogsmeade with anyone—"

"I'm _not_ babysitting your demon child with The Hulk," said James, waving his finger. "I need _all _my extremities intact, thanks very much."

Cordelia burst into giggles again. "Actually, I don't want you to sit this Hogsmeade Weekend out, as I'd really like you to go with me."

A bit of color filled James's cheeks but he smiled in that self-assured way and said, "Well then. I'll meet you in the Entrance Hall? Be on my arm at five."

She giggled, said ok, and walked back to the Hufflepuff Table. James watched her for a moment when Remus nudged him.

"Now tell me something. Why in the name of Merlin's crusty, Nargle infested beard, would a Head Girl fancy _you?_"

James scoffed. "Those innocent, well-behaved, swotty girls love a bloke who causes a bit of trouble. They can't help it."

"Is that so?" asked Remus.

"It is," James said, nodding seriously. "And I love them right back." He and his friends chuckled, not knowing that Maggie, Alice, and Lily would have to spend the rest of the night listening to Libby rant and rave about James and Cordelia, while Lily's heart sunk lower and lower.

When Libby had accepted a seventh-year's invitation to Hogsmeade, when Frank Longbottom had successfully asked Alice, and when Remus and Maggie agreed to go together, Lily thought it was time she accept an invitation. She was so apathetic about the whole thing she simply said yes to the next person who asked her.

**Endless thanks to ****Anonymous Marauder****, ****b3lla****, ****Lizzle09****, ****XxBCgymnasticsxX****, ****prettypicking****, ****Illusionofmagic****, ****HPlove7****, ****bookworm3121997****, ****Mosesthesecond****, ****nerdgirl298****, ****Aly-Cat101****, ****xXxAliceXCullenxXx****, ****irockmyownsox****, ****sasansan1****, ****leonidus****, ****Noble Enough**** for your kind, constructive, and encouraging reviews!!! Thanks for making this fanfic fun =) **


	7. A Lark Between Lessons

"Real nice, Evans," said James in their next Transfiguration lesson, "The Ravenclaw Quidditch captain? What sort of traitor...?"

Lily smiled and said in a casual, airy voice, "I suppose I just have a thing for Quidditch players…" and she laughed at James's irritated expression.

"Clearly," said James, rolling his eyes and looking surly. "You're allergic to Gryffindor men, though, are you?"

"No," said Lily, pretending to be in deep thought, "I've gone over it in my head and I think it's only the _really_ irksome ones. And Chasers. Chasers make me break out all over. Horrible lashes."

"Yeah, I'll give you lashes, alright," mumbled James sardonically as Professor McGonagall began the lesson and Lily fell to pieces in silent laughter.

They were beginning human transfigurations, and after an hour-long lecture the class broke into pairs, Lily sidling next to Maggie as Professor McGonagall continued with instructions. "I advise you all to be very, very careful today. Human transfigurations can go very badly if not performed correctly and it would be nice to get through one lesson without incident. Although we have spent some time on theory, I would like you all to read page—_NO_," McGonagall interrupted herself firmly and abruptly. "No, no, no. Mr. Potter and Mr. Black. Absolutely not. I simply haven't the strength today." James and Sirius, whose body language suggested that they were, as usual, pairing up, wore bemused expressions. Lily and Maggie, who were sharing a table with the pair, smirked sideways at them, before—

"Miss Evans and Miss Jacobs, please do my blood pressure a service and swap partners with Black and Potter."

James and Sirius shrugged and, as Maggie and Sirius were sitting right next to each other, James stood and shuffled over to Lily's other side. He showed her a rather roguish grin and muttered, "Ready, Trouble?" Lily simply rolled her eyes, smiling slightly in reply as Professor McGonagall went on.

When it was time for some hands-on work—they were supposed to be transforming one another into marble statues—James tossed his book on the table and took out his wand.

"Er," Lily said, "Professor McGonagall told us we should probably read over page 12 first."

"Ah, it's just a bunch of rubbish about mastering the mind so you don't—I dunno—think of shepherd's pie or something when you're meant to be transforming someone into stone and end up with marble cake."

Lily had no idea why, but she laughed at this. "You've read it?"

"Er…I…just last night."

"James Potter? Doing extra reading?"

"Hey, I read!"

"Right. So have you experimented at all with human transfiguration?"

"HA!" James blurted uncontrollably, deeply amused, but Sirius, who could hear their conversation perfectly, shot him a warning glare. Lily looked confused. "Sorry, I—I laughed because erm…human transfiguration is _way _too dangerous to experiment with outside the classroom."

Sirius rolled his eyes and went back to work with Maggie.

"Right…" said Lily, eyeing him suspiciously. "Are you fibbing, Potter?"

When he was sure Sirius was completely distracted, he leaned toward Lily and said in a low voice, "Well…it's only an ickle _white_ lie…"

"How's that?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, it _is_ too dangerous to experiment with outside the classroom." He lowered his voice even more. "But that doesn't mean I haven't," he grinned.

"Doesn't surprise me," said Lily, turning away from him and opening her book in a very business-like manner. "You're probably actually a chimp with a wand who has found a way to look like a scrawny, specky jock that needs to comb his hair."

"Scrawny?" James giggled. "Words hurt too, Evans."

She ignored this. "I wouldn't even put it past you to be a closet Animagus or something."

James nearly choked on his own tongue trying to stifle laughter, got carried away and accidentally caused a stream of purple sparks to fly out of his wand across the room. Professor McGonagall ducked just in time, but the top of her hat was a bit singed.

Thinking quickly, James elbowed Lily and said, "Evans! Control yourself!" in an accusatory tone.

Lily looked at James aghast, open-mouthed and speechless, not to mention awfully amused. She elbowed him back, breaking into laughter now. "Potter, you arse, shut it!" she hissed. James was laughing boyishly.

"Mr. Potter," said Professor McGonagall sternly, "How is it that you always manage to bring trouble wherever you go? And Miss Evans, _horsing around _during lessons? I expect more from you."

"Yes," James added in lofty tones, "_I_ for one, Professor McGonagall, am absolutely appalled. And a Prefect as well! Shameful," he said chidingly, shaking his head at Lily, who flushed crimson.

"Potter, it would be the understatement of the century to say that I have heard quite enough out of you for one lesson. Get to work immediately or I will remove you from this classroom."

"Yes, sorry Professor," said James, arranging his face so that it was as serious as possible. But the moment he made eye contact with Lily, they both broke into silent laughter again. It wasn't until several minutes later that they managed to shake off their intermittent laughter completely.

As far as Lily was concerned, it was nothing short of irritating how quickly James mastered human transfiguration. James, like his friend Sirius, was uncommonly skilled in most subjects, and transfiguration seemed to be his specialty. Lily could almost understand how the pair of them came to be so arrogant, though she could never condone the way James would hex people for the fun of it or bully younger students and, of course, Severus Snape. But the students of Hogwarts had not failed to notice their talents, or the way laughter seemed to follow them, or James's unerring skill on the Quidditch Pitch. The attention they got from girls and even admiring boys only fueled their arrogance.

But James was not showing off today. He transfigured Lily with ease, and when it was her turn he offered her several modest pointers. Eventually she mastered it, and when the lesson had only ten minutes left, James, Lily, Sirius, Remus, Maggie, and Peter ended up in one large group together.

Peter and Maggie were still having a bit of trouble with their transfigurations.

"Always the dithering Marauder, aren't you Pete?" said Sirius appreciatively.

Peter grimaced as he attempted to transfigure Remus, and the only result was that he looked a bit paler.

"What is this 'Marauder' business?" asked Maggie. "Not that the name doesn't fit…"

"Have we never told you this story?" James said excitedly. "It's a good one, this…Right, third year. Me and Sirius. We're on the run from Filch cause we'd just set off two Dungbombs in the corridor between classes, and—"

"_Mate_," Sirius interrupted, drawing out the syllable reprovingly. "Rubbish story-telling, you've left out the best bit."

"Did I? Oh right," James laughed, "We set off the Dungbombs to distract Professor Slughorn so we could leave a love letter from Lucius Malfoy in his office."

The group laughed heartily at this; even Lily laughed reluctantly, though she rolled her eyes as well. Severus Snape watched Lily from several rows behind, as he had done for the entirety of the lesson. He was clutching his wand, knuckles white, as James told his story.

"Anyway we're running, and we just dash for any room available, and where'd we end up, Padfoot?"

"Bloody teacher's lounge."

"And who'd we hear in the corridor about to come in?"

"McGonagall and Grubbly-Plank."

"Well, you can imagine the sheer terror of it. So we dive into the wardrobe, and when they come in we hear them talking about someone who got into trouble—I dunno, Mundungus Fletcher or something—and they start saying stuff like, 'ah well, at least it's not at the Marauder scope' and 'hear what the blubbin' Marauders got up to last week?' and we're thinking, 'Who are these Marauders, some sort of underground wizarding separatist group?'" he chuckled.

"And then," Sirius picked up, "we start hearing them throw our names in now and again, and, long story short, we work it out that the staff have codenamed us 'The Marauders.'"

"Which we thought was brilliant, naturally—"

"Naturally. Infamous for our trade. Ravishing the castle and that. Proudest moment of my life, I reckon."

"You have to imagine, it must get really exhausting having to keep records of some of the stuff we get up to; 'Jaames Potteerrr, Siiiriuss Blaack, Reemuss Luupinn, and Peeterr Pettigreeww…'" he said laboriously. "I mean, you don't even get past the names and people have gone home."

"Marauders? Easy."

"Easy peasy. D'you know what's not easy?"

"What's that, Prongs m'boy?"

"Watching Pete think. Nasty business."

"Oh stop," said Lily, turning to Peter. "Here, let me show you," she said kindly.

Class was nearly over now, and Professor McGonagall had asked everyone to demonstrate the fruits of their labor.

"Excellent, Potter," she said sharply. "I must admit I would be incredibly interested to see what kind of magic you could do, and what kind of wizard you might become if you were not up to your elbows in ludicrous horseplay."

"Cheers, Professor!" he said brightly.

She nodded stiffly. "Though I did hear from Hagrid that you have managed partial human transfiguration. Far more tricky and dangerous than complete human transfiguration, contrary to popular belief. Would you like to demonstrate?"

"Be happy to," he said politely, springing to his feet. He did not even lift his wand, but a look of intense concentration came over his face. When he relaxed, Professor McGonagall looked inquiringly at him. He turned stiffly on his heel, and he'd managed to turn only the back half of his entire body to stone, while the front portion remained soft and human. His hair morphed from the black, untidy tuft to unmoving marble with a very distinct, very precise seam. He demonstrated how the seam ran all the way down his body, halving him from back to front.

Professor McGonagall gave a small, rather uncharacteristic smile, and walked on to check other students' work.

As the class, including James, began stuffing their books back into their bags and heading for the door, Lily remained still, looking at James as if she was seeing him for the first time. "Potter," she said abruptly, "you are…_exceedingly_ bright." Her tone was unmistakably incredulous, but contained enough admiration to make James go a vivid shade of beetroot. He nearly broke his neck turning to look at Lily and froze, feeling heat and a rather shocked expression creep along his face. He laughed a bit awkwardly and said, "I'm not—it's—it's not difficult, really."

"Not difficult," Lily said dryly.

They looked at each other for a moment before James chuckled, brandishing his wand. "Well, only at first glance," he said matter-of-factly, touching the tip of his wand to his arm, "but fundamentally, it's actually very simple. It follows Tinsley's Second Law of Elemental Transfiguration." He twirled his wand around his arm, as if binding it, and Lily's eyes widened as the fair, smooth skin of James's arm hardened and darkened, the scattered hair morphing into wood grain, and the limb became completely rigid. "Textbook example, in fact," James said, waving the branch that his arm had become. Lily let out a disbelieving yet clearly impressed laugh. James was sure to enjoy the awe on her face with discretion and nonchalance, yet was not too modest to revel in her astonishment. He moved closer to her, offering the arm. She touched it, wonder in her wide emerald eyes and simply said, "Blimey." It was practically a whisper. "You'd never know...I mean…it's perfect." James grinned as she ran her fingers along the rough bark, unable to meet her eyes. After a moment Lily cleared her throat and withdrew her hand rather hastily.

Having become very good at controlling magic without a wand, James merely shook his arm as if it had fallen asleep, easily returning it to its normal state.

"Would you like to try? I can show you," James offered. Lily surveyed him for a moment, a crease forming between her brows before she shook her head and smiled. "You never cease to amaze me, James Potter."

James's grin faltered. The statement had nearly knocked him off balance. "Eh?"

Lily looked at him another long moment and said, in one long breath, "You run around this school wreaking havoc and driving people to their last nerve, you can be unbearably arrogant, frustratingly rude, you clearly think you are above any rules enforced upon you—and I hate to fuel the fire—" Lily sighed and shook her head again, looking bewildered—"But you are idiotically brave and very, very clever. You can even be quite kind sometimes. It's maddening, actually."

James did not know what to say to this. But even if his brain was going to come out with something witty, something remotely relevant, or anything at all, Lily collected her things and exited before he had a chance to think of it.

He did not even mind—hardly noticed in fact—when Severus Snape shoved by bitterly, knocking James's bag to the floor.

**A/N: Double Whammy today! Hope you all enjoy BOTH chapters.**

**Please review!!! **

**Thanks =)**


	8. Hogsmead Heat

Lily laid a lovely set of midnight blue robes on her bed on Saturday morning. They sparkled along the hem and, though they were not skin-tight, brought out her elegant figure. She and all her fellow sixth year Gryffindor girls spent no less than an hour getting ready, and not one of them managed to get down to the Entrance Hall by five o'clock. None of the boys ambling around the Hall seemed surprised or bothered by this. Most of them were chatting or otherwise mucking around, waiting for their dates to join them so they could ride off to Hogsmead.

Lily was the first in her dorm to make it downstairs, and as she descended the marble staircase, Sirius wolf-whistled. "Oi, don't let Prongsie see you looking like that, his head'll explode," but before Lily could say, "What? Why? He doesn't still—er, does he?" Sirius had gone off laughing with Emily.

But James, it seemed, was very busy anyway. He had his Quidditch Keeper, Marc Hughes, in a headlock, and the boys were laughing in between having the wind knocked out of them. Lily rolled her eyes and watched them wrestle, wrinkling their robes and sending cufflinks rolling across the floor.

The scuffle ended when Cordelia Prewett ascended the staircase to the right of the Great Hall and said, "Watch it you two, Head Girl coming through!" James surfaced from the fight breathless and grinning, and when he laid eyes on Cordelia he looked even more pleased.

She looked obnoxiously beautiful, Lily thought. She wore delicate black robes with gold trimming and accents. She strode over to James and kissed him on his cheek. He mumbled something in her ear that made her smile widely. Just before they exited the Great Hall together, she called, "Oh drat, I've forgotten my badge!" and ran off to get it, James looking amused and a bit derisive. Lily's date, Kurt Myers bumped into him as he passed—whether accidentally or not, it was not clear—to meet her. James followed Kurt with his eyes, and when they landed on Lily, his mouth fell open.

Lily looked at him across the hall, smiled and gave him a tiny wave. He looked stunned for a moment, then smiled faintly and gave her a dazed wave back. He shook his head and, as Kurt was distracted salivating over Lily's appearance he mouthed something to Lily.

Lily screwed up her face to try to see him. "What?" she mouthed.

He mouthed something again, but Lily still could not make it out.

As Cordelia rejoined James, he said something to her, looking distracted. When she moved away to check her reflection in a glass case, James looked at Lily again and mouthed, "I SAID..." but again, she did not catch what he was trying to mouth. She shrugged, smiling confusedly. James threw his hands up in agitation, pointed his wand at Cordelia's back, and the gold accents on her robes quickly rearranged themselves to spell, "I SAID YOU LOOK BLOODY GORGEOUS," and with another wave of his wand, he added, "DITHER BRAIN."

Lily laughed quietly and went a brilliant shade of magenta.

"What's up, love?" Kurt asked.

"Oh, no, nothing," she said, and when she looked back at James, he shot her a fleeting smirk, then swung his arm around Cordelia and made his way out, his date's robes back to normal.

When everyone arrived at Hogsmead, there was some time to look in shops and walk around a bit before gathering in the square to see the Sickle Sell-Outs. Lily and Kurt had been getting on well enough despite their extremely limited contact with one another in the past. To Lily's profound aggravation, however, Kurt was another one who seemed obsessed with besting James Potter.

"I mean, yeah, he's done well for himself on the pitch, but he's a bit of a show-off isn't he? I dunno why people make such a big deal, and honestly I think all these birds that fancy him are a bit blind, don't you think?"

"Mm-hm," Lily agreed absently, rather bored.

"I remember fourth year—you know, that's the year we won the Cup, had Blake Fletcher as captain before he left Hogwarts—beat Gryffindor in the last match 320 to 310 _and_ the Gryffindor Seeker caught the Snitch. Still beat 'em, and Potter was huffing and puffing all day at the Seeker for going for the Snitch. Still, was rubbish Chasing on his part, wasn't it?"

Lily was only half listening until he made that last remark. "Er, sorry—didn't Potter play with one hand in a splint from that curse Mulciber put on him the previous day?"

"Yeah," he said defensively, "So?"

"So he was playing one-handed and still scored about ten goals," she said.

"Still, though…" and he went ranting on, while Lily wondered when he would be sending out _The Many Flaws of James Potter, Volume One_ for publication. She supposed she shouldn't be surprised; both Quidditch captains were extremely competitive, and though they were both talented, anyone would agree that James Potter was a far more skilled Chaser than Myers was a Keeper, and he was clearly bitter about the number of Quaffles James had gotten past him.

The rest of the evening went a lot like this, Kurt going on about Quidditch and the Ravenclaw team's chance at the Cup this year. A few times he asked Lily about herself and her family—he seemed very interested in her Muggle parentage and was extremely ignorant about the Muggle world. _But at least he's interested_, she thought.

Probably the most uncomfortable thing about her evening had, unfortunately, begun from the getgo. Anytime there was a lag in conversation, Myers seemed to be contemplating whether it was a good time to try and kiss her, and Lily found herself hoping that he wouldn't. There were no comfortable silences between them, and Lily tried to put as much distance between them every time she caught him staring at her lips.

When the Sickle Sell-Outs had finished a very good set and everyone in the square was energized and talking excitedly about what to do next, a good portion of the Hogwarts population had decided to go for drinks and snacks at the Three Broomsticks.

It seemed like everyone was in there, drinking mead and Butterbeer, laughing, talking, getting to know their dates, and some had even found corners for a bit of snogging.

For a while, Lily joined Kurt with some of his Ravenclaw friends, and then he consented to join her with Libby, Alice, Maggie, and some of the boys. Eventually, however, they found themselves sitting in a corner of the very crowded tavern, and Kurt was talking about Quidditch. Again.

When Kurt asked Lily if she was having a nice time, she said, "yeah, why?" and she knew she sounded far too much like she was trying to convince him for the statement to be taken seriously. He didn't seem to notice, however, and to Lily's horror, finally, he did it.

The kiss was quick, and Kurt seemed to have intended it as a test for Lily's reaction, and whether it was alright to proceed.

"Er," said Lily, and this seemed to satisfy Kurt. He smiled in a self-satisfied way, leaned back in toward Lily, and pressed his lips against hers.

It wasn't bad, really. Not at first anyway. He was a nice enough person, Lily thought, and for a few seconds she allowed the kiss to continue.

"You are gorgeous," said Kurt excitedly, and when he went in again he practically licked her lips before she'd had any contact with his. Lily attempted to make the kiss a bit more PG—she was very aware of their surroundings—but every time she tried to give him a gentler kiss, he shoved his tongue at her, even if he had to wriggle it between her teeth to get it into her mouth.

"Okay," said Lily, standing up, "I think we'd better slow down a little." _More like a lot,_ thought Lily.

"Come on, Lily. Don't fight this," said Kurt, standing up too. He made to put his arm around her, but Lily ducked under it.

"Listen, I'm not fighting anything. I would just rather slow this down a bit. _We're in the Three Broomsticks_, Kurt."

"Yeah, but it's sort of…_fun_, isn't it?" And he went to kiss her again.

Lily turned her head away. "Kurt, you're a nice bloke and everything but I'd rather go back and join our friends. What it must look like, us holed up in a corner like this…"

"Forget what everybody else thinks. Just…" and he tried to kiss her again.

"Cut it out_."_

This time he didn't even say anything before going to kiss her again.

Lily ducked again, annoyed. "Look, mate, I'm not going to have a snogfest with you in a crowded tavern. Not to mention, I'm a _Prefect_," she said proudly.

"What, a Prefect can't have a bit of fun?" said Kurt playfully, putting his arms around her.

Lily attempted to pull his arms off of her, getting angry now, "Yes, but I have to set a good example and this is _not_ setting a good example, now will you _please—_"

Kurt stumbled back, but it was not Lily's strength that did it. James Potter had marched across the Three Broomsticks, planted his hand firmly against Kurt's chest and continued forward, Kurt stumbling backwards against the force of James's stride, until he had backed him against the wall. James stood there, stone-faced and silent, his hand still on Kurt's chest. He gave him an additional, more subtle shove, then turned on his heel and strode wordlessly out of the bar.

Kurt straightened his robes and began muttering angrily, but Lily was only half listening. "Well that was…how rude…quite unnecessary if you ask me…going around putting his nose…made a fool of _himself_ if you ask me…stupid git…"

Lily was, in all honesty, pleased that no one in the Three Broomsticks had noticed anything apart from the rest of the Marauders, Emily, Maggie, Libby and her date, and a sulky looking Cordelia.

"Right," Lily mumbled absently to Kurt. "Listen, I'm going to run to the loo quickly. Be right back."

But instead, she went outside to look for James. She found him soon enough, slouching on a bench with his legs crossed and extended, his head leaned back so that snow was falling directly onto his face.

Lily cleared her throat and James gave a start, whipping off his glasses to wipe the melted snow off of them. He put them back on, and when he saw Lily standing in front of him, he jumped to his feet and threw his hands up. "I know! I know! It wasn't my place and you're probably really angry at me and I'm sure you've come out here to give me a good talking to but let me just say something, Evans." He was waving a finger at her now. "I like a bit of fun as much as the next bloke but if I ever got pushy like that—_physically pushy_,_­_" he clarified in agitation when Lily raised a hand to make a point, "I would hope someone in the room would put me in my place too. I couldn't help it and I would have done it for anyone—you, Libby, Maggie, Alice, my sister if I had one, I dunno, I just, I got angry and please try to understand."

Lily made to speak, but James was apparently not finished.

"And it wasn't like I was staring at the pair of you or anything, I mean, it was pretty obvious to everyone he was shoving his tongue down your throat"—he looked really angry now—"and actually Maggie pointed it out at first and I wasn't going to just stand there…and by the way, even though I am sorry for butting in where it probably wasn't my place, I will have a lot more to say if you're going to keep going out with him." James finished, breathing fast.

Lily considered him for a moment—his fogged-up glasses, the snow clinging to his wet, extra-messy black hair, his rosy nose and cheeks standing out against his pale skin, his expression, which was a mixture of anger and apprehension—and sighed.

Very quickly Lily whipped her arms around James's waist, leaned her head against his chest, stood on tiptoe to kiss his cheek and then, bursting with a very familiar gratitude for James Potter, scurried back inside.

As it turned out, Kurt was so embarrassed by his exchange with Lily and James that, after Lily returned inside and found him talking with his friends, he did not make an attempt to approach her and kept to his friends the rest of the evening. Though Lily was sure the opportunity to join him still remained, she considered it a blessing and spent the rest of the night with her friends as well. With the mead and Butterbeer flowing, James and Sirius began flirting shamelessly with Madam Rosmerta, and she seemed to be enjoying it immensely.

This was a source of amusement for everyone but Emily, who Sirius had begun to neglect quite a bit. The pair were, frankly, quite drunk, and at one point Sirius hugged James so tightly James was gasping for air, listening to Sirius say, "D'ya—d'ya know you're like a brother to me, mate. 'Cept way more annoying. You dunno how bad I felt for Evans here when you wouldn't lay off." And he grabbed Lily roughly by the shoulders and dragged her near them. One arm each around a chuckling James and a rather tipsy Lily, Sirius said, "But honestly, I'm sorry—_hic_—sorry you two never, you know," and be made a rather obscene gesture with his hands. Lily and James giggled stupidly over this.

"Talking of," she said through laughter, as Sirius moved away to order another mead, "where is your lovely date? Haven't seen her for aaaagesss."

"Oh, she's got her knickers in a twist because I rescued you from your date-rapist. Apparently that means I'm in love with you." And they both laughed again.

"Well, I am very sorry I've cost you your date."

"Yeah? How sorry?" James said, winking, and Lily giggled into his shoulder.

Sirius returned, leaned over and whispered into Lily's ear, "Go on, kiss the poor boy on his lips." Lily shoved him playfully and made sure that James did not notice the exchange, but nearly fell over a stool in the process. James caught her, both laughing with their arms slung around one another.

"Christ alive," Sirius barked, "Someone make up a bed for the Potters."

"D'you need protection? I'm sure Sirius carries The Potion in his robes 24/7," Maggie said, to Emily's irritation.

"It's only about a Galleon for accommodations here, you know," said Remus. When everyone laughed, he added, "I reckon you can get an hourly rate though."

"Yeah," laughed Sirius, "What a waste. About 59 minutes of it will be afterglow." James and Lily, loosened up by the mead, laughed hard at this, still playfully arm and arm, when Lily caught an evil look from Libby. Libby had clearly been watching the exchange this way the entire time, and her dirty look at Lily was clearly unintentional, as she looked away very quickly.

She had been having so much fun up to this point that she'd forgotten…

"Er, I'll be right back," Lily blurted, and she escaped James's clutches and went outside for air.

She paced back and forth for a moment, kicking at the snow. "Stupid Libby," she muttered. She had never had so much fun with James, had never gotten on so well with him, and there Libby was making her conscience act up. Perhaps they were getting on so well because of the mead, though. Lily was feeling a bit woozy…

Lily heard the door open, heard the snow squelching beneath footsteps.

James had joined her outside. "Alright, Trouble?" he said.

"Fine, fine," she said. "Just needed a bit of fresh air."

"Not bothering you, am I?" James said with a crooked smile.

Lily gave a short, tinkling giggle. "Since when do you care if you're bothering anyone?"

"Good point! But since when do you spend more than eleven seconds with me without telling me how much I'm bothering you? I have to make sure you're feeling alright. Haven't been Imperiused or something…"

"Oh, shut it Potter," she said, and shoved him harder than she meant to. He slipped on some ice and actually fell. He was at least, laughing.

"Oh, sod," said Lily sloppily, "I didn't mean to actually—oh blimey, are you alright?" and she knelt down beside him.

"Fine," he chuckled, "Dunno bout me arse though."

"And here, your glasses are crooked now." And as she repositioned them, eye-level with James, she could not help staring at his lips. James swallowed audibly, cleared his throat and said, "Cheers, Evans."

Kneeling in the snow together, it was quiet for a second before Lily hastily withdrew her hands from his glasses. "No problem," she said quietly, and James was gazing hard into her eyes. She felt her stomach turn.

Lily wanted to kiss James so badly at that moment, she was a millimeter away from abandoning all of her reserve when, horribly, her stomach turned again. Was this nervousness or—

"Oh blimey," she spluttered. "James, I think I might be sick."

"Make haste, Evans!" he said, springing to action by dragging her to the back of the Three Broomsticks where she was, in fact, _sick._

Holding her hair back, James chuckled, "I think I hear Gryffindor Tower calling…"

"Ditto," Lily moaned.

***

**A/N: Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for all the wonderful reviews!!!! Keep them coming. I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. A little flirtation between James and Lily never goes amiss! xx**


	9. A Furry Little Problem

When Lily awoke on Sunday morning, her head pounding and mouth dry as a dessert, her physical demands—water and lots of it, and perhaps a good strong headache tonic—did not immediately allow her to realize that she ought to be feeling something else right now: humiliation.

Like a ton of bricks, the memory hit her, hazy but still defined enough to make her feel like crawling back under her covers and never coming out again. She remembered being bent double behind the Three Broomsticks, vomiting _in front of_ James Potter. She remembered allowing—and perhaps taking part in—conversation that included some coarse innuendos.

But it was Libby, Maggie, and Alice who had to recount the rest to her. She did not remember a thing after she was sick behind the Three Broomsticks, like how James had evidently helped her back inside, waited for her outside of the bathroom, and told everyone they should probably get a move on. She did not remember that Severus had seen them walking to a carriage this way, and accused James of putting something in her Butterbeer, but that, for the first time ever, when Severus had pulled his wand on James, the latter had simply said, "Get a grip, Snivelly," and continued walking.

Lily felt that, embarrassed as she was and as inappropriate her behavior was for a Prefect, all of this she could come back from. But what Maggie told her next made her whole body burn fire-hot with humiliation.

"The carriages were lined up ready to take us back, and the three of us were in a carriage with Frank and John, and…"

"John?"

"John," said Libby acidly, "my date. You might have remembered if you weren't dry-humping Potter all night."

Lily flushed. "Sorry, I'd…I'd had…quite a bit…"

And Alice explained how Lily had _insisted_ James come in their carriage with them, and that he did, and the whole ride Lily rested her head on James's shoulder and complained that she felt like absolute rubbish.

Only Libby's furious envy could rival Lily's deep humiliation. "What were you doing with him outside the Three Broomsticks? You were out there for ages."

"Didn't he tell you? I got sick."

"No, he didn't tell us," said Libby. "He just said you might not be feeling very well and to look after you."

"Yeah, well…I can't believe I got like that. Vomiting all over with him right there..."

"I'm sure he didn't mind," said Libby coldly.

Lily looked at her. "Oh…Libby…listen, he was just being a good mate."

"Yeah, just like when he nearly broke Kurt's arm for kissing you. And since when are you two _mates_ anyway?"

"He didn't—it wasn't because he was _kissing_ me, it was because I didn't want to kiss him back! He was being really pushy!"

"Right," said Libby, rolling her eyes.

"For your information," Lily spat, "He said it's just how he is, and it's the kind of thing he would do for you, for any of you."

"He said me specifically?"

"Yes," said Lily, thinking this wasn't completely true, but not really false either. All she really cared about was ending the conversation. She was torn between concocting a plan to avoid James Potter forever—switching Houses or something—and finding him immediately to apologize profusely. The way Libby had responded really made her want to choose the former. She really liked spending time with James, but did she really want to lose a friend over it?

The next day, much of the school was going home for the Christmas holidays, including Lily. Usually she would have convinced her parents to let her stay so she could spend the holidays practicing spells, talking, and eating far too many holiday sweets with Severus, but this Christmas her parents had insisted she come home, and as she and Severus were not friends...

She was in the library trying to select a good book to take home for the holidays when she heard Sirius Black's voice behind the bookshelf where she stood.

"…saw your name on the list in the Common Room, Moony. Not coming this Christmas?"

"Yeah, you know Mum's always happy to have you," she heard James say. "Even Pete's got out of his Mum's clutches and is coming. Come on, it'll be a laugh."

"You know I can't," said Remus in a subdued voice. "I've got to stay here. The you-know-what falls on the twenty-fourth this month."

"Exactly!" said James. "Best Christmas Eve ever! I've never gotten to do much exploring around Godric's Hollow at night. Come on, it'll be brilliant."  
"Yeah? And what if your mum finds out?" Remus demanded.

There was an awkward pause. "Er…mate? Dunno how best to tell you this but, erm…I sort of told my mum _ages_ ago."

"You WHAT?" said Remus far too loudly, then adjusted his volume. "You did what? How could you be so stupid, James? What _exactly_ does she know?"

"She knows about…you know…your furry little problem."

"Oh my god," said Remus, and Lily could tell he had started pacing. "Why would you do that to me?"

"Mate," said James in soothing voice, "I wouldn't have if I knew you'd be this put out about it, but I thought it was just confidential here at Hogwarts. I told my mum cause, well, it's just more convenient, isn't it? For situations like this, when you're coming round for Christmas and we've got to explain why our beds are empty Christmas Eve?"

"_OUR_ beds?" choked Remus. "James…surely, you haven't told her you all can…"

"Sure I have!" said James cheerfully. "She was dead proud. I've done it for her loads of times. Don't worry, Moony, she won't tell anyone."

Lily, who very clearly remembered many conversations with Severus about the boys, stood on tiptoe and peered through the books to get a glimpse of them. Were they talking about…?

Remus's mouth twitched as if he were about to smile, but then he said. "And…she doesn't…I mean, are you still…she doesn't want you to erm…stop being…you know…my friend?"

James laughed heartily. "Are you mental? Mum _loves_ you! So did Dad, and Dad knew about it before Mum did. Told them _ages_ ago, mate, like fourth year or something. _Does she want me to stop being your friend!_ What rubbish!"

Remus was smiling widely and rather bashfully now. James grabbed hold of him roughly and squeezed him, swinging him back and forth so several books knocked off their shelves. "How could I live wifout my ickle Moony-kins?" he said in an obnoxious, coddling voice.

Sirius pretended to burst into tears and grabbed hold of Remus as soon as James let go.

"Ow! Sirius—mate, loosen up a b—OW! My ribs, Sirius, my rib…"

"Ahhh bubsy!!!" Sirius called, far too loudly. "Ickly Moony's wibs are cwacking!"

"Ah Poppet!" cried James.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know all about it, now will you please let me go!" and he tapped his wand to Sirius's head so his whole body froze. Remus wedged himself out and then mobilized his friend again. "There we are. I _am_ a Prefect you know. At a certain point, enough's enough!"

"Are you a Prefect who is coming round my house for Christmas?" asked James, drawing his wand and pointing it at Remus's throat.

Remus chuckled. "Well, if you're going to get hostile about it, then I s'pose I am."

James and Sirius did a ridiculous dance, and Lily, who decided it was either get caught snooping or act as if she'd only just entered the library, was about to emerge when Professor McGonagall swept by.

"How did I know I need only follow the ruckus in order to find you boys?"

"Hallo Professor!" Sirius called, "Lookin' for us, were you? Looking for a bit of holiday cheer?"

"Mr. Black, I was rather more hoping to stumble upon the 'OFF' button."

James held his arms out, "If you must, Professor, but I warn you—it's in a rather delicate—"

"Mr. Potter, hold your tongue!"

Lily rolled her eyes and peeked through the books. James was grinning sheepishly, and Remus was looking tired, and for the first time the thin scars covering his arms and parts of his face seemed more significant…had Severus been right all this time?

"I do try, Professor," Remus shrugged apologetically. "They are like dragons, they can't be tamed."

"Mr. Lupin I can hardly hold that against you. And by the way, it is you I wish to speak to, so Mr. Potter, Mr. Black? You may go."

"Yep, we'll, erm, let you…" said James, looking thrilled that he had spent over a minute in Professor McGonagall's presence without landing himself in detention. He dragged Sirius off by the neck of his robes, Sirius calling, "My book! But Prooongs, can't we—Prongs, my book though, Prongs, I _need _it! But I _need_ it!"

James tsked and called, "_Accio Sirius's book_!" and they disappeared from view.

"Remus, I noticed that the sign-up sheet for students remaining at Hogwarts previously held your name, but it has since been crossed off."

"Ah, that'll be James or Sirius…"

"But Mr. Lupin, surely you know that the twenty-fourth—?"

"Yeah, I know. I tried to tell them but…you know…they—"

"_Never listen_, I am quite aware. I leave it in your hands to explain to them the danger you put yourself and others in by being anywhere but this castle during your transformations. Only here are you guaranteed not to be a threat to yourself and to others, and although the last thing I wish to do is deprive you of the people you care about most during the holidays, I really must insist you remain at Hogwarts this Christmas. I'm afraid that is my last word on the matter, Mr. Lupin."

***

So Remus _was_ a werewolf? And what was James going on about, exploring Godric's Hollow? What did Remus's transformations have to do with them being able to explore?

Lily was so caught up thinking about this that she had almost forgotten the other thing James had said…what _exactly_ had he done loads of times for his mother that Remus would not have wanted him to?

She had a hard time putting all of this out of her mind. She could not help thinking that, whatever they were up to, it probably wasn't very safe, and possibly very illegal. On the way out of the Common Room to take the Floo Network home, Lily saw James coming in. She felt so guilty about eavesdropping on his conversation and so humiliated about their Hogsmeade adventure that she felt very skittish when she caught his attention and he walked toward her.

"Look who it is!" James grinned. "I've been right, haven't I, Evans? You're trouble."

Lily tried to smile but felt incredibly awkward. She was suddenly extremely aware of her hands. What did she normally do with them? "Hello, Potter. I just wanted to thank you for the other night…for looking after me and everything. And that I'm really sorry. I'm so embarrassed, I can't believe I had so much to drink."

"Evans," said James dismissively, waving a hand, "That sort of stuff happens to the best of us. We've _all _been there, really. You should have seen me after _my_ first drink of mead. I was just a stain on the floor by the end of the night."

"Well, really, thanks. I hope I wasn't too…I'm really struggling to remember a lot of it. I hope you're not too upset about Cordelia."

"Upset? Don't be ridiculous. I was well shot of her, we all had a much better time afterward, all of us friends."

"Yeah, we did," Lily said, looking down and blushing furiously. "And erm…sorry for the whole…well, I get the impression I was a bit…er, _bold_."

James flushed very deeply too. He swallowed and said, "Don't worry, Lily. You were alright."

But Lily couldn't help feeling like she might have tried to kiss him. Or was she just remembering how badly she'd wanted to do it outside the Three Broomsticks?

"And…I didn't…I mean, was I being…er…out of line…in any way?"

James considered her very intently for a moment. He leaned back against the wall, folded his arms and asked, "I'm trying to figure you out, Evans. It's tough."

"What do you mean?"

"Are you asking me to tell you what happened between us the other night because you were too pissed-up to remember? Or are you asking me about what happened between us because you want to know how I feel about it?"

Lily gulped. "Something…something _did_ happen between us then?"

James, rubbed his neck awkwardly. "Well, I dunno quite how to say this, Evans, but…well, we're going to need to make visits to Godric's Hollow and Spinner's End this Christmas to tell the parentals the big news."

"What?" she blurted. Then, catching the corner of James's mouth twitch, she asked, "Is this a wind-up?"

"What can I say, we got really carried away. I think it'll be a boy, personally."

Lily walloped him on the arm with all her might. "You idiot, you nearly gave me a heart attack!"

James was laughing loudly now.

"So, nothing happened then, yes?"

"Well personally I think it's really funny that _you_ think you might have done _anything_ with _me_. But no, Evans, your conscience is clear and you can keep your self respect. I won't lie to you—we had a bit of a cuddle the carriage ride home, but I promise I didn't get any ideas. I put it down to your alcohol-induced lack of judgment."

Hearing James talk about this so lightheartedly both relieved and upset her. The memory of resting on James the whole ride home, willing her head to stop spinning, one of James's arms around her shoulders, one of his hands playing with her hair…Lily couldn't help but blush. She hadn't made him uncomfortable at least, but on the other hand…she wished the memory could make him feel half as warm as it was currently making her feel… Quite the contraty, he seemed completely aloof.

"Well…I really am sorry."

"No, no, it's fine. I liked it," James shrugged.

Lily was aware that when she thanked him again and wished him happy holidays, she did so a bit coldly. But she was anxious to get out of Hogwarts, for the first time in a long time. Perhaps a bit of time away from James—and his oddball friends—was exactly what she needed.

**********

**A/N: Errr…have I mentioned how EFFING much your reviews mean to me? Well, A LOT. **

**So just a few things…I know Lily finding out about Moony seemed a bit off and irrelevant, but I am playing with two different directions for this story, and by putting in the two focal points of this chapter (overhearing the furry little conversation, and James and Lily discussing her unseemly drunkenness the other night) will allow me to go in either direction.**

**Also…any comments? Suggestions? Characters you want to see that I'm forgetting? More Sevvy? Are we dying to see Lily and James get together? I know I ammm =)**

**One thing you might be missing out on is a little more mention of Voldy and what he's up to. Don't worry, it's comin.**

**Anyway…thanks for reading!!! Much more to come…**


	10. Purveyors Aid by Accident

On Boxing Day, Lily's mother called her downstairs to take a telephone call. Lily, having only one other Muggle-born friend that had ever called her, did not need to ask who it was.

"Having a good holiday, Maggie? Happy Christmas by the w—"

But Maggie was not in the mood for pleasantries. "Have you seen the _Prophet_?" she blurted immediately.

"Oh…it came today but I haven't looked at it yet."

"Okay, front page. Bottom fold. Top right."

"Alright, alright, hang on a minute." Lily sorted through some old mail on the kitchen table. "Mum! Have you seen my paper?"

"No, ask your Dad."

"Dad!" she called, then spoke into the phone, "Hey, Maggie, is everything alright? No one's hurt, are they?"

"No, no, everything's alright. Considering…"

"Alright, good. Dad! Have you seen my paper?" Just then, Mr. Evans came out of the bathroom in a dressing gown, carrying the _Daily Prophet._

"I really will never get over these pictures. Moving and everything." He chuckled happily, and Lily knew he probably hadn't even read a word. If he knew what new dangers were arising in the wizarding world, particularly for Muggle borns, she'd probably be chained to her bed and never allowed back to Hogwarts.

"Alright, here we go, Maggie. Shall I ring you back when I've finished reading?"

"No, no, just read it, it's not long."

And she did:

YOU-KNOW-WHO TARGETS UNDERAGE WIZARDS

_During these changing times, it is a comfort to think that certain traditions will always stay intact; celebrating Christmas in peace with loved ones, for example. As sixteen-year-old Hogwarts students Sirius Black and James Potter learned, however, nothing is sacred in You-Know-Who's books._

_The boys, who are spending the holiday season in Godric's Hollow, home of the recently widowed Dorothy Potter, could only sit down to Christmas tea after some hand to hand combat with half a dozen Death Eaters._

_It began when the pair woke early on Christmas morning like most children and teenagers, only to find a surprise guest sitting in the living room._

"_Needless to say, it wasn't Father Christmas," said James Potter, who claims that his first words to You-Know-Who were, "Ever hear of a doorbell, mate?"_

_An adamant supporter of a "pure" magical world, including pure-blood only enrollment at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, You-Know-Who has begun targeting families known for their long wizarding history and "purity." _

_The Malfoy Family was one of the first sought out for recruitment, and Hogwarts graduate Lucius Malfoy has spoken openly about his loyalty to his leader's dogma. His recent marriage into one of the oldest wizarding families in the world, the Blacks, has led the Dark Lord to what he perceives to be new possibilities for recruitment, specifically young Sirius Black and his closest friend at Hogwarts, James Potter._

_As the search for likely supporters of his movement continues, it becomes increasingly clear that You-Know-Who's strategy for recruiting new members is one of "anything goes."_

_Dorothy Potter, horrified by her Christmas guest, was shocked he was looking for such young followers. "And just because we're pure-blood? Why, my boys tell me one of the most talented witches they've ever met is Muggle-born!" Mrs. Potter asserts that "if You-Know-Who had any [expletive] sense," he'd realize the potential in any person with magical ability, and thinks it's a tragedy he is trying to impose his ideology on the young, the vulnerable and impressionable, particularly Hogwarts students as young as her son._

_Though Black and Potter might be young, their actions on Christmas day proved that they are far from impressionable and not so vulnerable._

_When asked to describe what took place between themselves and You-Know-Who, Black gave a rather cavalier reconstruction:_

"_Obviously it was wands out straightaway, and we made sure Mrs. Potter stayed upstairs. He started talking to us, trying to play innocent, but we told him he wasn't going to get what he wanted here, and that he'd better just move on."_

_And, according to Black and Potter, that's exactly what You-Know-Who did, but not before sending a group of his masked cronies to try and change their minds by force._

_Potter and Black managed to deter the six men, and by the end of the day sported only several cuts and bruises and surprisingly, a pair of cheerful smiles. It was later discovered that another boy, sixteen-year-old Peter Pettigrew, was also in the house, but had slept through the entire ordeal._

_Luckily no lasting damage has been done, and the teenagers will not face charges for performing magic outside Hogwarts. Mrs. Potter told _The Prophet_, _"_We're just looking forward to spending the duration of the holidays in _quiet_ celebration._"

"Well?" asked Maggie excitedly when Lily had not quite finished reading the article. "What do you think of _that?_"

"Oh my God," said Lily. "I think Hogwarts is going to have a field day over this."

***

Lily could not have been more correct. Where James and Sirius usually got a lot of attention, these days they could hardly walk down the hall without being accosted by admirers and doting interrogators.

"What does he look like?" someone called.

"Is it true he's part wizard, part snake?"

"Did he try to _Avada Kedavra _you?"

"Did you really fight six Death Eaters? Just the pair of you?"

It was bad even for people like James and Sirius, who were not only used to attention, but usually basked in it.

"Don't you lot have somewhere to be!?" James demanded at the end of their first week back at Hogwarts, when a gaggle of third and fourth years swarmed him in an attempt to make small talk. Sirius, for his part, looked more bored with it than anything else, his handsome face frowning as he ducked between classes, trying to avoid questions.

When the initial excitement finally wore off and James and Sirius could walk around without being harassed, they were still regarded as Hogwarts role models, and for the first time ever it was for having done something honorable. Though their frequent detentions, admittedly ingenious troublemaking, and various talents ensured they were still looked up to and admired as usual, the incident over Christmas turned them into icons at Hogwarts; young, relatable faces of the resistance.

Between lessons, Quidditch training, and sneaking around with the Marauders, James barely had time to eat. Lily's contact with him was limited, and she was still so humiliated over her behavior at the Three Broomsticks that she usually kept their conversation very formal.

Her interest had definitely been piqued on more than one occasion, however; she kept overhearing James and his friends saying things like, "If we're ever going to finish it, we have to get serious," or "We just need some sort of sensory charm to finish it," and "next week we'll have to check out the west wing more and that should do it." They could often be found pouring over a large, folded piece of parchment, several thick books stacked around them which they would check now and again.

Lily was about to leave a Prefects' meeting with Remus one day when she saw it. That same piece of parchment she'd seen them working on, not with quills, but with their wands. It was resting on one of his textbooks, and her curiosity got the better of her.

"How's it going Remus?"

He looked up, his light blue eyes looking tired again. It _had_ been about a month since the Christmas holidays…

"Oh, fine Lily. I saw your name on the Apparition test list. Excited?"

"Definitely," Lily said, extracting a blank piece of parchment from her bag, hoping it was close enough in size to his that he wouldn't notice. "It's just a shame I have to wait so long for the test, I'll be seventeen this Saturday."

"Oh, yeah, that's right," Remus said, "Well, happy early birthday! You'll be taking the test with James, Peter, and me. James and I are March and Pete's in June, so Sirius is really moody about not being able to take the test yet. He's not til August," he grinned.

"Oh that's…that's a shame," said Lily, and with the help of her wand a bit of nonverbal magic, she'd swapped the pieces of parchment. "Though I'm sure that won't stop him Apparating anyhow," and Lily laughed rather loudly out of nervousness. "Well, I'm off, see you later, Remus!" And she left him standing there looking puzzled.

***

When Lily arrived in the Common Room, she found James at the bottom of the stairs to the girls' dormitory, fully clad in his Quidditch uniform and looking surly. "Eaton! Get a move on! I'm on a tight schedule tonight!"

Lily was sure to hide the piece of parchment when she passed him.

"Shove her along, will you, Evans? We're practicing like rubbish and I don't have long tonight."

She climbed the three flights to their dormitory and was pleased to see that Libby was the only other person in there, zooming around the room looking for something.

"Libby, I'm about to come up there and strangle you!" came James's muffled voice from the Common Room.

Libby stalked to the door, wrenched it open and shouted, "I _said_ I'll only be a minute!"

"Well what the H are you doing up there? Get your broom stuck somewhere it doesn't belong?"

"Just—" Libby couldn't help smiling. "_Wait _a minute alright?" She looked at Lily while she checked under her pillow for something. "He's so annoying sometimes."

"You love it," Lily rolled her eyes.

Libby smiled, but immediately stopped when she heard James shouting in the Common Room, "Hey, I was wondering if anyone is interested in playing Chaser for the Gryffindor Quidditch Team. Interested Bertram? Kyle? Anyone? Because a spot's just opened up and we've got an _effing_ game this Saturday…"

"I'm trying to find my bloody wrist-guard!" Libby hollered down the stairs. "Keep your pants on, Potter!"

Some of the girls from the other dorm rooms on the spiral staircase had opened their doors and shouted, "What is going on out here?" or "Put a lid on it, will you Potter?" Some just poked their heads out to watch and giggle over James's flustered behavior.

"Why do you need a wrist-guard for practice?" James shouted, becoming aggravated in earnest now.

"Maybe because _some_ Chasers throw the Quaffle like it's a bloody time bomb and I don't want my wrist to snap three seconds in!"

"Oh, be MORE of a girl, why don't you," James called. "Three on a team is _definitely_ too many..."

"Why don't you just play without it," Lily asked.

Libby looked antsy. "I'm really attached to it, alright? It's…it's lucky," she said, tossing clothes off of her bed and digging under the sheets. Her blue eyes were wide and frantic, and she stopped searching a moment to think. She pulled at one of her spiral curls, biting her lip. "Oh, I'm such an _idiot!_ How could I have forgotten?" and she pulled it out of the pocket of her Quidditch uniform.

Just in time, as at that moment James roared, "EATON! GET YOUR TINY ARSE DOWN HERE, OR I'M KICKING YOU OFF THE TEAM!"

Libby dove for the door.

Laughing, Lily closed it behind Libby, but before she did, she heard James say, "That wrist-guard had better be able to score goals _on its own_." 

Lily had an idea why James was in such a rush tonight, but just to be sure, she checked her lunar chart.

"Full moon tonight," she mumbled. She smoothed the parchment out on her bed and hopped on. It was blank, but she knew there had to be more to it.

She placed her wand against it and cried, "_Revelio!"_

But nothing happened.

She tapped her wand to the parchment and said, "Show your true form!"

And nothing happened.

Lily sighed heavily. She dug in her bag for a quill, not really sure what she was going to do. She uncapped her ink carefully and loaded the quill. She stared off into space thinking of what to write, and a drop of ink fell onto the parchment. She _heard _it fall anyway, but when she looked down there was nothing there.

Slowly, she dipped the quill in ink again and wrote, "I am Lily Evans."

It vanished.

"Great," Lily mumbled, "Just a stupid piece of parchment that makes ink disappear." She was about to put it in her bag and devise a way to return it to Remus tomorrow when she saw something appear right where she'd written…

It was as if someone was sitting right there writing, in a thin, neat hand:

_Mr. Moony bids Lily good evening, and advises her not to attempt uncovering secrets that will only disturb her to discover._

Lily blinked. She leaned closer to the parchment.

More lettering appeared, this time in a bloated, even script:

_Mr. Wormtail agrees with Mr. Moony, begging Lily's pardon—it's for the best!_

Then, in very precise, looping print:

_Mr. Padfoot sends Lily his regards, but asks her in his very charming way to return this wherever she found it._

Lily rolled her eyes. Padfoot, hm? Very charming indeed…

Finally, in very angular print:

_Mr. Prongs acknowledges Evans's admirably sharp wit, but professes his doubt that a goody-two-shoes like her could work this out._

Lily gasped. "Oh _do_ you, Mr. Prongs? Well, we'll see about that."

She was about to try another charm when more print appeared that Lily recognized as Mr. Prongs's:

_You're trouble, Evans. The question is…_

Lily stared fixedly at the paper, until he added_ …do you swear it?_

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" said Lily. She tapped her wand to the paper and tried every revealing charm she could think of. And then…

_Mr. Prongs—respectfully, of course—would like to register his complete lack of surprise that Miss Evans is still trying to crack this using spells she learned in Flitwick's class._

Lily punched her pillow in frustration, and then another word appeared, still in Mr. Prongs's hand: _Swot._

"_Ohh_, you…stupid…" And she shut her mouth abruptly, thinking…if it wasn't a revealing charm…or _anything_ she's learned in Flitwick's class…what did he say before? Did she swear that she's trouble…?

Lily placed the tip of her wand on the parchment, and very awkwardly said, "Er...I swear that I'm trouble."

Nothing happened.

"I _solemnly_ swear that I'm trouble? I swear that I am _not_ a goody-two-shoes, and that I am a trouble maker."

And nothing happened. Lily tried every variation of this she could think of, over and over. Fifteen minutes in, she said, "I solemnly swear that I am _not_ accessing this as a prefect, but in the spirit of trouble making," then, "I solemnly swear that my interest in this parchment has nothing to do with being a prefect or upholding Hogwarts rules."

Mr. Prongs's angular print appeared again: _I smell a guilty conscience, Evans! I'm afraid you're up to no good here…_

Lily sighed, and put her head in her hands. When she peeked at the paper again, it read,

_Well, you are, aren't you?_

Lily sat up, smiling eagerly.

More writing appeared: _Say it like you mean it!_

Lily cleared her throat, tapped her want to the parchment and proclaimed, "_I solemnly swear that I am up to no good!_"

For a fleeting instant, the writing appeared again: _That'll do it!_

And from her wand, ink spun and spread and wove together, joining and crisscrossing, washing over the parchment like waves and on the top, big looping letters blossomed, reading:

_Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs_

_Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers_

_are proud to present_

THE MARAUDER'S MAP

And at first, Lily was disappointed to see that it was simply a map. But a second glance showed that it was, in fact, a map of Hogwarts; a spectacular map of Hogwarts, stunningly detailed, though it seemed the West Wing of the school had been left out. So this is what they were working on? Could they really have _made_ this?

It had every floor of the castle, the entire Quidditch Pitch, Hagrid's hut, and even the edge of the Forbidden Forest. It had the lake and even bathrooms.

Her astonishment that such a map existed at all had her so enraptured that it was a moment before she noticed the tiny moving dots scurrying all over the map like ants. Could that be…_could these be students and teachers?_

And they were. Lily looked more closely and saw that four of the hundreds of dots were actually labeled: a tiny dot labeled "Remus Lupin" was walking down the lawn outside; in the Common Room sat "Peter Pettigrew"; Lily noticed that Professor McGonagall's office was inhabited by two dots, one marked "Sirius Black"—_probably doing a detention_, Lily thought; and out on the Quidditch Pitch, accompanied by six other dots, "James Potter" moved erratically around the map. Lily doubted—but then again she would have doubted that this map could be made _at all_—that the boys would be able to develop an advanced enough sensory charm to make a label for _every_ student and teacher, but even having the four of them was impressive.

The sensible thing, of course, would have been to return the map to Remus as surreptitiously as possible. But Lily, consumed by a burning curiosity, tucked it into her robes. _Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischeif-Makers indeed,_ thought Lily with a wicked grin that could almost rival James Potter's; she could hardly wait to use it to _her_ aid in discovering—once and for all—what the Marauders got up to once a month.


	11. Sneaks and Snogs

**A/N: This is LONG. I'm not sure whether to be sorry or pleased about that. Either way I hope you enjoy it.**

**I've given you a bit of everything here (J/L, Marauder banter, a bit of teenage gossip, etc), and I regret to say I think I attempted to cram a bit too much into one chapter but c'est la vie!**

**Enjoy! As always, your reviews are so so so very appreciated. Thank you very much for reading xxxxxxx**

*******

On Tuesday morning, Lily joined her fellow early-rising Gryffindors at the table in the Great Hall for breakfast determined to act as though the previous night had never happened.

Her eyes skimmed _The_ _Daily Prophet_, taking in more of the damage You-Know-Who and his supporters were inflicting on the Wizarding world as she spread marmalade over a piece of toast.

She was antsy. Every time someone new joined the Gryffindor table she jumped, and she was hoping not to have to face James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter before she absolutely had to. Now that she thought about it, the boys were usually last to breakfast the morning after a full moon, sleepy eyed and yawning over tall cups of coffee or tea. If Lily ate quickly enough, she thought, she could head off to the library for some reading before the four people in question joined their classmates for breakfast. It was Arithmancy first thing this morning, a full period free of the Marauders.

A few more bites of toast later, a hand reached over her shoulder to take the pot of coffee sitting in front of her. She looked up.

She nearly inhaled her toast.

"'Morning, Evans," a curt voice greeted her.

She cleared her throat. "Er, good morning, Potter."

Only when he joined his three friends several places along the bench did she realize that they had all arrived. Peter was busy tending to a large stack of bacon; Sirius muttered something to James, then looked at Lily to give her a very serious, very stiff nod; Remus seemed determined to avoid Lily's gaze.

Lily felt a stab of guilt when she got a closer look at James. This morning, he was sporting four very deep gashes along the side of his neck and what looked like bite marks on his right arm. What his body looked like under his clothes, Lily did not want to know. Still, it was not surprising that James was looking this way...

Lily remembered with a twinge of fright how last night she had followed several silent paces behind the boys with the aid of their map and under the guise of a Disillusionment Charm. At first she assumed that they too had Disillusioned themselves, but suddenly it became clear what the boys were referring to all the times they mentioned "the Cloak" in company.

When they approached the Womping Willow, Lily was at a loss for where they were going or how they managed to get there, and for a full twenty minutes they disappeared from the map while Lily hid behind a tree on the edge of the Forbidden Forest, shivering in the cold January air. It was during this time that her charm wore off, and for a few moments she considered just heading back to Gryffindor Tower and abandoning her plans for discovery.

And, too late, a terrible thought struck her…if Remus _was_ a werewolf, hadn't she put herself in terrible danger just by being anywhere near him? She had been so consumed by curiosity that she had never considered this very obvious, very troubling thought.

And then, from an opening near the roots of the Willow, an enormous dog bounded forward, black and shaggy, leaping left and right happily and snapping its jaws at the wind. Trailing after him was a rat, scurrying between the dog's large paws in an attempt not to be trampled, but both animals appeared to be playing together.

And Lily had never seen a rat and a dog play together…

And now she backed up against a tree trunk, eyes wide with fear, her body crippled; Defense Against the Dark Arts had taught her well, and there was no mistaking what this next creature was. His long, sandy-gray snout raised into the air, sniffing out prey, his long body muscular and strong, the fur brittle, its teeth long and sharp…

But to Lily's surprise, the werewolf romped with the other animals like a house pet before the fourth and final animal emerged to join them.

He was largest of all, a lean, muscular, antlered animal, his spotted fur auburn. It cantered after its fellows, its movement graceful, majestic, and the stag reared its antlered head to prod the black dog playfully.

Lily struggled to steady her trembling hands. Refusing to believe what she was seeing without absolute proof, she peered down at the Map, and finally steadied her hands enough to see that the four dots that scampered around the Hogwarts grounds were indeed the only four which had been labeled: Peter Pettigrew, a fat gray rat; Sirius Black, a large, romping dog; James Potter, a rather impressive stag; and Lily's and Severus's suspicions were finally confirmed—Remus Lupin, a werewolf.

The animals began trotting toward the Forbidden Forest, far enough away from Lily that she began to relax. Wide mouthed and still, she watched them, three Animagi and a werewolf, until something happened to stop her heart in her chest.

The werewolf stopped in his tracks, sniffed at the air, and Lily was aware she was dangerously downwind of the four creatures. It howled, a sound that chilled Lily to her bones, and she made to run, but too late—the werewolf turned its head toward her, its flawless eyesight finding her easily, and soon its body followed its gaze.

The snarling grew nearer as Lily toyed with the idea of bursting into Hagrid's Hut, but she did not know how many knew of Remus's condition, and even at the height of her fear she did think she could stand to expose him.

She ran for cover in the Forbidden Forest, and when she chanced a glance behind, she saw that the werewolf had drawn terribly close to her, but the other three were speeding after it. She willed herself not to scream, not to draw more attention to herself as the werewolf threatened to overtake her, and just in time he received a powerful jolt from the side; the stag had knocked the werewolf off course with his antlers, allowing the large dog to overtake him, and Lily forgot not to be frightened when he bounded at full speed toward her. The dog stopped, looked at Lily with a pair of gray eyes that looked remarkably human, and gave a large, very commanding bark.

Lily knew what to do. She rushed forward, leapt onto the large animal's back, and he sped forward along the edge of the Forbidden Forest. Clinging to its hair, the wind whipping her face, Lily looked back. The stag and the werewolf were engaged in a brutal battle, the werewolf attempting to lunge hungrily after Lily, and biting and scratching ferociously at the stag as it hindered him. Lily's stomach lurched to see it sink its teeth into the stags throat, but soon they were out of sight…

She soon discovered what was beyond the Womping Willow. The dog crawled inside the passageway and led Lily down a long tunnel and into a very old looking boarded up building. The second she climbed off, she stood upright to find a handsome, dark haired teenaged boy glaring at her.

"Sirius—Sirius, I'm so—"

"Where did you get that?" he demanded, pointing at the parchment in her hands.

"I—Sirius, I'm _sorry_, I—"

"_Where did you get that?_"

"I…I saw Remus with it and…and I was curious and…"

Sirius snatched the parchment from her hands, extracted his wand from his robes and touched it to the Map. "_Mischief_ _managed_!" he said, and it once again took the form of an ordinary, blank sheet of parchment.

Sirius turned his back to her, one hand on his hip and the other covering his face. He was breathing very deeply, clearly shaken, and Lily got the impression he was trying to steady himself.

"Well…" he said very calmly after a while, "I can't fault you."

"What?" said Lily cautiously.

Sirius spun on the spot. "I'd be a hypocrite if…well, let's just say I can't in all good conscience be angry with you for this. Christ, you gave me a fright though, Lily."

"I'm so sorry," she whispered. "I didn't think…"

"Yeah, well," said Sirius savagely, sliding down a dusty wall into a sitting position. "You're alright, are you?"

"Fine," she answered quickly. Then, after a moment, "Sirius…is James—"

"Don't worry about James, he'll be fine. Now that you're…well, Remus will have calmed down a bit by now. Now you're far enough. It's fine. James can handle him."

Lily nodded, but couldn't help thinking of how viciously the werewolf bit and scratched the stag.

"What is all this? Why have you come out here, why did you follow us?" Sirius asked.

Lily hesitated, then decided it was best to tell the truth. "Severus always told me he suspected Remus might be…well, _you know_. And then…well, I heard you four talking about it and it made me think he might be right. And I wanted to see…Oh, Sirius, I've been so selfish, I'm sorry! I know it was none of my business."

Sirius waved a hand at her. "We'd've done the same thing. Well, we _did_," he said, gesturing around the building. "And so you know…Snape doesn't 'suspect.' He _knows_. Just, Dumbledore forbade him to tell anyone."

"Dumbledore knows?" Lily breathed, astonished.

"Course!" Sirius said. "All the teachers…well, they know Remus is a werewolf, anyway but…other things we think its best to keep to ourselves."

"How long has this been going on?"

"Well, he was only five when he got the bite, so—"  
"No," Lily interrupted. "All of you."

Sirius heaved a sigh. "Lily…I've got to say, I'm pretty pleased that we managed to lure a prefect out of school to hunt werewolves and everything, but I need to know that we can trust you. This isn't just something we do for sport, you know. Remus…well, he's our best mate. This is good for him. He needs this. We all do, really. And if the wrong person finds out—"

"I'm not going to tell anyone," said Lily quickly.

Sirius considered her for a moment. "You're cool," he grinned. "Really, I'm so pleased. Tell you what I find _really_ impressive…" and he took the Marauder's Map out again. "Please tell me Remus wasn't stupid enough to forget to wipe this, and that you figured it out."

"I figured it out. Well…Mr. Prongs helped me quite a lot."

"He would, the show-off," Sirius mumbled. When Lily looked at him inquiringly, he said, "James would have wanted you to see it, I imagine. Would've been very pleased with himself. Did we help as well?"

"Not so much, you sort of scolded me actually."

Sirius's laugh was remarkably like a bark. "Sounds about right. Anyway—what was it you wanted to know?"

"When did you become…" Lily could barely utter the word, she was so shocked that such young wizards could really have managed it, "…like this?"

"A big, smelly black dog?" Sirius laughed. "Well, we found out Remus was a werewolf first year. James had his stroke of brilliance the next year, and I regret to say I thought he was mad at first. Remus too, threatened to stop speaking to us if we even attempted it. But we convinced him. And we did our homework. Finally managed it last year."

"Wow…" Lily couldn't quite articulate her astonishment. She had first learned about Anigmagi in third year, and it had come up in other lessons when it was relevant. She knew it was extremely difficult, very advanced magic. Moreover, it was incredibly dangerous and highly illegal if not monitored by the Ministry. "And no one else knows?"

"As I say, Snape knows about Remus. But everything else? You're the first. And Lily…it's incredibly important that you're the _last_."

"I know, I know. Don't worry, Sirius. I won't tell."

***

Lily was a Prefect. She had a great deal of respect both for Hogwarts and Albus Dumbledore, yet there wasn't a question in her mind that she could keep the Marauders' secret just that—a secret.

For Lily, somehow there was no contest. She had read about werewolves, their painful transformations, the isolation they can feel…and she couldn't think of a person at Hogwarts more likable than Remus Lupin. James, Sirius, and Peter were breaking about a hundred school rules and not to mention, the law. But their dedication to their friend evoked in her a kind of admiration and respect for them—and of course, awe at their ability to manage it—that the only thing she felt the day after the full moon was shame for having stuck her nose in such an intimate secret between such close friends. She shuddered to think of the terrible trouble Remus and his friends could have gotten into had anything serious happened.

Thankfully by the next day, no awkwardness hung between her and the boys other than Remus, and Lily effectively dispelled this with an initially awkward conversation that, happily, resulted in sheepish smiles from the both of them, and Lily's promise of discretion.

That evening in the Common Room was like any other. Lily finished her homework and spent her evening in discussion about their Potions lesson that day, in which Professor Slughorn practically had Lily teach the entire class while he sat at his desk, about You-Know-Who and what he was getting up to, and then eventually about more lighthearted subjects.

The subject of the evening was Alice and Frank getting caught snogging behind Hagrid's Hut after Care of Magical Creatures.

"He was my first," said Alice, very pink in the face.

"Was he _really?_" said Libby, her eyes alight with amusement. "That is sweet as anything! I remember mine, it was a surprise one from Caradoc Dearborn. Third year. I ran away screaming as I remember correctly."

Maggie laughed into her pumpkin juice. "Mine was only last year, actually. Marc Hughes."

Libby sat up and looked across the Common Room at the seventh-year in question. "And you never told me? Oh, this is coming up next Quidditch practice, for sure."

"Oh, leave it," said Maggie, blushing. "How about you, Sirius? What were you, about 8?"

Sirius stuck his tongue out at her and glanced at his friends.

A smile spread slowly across James's face. "You can't remember, can you?"

"I _can_ remember! And no, I wasn't 8, I was," he cleared his throat, "thirteen."

"Who was that then?" said Libby.

"She's not here anymore, but she was in Ravenclaw. Eleanor Echols. She was a fifth year."

"Oh, I remember her," James said fondly.

"Do you mean you remember the area between her neck and stomach?"

"More accurate," said James fairly.

Sirius laughed. "Great personality though."

"Really?"

"Nah, I have no idea."

Everyone laughed. Libby moved toward James. "How about you then, Potter? First snog?"

Lily's eyes locked on James.

James smirked. "You won't know her."

"We might! Go on, tell us."

"No, really. You won't know her. She doesn't come to Hogwarts."

"Ooohhh, foreign?" said Peter.

"No. She's from Godric's Hollow."

There was a pause. "Parents sent her somewhere else then?" Libby asked.

"Technically yes, as she's a Muggle."

It was silent for a moment, save for Peter's gasp of surprise. He was looking around, as if to see what everyone else thought of this before deciding how harshly his hero ought to be judged for spending time so intimately with a Muggle.

"So, wait," said Remus. "Did she…_know?_"

"'Course not. Just thinks I'm home summers from prep school."

"Never saw your wand or anything?"

"Whoa Remus, now you're just getting _personal_."

There was a sprinkling of laughter and Remus rolled his eyes. "Ha, ha. You're too funny, James. Honestly, you slay me."

"I've met her," Sirius interrupted. "Danielle something, yeah?"

"Daphne."

"Yeah. Really charming girl. What was that, two summer's ago?"

"After third year," James clarified. "Then she got herself a bloke the past two summers," he said wistfully. "What a stunner though."

"You're not lying. I'd smash that pasty."

James choked. "Crikey O'Reilly, Sirius, there are ladies present."

"What ladies? These are proper witches," Sirius proclaimed. "They can take it."

"So, James, was it _weird_ snogging a Muggle?" asked Peter.

"Weird? They _are_ human, you realize? And no…it was groovy," he shrugged. "_Some_ things in life, mate—Muggle or Witch—are the _same_."

"Like snogging," said Sirius.

"Like snogging," James agreed. "Got its own sort of _magic, _dunnit?" He winked at Sirius. "Anyway, half my town is Muggles. Got to do something with my summers."

Libby tisked. "Remus? How about you, mate?"

Lupin went pink in the face. "Erm…"

Gwenog giggled. "It's alright, Remus, I don't mind." Everyone looked at her. "That was two years ago, by the way."

"You scallywag!" James shouted at Remus. "I never knew!"

"Moony, you absolute _cad!_" Sirius exploded. "Is she as good at snogging as she is at Beating?"

"Keep it down, Padfoot; we want to keep that query in context," James cautioned, amused again by his own joke.

Gwenog was laughing but said, "Better watch your mouth, Black, or I'll show you just how good at Beating I really am."

"_Oooer_," Sirius purred. "What do you say to the old Charms classroom? Midnight? Unless, of course, our dear Remus objects…"

"And you wonder why I don't tell you lot these sorts of things," Remus said wearily.

"Proud of you though, Moony, she's tasty," said Sirius, as if Gwenog was not sitting feet away from him.

Remus rolled his eyes.

"I'm a bit miffed, personally," James sighed, "I thought Moony was still the virgin in a sea full of voracious snoggers. I wanted to be your first," he sniffed.

"God, you are so bent," Remus chuckled, torn between great amusement and awkward befuddlement. "Can someone get out something shiny and wave it around? I've lost my handbook on how to distract the Barmy Twins and their previous owner seems to have gone into hiding."

"Actually, Prongs, we knew Moony was an avid snogger," said Sirius with laughter, ignoring Remus. "Remember we caught him snogging that Chocolate Frog Card with Circe on it?"

"Cheeky!" Lily giggled, nudging Remus.

"Oh, go on, Padfoot, he wasn't _snogging_ it," James corrected. "Give him a bit of credit; he was having a _proper_ wank."

"I was _looking_ at it, you blithering idiots."

"Alright, mate, don't have a go at us. We're not the ones tossing off over our illustrious wizarding ancestors."

Remus glared at Sirius.

"You're right though, Sirius, it's not Moony who's the un-snogged. That's Wormtail. Innit, Wormtail?" James sneered.

"More like un-snoggable," Sirius snorted.

Peter squirmed in his seat. "Wrong," he snapped, his eyes shifting nervously between the boys. "Wrong there!"

"Go on then, how many girls've you snogged?" asked Sirius.

He paused. "Seven."

"_Seven?"_ Sirius spluttered, already laughing.

"Ah, mate," James said reproachfully, "if you're going to be economical with the truth, at least perjure yourself with a bit of dignity. I don't reckon even Sirius has got through seven birds."

Peter bypassed red and flushed burgundy.

"You're both being horrible, as usual," Lily chimed in.

James latched his gaze onto her. "You know, Evans, you could always make his lot easier and give him a quick one."

"What a breath of fresh air! You're trying to convince me to snog someone. What a lovely change," she said dryly.

"Okay, okay—listen up, everyone—Evans would like to make an announcement!" he called to the Common Room, his voice carrying rather farther than Lily would have liked. "No? Shall I do it then? Well, alright. _I used to fancy her rotten and I asked her out about fifty-nine times!_" James turned to look at Lily again and smiled sickeningly sweetly. "That do? Happy now we've got that out of the way?"

Sirius roared with laughter, and Gwen shook her head smiling as she exited to the fourth-year girls' dormitory. Remus's eyes were traveling back and forth between Lily and James, a satisfied smile playing around his lips and a smart glint in his pale blue eyes. Lily's attention was stolen by Libby, however, who was looking uncomfortable.

In an attempt to forget about this, Lily turned to James and tutted. "Potter, did you ever really fancy me, or do you just like to test out your powers of persuasion now and again? I know you are very used to the world falling into your lap, but don't corrupt Peter as well."

James grinned, apparently enjoying himself immensely. "You know what, Evans? I reckon you have a point. Tell you what. We'll leave Peter out of it, as we wouldn't want to corrupt him, and we'll leave the snogging to you and me."

"Oh, here we go," said Sirius, sitting up as if readying himself to watch what was sure to be a very gruesome wrestling match.

A sly smile spread across Lily's face. "Well, if it's for Peter's sake and you keep the groping down to a minimum, what other choice do we have? Peter _is_ very dear to me."

"Oh don't you worry, madam; I have only the noblest of intentions. I wouldn't _dream_ of physical contact with you beyond—ah—_compulsory_ snogging," he smirked.

"_Compulsory_, quite right," Lily's solemn voice proclaimed.

James laughed appreciatively, his hazel eyes sparkling behind his rectangular glasses. "No worries, Evans, got my head in the game."

"It's a wonder how you manage _that_ with the giant antlers growing out of it," Lily mumbled for only James to hear, and it took him a while to resurface from a bout of laughter. "Alright then, Evans," he said, trying to stifle his chuckling. "I believe you are the only one still withholding a piece of completely pointless yet highly entertaining information—first snog? Let's have it."

Lily flushed. She looked around and noticed—thankfully—that during their banter, Frank, Alice, and Maggie had started up a separate conversation several feet away, and only Sirius, Remus, Libby, and Peter really remained within earshot. The boys were chatting casually and Libby was trying to pretend she was talking with him, though Lily noticed—with a stab of guilt—that Libby was watching her and James intently out of the corner of her eye.

She confirmed Lily's suspicion and turned toward them, her eyes gleaming. "I know this one," she said in a singsong voice.

"You do?" Lily blurted, anxious.

Libby nodded.

James was watching the girls with narrowed eyes and an amused smile.

Lily shook her head. "Actually, Libbs…I dunno that you do."

"Was it not Fabian Prewett?"

"Fabian Prewett?" James said sharply. "Really?"

Lily nodded. "Well, he wasn't my _firs_t snog. But…erm…yeah. Why, something wrong with him?"

"No," James clarified hurriedly. "No, really good bloke. He's erm…he's really something actually." There was a very pregnant pause. "That's a Prewett apiece for us, eh Evans?" James laughed awkwardly. "Tearing through them. That's Cordelia's cousin, Fabian. Great bloke." He said this with an odd mixture of buoyancy and what Lily could swear was resentment.

But she did not think on this long. "Hang on—you _kissed_ Cordelia?"

James looked taken aback. "I'm not made of stone, Evans. But stop avoiding my question. First snog. Go on."

Even Libby leaned forward.

Lily sighed. "I warn you, Potter. You don't want to know."

"Why not?"

"I'll say this: he's not your best mate."

"Well it had better bloody well _not_ be!" James cried indignantly, flinging a quill at Sirius so that it poked him in the cheek.

"What the _hell_ is your problem, mate?" he cried, emerging from conversation with Remus and Peter.

"Never mind that. Go on, Evans."

And as Sirius was mumbling, "Out of your ruddy tree…" Lily decided to just come out with it. "Well, if you must know, it was Severus."

There was a collective gasp, and James froze. His expression became steadily more horrified, but he did not move or speak for a full ten seconds. Lily glanced at Libby; she had clapped her hand over her mouth, and her eyes were threatening to leap out of her skull.

As if someone pressed a button, James unfroze, his body relaxing and a grin covering his face all at once, and he looked rather dazed when he chuckled dangerously and said, "Sincerest apologies, my dear Evans, but I think this room might have a Wrackspurt infestation. You see, I asked you about your first kiss, but unfortunately when you answered, my brain went all dithery-plithery and in place of your _actual, reasonable, sane _answer…I heard instead a stream of absolute, _quibbling_ balderdash," he explained delicately, laughing breathlessly and a little desperately now and again. "Drivel, if you will. Hogwash. Shall we try again?"

Lily smiled sadly. "You are amusing as always, Potter. But you heard correctly."

"Sorry—_you_ snogged _Severus Snape_."

"Yes."

"_Severus Snape_ of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"Yes."

"The one in Slytherin?"

"Oh, come off it, James! You asked, I told you. Would you prefer I lied?"

"Well if the truth is that you kissed Snivellus, then yes! I'd have preferred a lie," he blustered.

"Fine then. My first kiss was Fabian Prewett. Happy?"

"Sorry, hang on—" He called out to the Common Room again: "Excuse me…anyone have a really cracking memory charm up their sleeve?"

"Oh, for heaven's sake, Potter—"

"—because in all honestly, I would empty my Gringott's account for one."

"Will you _shut up?_"

But instead, James stood up. "You kissed Snape?" he demanded, looking as if it was a personal insult.

"_Yes_."

"A proper snog?" he interrogated.

"What?? I don't know how to answer that, Potter. It wasn't like we were _rolling around _or anything but we—"

"Oh my god!" James practically retched, throwing his hands up. "Shutupshutupshutupshutup! I've got a very active imagination, Evans, please, spare me!"

"I said _we weren't_—"

"Oh my god, she's still going!" James cried maniacally to nobody. Then, gesturing frantically, he spluttered, "Who kissed who?"

"_That,_" Lily snapped, "is _none _of your business!"

"Yeah, look Evans, _none _of this has been any of our business, no use going all _proud_ now."

Lily made to argue, but stopped herself. In a very dignified voice she answered, "I kissed him."

"YOU—" James shrieked, but his voice died in his throat and he stopped short, staggered. Lily would not have been surprised if smoke had started billowing out of his ears. He looked down at her, very white in the face, and slowly sunk back into the cushions of the couch.

Lily made to speak but James held a hand up to her. He removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Lily spoke anyway. "You're being a child, James."

"I'm not," he said testily, ramming his glasses back on. "I'm being…I dunno what I'm being."

Lily stared at her feet.

"What's the big deal?" Libby asked grudgingly. "So what she kissed Snape?"

Lily would have been grateful for the backup if she did not distinctly hear the note of resentment in her voice.

James glared at Libby over his glasses for a moment, then looked at Lily again.

"When was this, out of interest?"

Lily bit her lip. "It was fourth year. It was…just the once."

This seemed to relax James marginally. "Right."

James looked up, and it seemed to hit him hard that by now, Sirius, Libby, Remus, and Peter were all watching them. Lily looked to see what had caught James's attention and went very pink in the face.

"Right well, I'm off to bed," James said. "Got Quidditch early tomorrow."

"No we haven't," Libby pointed out moodily.

"Well—lessons at the crack of dawn then."

"Tomorrow's Thursday, lessons start at eleven."

"Right well, I'll have to be up early to buy a calendar then," he snapped, and stalked off to bed.

Libby collected her things as well, leaving Lily, Sirius, Remus, and Peter with a glum "'Night," and schlepped off to bed.

"What's eating _her_?" Sirius mused.

"Yeah, she's _clearly_ the one acting odd tonight," said Lily sardonically.

"To be fair, Lily…are you trying to kill him?"

"What?"

"Why would you tell him that?"

"He asked!" said Lily defensively.

"Yeah, but…crikey, say it's not his business or something," Sirius chortled.

Lily pursed her lips. "It was _two_ years ago. And anyway, what does _Potter_ care who I snog? He's…he snogs loads of…he doesn't even…well, it _is_ none of his business, that's the point!"

Remus and Sirius locked eyes for a moment, and there seemed to be some very swift, silent communication going on. Finally, Remus turned to Lily and said thoughtfully, "I think it's more that it was Snape, obviously. I think he might feel a bit betrayed?"

"Well he knows we were friends."

"Yes, but…okay, in all seriousness," said Remus, shifting closer to Lily. "Whatever you might think, or whatever you might have thought about James, he's…well, he's a good bloke, Lily. He means well and he's a good person."

"Are you on the turn, Remus?" said Sirius affectionately, twirling one of Remus's sandy locks of hair.

Remus waved him away impatiently. "The point is, from a completely _not bent_ point of view, he is a good guy. Yes?"

Lily nodded stiffly.

"And he fancied you for ages," he shrugged. "And you…well, you sort of seemed to _hate _him. _I'm not saying I don't know better_," he said when Lily tried to interject. "And I'm not saying that he didn't act like an idiot nine times out of ten. I just mean…well, it was clear it was never going to happen for him. And then to hear that you snogged someone, and the only thing James has in common with him is a very strong, mutual dislike? You can see why that's a bit maddening, can't you?"

"You're so clever, Remus," Sirius said dotingly, lolling on the couch with _101 Dreadful Hexes_. "That is why I adore you."

"What is it with everyone tonight?" said Remus weakly.

"So you reckon James is still jealous over Lily?" Peter asked. "'Cause that's not what he told me. 'Cause I asked him did he care Myers was taking her to Hogsmeade and he said no."

"Yeah, before he cracked the wall with him," Sirius mumbled.

"Whatever mate, the point is that his feelings _now_ are irrelevant," said Remus. "He fancied her at the same time as Severus, and in his eyes you chose Snape, someone he hates. It doesn't help that Snape is pretty obviously obsessed with the Dark Arts, the darker the better. And James has no respect for it."

Lily paused. "Severus would say that's James's problem. That everyone ought to have an appreciation for the Dark Arts whether they like them or not. It's the only way to have a chance at fighting them, understanding them enough and respecting their powers enough—"

"Yeah, but Lily," Sirius interjected, shaking his head, "You know it's moved far beyond that for Snape. I've heard things and I'm sure you have too."

Lily looked down.

"I'm sure that was true at one time, like when you were mates…but I think we all know he can't wait to wrap himself right around Voldy's little finger."

There was a stifled paused, in which Lily shifted uncomfortably. She felt incredibly sad inside, thinking of the way things ended between her and Severus. The only part of her life that felt real to her anymore, from the moment she learned she was a witch, Severus was such a large part of, so close to her. And now…

Well, he had chosen his way.

"I dunno…I guess we were all talking and…and he asked, and…I didn't think."

"Ah, Lily, don't feel badly! Unless you're going to snog Snape again," Sirius warned. "We just don't want you holding it against our dear Potter that he went a bit…well, _potty._ He likes to act hard but in reality he is a softy," he added very affectionately.

Lily smiled.

"It also wouldn't hurt if you could just, you know, fall madly in love with him or something," Sirius laughed.

Lily shot a look at Remus. So he hadn't told them what she'd said on the train at the end of last term? He smiled barely perceptibly, as if to say _yes, still our little secret._

Sirius stood up, stretching. "Alright, I s'pose I'd better head up. Give Prongs his bottle. Maybe see if he needs a nappy change…rock him to sleep. Coming lads?"

Peter labored to his feet.

"Be up shortly," said Remus.

When they were out of earshot, Lily said, "Forgive me for doubting your word, Remus, but I really am very surprised you never told them about our…little conversation." It was the first time they'd spoken openly about it.

"Nah," said Remus. "It's the sort of thing he should learn from you, and anyway…I didn't think I should, right after his father passed," he added in a low voice.

"Thank you," said Lily.

"You have waited rather longer than I anticipated though," he said carefully. "Everything alright? You seem to be getting on really well, on the whole."

"He's stopped asking me," said Lily, biting her lip. It was the first time she'd vocalized this to anyone. She hadn't wanted to admit how much it bothered her, not even to herself. "I think he's gone off me, to be honest."

Remus chuckled. "He has toned things down a bit, hasn't he?"

"I'm not saying I—I preferred that or that I need that from someone in order to feel like they _like_ me. But that's just the _way_ he liked me. So when he doesn't do that, I assume…"

"Oh, what he would say if he knew he was about _one_ obnoxious proposition away from going out with you, the persistent little bastard. Missed it by _one_. Well, you've got to fail at some things, I suppose. And…perhaps you should know…" he grimaced. "Er—Lily, these chats…they stay between us, right?"

"Of course!"

"Right, well…James does recognize that the two of you have been getting on really well. I think…when you were there for him at the end of last term, he realized he was screwing up a relationship with a person he genuinely liked by acting like a fool all the time. For the present time, he…honestly seems pretty resigned _not_ to ask you. I think he's enjoying you a bit too much to risk pushing you away."

Lily's eyes widened. "Did he say…"

"This is what I've gathered, you know, based on my own observations."

Lily nodded. After a moment she said, "Remus? There's something else…"

He looked at her with interest.

"It's Libby…she's….well, she confided in me that she's…"

"Really interested in James, perhaps?"

Lily was stunned. She'd been afraid to betray Libby's trust by telling one of James's closest friends about her feelings, but apparently it was needless worry. "You know?"

"I guessed, but not before James did. He knows."

"He _knows?_"

"Yeah, says he can just tell."

"And…and what does he…think of that?" Lily asked, trying to sound casual.

Remus shrugged. "For the time being, he doesn't know what to do with it. It's complicated, you know…given that they're on the team together and they've been good friends all this time."

Lily nodded. "Thanks, Remus."

"Sure. Off to bed are you?"

"I think so. I appreciate your talking to me about this. A lot. It's nice to have an outlet," she smiled.

"'Course. But Lily? As for Libby…I don't think anyone could fault you, really…if you told James how you feel about him. To be honest, you're both ruined for other people," he grinned.

"What do you mean?"

"Well…do you think you'll ever find a bloke who doesn't feel really threatened by James? Suspicious all the time?" Lily immediately thought of the way Severus and Kurt had talked about him, almost obsessed over him, constantly trying to find reassurance that she felt nothing for him….

Lily shook her head.

"Well, I assure you, he's having the same problem." They laughed. "'Night Lily."

"Goodnight, Remus."


	12. Victory and Defeat

If James's reaction to the extent of her relationship with Severus Snape didn't make Lily regret not keeping her mouth shut, the next few days certainly did. It was as if James and Lily had never met given the formality he suddenly took on in their exchanges; Lily would have gone so far as to say he was being quite cold to her. Worst of all, James was completely himself aside from his behavior to Lily—the same jokes, the same exuberance, just as silly as always.

Lily made a point to focus on her schoolwork in an attempt to forget about this. It did not help that Professor Slughorn had partnered her with Severus for a Potions lesson, hoping to see "what my two best Potion makers can accomplish together." Lily did not fail to notice James sniggering with Sirius, making kissy faces and smooching noises when he thought she and Severus were not looking.

One person certainly seemed pleased that James was very deliberately putting distance between them; Libby capitalized on her opportunity to own a large part of James's attention, halfheartedly telling Lily, "He'll get over it, don't worry."

Lily woke up on her birthday the following Saturday in poor spirits. James and his team had come in from Quidditch practice the previous evening practically singing with excitement, and James had slung Libby over his shoulders declaring, "Delivery, coming through! Anyone order one large ticket to a Quidditch victory tomorrow?"

"Hey!" said an upside-down Libby, her blonde spiral curls curtaining her face. "What do you mean _large_?"

"Oh! Sorry," James corrected himself, "Ickle ticket to victory coming through! That do, titchy one?" said James sweetly.

Lily groaned at the memory and got out of bed. Gryffindor were playing Ravenclaw that morning, and Libby was already up and stretching. When she saw Lily awake, she tossed a gift at her. It was one of quite a few, the rest sitting at the foot of her bed.

One from Mum and Dad, a beautiful set of dress robes; a bath set from Petunia, which Lily thought was a nice gesture; Alice and Maggie had chipped in to get her a new Potions kit; Libby's present was a biography of Newt Scamander; and, amongst a pile of gifts from cousins and other Hogwarts friends was a very heavy package. She was surprised to find a complete, first edition series from one of her favorite Muggle writers, one that she was surprised anyone in the wizarding world had ever heard of. She opened the card:

_Evans,_

_I saw you reading the first one recently and thought you might like the set. Hope you don't mind I opened it for a quick peek. Your taste in literature is offensive, it is all rubbish. _

_Happy birthday anyway._

—_J _

_xx_

Lily grinned as she bundled up to face the last, very cold day of January on the Quidditch Pitch.

***

The animosity between the two Quidditch Captains was clear from the moment they walked onto the Pitch. As James headed out to assess the light, wind, and cloudiness, Kurt Myers shoved very deliberately past the unsuspecting Gryffindor Captain, who staggered forward and looked around to see his aggressor. Very surprisingly, however, he smiled pleasantly.

"Ladies first," he snickered.

"Oh dear," said Madam Hooch. "Let's have a nice, clean game, boys."

From her place in the stands, Lily watched James address his team, pointing and gesturing and looking rather impressive in his red Quidditch uniform. The Captains shook hands—a tense, awkward handshake—and only fifteen minutes in, the Ravenlaws had a lead on Gryffindor.

"Gryffindor scores!" called Georgia Grove, the Quidditch commentator from Hufflepuff. "And it looks like Potter is going for the old Double Dip, his signature move and one which I believe he invented, isn't that right Goran?"

"Indeed it is Miss Grove, he—ah, missed that second one—he's certainly speedy enough on the Pitch but this time he just wasn't quick enough to manage two goals in a row and he's missed tying the game with 60-50 to Ravenclaw."

"And it was a nice save by Kurt Myers the second time around, and Myers is looking very pleased with himself indeed! Always a good game with Myers and Potter going head to head, competitive as they are…"

"Not to mention Myers recently received a bit of a duffing up from Potter as I understand it—"

"And what is going on in _the game_, Mr. Milman?" called Professor McGonagall angrily.

"Oh, too right you are, Professor…It's Frank Longbottom with the Quaffle, over to Eaton now, Longbottom, Potter…and another score for Gryffinfor!"

The three Chasers high-fived each other in turn as Kurt punched the air angrily, and the score remained tied for an additional half hour before…

"Oh!" called Alice from next to her, "Look at Philomena, look!" Lily found the Gryffindor Seeker, who was in a nose-dive, a determined glint in her eyes.

Lily began cheering along with Alice, Maggie, the Marauders and the rest of the Gryffindors.

"And it looks like Miss Simon has spotted something! Really coming into her own on her first year playing, very speedy second year we've got here, and…wait for it!"

"And she's got it! It's a win for Gryffinfor with a final score of 210-60!"

***

The Gryffindor Common Room was filled with high spirits that evening, and the Quidditch team was the life and soul of the party.

After her adventure earlier in the week, Lily no longer had to wonder how the Marauders were always able to sneak into Hogsmeade and bring back Butterbeer, wine, and snacks. She accepted a glass of red wine from Remus as he smiled sheepishly, and on her second glass she made everyone laugh by doing an excellent impression of Profesor Slughorn doting over her.

"You've got cheek, Lily!" Sirius bellowed, flinging an arm around her. "I had no idea you were such a cheeky cat. Always thought you were a bit of a swot to be honest."

"Oh Sirius, you _dog_," Lily reproached with a sly smile, and Sirius choked on his Butterbeer laughing.

About an hour into the celebrations, Lily, Remus, and Alice found themselves squished on a loveseat, Lily talking animatedly about an organization she had recently heard about, The Order of the Phoenix, headed by Professor Dumbledore and aiming to work against Lord Voldemort.

While she, Remus, and Alice, talked politics, however, others were engaged in more lighthearted matters…

Lily was not sure why her eyes locked on them to begin with; James and Libby were leaning over the back of the couch on which Gwenog, Sirius, Frank, and Maggie were sitting. They were all talking together, laughing together, reliving the highlights of the game earlier that day and chuckling over how Gwenog nearly took the Ravenclaw Seeker's head off with a particularly good swing at a Bludger.

And half in conversation with Alice and Remus, half watching the group by the couch, Lily's stomach turned over.

Libby had taken half a step nearer to James, still fully engaged in conversation, and very casually hooked her left ankle around his right one. She ran her bare, polished toes up his calf, this pass completely unnoticed by the rest of the group as they were sitting on the couch, unable to see behind it.

James enjoyed this private flirtation for about a minute before, very discreetly, he raised his hand and placed it on the small of her back, then glided his fingers over it in small, gentle circles. Still more discreetly, Libby reached behind for James's hand and rubbed her fingers over his until he grabbed hold of them.

"…don't you think, Lily?" said Remus, but Lily wasn't listening anymore. She only had eyes for Libby and James.

The pair stood, joking around with their oblivious friends, their fingers interlocked behind Libby's back and her foot still caressing his leg.

It was at this point that Lily suddenly became extremely tired, and hurried off to bed.

"What—?" called Remus as she practically tore across the Common Room.

"Well, goodnight then!" Alice said in confusion.

When Lily climbed the stairs to her dormitory, she closed the door behind her and took several long, deep breaths. She had to distract herself, forget what she had just seen. She climbed into bed fully clothed and attempted to read for a bit, though really she had only read the first paragraph about twenty times, unable to concentrate. No matter how hard she tried to focus on what she was reading, all she could see in her mind's eye was Libby's leg wrapped around James's, James's hand grabbing Libby's, Libby touching James the way she so desperately wanted—

_No_, Lily shook herself. She couldn't allow herself to feel this way, to sink into these petty feelings. She focused her eyes more determinedly on her book.

It was half an hour before the rest of the girls started filing in, and Libby was the very last of them. She all but floated into the room nearly an hour after Lily had come in.

Lily deeply regretted not closing the hangings on her bed; she did not want to talk, least of all about James or Libby's snugglefest with him in the Common Room.

Libby plopped dreamily onto her bed and tossed a pillow at Lily.

"Hey!" said Lily, attempting to laugh. "What gives?"

"Ask me how my evening was."

Lily's smile faded. "How was it then?"

"He _kissed_ me!" squealed Libby.

"He _what?_" Lily suddenly felt like she'd just swallowed several jugs of ice water.

"We snuck down to the kitchens together—you know, just the two of us—to get some snacks. And we heard someone walking and we thought it might be Filch, so we ducked into one of the rooms. Wasn't exactly the largest…and while we were in there, he just…"

"Kissed you," Lily said flatly.

"Yeah," she said, sighing.

Lily had never felt quite this way before. A sickening feeling was bubbling up in her gut, and she wanted nothing more than to punch something, to scream in Libby's face. A year ago today, if someone had told her that hearing about James kissing someone would make her feel this way, she would have laughed. _Why_ was it such a big deal to her? She had heard about James snogging girls before, hadn't she?

_But_, she reminded herself, _that was when he was asking me out the next minute_. Lily was slightly ashamed of herself. She tried to tell herself she was above feeling this way, she was above this kind of petty jealousy…but it got the best of her.

"Right, well, that sounds brilliant. Surprised this was even your first kiss, the way you two have been on top of each other over the years."

"What? What does that mean?"

"Nothing, I think it's lovely. The tension between you two has been building for so long, it's good you're finally getting it out of your system."

"Lily…I mean, we've been on the Quidditch team together, so sure, we've been mates…"

"Yeah, mates," Lily scoffed. "No, it's good, I think it's great."

Libby sat motionless for a while, her cobalt eyes anxious. "Lily…I thought you were alright with this…"

Lily paused for a moment, gave herself a mental shake.

"Oh, Libby, I am…I'm sorry, I was just…making a joke," she said, the end of her sentence falling flat. "I'm really happy for you. Really."

Libby looked unconvinced at first, but Lily was relieved to see her round face break into a grin. "Thanks, Lily. You'd tell me if you weren't comfortable, wouldn't you? You know, if you had feelings or something?"

"Yes," she lied, "yes, of course. We're just friends, James and me…barely that."

As they both settled into bed, Lily felt like a swarm of bees had somehow gotten into her stomach. Libby looked positively aglow with giddiness as she looked up at her bed canopy.

"Libbs? Do you think it's…is it serious?"

Libby considered this for a moment. "Well, I dunno how _he_ feels but…well, can I be honest?" She sighed. "I've liked him for _ages_. I never said anything because he was always…well, _you know_…I tried to look at it as a stupid crush, but I just could never get past it. I really like him," she said earnestly.

Lily nodded silently.

Libby closed the curtains on her four-poster and settled into it. "Hey Lily?" her muffled voice said, and Lily could tell she was still smiling.

"What."

"Happy birthday."

Lily closed her eyes and sighed. "Thanks Libby."

It was not long before Libby's breathing became slow and heavy. Lily, for her part, drifted off to sleep nearly half an hour after Libby had, her swollen face nestled into her damp pillowcase.


	13. So Cupid Sent Sirius

The news that Libby Eaton was dating one of the most popular boys in school fueled much of Gryffindor Tower's gossip over the next couple of weeks, as James Potter began chasing after Lily Evans the moment he realized he no longer found girls repellent, and every girl in between never lasted for more than a couple of days.

It was actually difficult to be in Libby's presence as far as Lily was concerned. Her studies quickly became such a low priority it was a wonder she even bothered to come to lessons, and she could not participate in a conversation without it being about James, James, James.

Libby's lovesickness seemed even more pronounced cast against James's complete consistency of character. He spent as much time as ever palling around with the Marauders and, to Libby's disappointment, treated her just as he always had in company. Lily was kept awake too often listening to Libby complain in whispers to Maggie about how James seemed to think of their relationship only as an afterthought, and had to be reminded to make time for her between lessons, Quidditch, and horseplay with Remus, Peter, and Sirius.

Lily was glad that, for whatever reason, Libby chose not to confide in her about her romantic woes. In fact, whenever the subject of James came up Libby made a point of telling Lily how wonderfully things were going, and Lily was not at all eager to push the matter.

Whatever problems Libby and James "didn't" have, it all came to a head one night in February during Quidditch practice judging by the way Libby stomped into the girls' dormitory afterward. Lily later overheard Libby telling Alice and Maggie in the Common Room that she had been, as James called her, "a bit too friendly for Quidditch practice" and got sharp with her.

"It's nothing personal, Libbs," said Alice bracingly, "you know how seriously he takes his Quidditch." But Libby continued to look forlorn, and still appeared to be in a bad mood at breakfast the next day.

That is, until James arrived in the Great Hall and kindly asked Lily, who was sitting right next to Libby, if he could take her seat. When she looked confused, James gave her a significant look and gestured toward Libby. With a stab of well-hidden aggravation and resentment, Lily walked away to eat her breakfast with Remus, Sirius, and Peter on the other side of the table.

She couldn't help it; chewing on her hashbrowns, Lily leaned forward and strained to hear what transpired between Libby and James. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw James extract a slip of paper from his robes and hand it to Libby. Without taking her eyes off James's slightly smiling face, Libby unfolded it, clearly fighting a smile of her own.

James waited expectantly while Libby read whatever was on the paper. When she looked up, she gave him a very reluctant grin, making James's grow wider, and a moment later they were both laughing quietly. James wrapped an arm around Libby's shoulder and pulled her face close enough so he could mutter "I'm sorry" into her ear, and Libby laughed again in reply. In what Lily could tell was a very uncharacteristic move judging by Libby's expression, James put his hand on her cheek, pulled her face close to his and kissed her softly on the lips, right there at the Gryffindor Table in the Great Hall. Though no one else was really paying attention to them, Libby glanced around self-consciously, but James did not take his eyes off her. He dropped his hand from her cheek to one of her blonde tendrils, pulled affectionately at it and watched it spring back into place. Libby leaned into James for a hug, burying her face in his neck, and when they pulled apart they enjoyed breakfast together, both pink in the face.

***

Two weeks of this was more than enough to make Lily ill. Though she tried her best to immerse herself in her studies and spend her free time with Alice and Maggie, Libby and James were unavoidable. She could not decide what was worse; Libby's company, in which she had to hear her gush over James; James's company, in which it had started to become physically painful to hide her deepening attraction to him; or double trouble, where there was always the risk of witnessing a bit of light PDA.

Only adding to Lily's irritation was Professor Slughorn's announcement that he would be having a Slug Club party in honor of Valentine's Day.

"In honor of Felix Summerbee being in the area, more like," muttered Lily. Just the other day, she, James, Sirius, and Libby had discovered the inventor of the Cheering Charm and a former Hogwarts professor who had taught Slughorn would be returning to England from a lengthy traveling tour, and she predicted Professor Slughorn would find an excuse to get Mr. Summerbee to visit Hogwarts.

"What's that, my dear Lily?" boomed Professor Slughorn jovially from the front of the room.

"Nothing, Professor," she blushed.

"Now don't worry about formal invitations, all in good time, you're invited of course, Miss Evans. You like yourself a nice Valentine's Day celebration I'd imagine? Charming girl as yourself?"

"I'll look forward to it, Professor," said Lily. "I couldn't be more excited than if I were meeting the Minister of Magic."

At this, Alice, Frank, James, Remus, and Sirius made frantic attempts to stifle laughter. She could even see that Severus was suppressing a smile as he gazed at her from several rows over, though Libby rolled her eyes. Lily had forgotten she'd told all of them what a blithering idiot she found the Minister of Magic to be, and what Lily intended as a private joke to subtly release a bit of stress turned out to be a very public one. Professor Slughorn, however, seemed delightedly oblivious to Lily's mock enthusiasm.

"Very good, very good. All welcome to bring guests, of course," he said, as Libby shot James a hopeful glance and he winked at her.

"Out of interest, Professor," said Lily, "Will you be inviting Felix Summerbee?"

James and Sirius had to look down to hide their grins, and Libby elbowed James irritably.

"Oh, I hadn't thought—well, he _will_ be in the area after all and—oh, why not, it'll be grand to see the old boy again! Old teacher of mine, you know, and I like to think he taught me a thing or two…"

Lily looked fleetingly at James and Sirius, who sent her a pair of thumbs-ups under their desks.

Though Lily thought it would be nice enough to enjoy a break from her studies with a bit of festivity, she couldn't stand the idea of watching James and Libby stroll in together, arm-in-arm. Although Libby had never been invited to join the Slug Club, James's and Sirius's talent and popularity guaranteed them a place in the second year, and James was sure to invite her. The last minute party plans, which were announced only two days before Valentine's Day, caused Slug Club members to hastily scoop up dates, and Lily noticed that girls began looking at Sirius hopefully in corridors and lessons.

"Who're you taking, Lily?" asked Alice, who had been invited by Frank. "Oh, wouldn't it be nice if the whole gang could go?"

Lily thought about this for a few seconds, dreading the idea of going on a date. She really wasn't interested in anyone…

"Actually…I've thought about that too. And I was thinking you and I might go together," she said, looking at Remus. Then, seeing his cheeks go violet, she added quickly, "As friends, of course. This way, we can all go."

She regretted saying it immediately. Remus was looking embarrassedly between Lily, James, and Sirius, glancing at the latter as if asking for help. Lily avoided James's eyes, but she could tell he was gritting his teeth behind his pursed lips.

"Funny you should say that," Sirius clearly invented on the spot, "Cause I was thinking I'd just bring old Moony along myself. Not really in the mood to babysit a date, if you know what I mean. You birds take Valentine's Day so bloody seriously…"

"Brilliant idea," said a relieved Remus, shooting a look at James.

"And what about me?" whined Peter, who seemed less than determined to suggest he take Remus's place in Lily's consideration after the awkward moment that had just passed.

But it wasn't such a terrible idea, was it? Lily would much rather go with Peter as friends than find a date she didn't really like or know very well, and this way she wouldn't have to worry about leading anyone on.

"Actually, Peter—" Lily began, but was interrupted by someone calling her name.

She looked up to find Jasper Podmore leaning toward her across an armchair several feet away. The fellow sixth-year Gryffindor, fellow Slug Club member and Metamorphmagus, who today was sporting steel blue hair, had always—quite sweetly, in Lily's opinion—found an excuse to talk to her at Slug Club events and lessons. Still, he was one of the few boys left at Hogwarts who had not made some crude or unwanted attempt to ask her out, so he and Lily had always been friendly.

"What'dyou make of this Valentine's Day business?" he asked.

"It's alright I suppose, if you're at a point in life where love doesn't make you gag," Lily replied sweetly, and Jasper laughed.

"My sentiments exactly. Care to suffer it out with me?"

Lily looked at him. "Er, well, I'll be seeing you there, if that's what you mean. Not much else to do, so why not?"

Japser laughed again, a different laugh this time. "You blonde under all that fire?" he asked, gesturing at her wavy dark red hair. Libby glared at him. "I'm asking if you'd like to come with me. It'll be a laugh," he said casually.

Lily looked at him reluctantly. She'd just been about to say she'd take Peter…

"Come on, we'll make up anti-Valentine's Day shirts if you like, have a bit of mead at Slughorn's do and burn down a Hallmark or something once we're good and tight."

Lily laughed. Something about Jasper talking about Hallmark—a company only Muggle-born witches and wizards would be familiar with—swung it for her.

"Well, I can't say no to that. Love to," Lily smiled, and she was surprised to actually mean it.

"Excellent," said Jasper. "A warning though—don't get too tarted up, we wouldn't want our little friend—" Jasper pulled a face and, out of nowhere, sprouted a large moustache exactly like Professor Slughorns—"getting too excited, if you know what I mean." And he twitched it just as the professor's did when something stimulating was happening.

Lily, Alice, and Maggie were in stitches laughing even after Jasper walked away, and Lily thought it might be time to start trying to get over her stupid crush on James.

As Valentine's Day was the following Sunday, most students were holed up in their Common Rooms and dormitories as Slug Club invitees headed down to Professor Slughorn's office in the dungeons. Lily had chosen to wear the set of champagne-colored silk robes her parents had sent her for Christmas. The dress was form-fitting and elegant, the boat neck coming slightly off her shoulders, and the gold detailing shimmered at the waist and hem. Lily joined Libby in her emerald green robes, Alice in black, and Maggie in bright red down the steps of the girls' dormitory to meet their dates, Jasper, James, Frank, and Peter, respectively.

"Hi," she greeted Jasper, who donned dark blue robes which brought out the tuft of magnificently turquoise hair on his head. When Jasper just stood there agape for a moment, Lily self-consciously brushed her hair, which cascaded in waves from an elaborate knot at the crown of her head, off her shoulders.

"Er," said Jasper.

Lily blushed. "Oh, don't worry, as you can see I've forgotten my anti-Valentine's Day shirt too!" This seemed to loosen Jasper up enough to say, "You look so gorgeous it's actually kind of cruel."

James tutted audibly from behind Libby's back as she helped Maggie fix a snag in her robes.

When Lily looked at him, her breath caught in her throat. He looked absurd and remarkably appealing all at once: he had dressed himself in a traditional Muggle suit but had forgone the jacket; the pants were slightly careworn, a muddy brown with pink pinstripes; he had rolled up the sleeves of the white shirt he wore underneath a dull pink waistcoat, and there was a half-dead rose drooping out of its pocket. But what really caught Lily's attention about him was his expression—behind his glasses, which James had idiotically transfigured into pink-framed sunglasses, James's eyes were just barely visible, and they were clearly glaring at Jasper. Sirius still had not quite finished laughing at James, and for the time being he focused his attention away from Japser and Lily.

So, that's how he wanted to play it? He wasn't interested anymore, but no one else could go out with Lily just because she would never go out with _him_? Lily willed herself to see this as yet another reason why James wasn't worth her time, but it all went down the drain the moment he began "weeping" on his knees that Sirius, "the only love he's ever known," wouldn't be his Valentine "just for one magical night."

Sure enough, Felix Summerbee was present at Professor Slughorn's party, and Slughorn made a point to introduce Lily the moment she walked in with Jasper.

"Felix Summerbee! You know, invented the Cheering Charm, really nice piece of magic if I do say so myself. These days we could all use a Cheering Charm if you ask me!" he laughed, then ushered Lily closer. "Now then, this lovely young lady is Miss Lily Evans, my very fav—I mean to say, one of the most talented students here at Hogwarts, and I think anyone would agree!" he said slightly defensively. "Mastered magic I couldn't get some of my fifth-years to come out with on her first year here! Excellent Potions maker, oh the Draught of the Living Death she gave me earlier this term, you wouldn't believe. And Muggle-born too!"

"Muggle-born?" repeated Summerbee quietly, surveying Lily as if looking for some physical defect. "That's…quite interesting," he said, and pulled an odd, forced smile. Lily looked defiantly at him and did not look away from him until he broke their gaze first, as Professor Slughorn said, "Now this here is Jasper Podmore, his father manages the Holyhead Harpies, now what do you make of that…"

At this point, Lily excused herself from the conversation, ignoring a pleading look from Jasper. Although Lily had learned to expect prejudice against Muggle-borns from certain people, she had never been treated that way by an adult, and such a very old man at that. She was even more off guard because somehow she could not imagine that someone harboring such hate could invent something like a Cheering Charm.

Turning away to make sure she wasn't being followed, Lily collided with something very solid as she made her way through the crowded room, and was knocked off her feet. "Sorry!" said Sirius as he helped her up. "Got to keep those headlights on the road, Lily," he chuckled, then stopped when he saw her expression. "You're alright, are you?"

"Fine, it's just—" she looked around to make sure they weren't being overheard. "That Summerbee bloke…when Professor Slughorn told him I was Muggleborn he seemed…"

"What?"

"I know it shouldn't upset me, I should know better than that but…well, he seemed _disgusted._"

"Summerbee? Nah, trust me, Lily, he's not one of those."

"You didn't see his face," she said.

Sirius looked around just as Lily had done a moment ago. "C'mon, let's find a place to sit."

She followed him to a couple of old desk chairs a little way away from the thick of things, and Sirius leaned closer to Lily, his steadily lengthening black hair falling over his grey eyes. He shook it out and said in a low voice, "Trust me, Lily, Felix Summerbee isn't prejudiced."

But this time, Lily could tell he knew something she didn't. "What then?"

"He's got connections, Summerbee…people in the Ministry, people in…" He lowered his voice further, "the Order. Dumbledore's organization. My cousin Andromeda's a member, too."

"Wow," Lily breathed.

"Anyway…word's gotten out that they're trying to make it mandatory for Muggle-borns to answer to the Ministry. Questions being raised about their right to have a Magical education, even be a part of our world. Well, you can guess where _that's_ coming from."

"But the _Ministry—?_"

"Ministry's been infiltrated, innit? Was only a matter of time before he got his people in. The word now is they'll have to go through all sorts of Magical testing to determine their 'worth.' But I reckon we still don't know the worst of it. And word is, it's not just Muggle-borns. Anyone who's not got at least a quarter Magical blood or something like that. So anyone who hasn't got at least one pure-blood grandparent. It's mental."

Lily's mouth was open wide. "But obviously if they've shown signs of Magic all their lives…"

"Yeah but Lily, they won't care, will they? Who's to stop them saying you haven't got what it takes and snapping your wand in half once you go through the door?"

"But what about—?"

"_What's going on here_?" a sharp voice demanded. Lily and Sirius looked up. James was standing there, his eyes flickering suspiciously between Sirius and Lily behind his ridiculous sunglasses. Lily saw that Libby was hurrying after him.

"Talking about…what we were talking about earlier. When I got that letter from Andromeda."

"Nice choice for the day of love," said James evenly, but all his cares about Sirius and Lily being holed up in a corner melted away.

Libby approached, followed by Jasper, who was looking a little put-out about Lily's abandonment and extended absence, and finally Remus, Frank, and Alice. Soon they were all talking in low voices about this new method of "handling" Muggle-borns in the Magical community.

"Personally, I think a lot of people've been jinxed," said James. "My aunt used to work at the Ministry. A lot of the people in these departments would never let this stuff fly."

"But it's not _so_ bad, is it?" asked Jasper, looking worried and in need of reassurance.

"Er…aren't you Muggle-born, mate?" James asked.

"Well, yes…but there's always going to be prejudice towards us. We can't end that. And if that's the worst they're doing...I mean, it's not like they're _hurting_ anyone."

"Yeah, they're only stripping you of your dignity," said James sardonically.

"But wouldn't—I mean, couldn't you just go in, right, then prove you've got just as much magic as—"

"Jasper, think of what you're saying!" said Lily, her eyes wide. "Did you get a letter from Hogwarts five years ago? Because I know _I_ did. That should be proof enough for anyone that I belong here. I've got nothing to prove to anyone, and if they think I'm going to take this lying down—" Lily had gotten herself so worked up in the past few sentences that she could barely finish, and her eyes were sparkling as she looked away from Jasper.

Her eyes immediately met James's, and he was looking at her so intently, his pride and support emanating so fiercely that it made Lily blush deeply. She hastened to steady herself.

"Well, it doesn't matter anyway," said Remus. "Dumbledore will never allow it," he said with such conviction that it seemed to settle the matter.

The rest of the party fell sort of flat after that, at least for Lily. Though she was enjoying Jasper's company enough—he wasn't bothering her, anyway—they were both so deep in thought about their earlier conversation that it was difficult to let loose.

Jasper seemed to feel the same way, as even before it was time to go he said to Lily, "It would be nice if we could try this again…you know, maybe when the conversation is a little less…grim," he smiled sheepishly.

"I agree," said Lily, and she took his hand and pulled him into the crowd to dance. Frank, Alice, James, and Libby were dancing nearby, and Jasper pulled Lily closer than she probably would have thought to get on her own, but it wasn't a bad thing. His chin was against her forehead and Lily tried not to laugh as he hummed along to the song playing.

Any hopes of not laughing were extinguished when Sirius and Remus waltzed by, Remus attempting to squirm out of Sirius's grasp as Sirius cried, "Hello _darlings_," to the more appropriately matched couples nearby.

"Jasper, may I have this dance? You don't mind, do you Lily?" said Sirius, and though Jasper began to chuckle, he said, "Er, I'm alright, thanks though, ma—"

"Oh, go on, Big Boy!" be bellowed, pulling Jasper roughly away from Lily and practically flinging Remus across the room at James and Libby, intimating less-than-subtly that he was to cut in and dance with Libby.

And just as Lily was sure Sirius had hoped, Lily and James stood between the dancing couples—except for Sirius and Jasper, who were more struggling than dancing—and with a shrug, James offered Lily his hand.

Lily turned to look at Sirius and gave him her worst look. He waggled his eyebrows at her, and as he floated by trying to twirl Jasper, he kicked James so that he stumbled into Lily, his hand, horribly, landing on Lily's—

"Oh my god! Lily! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to!"

"No, no, that's alright, I know you didn't mean it…it…it happens…"

"…big galoot Sirius shoved me and I couldn't…"

"Really, Potter, just forget it."

"…just instinctual, honestly, I threw my hand out and it just _happened_—"

Lily actually put her hand over James's mouth. He stopped, eyes wide.

"Do you ever listen?"

"Hum-himes," James mumbled from under Lily's hand.

"Well I said it's alright. So give it a rest." She dropped her hand away from James's mouth, and he caught it before it fell to her side, then snaked his other arm around her waist. For a moment, Lily forgot that James was doing this because they were supposed to be dancing, and wild elation and anxiety exploded in her stomach.

"All well, Evans?"

"Y-yes," she said breathlessly. "I just realized I like this song."

"Mm. What's it called?"

"No idea," said Lily.

James's wore a bemused expression as he gazed down at her from behind his brown, pink-rimmed shades. He shook off his confusion with a mellow laugh, and in the same breath he said, "You look cracking-good by the way, I haven't gotten a chance to tell you."

"Thanks," said Lily. "You look ridiculous."

"Ah, excellent. I couldn't ask for a more pleasing assessment."

"You look ridiculous in the worst way, as well."

"Eh?"

"Forget it. You wear it well," said Lily, blushing.

"Cheers, Evans."

To Jasper's and Libby's dismay, James and Lily became so caught in their own discussion that they continued to dance for a full five seconds after the song ended, and they pried their dates apart very hastily before returning to the Gryffindor Common Room.

***

**A/N: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh thank you thank you thank you for reading, and thank you most of all to all those who have taken the time to review again and again. So wonderful of you and really does motivate me to write more every time =) I hope you'll all stick with Lily and James until the very end, and I know it seems like it's going slowly right now….but I'll say this…it might only be February, but I'm ending the sixth year in a few short chapters and then we know what's next… ;)**

**As always, I welcome all suggestions and criticisms with open arms. Happy reading! Read, enjoy, review!!!**


	14. A Very Silver Lining

Gryffindor's second game of the new year did not go nearly as well as the first. Lily could be found in the stands with her peers, the freezing late-February air stinging her face as she bit her nails watching a particularly rough game against Slytherin. Gryffindor Keeper Marc Hughes was not at his best that day, and though James, Libby, and Frank managed to score five goals between them within the first half hour, the Slytherin Chasers matched them in no time.

"Come on," Sirius groaned two rows ahead of Lily.

Madam Hooch called for several time outs due to foul play and had to reprimand the players more than once for unnecessary force. James and Avery in particular were guilty of this, as both Chasers made a point to shove, bump, and attempt to dismount one another every time they were in close quarters.

"He's going to get us a foul, that's what he's going to get us," complained Jasper in agitation when James passed the Quaffle to Frank and made a point to let his fist collide with Avery on the toss.

"Did you see Avery just grab his broom though?" Lily said. "He made Potter miss Libby's pass."

"Yeah well it's to be expected of _them_ isn't it?" said Jasper, gesturing toward the Slytherins. "Potter should know better than to play into it, he's going to foul us."

"Yeah, well, Avery started it," Lily muttered moodily.

Jasper looked quickly in Lily's direction. They stared into each other's eyes for a second before Jasper smiled sweetly and flung his arm around her shoulders. "You're right," he conceded, his golden-brown eyes twinkling. He made to say something else when Peter's voice drowned him out, crying, "Let's go, James!" just as he had every time James had come into possession of the Quaffle. James scored, and just as the Slytherin Keeper, Dennis Fiore, hurled the Quaffle back into the pitch in the direction of one of his Chasers, James intercepted it and scored again.

"And a perfect Double Dip from Potter!" wailed Georgia as the Gryffindors cheered wildly. Lily shrieked as she jumped up and down, high-fiving Jasper, Maggie, and Alice in turn.

"Keep those eyes peeled, Philomena!" James bellowed to his Seeker as she swerved past him.

It was only another minute before she spotted it; though Lily could not see the Snitch from where she was sitting, she saw Philomena begin looping wildly around the Pitch, diving around her teammates erratically as a bumblebee. It was sweet victory for a moment, with the Slytherin Seeker far across the Pitch and, clearly, still oblivious.

Avery, however, was not oblivious. His Seeker could not hear his wild cries that the Snitch had been spotted and Philomena Simon was trailing it, so he turned to desperate measures. As Philomena flew past him he stretched out his arm, catching her around the throat and pulling her clear off her broom.

Perhaps afraid to let her fall, Avery held onto her, his arm hooked around her neck as her legs thrashed violently and she clutched at his arm, obviously struggling for air. In a flash, James shot at Avery, stopped short directly in front of him and punched him in the gut, pulling Philomena safely onto his broom. Though she held James's waist with one arm, she aimed a punch at Avery but Madam Hooch blew her whistle.

"An appalling show of sportsmanship, or lack thereof!" her voice rumbled. "Foul!"

It became quieter in the stands as everyone watched James catch the Quaffle and ready himself to take his foul shot. Lily leaned over the stands, and before she could help herself she blurted into the relative silence, "Come on, Potter, put 'em to shame!"

She was shocked at the way her voice echoed in the absence of the din of cheering and booing. Maggie, Alice, and Jasper gawked at her, and even Peter, Remus, and Sirius turned their grinning faces toward her.

James heard her and turned all around in the air to find her face, as if not believing that Lily was actually cheering him on. When he found her he grinned widely, winked, and gave her the thumbs-up, and a second later he put all his strength behind a swift and flawless throw, and as the Quaffle soared dead-center through the goalposts, the Gryffindors were beside themselves.

Frank and Libby scored a goal each soon after, and the Gryffindor team seemed to be in such high spirits over being so far ahead in points despite Avery's foul play that they continued to score, and score, and score.

Libby lobbed the Quaffle so hard at one point it flew almost too-far to the left, but when she made the goal everyone was sure she would miss, James was so elated he practically tackled her in the air and kissed her forcefully on the head.

Lily shifted uncomfortably.

Two hours into the game, Gryffindor had scored so many goals that only one more would end the game in a tie even if the Slytherins won the Snitch. Marc Hughes seemed to have snapped out of sleep mode and the Slytherin Chasers struggled angrily to get anything past him, and the angrier they became the more their accuracy suffered.

"And Gryffindor in possession, the Quaffle tight in Longbottom's grasp as he makes his way toward a nervous-looking Fiore. And over to Potter as the Quaffle is very nearly intercepted from Longbottom, and—_ooohhhh­­—_a nasty play by Avery, the idea is to _take_ it from the opposition, not try to ram it down their throats! And it's anyone's Quaffle now, and—oh, caught by Libby Eaton, and she's absolutely tearing down the Pitch. Will it be another goal for Gryffindor?"

Slytherin Keeper Fiore saw Libby coming a mile away, weaving deftly around the other players with the Quaffle nestled securely under her arm.

"Yes!" called James, he and Frank Longbottom flanking her protectively as Slytherin Chaser Harrow and Beater Morgan swerved menacingly around her. "Yes, yes, yes!"

It all happened very quickly. Though the Bludgers were nowhere near, Morgan aimed an almighty swing at James's arm and a sickening _crack_ echoed around the Quidditch Pitch. Angry calls and booing erupted around the stands as James fell from his broom; Remus had to restrain Sirius from diving angrily over the stands and onto the pitch; Frank took a nose dive to catch him; and an oblivious Libby, her eye on the goals behind Fiore, was left vulnerable. Morgan rammed Libby from behind so that she lost control, her broom fishtailing into a wild trajectory, and Fiore swerved out of her path so that she collided, face first, into a goal post.

The collective groan from the stands was colossal. Alice and Maggie covered their faces. Lily shrieked and Jasper stood, both hands on his head as he watched in horror.

The loud _ping _of the stricken goal post, or the way Libby slid limply, clearly unconscious, off her broom was nothing to the sight of all the blood spattered on the goal post and dribbling upward as she fell, or the way her face no longer looked anything like Libby Eaton. Gryffindor Beater Jack Belby rushed to catch her, as James shouted furiously from the ground.

There was uproar from the stands, particularly from the Gryffindor crowd, most of whom were on their feet and shouting angrily. But at that same moment there was wild cheering from the Slytherins. They had just realized that not a second before this unsettling chain of events, the Slytherin Seeker's hand had closed around the Snitch.

It was over, and Libby had failed to score the goal that would have tied the game. As the Slytherins hovered toward the ground celebrating, Jack laid Libby gingerly on the ground. James dashed toward her across the Pitch, supporting his broken arm with his good one, and shoved Jack a bit more roughly than he probably intended out of the way. He quickly procured a splint for his arm with his wand and lifted Libby from the ground.

Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore rushed toward James, who was already sprinting toward then with the unrecognizable, unconscious, badly bleeding Libby cradled in his arms.

Lily leaned worriedly over the stands, but she could hear nothing over the angry cries from her classmates. The teachers, James, and Libby headed to the hospital wing as Madam Hooch followed Professor Slughorn onto the Pitch. Slughorn was shouting at Morgan and Harrow, but their victory was clear. The Snitch had been caught fair and square, and in the end the two boys received only a detention.

***

Lily spent the remainder of the evening in the library. She didn't feel much like company, and she had to shake Jasper off in the Entrance Hall by telling him she had an essay to make up for Monday. Jasper had begun to "bump into" Lily more and more these days, apparently pleased with the evening he spent with her at Slughorn's party and hoping for more.

Like the rest of the Gryffindors, Lily was upset about the Slytherns winning despite their foul play. But there was something more, something she was ashamed of…

Libby was her friend, and she was horrified and upset to see her so badly injured. So why should she be so troubled by the look on James's face when he saw her hurt? Was it wrong that she, Lily, wished for James to harbor those kinds of feelings only for _her_, and felt that she had lost her chance? Was that wrong?

When Lily returned to the Common Room that evening, most people had moped off to bed. Only Gwenog and James remained in a chair in front of the fire, and Gwenog seemed to be comforting a frustrated James while he cleaned his broomstick. The loss that day had been a big one, and—Lily again felt a twinge of annoyance at the idea—James was probably upset about Libby being so badly injured.

"Hello." Lily greeted them with apprehension.

"Uh-oh, Jones, the Gestapo has arrived," said James, eyeing her Prefect badge. "No worries, Evans. It'll be sweet victory in the end. Gwenog and I have worked it out. As long as we cream Hufflepuff next match by at least a million or so, we're back in the running."

Gwenog sighed and rose to her feet. "Well, I'm off. Good game today, Potter, all things considered. Excellent flying." She attempted to smile and high-fived her teammate.

"Brilliant beating, Gwen," said James. "Though I reckon it's time I showed you the best way to sink a Bludger right down the opposition's throat. Nothing like a long-distance tracheal goal."

Gwenog laughed, "I don't think that's what the Captain's for, mate."

"I've got tricks up my sleeve yet, Miss Jones. Next practice," he winked.

"Righto. Goodnight Captain Mad. 'Night Lily."

Lily bade Gwenog goodnight, and for a moment watched James clip the end of his broom.

"Shame about today. You must be so upset, I can't imagine…" Lily said.

"Not too bad," said James casually, flicking a bit of straw off his trimmers. "What gives you that impression? Losing to a pack of slimy, cheating, Slytherins? The permanent image of Avery's stupid gloating face in my head?"

Lily laughed gently. "Well, also, you're tending to your broom."

"So?" said James, clearly lost in replaying parts of the game in his head.

"Well, you don't do it when you've won, or when you've suffered a decent loss. You only do it when you're really miffed about the game."

This got James's attention. He looked up at Lily, curiosity and mirth in his narrowed eyes. "Stalking me, Evans?"

"Er, no…just…observant." When did she start feeling so self-conscious around him?

James's gaze lingered on her for a moment, and then he nodded, stroking his broom absently. "Really rubbish game though. Should have heard McGonagall in the hospital wing when she found out those idiots only got a detention each. Was shrieking about how they ought to be taken off the team. Bloody Slughorn," he grumbled. "Not to mention my girlfriend's facial reconstruction."

"Is she your girlfriend then?" Lily asked, too quickly.

James paused. "Well, whatever. Something like that." He smoothed some broomstick treatment over the handle, looking forlorn.

"I'm really sorry about the whole Libby thing," said Lily awkwardly.

James looked up from his broom at Lily, the gold in his hazel eyes standing out sharply in the dying firelight of the Gryffindor Common Room, and he smiled crookedly, laughing in one short breath. "Ah, Lily," James teased, resuming his work on his Cleansweep, "I was bound to give up on you one day, and she's a lovely girl, really. This is no time to be having second thoughts. Although, I could make an exception if you're willing to keep it quie—OW!"

Lily had struck James on the arm but was, James was pleased to see, fighting laughter. "I meant her Quidditch injury, you buffoon. I don't care who your flavor of the week is!"

"_Flavor of the week?_" said James, sounding scandalized. "Crikey O'Reilly, Lily, you must like me after all. But if you're going to blow my trumpet this way, next time take care to do it in a more public place—you know, give the ladies the right impression. Or…come to think of it, if you're going to be blowing anything I think I'd rather it was in priv—"

James was treated to another thump on the arm as Lily laughed, but quickly staggered back as James rose abruptly to his feet, inches away from her.

"What you playin' at, hmm Evans?" James asked in a threateningly low voice, advancing toward Lily as quickly as she backed away from him, a mischievous smile creeping along his lips. "Throwing punches, are we?"

"I was, er, trying to help you," Lily lied quickly, stepping behind an armchair.

"Helping me, eh?" James played along, removing the armchair from between them with a casual wave of his wand. "With what, I wonder…" He continued to make slow and threatening progress in her direction.

"Er, there was a fly on your…shirt…and…" Lily was having real trouble swallowing her laughter now, and James' responding grin was enormous as she backed away, fishing for her wand in her robes.

"Oh, I wouldn't do that, my dear Evans. You're feisty but I reckon I'm a shade more skilled in combat. You haven't gotten into enough trouble the past five or so years, see."

Lily shrugged innocently, as if James had imagined her attempt at her wand.

"Back to our little discussion though," said James, treading over a loveseat in Lily's wake, following her with determination. "What exactly are you helping me with, battering me like a celebrity Beater?"

"I was…" James was getting very near now, his wand pointing at her. "I was helping you…by showing you it's not okay to be a rude, presumptuous, obnoxious little _prat!_" And the moment Lily uttered the last word, she sent James flying toward the ceiling 'til he hung upside down from his ankle. Lily was in stitches watching him dangle, his glasses barely hanging on to one ear. His shirt was heaped under his neck, exposing part of his chest, his lean and rather muscular abdomen, and (Lily was happy her face was already flushed from laughing) the waistband of his boxer shorts.

"Oi!" James called, but the syllable was broken by a chuckle. "Alright, alright, point proven! Now let me down, you mad witch."

Lily stopped laughing enough to say, "First tell me I win."

"You win," James laughed, attempting to cover his torso.

She moved closer to his quickly reddening face, and added, "And that I am better in combat."

This time, James' husky, mellow laughter made her stomach do back flips. She smiled widely, waiting. "Potter? Have you got something to say to me?"

"You are better in combat, but it's got nothing to do with skill. I would also like to add that you are mad as a March hare."

Lily smiled. "One more thing," she said, moving close to James's upturned face. It was suddenly very quiet, and as she approached, Lily saw a ripple pass along James's throat, and his Adam's apple undulated in an audible gulp.

"What's that?" he asked, voice husky.

"You've got broomstick treatment on your nose." And she sent him crashing to the floor.

Lily laughed watching James lay there for a moment, dazed. "You're trouble, Evans," he said, straightening his glasses and righting himself again. "You'll be the death of me, I think."

"It would serve you right!," said Lily, and they both began making their way toward their separate dormitories, both of them chuckling.

"Goodnight, ya lunatic."

"Sleep easy, Potter."

"With you right across the way?" said James darkly, "I'll try."

They had both reached the first steps of their respective stairways when Lily stopped in her tracks. "James?"

James stopped, not failing to notice that she had addressed him by his given name rather than his surname. Flush crept into his face again. He stooped on the spiral staircase, leaning against the archway. "Hm?"

"What did you mean—er—well, when you said I am better in combat, but that it hasn't got anything to do with skill…what do you mean by that?"

James's expression was unreadable as he looked at her for several seconds. Then, with a heavy sigh, he said, "It means…I dunno. Don't worry, it's not a bad thing. Just difficult to explain."

"Have a go."

James chuckled. "Always the steadfast one, Evans. Well, to make a long story short…to simplify things very, very much…I meant…"

Lily raised her eyebrows. James sighed, and after a pause, he said, "well, it means I think you're lovely. In a very…er, distracting way."

Lily, who had been expecting some slight against her magical ability, some misogynistic joke about wizards being more skilled than witches, was a bit embarrassed. James hadn't tested her interest in him for so long—for him, anyway—that the simple, bald-faced compliment took her off guard. What was more, James usually bestowed compliment after endless compliment upon her very easily, a shower of flattery that he pushed upon her with straightforwardness and often arrogance. This time, however, the first time in nearly 8 whole months, he delivered his compliment rather bashfully. Something about the arrogant, exceedingly confident James Potter being timid was irresistibly charming. "Oh," she managed to finally say. "Er—well, thanks, Potter."

"Yep!" he chirped, and leapt up the stairs to the boys' dormitory and out of sight.


	15. Many Happy Returns

**A/N: I wrote part of this chapter on the 7****th**** of September 2009. I couldn't think of a better way to spend that day than with James Potter!**

**So on my fictional-world, "A Month of Sundays" calendar, I would like to wish James Potter a very happy birthday! (For the part of this chapter that takes place on the 27****th**** of March 1977, anyway.)**

**As for real-life birthdays on our real-life calendar…happy belated birthday to me!**

**Read keenly, review profusely, and I will consider your investment in this story a most satisfying birthday present =)**

**Enjoy xx**

*******

Lily woke up one March morning to the most peculiar thing: the sun rose so bright the crimson curtains around her bed seemed to be glowing, and cast against them was a dark and lean silhouette. From the neck down it could have belonged to anyone, but Lily could have recognized that head of hair anywhere. It stuck out in all directions, full and unruly, and as the silhouette drew nearer Lily could make out the face more clearly.

For some reason it did not occur to Lily to wonder what James Potter was doing in her bed at all, let alone so early in the morning.

"Are you awake?" came his hoarse, sleepy voice as Lily's eyelids fluttered delicately.

"Yes," she whispered. She made to sit up but James held her shoulder down with one strong hand.

"You don't have to get up," he whispered. "It's too early. And too cold."

Lily nodded and watched that trademark grin highlight James's charming features.

Before she could stop herself, she reached up and touched the side of his face, soft but chilly. "Your face is so cold," she whispered.

James shrugged, smiling wider at her touch.

"James. Can I tell you a secret?"

He nodded again, nuzzling his face into her palm.

"I love this face," Lily murmured, her heart melting delightfully. All she wanted and all she could think about when he was this close was how badly she wanted to kiss him. "You should get under the covers," she whispered. "Come and get warm."

James gazed intently at Lily and pulled her hand away from his face to hold it tenderly in his. He nodded once more. "Don't wake Libby," he whispered. He leaned in closer to press his mouth against Lily's. So happy, so sleepy, so warm, Lily sighed into the most delectable kiss…

But it was Lily, not Libby, who woke up. Blinking into the blinding white light of that cold March morning and still humming dazedly into the kiss she could only have dreamt, her heart sank. She was alone. And it was not James she clutched at, but a mass of her blankets. And the only thing touching her lips was a cold draft and the last of that dying sigh of contentment.

She shook herself, embarrassed, and with great difficulty got out of bed to face another day at Hogwarts. And try as she might to forget the memory of her dream, it was impossible to shake off the feeling it gave her, or the heart-wrenching disappointment she felt upon waking. She could barely look at him all day.

It was the first of many dreams she'd begun to have about James. They all seemed to involve him forgetting Libby existed, or kissing Lily when Libby was not around, or telling Lily how unsatisfying his relationship with Libby had turned out. Lily woke up feeling guilty every time, but more powerful than her guilt and embarrassment was the cold sting of disappointment when she realized she was dreaming. Often she realized she was dreaming halfway through, and she found herself trying to remain asleep for as long as possible so that she could be with James the way she yearned to for a little longer.

Unfortunately real life was nothing like her dreams. These days, Lily scarcely saw James without Libby, and the idea that this might not necessarily be how James preferred things did not make it less true.

It was the little things that got to her, like how ever since James and Libby started dating she had become frustratingly awkward around him. She did not know whether to talk to him or not talk to him, to be friendly with him or avoid him. She feared her every interaction with him was somehow a giveaway.

Or how Libby _always_ seemed to be around, and on the rare occasions when Lily found herself alone with James, Libby seemed to appear out of thin air.

Just the other day her Ancient Runes teacher, Professor Vector, had sent Lily out of the lesson to check on Fiona Trachtenberg. Fiona had excused herself from the room half an hour ago complaining she did not feel well.

About twenty paces ahead of her in the deserted corridor strolled James, out of Arithmancy for whatever reason. She rolled her eyes with a small smile as she surveyed his shirt tail hanging out of his trousers. She was a second away from calling to him in a mock reprimand for his appearance when, from an intersecting corridor ahead of Lily but behind James, Libby turned the corner.

Was everybody out of class? She knew Libby had Divination during this period. Did she just care for a stroll? Lily didn't have a lot of time to think about this, as she watched Libby spot James and tiptoe quietly but quickly toward him. At the last moment she sped up, tackled him from around the middle and covered his mouth with hers as he yelled in surprise. James's back collided with the stone wall and Libby kissed him hard on the mouth. Probably far from Libby's intentions, however, James's head bumped against the stone wall as surely as the rest of his body did.

"Oh!" cried Libby, unable to help laughing a little. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to!"

"Well, I'd bloody well hope you didn't," said James, rubbing his head and looking irritated in earnest. "Trying to make me swallow my teeth?"

"Oh, stop it, I was just saying hello."

"If that's how you tell people hello I'd avoid women and children unless you want to go to Azkaban for murder." he mumbled, and Lily couldn't help a giggle slipping out.

James and Libby turned quickly to look at her, and Lily noticed James put some distance between himself and Libby.

"You two are really something," she smirked.

"What are you doing out of class? Don't you have Arithmancy now?" asked Libby.

"_I've_ got Arithmancy, Evans has got Ancient Runes," James corrected her casually.

Libby glared at him. "Well, whatever."

"I've got to find Fiona in the loo. She's been in there for about forty years," Lily rolled her eyes. "Probably blubbing about Connor McCrohan again."

"Really? McCrohan?" said James thoughtfully. "She's quite fit for a prat like McCrohan. Er—you're much prettier obviously," he said nervously, catching a death-stare from Libby.

Lily laughed. "Yeah, well, the heart wants what the heart wants I suppose. Your noggin alright, Potter? You're not going to start crying as well, are you?

"Ha, ha," said Libby dryly, but James shot Lily a genuine smile over his girlfriend's shoulder and winked.

In the end, Lily received a very deliberate hint from Libby—"So what's up, Miss Prefect? You trying to figure out how many points to knock off Gryffindor for our hallway snogging or something?"—to which Lily smiled coolly and continued on her way.

Just like James's surreptitious wink in the corridor that day, his and Lily's communication became more and more discreet. Somehow this made her attraction to him more difficult to manage than open flirtation would have. Lily found herself passing notes to him and Sirius any time Professor Slughorn invited them to gatherings, reveling in making James laugh. They had reached an unspoken agreement in Muggle Studies—their only class together without any other sixth-year Gryffindors—to partner up any time Professor Burbage instructed the class to form pairs, and after a while it was as natural as James and Sirius partnering up, or Lily and Alice.

James was not the only one Lily found herself spending more and more time with, however. Jasper Podmore had asked Lily out several times, and Lily agreed each time with cheerful indifference. Jasper was nice enough and got on well with Lily's friends, so that when Lily was too preoccupied with schoolwork, prefect duties, or feeling distant because her sentiments were concentrated in _other_ areas, he often chatted to Libby until Lily came around.

Her association with Jasper benefited Lily on a level she was very reluctant to admit. She was seeing Jasper, and James was seeing Libby—so what was it to anyone if they were becoming friendlier than ever? She convinced herself that she could enjoy his warm and often flirtatious behavior toward her guilt-free, as _obviously_ it didn't mean anything since they were both involved with other people…

On the evening of Saturday, March 26th, Lily received a very amusing owl after coming home from a nice day in Hogsmeade with Jasper, Alice, and Frank.

_Dear Everyone—_

_As you may or may not be aware, tomorrow is the seventeenth anniversary of the birth of our dear James Charlus Potter. Shall we be a bit cheeky and make him think we've forgotten the occasion? _

_Please join us for a laugh and HOLD YOUR CARDS, PRESSIES & BIRTHDAY WISHES TOMORROW MORNING. We had a chat with Madam Rosmerta today and convinced her to allow us to give him a wee birthday do at the Three Broomsticks tomorrow evening, where you are free to admit that you are, in fact, aware of the day's significance. That is, if we can even get him there. He is sure to be really sour by then after only his mum remembers it's his birthday. We can't wait._

_DON'T SPOIL IT,_

_S. D. Black & R. J. Lupin _

_PS – Mr. P. E. Pettigrew refused to take part or even sign this notice because he is afraid James might give him a spanking if he gets involved. So be sure to tell everyone, particularly James, that it was all Pete's idea! Cheers!_

Lily smiled widely and looked at the envelope she had planned to give James the following morning. She tucked it into the pocket of her winter cloak and got into bed.

In Lily's opinion, Sirius's and Remus's prank could not have been going more splendidly. The pair got up extra early that morning (for a Sunday, anyway) and convinced Jasper and Peter to do the same so that James woke up to an empty dormitory and only his mother's gift at the foot of his bed.

He already looked surly when he arrived in the Great Hall around ten o'clock for breakfast.

"Hi," he said pointedly to Sirius.

Sirius did an excellent job at looking at a loss to the reason for James's intensity. "Er…hi."

James stared calculatingly at his best friend. Sirius raised an eyebrow.

James turned abruptly to Remus and Peter, both of whom had a slightly more difficult time than Sirius hiding their amusement, but succeeded all the same.

As though certain Libby would remember this special day even if his best friends did not, James said, "Nice day, innit Libbs?"

Sirius swallowed a smile. Lily looked away. Libby kept her head focused on her French toast. "I suppose…a bit too cold out for my tastes. How are you today, Love?"

She said the last word rather apologetically; she clearly felt guilty taking part in making her boyfriend think everyone had forgotten his birthday.

James paused. Then, heaping food onto his plate, he spat, "Fine, _Love._" He was silent for the rest of breakfast until he called his Quidditch team out for an afternoon practice before Hogsmeade.

Lily spent the afternoon brewing a Photograph Development Potion in order to send her father some photos of Hogwarts, Lily, and her friends as she knew he so enjoyed the moving photographs of the Wizarding World. By the time she finished and headed to the Great Hall for a late lunch, the Gryffindor Quidditch Team began to join the rest of the school from practice.

"How'd it go?" asked Sirius with an evil smirk.

"Oh, it's finished," Gwenog rolled her eyes. "James was so annoyed that no one told him happy birthday, in the end Libby told him you two put everyone up to it."

"Oh, come on!" Sirius groaned.

"She didn't, did she?" said Remus with a mildly frustrated smile.

"Yeah," Gwenog shrugged. "I don't think she could take how let down he was and he was being really short with her."

Sirius tisked. When Libby followed Marc Hughes into the Great Hall, Sirius accosted her immediately. "What've you done?"

"Leave me alone," she snapped. "It was a really rotten prank, and you got to have your fun anyway."

"It's alright, Sirius," said Lily. "At least there's still the surprise party at Hogsmeade."

There was an awkward silence. Libby bit her lip.

"Ah, Libby, you didn't!" said Lily.

"Well, he was really down!" she whined.

"He's a big boy, Libby, he can take it," Lily argued. "It would have been a laugh in the end."

Libby seemed to resent Lily's words deeply. "I know he's—I know that, but—so what, you've all had your fun."

"Yeah, for about three minutes," said Sirius testily. "Why've you gone and done that?"

"What's the big deal? It was a stupid joke anyway."

"I bet he thought it was brilliant."

Libby bit her lip again, going pink in the face.

"He did laugh," said Marc.

"See? That's that ruined," said Sirius, crossing his arms.

"Oh, grow up," Libby snapped. "I'm sure the two of you will still have a lovely date together tonight," she added bitterly.

"Oh, don't start that again. Just because you expect him not to have any friends anymore since the two of you've started—"

"I _do not_ expect that! I never said that!"

And, rather cruelly in Lily's opinion, Sirius did his best impression of Libby's voice and said, "_James, you're hanging around them again tonight? James, why can't you be my partner in lessons for once? James you've invited Sirius, Remus, and Peter round for Easter already but you haven't even thought to ask—_"

"Alright," said Jasper firmly. "Lay off, will you mate?"

After Libby stormed off to the other end of the table, Sirius sighed and tended to his lunch.

"Calm down, alright?" Remus muttered very quietly to Sirius when everyone else had looked away. "There'll be other pranks, Padfoot," he said, punching his friend consolingly on the arm.

When James arrived at lunch he did, to Sirius's credit, seem to be acting rather moody with Libby.

***

James's birthday celebration in Hogsmeade was a blast nonetheless. Everyone seemed to be handing him his presents whenever they felt like it, so toward the end of the evening Lily met James near the bar.

"Alright, Trouble?" he winked.

"Very well, thanks Weirdo. Happy seventeenth."

"Cheers. What are you drinking?"

"Oh, no, I don't think so Mr. Potter. The birthday boy pays for nothing, let alone for other people."

James laughed. "Fair enough."

"Talking of…" Lily reached in her pocket. "This is for you," she said, handing over a small envelope.

"What's this?"

"It's your birthday present."

"Ah, thanks, Evans," James said with a wide and happy grin.

He had barely torn the parchment when Libby appeared next to them. "What's up, guys?" she tried to say conversationally, but looked very deliberately back and forth between the pair of them.

"Er…just given him his present."

"Oh!" she said, pulling up a chair near James and resting her chin on his shoulder to get a better view of the envelope while he opened it.

There was a very pregnant pause in which James and Lily looked at one another. Lily gave the tiniest shrug, as if to say _ok to open in company_, and James continued tearing.

James pulled out four strips of heavy paper, read the writing on one of them and snorted with laughter.

"What are they?" asked Libby, clearly misinterpreting James's reaction for derision rather than incredulous joy.

James was smiling so widely his voice actually sounded different. "It's four tickets…to the Museum of Science and Industry." He looked up at Lily.

Libby raised an eyebrow.

Lily willed herself not to blush under the look James was giving her. "Well you're always saying in Muggle Studies how that stuff boggles your mind. Muggle science and technology and that. So…I dunno, I think you'd like it, probably be a really amusing day. I figured you could take Sirius, Remus, and Peter over break in a couple weeks. It's only in Manchester."

James continued looking at Lily for a moment. Then he laughed again. "Well…_blimey_…thanks, Lily. This is…seriously…brilliant. I don't even know what to say."

Lily was so pleased at his reaction that she beamed at him, forgetting for a moment that Libby was practically on top of him. She was reminded of this, however, when Libby slid off her stool and stalked away mumbling, "I'll be back later." James watched her go for several seconds until she took a seat next to Frank and Jasper.

He tapped the tickets casually against his hand several times, said "You should have gotten five," winked, and went to join Sirius, Remus, and Peter to show them his present.

It was not long before Lily wished she'd given him that rather personal gift in private. After several bottles of Butterbeer, James started becoming very openly excited about his trip to the science museum, and both Jasper and Libby seemed highly irritated by this.

Jasper had already pulled her aside to warn her that Libby was a bit miffed, to the point of telling him so, but after a few Butterbeers of his own Jasper admitted to having similar feelings. Lily tried to handle his complaints about how close Lily and James seemed lately as diplomatically as possible without being dishonest.

Jasper _was_ a very nice person, and was usually very easy to get along with, but after Slughorn's Valentine's Day party his approach to his interest in Lily was the polar opposite of James's last term. He was timid to the point of seeming afraid of her, and Lily could not think of a less appealing approach. The odd thing was that Jasper was not like this when he initially asked her out, nor was he like that with anyone but Lily. With Libby, Maggie, Alice, and the boys, Jasper was fun and outgoing, but when it came to being with Lily on his own he'd clam up.

"It's because he likes you so much," Alice had told Lily a few days ago. "He's a really nice bloke though, you should give him a go."

But Jasper seemed so self conscious and uneasy around Lily that it had begun to make _her_ uneasy.

So when Jasper approached Lily at James's birthday party, she was not keen to discuss the issue. She had a mind to go for a walk and possibly even return to Hogwarts when she was ambushed at the door by a clearly tipsy Libby.

"C'I talk to you?" she said.

_Oh boy_, thought Lily. "Yeah, sure. Alright."

Libby dragged Lily outside without bothering to put her coat on.

"Wow, Libby, it's really cold out, don't you think you should—"

"You know, I thought and though what to get him for his birthday. And I really wanted it to be special, but I couldn't think of anything good so that's why I just got him the Quidditch stuff."

Lily swallowed. "It's…it's really nice stuff, he really seemed to love it. Don't say you '_just_ got him the Quidditch stuff,' as if it's not—"

"Yeah, well," Libby interrupted bitterly. "Why'd you have to get him something all…all _special_?"

"I…Libby, I really didn't put much thought into it…I couldn't _not_ get him something, or…well, that'd be rude, and that was the first thing I thought of."

This, of course, was not entirely true. Although James's interest in Muggle technology was, indeed, her first stroke of inspiration for a birthday gift, she had actually spent rather a lot of time thinking of how to satisfy that interest.

Libby argued with Lily for another minute, never really saying what Lily could tell she wanted to say, or asking the question she wanted to ask. Still, it was too much, and Lily left the Three Broomsticks thinking what she really wanted right now was some peace, quiet, and sleep—preferably dreamless, Jamesless sleep.

***

Whatever had transpired between James and Libby after Lily left the previous night, all had seemed to be forgotten. They entered Defense Against the Dark Arts that morning as friendly as ever, and Libby took her usual seat next to James.

That year, their Defense professor was a retired Auror by the name of Magda Woods, and on that day they would be covering Patronuses.

"Everyone's Patronus will, for the most part, take a different form," Professor Woods announced to the sixth-year Gryffindors and Slytherins. "Now, I know some of you have already produced corporeal Patronuses. Would any of you like to share?"

Mary Macdonald raised a hand. "I produced my first one last term. It's a dove."

"Excellent," said Professor Woods. She looked at James Potter's raised hand. "And Potter?"

"Mine's a stag," he said, winking at Sirius, Remus, Peter, and finally Lily.

Libby raised her hand.

"Miss Eaton?"

"I've never produced a Patronus, actually. But I was wondering—what significance does the Patronus's form have?"

"Oh, there are all sorts of reasons why a Patronus materializes in whatever form it does. Often our deepest strengths, our core attributes manifest themselves in our Patronuses. Many have speculated that is the reason they tend to take animal forms, as they are representations of our most basic, most _animal_, if you will, strengths and abilities."

"So if you were really resourceful or something, you might produce a fox?"

"Perhaps. But very often, human emotions have an influence. It is no wonder, as Patronuses are born from positive energy, and one of the things we as humans draw strength from is _people_. So while it can reflect our deepest qualities, our most basic qualities, it can also represent very complex emotions, like love, or loyalty."

"How?" asked Libby.

"Well, they can sometimes reflect _another_ person's most basic strengths and abilities, or those we admire in them. Or, more simply, they sometimes just mimic their Patronus. My second cousin fell madly in love with a vampire, for example, and her Patronus was a bat." The class laughed, although Professor Woods did not. "So what say we get cracking?"

Professor Woods taught them the incantation and instructed them more on how to conjure a positive enough memory, and then the class set to work.

"Very nearly, Black!" Professor Woods encouraged. "We must remember, however, that not just any memory will do. It must be a clear enough memory that you can reawaken those feelings of happiness, one that you can draw strength from. Keep trying, everyone!"

Lily, who was becoming very frustrated at her inability to conjure a corporeal Patronus, took a break. Her eyes wandered around the room and she found Severus, who'd managed to coax a feeble silvery wisp from his wand; Mulciber had given up even trying; Maggie had procured an owl from her wand and was smirking. Lily looked around, and Sirius had managed the faintest outline of a large dog which resembled a Labrador, but it quickly vanished and he punched the air in aggravation. James was leaning on a desk and leafing through his Transfiguration book, and looked up to find Lily watching him. "Alright, Trouble?" he grinned.

Lily shrugged. "You, Potter?"

James stood straight, pulled his sleeves back and firmly said, "_Expecto Patronum!_" A silver stag erupted from the end of his wand, cantered around the room and approached Lily. She reached out a hand to touch it, awestruck. "It's beautiful," she said, but her admiration was quickly drowned out by frustration. A bear cub had just scrambled across the floor near her feet, and she looked up to see Libby looking very satisfied with herself.

"How are you doing that?" Lily snapped unintentionally. "What are you thinking of?"

Libby grinned. "Having trouble?"

Lily glared at her.

"Sorry, but I am in all honesty _well _chuffed that I've mastered something before you. I mean that in the nicest way." Both she and James laughed before cowing under Lily's glare. "I'm thinking about when I got sorted into Gryffindor."

"That's…that's it?" said Lily, suspicious. "It made you _that _happy?"

Libby shrugged. "Depends how you look at it, doesn't it? My whole family's been in Ravenclaw. For ages. My older brother was head boy, works at the Ministry as an Auror now. Big sister's a prefect, you know her, Rachel Eaton? Oldest sister's about to marry the Minister's Undersecretary…they've all always studied really hard and have aspired after really successful wizards and witches, and…I dunno, I've never been that way. I've always leant more toward _practice_," she said, flicking her wand and guiding her Patronus on top of a desk. "When I got sorted into Gryffindor, all the pressure was sort of lifted off of me. Like I didn't have to live up to any of that, like I'm my own person, going my own way. It doesn't have to be happy in the traditional sense. Just powerful, something that makes you feel positive. Think on it, Lily, you'll get it."

"True story," said James.

Lily turned to face him again. "Alright then, what are _you_ thinking of?"

"Quidditch," he said simply.

Lily rolled her eyes. She tried to think of a powerful memory. As she watched James steer his stag around the room, a thought occurred to her. As soon as it entered her mind, she knew this would do it. The idea that this memory could not produce a Patronus was laughable, though she was not sure where she was drawing her confidence from. It _was_ a powerful memory…the feeling of positivity—not quite happiness—was returning to her as strongly as if she was there again, living it.

"Ooh, I reckon Evans has got a good one," James said, eyeing her as she concentrated. "Am I right?"

Lily looked James in the eyes, her own blazing, her jaw set, her mind made up that she _would_ produce a Patronus and if this memory and the feeling it gave her could not do it, she was not sure what would. She pulled back her sleeves, pointed her wand and shouted, "_Expecto Patronum!_"

This was no mere wisp of silver. So bright it was almost solid, something leapt from her wand, the largest Patronus in the room other than James's. Several people in the class _oooh_ed, and Lily saw that Severus wore an expression of unmistakable admiration. With a delicate trot, Lily's doe traveled the perimeter of the room, stopping when it met James's stag. The latter reared its antlered head playfully, nudging its prongs into the doe's side. The doe leapt, prodding the stag with her hooves and then ramming him gently with her head. The class laughed appreciatively, including Lily, but when she looked up to see James's reaction, he merely stood there, his eyes focused very intently on her, narrowed behind his square-rimmed glasses. He stole a fleeting, worried glance at Libby, and although her expression was relatively blank, there was a lot of color in her face as she looked at Lily.

Her concentration away from the doe and with James equally distracted, the Patronuses vanished. Everyone got back to work, and Libby went wordlessly to the other side of the room to join Maggie and Alice. James gave Lily a small smile, tore his eyes away from her, and leaned back over his Transfiguration book. Lily noticed that Remus and Sirius were looking at each other, eyebrows raised and suppressing smiles, as if something unseemly but very amusing had just taken place in front of them. Severus was eyeing her shrewdly, looking oddly curious but undeniably upset.

_Why? _thought Lily. _Why is everyone acting this way?_

It was strange; it did not occur to Lily until long after the lesson had ended to blush furiously over the form her Patronus took.

*******

**[EDIT] Another A/N: Several people have already asked about the memory Lily used to produce a corporeal Patronus and are wondering whether I plan to reveal it. The short answer is YES!**

**The longer answer: I have already written the chapter in which Lily reveals the memory that allowed her to produce a Patronus. I will not tell you why she decides to share it with someone, because I don't want to ruin the suspense! Haha...**

**It will be a while before the chapter in question will leave the safety of the My Documents folder on my hard drive and appear here on fanfiction.. I have a bit more to cover! But in the meantime...thanks for reading and reviewing!!!!  
**


	16. And One for All

That evening, James and Libby were not at dinner. Nor could they be found in the Common Room afterward. It took Sirius bringing this to Lily's attention for her to notice (frankly, she was glad for a bit of time away from the two of them), which he did while Lily was entertaining some of the Gryffindors by the fire.

Lily had her wand aimed discreetly at Frank, who was clearly trying to study, and kept using a Switching Spell on the page he was poring over and one from a dirty magazine that had fallen out of Marc Hughes's backpack. She did it so quickly that Frank did not think to investigate, but not so quickly that it did not stop him in his tracks and make him go cross eyed with confusion and embarrassment every time it happened. Lily was clutching her side laughing as Frank looked around surreptitiously to see whether anyone could see what was happening to page 386 of _Advanced Potion Making_, when—

"Hey, Lily, have you seen—what's so funny?"

"Nothing," said Lily, trying to pull a straight face. "What's up?"

"You seen James around? He was supposed to meet Remus, Pete, and me to work on the Ma—er…to study."

Lily giggled, and Sirius joined her sheepishly.

"Last I saw of him we were in Charms. Sorry Sirius…"

"Well, I haven't seen Libby around either so I suppose they're gallivanting about somewhere."

"I suppose, yeah."

Then silence.

Sirius cleared his throat awkwardly. "Well, thanks anyway, Lily."

Libby did not arrive in the girls' dormitory until nearly ten o'clock at night. Maggie sat up immediately. Lily remained silently behind her bed curtains. Something told her she wouldn't want to hear this…

"Where've you been?"

"Been with James," Libby replied shortly.

"For _five_ hours? Tell me everything."

It was quiet for a moment. Something wasn't right…

"I don't want—there's nothing to—I'm really tired, Maggie."

That's when Lily heard it in her voice—she'd been crying.

"I'll bet you are," came Maggie's obliviously impish response. "Did you have a nice time getting _tired_ with your booooyfriend for five hoouuurss?"

Libby tried to laugh. It was an incredibly sad sound. "Actually, he's…not my boyfriend. Anymore." She sniffed loudly.

"Oh my god! What happened? Are you alright?"

"I'm really not, actually," Libby's stuffy voice answered, swallowing back a sob with a snuffle. "But I really, really can't talk about it right now. Just let me go to bed. Please."

"Libby…"

"Maggie, please, I'll…I'll tell you tomorrow, I promise."

And at four in the morning when Lily woke from a strange dream about a Niffler and a Sneakoscope, she could still hear Libby sniffling.

Life was strange the next morning. Libby looked like she'd been beaten half to death by an angry mob in the night—Lily, Alice, and Maggie struggled to pull Libby out of bed before breakfast, failed, and then had to come back after eating to drag her to the first lesson, succeeding only after they threatened to call backup—and James had never been so quiet in all his life, Lily was sure of it. Out of respect, it seemed, Sirius was rather quiet himself, and as Lily made her way to History of Magic with Remus at her side she mumbled, "Next few weeks should be comfortable, eh?"

"Yeah, probably not remotely awkward."

"How's he doing?"

"Fine. Seems fine. Won't talk about it much."

"Libby either."

"Doesn't need to say much, though, does she?"

In History of Magic, Lily took her usual seat next to Libby, who really did look awful. She looked at James, who was two rows ahead of her on the left. He looked fine.

She didn't know why his callousness bothered her—didn't she _hate_ that James and Libby were together? What possessed her to do it, she did not know; she performed a quick Protean Charm on a spare bit of parchment, aimed her wand carefully at the parchment on James's desk, which he was doodling on rather than taking notes, and whispered the spell again.

_What've you done?_ she wrote, waiting for him to notice the writing on his parchment.

She saw him tense up, staring down at his parchment, giving Lily a perfect view of the hair on his head sticking up idiotically in the back. James looked around in confusion at Sirius—nothing. Remus—nothing. And Peter—nothing. Finally, he turned in his seat. When his eyes met Lily's, she raised her eyebrows. He smirked and turned back around. For several long moments, he did nothing. She almost thought he had decided to ignore her and pay attention to Professor Binns for once. Then, with a guilty little surge of excitement, she watched James dip his quill in his ink…

_If you're referring to the last 40 minutes, I've sat here tuning out Professor Binns. Also, I've done a bit of light reading. Had a wazz when I excused myself about five minutes ago as well. _

Lily smiled, rolling her eyes. _And if I am referring to a time __before__ the last 20 minutes?_

_Is this about the statue?_

_What???_

_I don't know where its fingers are, I've already looked. It was an accident._

_God, Potter. Were you born this way?_

_That's what Mum says.. yeah._

_Well, I was talking about Libby._

_What about her?_

_What do you mean what about her? You split up with her. _

_I don't know where you get your information, Evans, but whatever little birdie landed on your shoulder chirped little feathery lies into your ear._

_So you're still together?_

_Wow. Must have been a really crap bird._

_???_

_Obviously we're not._

_Well then why'd you say you haven't split up with her?_

_I__ haven't split up with __anyone__. Can you conduct research for your dramatic screenplay elsewhere?_

_Think you're hip with your Muggle jokes?_

_What can I say..I pay attention in Muggle Studies. You weren't there for that lesson because you were too busy brewing Ammortentia for Jasper._

_Are you suggesting Jasper needs a love potion to find me attractive?_

_No. Maybe I was saying you felt really sorry for him so you brewed some to drink for yourself._

_And why would I need to do that?_

_Dunno. Perhaps cos he's got blue hair and laughs like a drowning man._

_You're one to insult people, big-head._

_Well, insult me all you like but you've never gone out with __me__._

_I'm not going out with him either._

_That's not what he says when he tosses off over your scrap parchment before bed every night._

_You're vile._

_So's wanking to anything your sweetheart has touched._

_You're just jealous he didn't need to study his arse off for three years to transform his appearance._

_Or I'm not at all jealous since I can match what he happened to be born with on skill alone. I'm very busy at the moment if you're through harassing me._

Lily looked up.

_Busy? Reading __Quidditch through the Ages__?_

_Yes, Evans. Reading __Quidditch through the Ages__._

_So Libby ditched you then?_

_Yes._

_She seemed to really like you._

_I'm aware, and it is complicated. You would not understand, you with your perfect union. Lily Podmore. Sounds alright to me._

_Ha-ha. I could have sworn I just said I wasn't going out with him…._

_Yeah, well, that's not what he says when he snogs his pillow and calls it 'Lily.'_

_You're such an idiot._

_I actually have a rather high IQ._

_When have you ever taken an IQ test?_

_I haven't, I can just tell._

_How?_

_My brain just feels like it would do well on an IQ test. By the way, did you know Glenn McElhoney caught the Snitch in 46 consecutive games?_

_Who cares? Are you alright?_

_I'm fine. I wish I could say the same for my Quidditch team._

_Nice to see you're taking the matter seriously._

_Would you rather I was heartbroken or something? I can lie if you like and say I am shattered._

_No, regular heartless Potter is fine. Maybe you can find some advice in there about what to do when you have a nasty breakup with one of your Chasers._

_Why do you think I am reading it?_

_Find anything?_

_Yes, it says "don't date anyone on your Quidditch team."_

_Brilliant advice, in my opinion._

_….Evans, what do you even __want__?_

_!!!! I'm scandalized._

_You're__ scandalized??? You demand I explain myself for breaking up with your friend, when really I've been ditched and you should be clearing a spot on your shoulder for my weary head. _

James turned around and smirked, waggling his eyebrows. Lily stuck her tongue out at him. He turned back around and continued…

_Also, the 4__th__ button on your blouse has been undone this whole lesson. Considering you are a good enough friend to storm in here with your lady bits hanging out and defend Libby's honor, you would think she'd at least be a good enough friend to tell you it's time to buy larger blouses. I haven't said anything out of gentlemanliness but there you have it. _

_Thanks for letting me sit here like an idiot instead of telling me straight away._

_Didn't think words were necessary, to be honest. After all, nothing says you're becoming a woman like a really exhausted 4__th__ button. Plus I figured if you were going to hassle me I'd better at least get a nice view out of it._

_Or maybe I did it on purpose. And maybe Jasper is in on it._

_I'm ignoring that. Nice bra by the way. Black lace, excellent. I always figured you for a white cotton sort of girl._

_I was, but Jasper prefers the black lace. _

_Who wouldn't? _

_Exactly._

_Has Jasper really seen your bra? _

_What do you think?_

_I don't think he has._

_Well you should trust your judgment then._

_So technically I have seen more than he has._

_Yes, technically, but only because we do it in the dark._

_I hate you._

_Since when can't James Potter take a joke?_

_Ah joke! There's the magic word._

_What's the big deal, anyway? We're all adults here._

_Yes, but in case you haven't noticed my pride still hasn't healed from your very cruel rejections over the years. And if I never got any I don't see why anyone else should. I've put my time in._

_Whatever you say._

_That is the most intelligent thing you've ever said. By the way, if you ask Libby why she ended it, try not to get too shirty with me if she tells you._

_Oh dear God Potter…what have you done?_

_I treated certain matters slightly indelicately. _

_Slightly…like how you are __slightly__ rude to Slytherins or how you are __slightly__ better at Quidditch than you are at being obnoxious?_

_The second one._

_So __actually__ slightly then…I am quite proud of you. _

_Cheers. At least some good has come from this…._

_Well I'm sorry you're in such a foul mood. But Libby seemed really upset about ending it, so if you're this broken up about it maybe you ought to just tell her how you feel. I'm sure she'd get back together with you._

_You are the dumbest clever person I have ever met._

_What's that supposed to m_

Both James and Lily practically jumped out of their seats when the bell rang.

This became James's and Lily's preferred method of communication over the next few weeks. The former seemed, for whatever reason, to prefer to keep his public communication with the latter very formal, and Lily felt guilty even saying James's name when Libby was around, let alone being friendly with him. Rarely did a lesson pass without James's angular print appearing on her notes or in the margins of her books, and when he did not initiate, something always occurred to Lily that she had refrained from sharing with him earlier while in certain company.

_Nice Veritaserum today. I think you were the only one that managed it._

_No, Severus got it too. So odd, he usually shows off a bit more in Potions…didn't even say a word._

_Oh, didn't you know? Old Snivellus has given up speaking for the time being._

_???_

_After a chain of rather unfortunate events he seems only able to speak in rap verse. Should have heard him earlier when he sneezed. You wouldn't know it by looking at him, but he's quite good at beat-boxing. _

_You are horrible._

_Who says I had anything to do with it???_

_If it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck, and walks like a duck..._

_Oh, brilliant, I'll do quacking next. Cheers, Evans._

_Well it sounds like a really feeble charm, I'll bet he's already fixed it._

_Doubtful, as it came from my very own head._

_Oh, Potter, give him a break._

_No way!!! Not after how he insulted me after I did it! Honestly, I was about to give him the counter-jinx when he told me I was "that Squib type o' whack, bent for Black, howlin' into pillows in the Shriekin' Shack."_

_I really hate that that's quite funny…_

_Not funnier than when Professor McGonagall caught him trying to hex me in the corridors and he told her it was only because "Potter played me rotten, gotta step it up cos he be plottin.'"_

_You lie._

_Go on, just imagine her expression, for me. I would tell you, but there are no words._

_You should really take the spell off. He's going to get in real trouble if that happens with the wrong person. People are going to think he's just taking the mickey._

_What, Snivellus? He doesn't know what taking the mick is. Don't worry, I'll get bored of it eventually._

It happened sooner than James had probably anticipated. _The Evening Prophet_ came that evening ensuring that there was not much to laugh about in the wizarding world. Lily had entered the Common Room from the library that evening to a cacophony of frightened, anxious voices.

"What—what's going on?" she said feebly into the din.

Several people stuffed _The Evening Prophet _into her hands, but everyone was talking so loudly and so quickly she could hardly make a word out.

Lily let all but one paper fall to the floor and she began to read the first page eagerly. The headline was all she needed to see: _Muggle Parents Summoned to Ministry for Research Purposes._

"What the _hell_—" she spluttered. She read on. The Ministry had decided to conduct "research" on Muggle-born witches and wizards by "performing a series of tests" on their Muggle parents in order to discover the mysteries of the magic gene, and determine how and why it appears in non-magic families or after a Squib produces a long line of Muggles.

And hidden in the last paragraph—ohh the _Prophet_ was good—was the worst part of all. Ministry "officials" had already apprehended half a dozen families, with little to no notice it seemed.

Half of the Gryffindor Common Room seemed unsure how seriously to take it, some of them deciding that it sounded quite harmless. But Lily knew…this was no research effort…it was a ploy to handle—or dispose of—the Muggle association with the wizarding world.

And like-minded people were beside themselves. Gryffindor was largely halfblood, and scattered with Muggle-borns, but even the purebloods were outraged. The chaos in the Common Room got so bad at one point that Lily and Remus, trying to do their duty as prefects despite Lily's fear for her parents and Remus's for his father, tried and failed to control the situation. No one could even hear them.

At last, James shouted, "Hey!" But no one listened.

"Everybody put a lid on it!" Sirius tried, but to no avail.

James and Sirius looked at each other, both lost. Finally, James leapt onto one of the armchairs, drew his wand and sent a very loud orange flare into the room.

Some people ducked for cover, others screamed, but eventually all eyes were on him in relative silence.

"Alright, everybody just calm down for a moment, alright? We can't lose our heads, that doesn't help anything."

"Easy for you to say, Potter, you're pureblood!" yelled a fourth year.

Lily cut in, "They're trying to ostracize us for being Muggle-born and you're going to get on him for being pureblood? How are you any better than they are?"

"I'm just saying—what does _he_ know about it?"

Several supporting cries came from the crowd, but James whistled loudly and held a hand up. "Lily's right. Let's not gang up on each other. We've got to keep cool."

"What, just sit here and do _nothing_?" said Jack Belby.

"No, I'm not saying that. Look, we need more information. _Inside _information." James let this sink in. "I'm going to find Dumbledore. I'm begging you all to just stay here and stay calm. Lily, Remus…hold the fort alright?"

Lily and Remus nodded obediently.

"Sirius, back them up…everybody calm down, especially you, Drexel. I'll be back as soon as I can…I promise, I'll come straight back. Just let me talk to Dumbledore." It was silent when James left the portrait hole, but as soon as it closed behind him there was an explosion of chatter.

"Dumbledore _can't _let this happen!"

"What do you think they're going to do?"

"But it doesn't sound that bad, does it?"

"My mum—"

"_Both_ my parents!"

"D'you think they're going to come after us too?"

"Guys…hey, everybody…listen!" Lily and Remus tried calling into the Common Room. Jasper approached Lily and put his hand on her shoulder. "Are you alright?" he asked, very near her face. She shrugged him off irritably and bellowed, "HEY!"

All eyes were on her.

"Didn't any of you hear Potter? We have to stay calm, at least until we know more. This could have already been handled. If not, we'll deal with it however we have to. For now, stop getting worked up. You're not the only ones with family in there."

This time, they listened. Finally, everyone took a seat. They spoke one at a time, practically in whispers.

"Where is he?"

"Why isn't he back yet?" people had begun to ask after ten minutes.

Lily was becoming worried. He really _should_ be back by now…

Finally, the portrait hole swung open. Lily dashed to James as he climbed out. "James! Thank God you're back. What happened?" she asked more quietly. He looked long and hard at her. This couldn't be good…

"Alright everyone," he said, voice rather hoarse. I ran into Professor McGonagall on the way to find Dumbledore. He's…he's not here, he's left. He's already gone to the Ministry."

There was an uproar, but this time James subdued it just by raising a hand.

"I'll be honest…McGonagall did not look good. She's meeting with the Professors right now but Heads of Houses are going to go to the Common Rooms and…explain and…and handle things."

Lily turned to face James again. "James. My parents…I…I can't just sit here."

"I know," he said, straight into her eyes.

Remus was at her side in an instant. "What do we do? My father is a Muggle…My mother isn't exactly pureblood…"

Lily looked between James and Remus, and Sirius and Peter joined them too. The noise in the Common Room had gotten out of hand again, but the five Gryffindors were staring intently at one another, all slowly drawing the same conclusion. Jasper, Libby, Alice, Frank, and Maggie approached them.

"I'm going," said Lily.

"What???" blurted Jasper.

"Me too," said Remus. "I've got to."

"Lily…Remus…just hold it…" said Jasper, looking at James for approval.

But James was looking straight at Lily. Part of her was expecting him to argue, to tell her it was too dangerous, to even stop her by force. Instead, he said, "Better make it fast. McGonagall's coming…"

"How will we get there?" asked Remus.

"We'll Apparate," Lily answered. "We've been practicing, haven't we? We can do it, Remus. License or no license."

Remus nodded.

Lily was not sure when everyone in the Common Room had begun listening, but Marc Hughes said, "Wait, you're going to the _Ministry?_"

The question was repeated several times throughout the room. Although neither Lily nor Remus asked anyone to come, people began to look uncomfortable. They didn't seem ready to take it that far.

"Well, look…if Dumbledore's there," Jasper reasoned, "It should all be okay, right?"

"Your parents could be there," said James with disdain. "Reckon Dumbledore will get to them before someone else does?"

Jasper shifted.

"Everyone else can do what they like," said Remus. "Ready, Lily?"

"Ready." And as they walked off together, James stepped in front of them.

"Wait…I think I'd better get my Cloak. We might need it."

"Er…_we_?" said Lily.

James looked affronted. He stared down at her, his eyes burning with intensity, his jaw set. "If _you're_ going…" his eyes passed over Remus before locking back onto Lily again. "Then _I'm_ going."

"And me," said Sirius.

Lily could not argue. Then—

"And me," came a voice as Frank stepped forward.

"Me too," said Alice.

Libby nodded silently and stepped forward. Jasper joined her.

Several more people expressed the desire to come, and James took control again. "Listen, everyone…I hate to say it but if you're not seventeen, you can't come."

"Sirius isn't yet," someone said. "Or Alice."

"_Fine_ then, if you haven't had any Apparition training at all. We just can't risk it, and I'm sorry but I can't manage Side-Along Apparition yet. Not with so many people."

There was a surge of protests, but James said, "And we really _do_ have to go." He ran up to the boys' dorm and returned with the Cloak tucked into a pocket of his robes.

"Ready?" he asked Lily, Remus, Sirius, Frank, Alice, and Jasper.

"Ready," they said in unison.

"Then let's go."


	17. Improper Use

**So it's been a while. Apologies! I just started my second job and I'm working on another writing project with high hopes for publication in the near future. That is one of the reasons you all mean so much to me!!! It makes me feel like a writer =D**

**I want to thank some of my more recent reviewers, you know who you are. Thank you for such involved comments on so many chapters. Made me smile when I came home from work the other night and again tonight.**

**In fact—so many of you have written such thoughtful reviews that I blush with delight!!! **

**Again, the reviews mean the world to me…but I'll tell you what else…90 people have added "A Month of Sundays" to their alerts…I don't have nearly 90 reviewers so it's good to know how many people have enjoyed this. Really, it warms me up.**

**I do hope you enjoy this new chapter. I am a bit nervous about it because it's kind of different from the others…but…ENJOY! And THANK YOU for reading and reviewing!!!!!!!!!**

**xx**

*************************

"Lily."

Where was she? _Who _was she? Whose hands were these gripping her shoulders?

"Lily, look at me."

'Look…at…?' Could anyone still have the power of speech after the world had so obviously ended?

"Look at me, Lily_._"

That voice. It was familiar and warm, so she did what it asked.

"You _must_ get up. Can you do that for me?"

It was a young man. Did she know him? The hands that held onto her were gentle, and she allowed their swaying touch to guide her to her feet.

She fell into the arms, immersed herself in them, and the responding embrace was so consuming, so protective, so like home, Lily thought it might be nice to die there.

"Don't worry. I've got you."

Lily's eyes were wet. She could not remember why.

"James," came another voice, much older and deeper. "Come now, and quickly."

"The others—?"

"All returned—already back to Hogwarts, and safe. Lily, perhaps you ought to—"

"I've got her, Professor. It's alright…" _I've got her_. Yes, she definitely could die in these arms. "I can Apparate with her."

"Go along then, and quickly. Go straight to the Hospital Wing. Alert Madam Pomfrey. Speak to no one else. I will not be a moment."

It was terribly uncomfortable for a moment, and then—

Oh yes, she definitely remembered this place. That streak of treetops on the horizon, the turrets and towers of the enormous castle bathed in moonlight…

"Come on," said the young man in a labored voice, "It won't be long and then—then you can have a rest."

Perhaps they walked for thirty seconds, or maybe several years. The world seemed to exist at the end of a very long tunnel, or at the surface of water in which Lily was immersed very, very deeply.

Where they were headed, Lily did not care. All she knew was the promise of rest her companion had delivered, rest she wanted so badly her heart ached for it. And just when Lily thought the stairs would never end, they came to a landing.

She was bustled into a room, someone poking at every cut and bruise, and Lily began to notice that her side was in quite a lot of pain. She was given a moment's privacy to change into pajamas, and during this time she heard her companion's voice speaking hurriedly to the woman they had met there.

And everything was all confused until Albus Dumbledore arrived. Something about seeing the Headmaster jogged Lily's memory…

He marched swiftly toward Lily, Madam Pomfrey, and James, and following close behind them were Professors McGonagall, Sprout, Flitwick, and Slughorn.

"Madness," Professor McGonagall spluttered. "It's an outrage. Not that I agree with my students storming off to the Ministry but—_well!_"

"Alright, Minerva. That will do for the moment. We have endured tragedy this evening." And Professor Dumbledore related the incident discreetly to Professor McGonagall.

She was paler than any Hogwarts ghost. "Oh, Albus… Mr. Potter…perhaps you'd better…" but Lily did not see whatever gesture followed her statement.

"I'm not going anywhere," said James defiantly. "I'm staying here."

"Quite right, too," said Professor Dumbledore, conjuring a chair by Lily's bedside. He cleared his throat.

"The Order is currently doing what they can to ensure the safety of every Muggle who was forced into the Ministry this evening. A fair amount of officials had been bewitched, but the

damage has been reversed."

Silence.

"And you'll take comfort, I'm sure, in knowing that no harm has come to any of your companions this evening."

More silence.

"Miss Evans."

It was not like hearing her name before. Dumbledore's voice was clear, commanding but tenderly so, and not far away at all. Her eyes followed his voice immediately. She looked up into the kindest blue eyes she had ever seen, twinkling behind a delicate pair of half-moon spectacles.

"You have been outstandingly brave tonight, Lily. I must ask you to display your courage one last time this evening. I must ask you and Mr. Potter what occurred between the moment you arrived at the Ministry of Magic and the moment we met."

Lily looked at James. He nodded slightly, reached for her hand and squeezed it, and when he let go the pair of them faced Professor Dumbledore, drawing identical, weary breaths…

***

Lily and James dashed forward and wrenched open the portrait hole. Six Gryffindors clambered out in their wake, all breathless with anticipation.

It was a rather harrowing farewell when Lily and Frank had to double back to the Hogwarts grounds to see why Alice and Libby had not turned up.

"I can't manage it!" growled Libby, absolutely fuming.

"Just go," said Alice regretfully. "Go, and good luck." She flung her arms around Lily.

It seemed physically painful for Libby to put aside her anger over not joining Lily and the others at the Ministry. But she did, at least enough to hug Lily tightly and whisper, "Be safe."

When Lily returned, Frank spoke first. "Where are they? Are they alright?"

"Having Apparition trouble. Let's just go."

But everyone just stood there.

"Er," said James, after a few moments' awkward silence. "Does anybody know how to get to the Ministry beyond Apparating to London?"

It was so ridiculous Lily had to laugh. "No idea!"

"Brilliant," said Sirius happily, who appeared to be enjoying an adrenaline high since the decision had been made to go to the Ministry. "Shall we just pick fights with Muggles then?"

"Ah," James said abruptly. "Bit insensitive, Padfoot, under the circumstances…"

"Too right you are, Prongs, sorry mate."

"'S'alright, but perhaps you ought to choose words more wisely in future."

"Can do."

"Oh, for the love of—sorry to cut into the banter, lads, but has anyone got any ideas?" said Remus.

"Perhaps we could just Apparate to the Leaky Cauldron? Perhaps they'd allow us to use the Floo Network there?"

"Aha! I think there's a fee, but brilliant!" said James. "See Lily, this is why I love you. Always thinking."

Even in that time of seriousness, Lily could not help blushing or reveling in the sound of James's voice when he said _I love you_, even if it was entirely friendly.

As it turned out, Lily's idea was a good one. When the bartender heard the first couple of Gryffindors name their destination and disappear into the fire, he informed Remus, the last to go, that they would need to enter a certain phone box.

"And then we've got to dial six-two-four-four-two."

But nothing was as they expected when they arrived. The Ministry lobby was packed with officials and at least fifty other witches and wizards who had come to protest after the news had leaked. The shouting was thunderous, and many protesters were being bound without provocation.

And so their appearance hardly caught attention, even young as they were.

"Man alive," Sirius breathed. "It's a bloody zoo in here…"

Over the crowd of people a resounding voice spoke, and when Lily looked up it was to find a middle-aged wizard holding his wand to his own throat. When he spoke, Lily felt goose bumps cover her body. Though his voice was cool and calm, there was something ominous about it.

"Unfortunately," he articulated in a troublingly cavalier manner, "The Minister has been detained by business. He will be unable to see any of you this evening."

"Where's my wife?" a man bellowed. "I WANT TO SEE MY WIFE."

His shouts were drowned out by the ensuing roar of support from his fellow protesters.

"Your wife," continued the man at the head of the lobby, "Was brought willingly to aid the Ministry in determining—"

But he was drowned out again. "Willingly? WILLINGLY?" And the shouts continued.

"Where are they?" someone demanded.

"Unfortunately we cannot disclose that information. The Ministry feels that any interaction with family members during testing will disrupt—"

"What is this testing?" someone hollered. "I want to see my mother, and _now!_"

The six Gryffindors stood dumfounded in the back of the lobby as more shouting continued, and a man tried to shove past the Ministry official addressing them. There was some commotion, a tangle of arms and wands as people tried to fight through.

James nudged Lily. When she looked at him, he nodded toward a door along the side of the hall. Four guards were standing there, their wands aloft. "What d'you reckon?"

"What?"

"Why is only _that_ door being guarded?"

Understanding dawned in Lily's eyes. "How can we get through?"

"No idea," James muttered.

"Well let's think," said Lily. "How many levels has the Ministry got?"

"I dunno. Loads."

"Right so it's unlikely they're going to do whatever they're doing in a room right off the main lobby, right? That's probably just one of the access points. It's probably on another level entirely."

"Yeah…"

"But we know it's probably on the south wing of the Ministry. Probably a lower level. Yeah?"

"Yeah," said James, and Lily could swear he was hiding a chuckle.

"So…"

"So?"

"So get out your Cloak then," she said, nudging him.

"Oh! Right…" He extracted the Cloak surreptitiously and, while the crowd was busy shouting, threw it over himself and Lily. He tapped Sirius on the shoulder.

Sirius, seeming entirely used to James communicating with him from under the Cloak, leaned back slightly.

"Lily and I are going to do a bit of exploring. You and Frank keep your eyes peeled up here. Tell Remus and Jasper we'll come back for them when we figure out where everyone is."

Sirius nodded.

James and Lily hobbled under the Cloak together, grateful that they had arrived at the Ministry during the night shift. There was not nearly as many employees moving about as there would have been during the day, and a significant portion of Ministry workers seemed to be in the lobby, half of them just as confused as the wizards and witches who had come to defend their families.

They rode the elevator up and down several times, trying to look for clues. But below the lobby, the Ministry was eerily silent.

Lily was a breath away from asking James if he had any ideas when the elevator opened at the other end of the hall. They exchanged a significant glance under the Cloak, and began listening in to the two wizards who emerged.

"But what exactly are they _doing_?" a squat wizard with a high-pitched voice asked his companion.

The other, a taller, pale, nervous-looking wizard wrung his hands when he answered. "They say it is to do with…with determining _purity_. But I don't see…I just don't see how Muggles have anything to do with it. Just because they have reproduced a witch or wizard. Obviously the gene was in the family years back. It resurfaces sometimes…we…we know this."

"Then what are they_ doing_?"

"I don't know, Stumpe," the wizard snapped. "Let's just move along and see what Rookwood wants," he said, shuddering. "Perhaps that will give us clues. They said we are to meet them in the Department for Improper Use of Magic."

Lily and James hurried after him. When they reached a door, the pair under the Cloak carefully slid into the office behind the men before the door closed. They entered a very bland room that reminded Lily of a Muggle doctor's waiting room, and had to sidle past two guards standing on the inside of the door.

"Well there's our worst suspicion confirmed," James whispered, his lips practically touching her ear, "They're just as worried about keeping people _in_ as they are about keeping them out."

"Shh," Lily breathed. The two men they had followed approached a man in hooded black robes.

"What is it, Rookwood?" the taller man asked, and when he addressed Rookwood his dislike was clear in his voice.

"We have a situation with Albus Dumbledore. Sticking his giant nose in, as usual—"

James sighed angrily beside Lily.

"We require your services. Contact the _Prophet_. Offer them your full cooperation, and give them _this_ story." He handed over a piece of parchment, which Stumpe and his pale companion perused for several moments. The latter looked up first.

"But this isn't true. This was not instigated by Muggles, nor are we collaborating with them. They have been herded here like cattle."

"If you so sympathize with Dumbledore's sentiments, then you can take a number. He is meeting with Lord Voldemort as we speak, and you are welcome to join him," he sneered. "Stumpe, contact the _Prophet_. Notify them that their previously published story was a delusion."

Stumpe hesitated for a moment, then, quailing under Rookwood's commanding stare, hurried out of the room.

"I would like to be let through to speak to Albus Dumbledore."

"Albus Dumbledore is _busy_ being…ah…_directed_, if you will. By Lord Voldemort. Dumbledore could use a bit of sorting out, wouldn't you agree, Conrad?"

Conrad drew his wand, but Rookwood had his movements clocked. They stood wand-to-wand.

"You don't want to do that," Rookwood warned. "It's a high price to pay when you turn a wand on a Ministry official."

"Ministry official?" Conrad scoffed. "I've had you pegged from the moment I met you, Rookwood. Ministry official indeed! Do what suits you, but do not insult the wizarding community any longer by hiding behind the Ministry. _Death Eater!_" And he spat at Rookwood's feet.

Rookwood's eyes were slits. "I suggest you collect your things and leave this place for good, Conrad. There are Dementors in the Ministry this evening. One more toe out of line and I won't need to send you to Azkaban at all for misconduct. Or perhaps you stay because you are feeling lonely? Well, that is all easily resolved. I daresay the Dementors would be happy to offer you their warm embrace and…perhaps…a kiss?"

"I haven't broken the law," Conrad said defiantly, but clearly shaken by the idea and unsure whether the law was on his side anymore.

Just then, the door of an adjacent room burst open and Albus Dumbledore strode past.

"You are a fool, Dumbledore," called a cold voice from within it. "I can promise that you will come to deeply regret your actions should you move forward with your plans."

"I could say the same for you, Tom," replied Dumbledore simply, halting for a moment. "But clearly, you do not wish me to leave without your final say."

"I do not wish you to leave with the wrong impression of these procedures."

"Is this fear?"

They were not even in the same room, and Lily could feel the surge of fury emanating from the man to whom Dumbledore spoke.

The man emerged from the room, tall, pallid, his face bearing a rather inhuman quality. Lily gasped, but Voldemort spoke at the same moment.

"Fear," he spat, laughing coldly, "Is for those who are weak. You, for example. The bumbling gaggle of Muggles I have encountered tonight, for example. Their severely misguided families, for example."

"I understand that you cannot imagine why anyone would put themselves in harm's way for another's sake. And I understand, though you do not, that it is _you_ who is misguided. Although, Tom…I thought you misguided twenty years ago. Now it is clear you walk down the path of Darkness with determination."

"If Darkness is harboring a deep concern for the state of the wizarding community, then I agree."

"You harbor concern for nothing that resides outside the bounds of your own flesh, Tom. Let us not delude ourselves."

"You suspect my actions toward these Muggles are for anything but the good of witches and wizards everywhere? You suspect I act for reasons other than wizarding pride? And protection?"

"My suspicions are more along the lines of extermination, Tom."

Lord Voldemort did not argue. He surveyed Dumbledore with patronizing eyes and drew breath. "I will say this one final time. Interfere with these proceedings and you shall regret it. Go back to your school, old man."

"I shall indeed return to my school. But I shall only leave here accompanied by the men and women you have apprehended. Surrender, Tom. Your true plans for these men and women are as clear as the coldness in your eyes."

The whole room seemed to stir as, with lighting speed Voldemort drew his wand, and in the blink of an eye Dumbledore had matched the motion. Dumbledore deflected Voldemort's curse, and it soared so close to Lily's ear she could hear it. Stillness settled in again, a tense, charged stillness.

In a silent, deadly voice, Dumbledore spoke. "Do not be stupid, Tom."

Lily had never imagined what it would be like to see fear in Voldemort's eyes, but there it was. She looked sideways at James and noticed that he, like Lily, had drawn his wand. James leaned over to tell Lily something, but she could not hear him. It sounded as though a stampede was tearing through the Ministry, growing ever louder as Lily, James, Dumbledore, Rookwood, and Conrad waited silently.

"They have broken through your defenses," said Dumbledore. "It is time to return these people to their families. If you still do not wish to comply, I assure you I have my methods of persuasion."

"As do I," Voldemort hissed, hurling a spell from his wand like a cracking whip, and as the wizards commenced battle the door was rocked from its hinges, the crowd from the Ministry lobby charging forward.

James's Cloak was pulled away, and when he snatched it off the floor he stuffed it in a pocket rather than cover himself again. He and Lily fought through with the crowd, and eventually Sirius, Remus, Jasper, and Frank arrived.

"It's down!" Sirius bellowed. "We've got to get through these doors and go down!"

It was no easy journey. Spells and hexes were soaring all around, bouncing off walls and statues and making hearts skip beats from all the near-misses.

James, the thinnest of the boys, sidled through the crowd with considerable ease, and had grabbed hold of Lily's hand to pull her through after him. Lily took Remus's hand with her free one, and Remus pulled Sirius by the scruff of his robes as Frank and Jasper fought to catch up.

They were toward the front of the angry crowd, which had dwindled considerably during the struggle, when they came upon a door that looked as if it were made of steel. Three hooded men stood in front of it, their wands aloft. Without thinking, Lily shrieked, "_Stupefy_!" as one of the guards tried to curse one of the oncoming crowd.

Havoc ensued. The men in black robes seemed to triple in number, and Lily found herself engaged in battle with one of them, Remus at her side. They stunned him in no time, but when Lily made to go forward she saw James struggling with a rather large Death Eater. She hurtled forward, preparing a hex to send straight at the man's chest, but quickly decided upon a Shield Charm instead; the Death Eater hurled a hex straight at James, but as Lily bellowed, "_Protego!_" something knocked her sideways.

It was Jasper, pulling her away from the large Death Eater facing James.

"Jasper! What are you—?"

Her Shield Charm was cast clumsily, and James's left hand was struck by a curse that caused his skin to bubble and burn.

"Argh!" he growled.

"You _idiot_, Jasper!" cried Lily, shoving him away from her. She knew he'd only been trying to protect her, but she was so angry he had caused her Shield Charm to fail that she didn't care how harsh she was with him.

"Thanks anyway, Evans," James chuckled through a grimace as he clutched his arms. "Oi! Lookout!" He cast a spell but the tall, slender Death Eater who'd been about to attack Lily deflected it with ease.

"James Potty!" she drawled. "My ickle cousin's most favorite fwiend!" she mocked, shrieking with laughter. "I suppose he wouldn't like it very much if I killed you."

Lily lunged forward and fired a curse at her. For a moment she was blinded, and Lily and James turned to hear Sirius shouting, "Family or not, Bellatrix, touch them and I kill you!"

When Bellatrix regained her senses, she laughed, engaging in battle with James and Lily again. "How sweet of you to think I hold our relation in any regard at all," she called to Sirius, who was busy fending off another Death Eater. Bellatrix looked James square in the face as she fired a curse at him and laughed again as he dodged it. "So we have our answer then, wee Potty. Mr. Black would cry like an ickle baby if I killed you. So perhaps I should kill him straight after? It's the kindest thing, I think."

"Oh, shut up," said Lily, firing a spell which forced Bellatrix to cover her mouth with her own hand and then shouting, "_Impedimenta_!"

"Nice one, Evans!" said James, but Lily was quickly distracted by Rookwood Disarming her.

Bellatrix was released from the spell, and took her opportunity; she pointed her wand at James and shrieked "_Crucio!_"

Lily thought that if the sight did not kill her, the sound certainly would.

James crumbled, quick as a puppet cut from its strings, and screamed with such intensity, his face contorted in such agony that Lily knew no course other than to charge bodily at Bellatrix. Atop Bellatrix, she snatched her wand and jammed it so hard against her throat, Bellatrix choked.

"Going to kill me, Mudblood?"

"_Confundus_," said Lily, then, "You will lead me to the Muggles. You will stun the guards if they try to prevent you." With unfocused eyes, Bellatrix sat up, and before Lily followed her she held out her hand to James and helped him to his feet.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"I've Confunded her," said Lily. "Look after the others. I'm going to find my parents."

"I'm coming with you. Dumbledore's here, don't worry. Just…just keep your wand on her," James added warily.

Lily did not argue. She followed Bellatrix through two doors, and Lily was happy to see there were no longer any guards standing watch outside. They had apparently all joined in the struggle.

When Bellatrix pushed open the last door, Lily was horrified to see that there were guards standing watch after all. But they were not _standing_…

"Dementors," James whispered in horror. "Lily, go back."

"No, I can't."

"Listen Lily, Dementors won't care who we're with. They'll have been instructed to act against anyone who enters here other than Voldemort."

Before Lily could argue again, James was proven correct. At least ten Dementors turned toward them, floating ominously in their direction.

Bellatrix seemed to awake immediately from Lily's spell, but rather than deal with them she fled from the room in fear of the Dementors, her eyes wide and frightened.

Just beyond the wall of Dementors steadily approaching, Lily spotted something to make her heart jump. The edge of a caged enclosure, and a pair of hands clutching at the bars…

But very quickly she felt her energy draining, the world turning cold. She felt desperately sad, like it was silly to hope that she could find and rescue her parents…

"Lily," James said. "Snap out of it. Let's go, help me fight them."

The sound of James's voice at that moment was as good as swallowing a large chunk of chocolate. She did her best to stand upright next to him, and in the face of the approaching Dementors they bellowed, "_Expecto Patronum!_"

And as stag and doe leapt forward the Dementors halted, then streaked out of sight, their powers laughable against the force of James's and Lily's Patronuses.

The pair strode forward, Lily flanked by her doe and James his stag, unperturbed by Dementors, who they knew would not dare approach again.

Lily turned the corner to find several hundred people shouting and moaning, fettered in cells lining a long corridor. The moment she laid eyes on them Professor Dumbledore arrived with Conrad, the Ministry official they had seen before, several people Lily presumed to be members of the Order of the Phoenix, as well as Sirius, Remus, Jasper, and Frank in his wake.

Dumbledore did not look remotely surprised to find James and Lily there, but before they could dash forward to find Lily's parents, Dumbledore called out, "Lily, Jasper, and Remus. I understand you have family here. But I must ask you to wait while I investigate. The rest of the Order will only be able to hold off Voldemort and his Death Eaters for so long. Please trust me."

There was something in Dumbledore's voice that made Lily frightened beyond anything she had ever experienced. She could not ask him to elaborate, as a moment later he strode down the aisle, unlocking cells seemingly at random and asking the released to wait for him to guide them out.

"What's going on?" James asked Sirius.

Sirius was ghostly pale, and seemed reluctant to speak. "Mate…not all of them were being as cooperative as 'the Ministry' would have liked."

"And?" James asked.

"And…well, they were looking for any excuse to get rid of Muggle-Wizard ties weren't they?"

"No," said James in horror, "They didn't kill people, did they?"

"No," said Sirius. "Dumbledore heard they've…James…there are Dementors here."

And suddenly, the reason Dumbledore was not opening every cell dawned on Lily. Her heart sank. Her lungs froze. Without thinking, she tore ahead.

"Lily!" called Sirius. "Lily, wait!"

Dumbledore turned to see Lily approaching, running at full speed, and the way he moved to intercept her—desperately, with fear etched in every line of his face—told her all she needed to know.

"No," she yelled before she even saw them, "_NO!"_ Dumbledore caught Lily around the middle, and just then a wave of people broke into the room, Death Eaters and the Order and seemingly every witch and wizard in the Ministry.

The battle was so confused, so strange, so far away that Lily did not know whether she was fighting it or watching it. As Dumbledore drew his wand against Voldemort once again, Lily felt an arm wrap tightly around her. She looked up to see James, one arm around Lily's numb body and the other brandishing his wand in battle. The world moved in slow motion, and it hardly bothered Lily when she felt like the exposed side of her body had erupted in flames. She vaguely recognized it as the curse Bellatrix had sent at James's left hand. But she did not care. She felt like her body might dissolve into her surroundings, and she welcomed it. Hearing only her breath and distant heartbeat, Lily waited for the world to finish crumbling around her.

***

Lily couldn't bear to see anyone. Her injuries were just about healed, and she was dreading the day Madam Pomfrey discharged her from the Hospital Wing. The idea of rejoining the Hogwarts community was too much. No doubt the entire school had already heard what happened, and the pain of it alone was enough without concerned stares and whispers to remind her of her ordeal at the Ministry.

Lily had started to become very good at redirecting her thoughts when they came anywhere near her parents. She couldn't stand to think of the tragedy that had befallen them, or her responsibility for their fate. It was one of the reasons that she refused her friends' attempts to visit her entirely. This went unchallenged for several days before Madam Pomfrey could no longer hold her tongue.

"You need your friends," she advised. "Libby Eaton and Alice Warren have already been in twice today. Jasper Podmore has asked to see you several times as well since you've been here. And I cannot continue turning them away when they are so concerned. Never have I met a student so determined against visitors," she mumbled when Lily did not respond, bustling around her bed replacing her water pitcher and smoothing the covers.

"Not to mention," she added testily, "If James Potter threatens me one more time I will be forced to take it up with the headmaster."

"Potter _threatened_ you?"

"As if it is _I_ who wishes to keep him out. I understand that he is concerned—however—" and she grumbled something about respect for elders.

Lily stared at her knees. Suddenly she felt ashamed. The idea of seeing James was, somehow, different from what she expected from seeing Libby, Alice, or Jasper. She did not view it as such a challenge.

"Madam Pomfrey," said Lily, "If James…if Potter comes back, you can…I mean, I think it would be alright. To let him in."

Madam Pomfrey smiled. "He'll be pleased."

By Lily's fifth day in the Hospital Wing, she had already reached the fourth book of the series James had given her for her birthday. It provided somewhat of a distraction from her grief, and at half past nine that evening she could be found dozing over a page somewhere in the middle. She was alerted from her stupor when she heard muffled voices arguing, one she recognized as Madam Pomfrey's and the other—

"Potter, I simply cannot let you in. It is past visitation hours but if you come tomorrow at a _decent_ hour you will be permitted to see Miss Evans."

"Go on, Madam Pomfrey, let me through. She'll like a visitor, and what if she changes her mind by tomorrow?"

"It is Hogwarts policy that I should be awake while visitors are present, and I was just finishing up for the evening."

"What am I—going to burn the place down? Go on, Madam Pomfrey, just twenty minutes. You can sleep soundly, I just want to say hello."

Perhaps if it was anyone other than James, the nurse would have continued to resist. But a moment later Lily saw him, his hair extra untidy, walking cautiously toward her bed. It was difficult seeing him; the memory of her experience several nights ago, the feeling it gave her, the magnitude of her loss, all seemed to follow James into the room.

James pulled up a chair next to Lily's bed. "Thank you for seeing me."

"Thank you for coming."

James stared at her, as if looking for physical signs of her sadness.

"You healing alright?"

"Getting there," said Lily. "How's your hand?"

"Oh that? It's fine, don't worry," he said, his scarred hand twitching slightly.

"So what have I missed?" asked Lily, attempting to smile.

James grinned back. "Slughorn's classes aren't the same without you, I'll tell you that much. Everyone's going a bit mad because—er, have you been getting the _Prophet_?"

"No."

"Well, Voldemort is up to his usual tricks. Four more people have 'mysteriously gone missing,' and the Ministry doesn't seem eager to…"

It was strange how none of this information seemed to apply to Lily anymore. She couldn't make herself care. The effort against Voldemort seemed hopeless anyway, and she struggled to relate to James's temper when discussing the Dark Lord. She was hardly bothered. It was unsettling.

She directed the conversation elsewhere, and for a full hour the pair of them talked, and Lily was surprised to experience genuine laughter several times.

After several seconds of silence, Lily said, "Professor McGonagall was in recently to discuss how and when I'm going to make up all my work."

"Bit tactless…"

"No, she said to take my time. I think she did it so I wouldn't have to worry about missing schoolwork besides. Let me know we could work something out."

"Good," he replied, voice quiet.

"She told me you and Sirius have been saintly in lessons. She said it's making her nervous."

James laughed.

"Given up on the practical jokes, you and the Marauders?"

"For now, I suppose."

"Why?"

James looked startled. "Well…we're all a bit…_disturbed_ aren't we? And I guess we thought it seemed…"

"Insensitive?"

"I guess, yeah…insensitive."

"Well, don't do that on my account. Hogwarts needs a laugh. Now more than ever. You lot have always been good for that."

James smiled, surprised. "Duly noted." He searched her face. "I always thought you hated that about me."

"Really?"

"Yeah, that I'm always mucking around."

"It's one of my favorite things about you, actually. _Bullying_ people on the other hand, and acting like you own Hogwarts—"

"Alright, alright, I get it."

They laughed.

"Honestly though, Lily, if you don't want me to get a big head, perhaps you ought to choose your words more wisely."

"Sorry?"

"_One of_ your favorite things, eh? Am I to understand you like more than one thing about me?"

"Oh, shut up, Potter."

"I'm absolutely floored."

"Yeah, yeah."

"You can tell me, you know. All the stuff you _adore_ about me."

"Don't start with me, Potter."

"It's my antlers, isn't it?"

Lily laughed so hard her side hurt, and her laughter abruptly became a yelp of pain.

James sprang up. "What is it? Are you alright?"

"Fine, fine," said Lily. "I told you not to start with me! I admit I enjoy your company about 12% of the time and you start panting like a puppy."

"12%? You _dislike_ me 88% of the time?"

"Roughly."

"Funny, I was going for a clean 90."

When their laughter subsided, James turned more serious. "So when are you getting out of here? Gryffindor misses you."

Lily sighed. "I dunno…the idea of seeing people…it's so hard."

"Clearly."

Lily looked up at him. "I'm sorry I wouldn't see you at first. It's just…you don't understand…it's…I can't talk about it, you know?"

"I won't ask you to, Lily. We only have to talk about it if you want to. You still need to absorb this." Lily didn't answer. "Everybody knows that, Lily. No one is going to pressure you to talk about things, or ask you anything. We just miss you. We want to know you're alright."

Lily sighed again. "I'm not."

"Of course you're not yet…but let us help you get there, alright?"

Lily nodded. "James?"

"Hm?"

"You know…it's more than just…not having them around anymore…" Lily took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. Her voice was shaking, just as it did any time she attempted to talk about what happened. She tried to swallow the lump in her throat. "It's also…well…it's _my_ fault."

"What? Lily," James breathed, sitting forward in his chair. "Put that out of your head. Because you're wrong."

"I'm not though," said Lily, a tear dripping down her cheek. "If it wasn't for me—if I hadn't—"

"Lily, if you didn't go to the Ministry, it would have been worse. You helped _stop_ this. You helped put it out in the open."

"I know, but James…my parents are Muggles…they didn't have to—I mean, if it wasn't for me…"

"Stop this," James said firmly, almost angrily. "Save the blame for the people responsible. _You _are not responsible."

She wanted to believe him, but she couldn't. She was crying in earnest now, bitter tears that she was afraid would never stop coming.

Without a word, James shifted from his chair to the edge of her bed and enclosed her in his arms. Lily resisted feebly at first, crying, "I wish I had never gotten my Hogwarts letter. If I wasn't a witch, if I wasn't part of this, they would be alright."

"That's who you are," James said softly into her hair. "You may as well wish they had never been born so this wouldn't have happened."

Lily shook her head, weeping bitterly. "Petunia's been right. It's the worst thing that ever could have happened to us. Hogwarts. This world."

"Your sister is _jealous_, Lily."

"It doesn't matter. At least she didn't get our parents as good as killed."

"Lily, you didn't. You didn't," James said, so tenderly, with such conviction, it made Lily cry harder. Finally, she responded to his embrace, clutching him back so strongly neither could move for being so entwined in the other. Lily could feel her heart breaking as she cried against James, and she knew his heart was breaking for her. "I've got you, Lily," he said, "It's going to be alright. Don't worry. I've got you."

***

Lily awoke early the next morning, bathed in the sunlight filtering through the windows of the Hospital Wing, her body still sheltered by James Potter's sleepy embrace.


	18. Salt in the Wound

Over the next couple of months, Lily's guilt over her parents steadily transformed to buried rage, an obsession with bringing down Lord Voldemort and his regime.

She was not alone. Within two months, two other students were forced to cope with deaths in the family, both undeniably connected to the Dark Lord and his plans. Professor Dumbledore spent many weekends away from Hogwarts, and speculation about what he was up to was rampant all over the castle though the student body had a pretty good idea.

Lily was glad to observe that by early May Jasper had, finally, given up on a romantic relationship between them. About a week after Lily was released from the Hospital Wing he was brave enough to inquire about an event that occurred one night, which involved James Potter announcing to the boys' dormitory that he was going to try to visit her again and not returning until a little after dawn. Apparently, Jasper was not discreet about this observation, and Lily was sure Libby must have heard.

"Yes," Lily said, not interested in keeping up pretense any longer, "He visited and stayed all night. Feel better now you've got confirmation?"

"Not really," Jasper shrugged. "But thanks for being honest. Sorry if it was rude to ask."

Lily, feeling as though it was quite rude indeed to ask such a thing when she was grappling with the loss of her parents, simply walked away. But Jasper was very receptive to Lily's apology for her callousness and, nice as he was, finally seemed to grasp the fact that romance was the very last thing on Lily's mind, even in the case of James Potter.

"Nothing happened," said Lily when she approached Libby, correct in thinking she had heard about James's overnight excursion. It had occurred so soon after Libby had broken it off with James, and Lily did not want her to get the wrong impression.

"Oh, please!" said Libby, waving her hand at Lily. "Do you really think I'm going to hold that against you? Give me _a bit_ of credit, Lily!"

"Well, I just didn't want you to think—"

"Listen, Lily. I know you two are friends even though you're only just now willing to admit it." They both laughed. "I know you weren't in a place to be sucking face with him or something. He was just being a good friend. And I know he…well…I know he's sort of a comfort to you."

"He is," said Lily quietly, going crimson.

Libby smiled. "Just promise I'll be your maid of honor."

"Oh, shut up Libby. We're just friends."

And that was the wonderful thing about Libby. Outside her relationship with James, Libby was a wonderful friend, and Lily was sorry to have forgotten it. She knew it bothered Libby deep down, could see it in her face, could tell by the way she tried to play off James' staying with Lily all night as a trifling matter, but now, in Lily's most desperate time of need, Libby swallowed it with a smile. "We weren't right for each other in the end anyway," said Libby, but did not elaborate. Lily was surprised to see that James and Libby got on well after their relationship ended, though it could never be the way it was before they started seeing each other. Libby was rather awkwardly cold to James for several weeks at first, before—perhaps because Quidditch forced her to—she cooled off and grew back into her role as James's friend, only a touch of frostiness cropping up in conversation now and again.

Still, Lily felt compelled to interact with James as formally as possible in Libby's company. At first she thought she could accomplish this without James noticing, but she quickly realized it was stupid to think she could get anything past him. Lily was under the impression that it had become a sort of game to James, treating one another like very stuffy business associates during lessons and inevitably inhabiting the Common Room late into the night talking and reliving particularly amusing moments of the day.

"You didn't have to let the door slam in my face today, though," said Lily one night, trying to take advantage of the last few minutes of the dying fire in the Common Room.

"Lily, you women want equal rights, then take them. If it were Sirius behind me he would've got a face-full of classroom door as well."

Lily laughed. "Witches _always_ had equal rights, numbskull."

"Yes, but you were raised a Muggle, and remember what Professor Burbage said? Muggle ladies used to have practically the same rights as cattle."

"Sometimes I don't know how you are still free to walk the streets."

Although the pair frequently kept their interaction lighthearted, Lily was not sure how she would have been able to cope with what happened to her parents without James. She discovered that when rules, regulations, instructions, or Slytherins were not involved, James was an excellent listener. He was very instrumental in helping Lily change her feelings of helplessness and despair into a desire to be proactive, and helped her handle her now completely ruined relationship with her sister. He got just as angry and upset as she did every time she got a rude letter from Petunia, and their camaraderie kept Lily strong.

After Lily's ordeal at the Ministry, her already waning interest in Jasper completely evaporated. In fact, her interest in dating deteriorated all together. So it was logical to assume the same would happen to her crush on James.

And that is when Lily learned that her crush on James was not, in fact, a crush.

Lily tried to keep as busy as possible with schoolwork and prefect duties so she would not be consumed by grief over her parents. But Lily had more than thoughts of her parents to battle. She could not stop thinking about James. She could not stop thinking about being around him, and laughing with him, and talking to him, and his popularity made him impossible to forget about for any significant amount of time. She went to sleep each night aching over the way it felt when he stayed with her in the Hospital Wing, fixating on the way he'd kiss the top of her head when she was feeling particularly down, thinking that she might be becoming addicted to curling into his hugs…

Her feelings were more frightening than Lord Voldemort himself. She was dreadfully vulnerable, and terrified that she had fallen rather irrevocably for someone who had a wonderful knack for losing interest in girls once he started dating them.

So whether it was a good thing that James did not seem interested in pursuing Lily romantically, she was not sure. She did not know if she ought to feel relieved that James seemed to be viewing her more and more like one of his closest friends—if he did not want to go out with her, she would at least be spared the pain of a break-up—but Lily found herself spending more and more time with him, Sirius, Remus, and Peter, and being around the ever-pranking, ever-messing-about group was quite therapeutic.

So it was a particularly sad farewell on the Hogwarts Express that June. Lily had been invited to stay with Libby all summer, and the idea of not being able to go home to her parents was heartbreaking. She shared a compartment with most of her sixth-year Gryffindor friends, though she could swear Severus Snape looked at her hopefully when she passed the compartment he was in.

On the platform, Lily hugged her friends good-bye and, to her embarrassment, could not help crying a little. She seemed to be doing that a lot lately and was getting tired of it.

Sirius wrapped her in a very tight bear hug and said, "Oh, Lily, don't cry; you'll be seeing me again in no-time."

"Yeah, yeah," said James, "Shove over Padfoot, you're scaring her."

James was last to hug Lily, and Lily got the distinct impression that everyone had made sure it was the case. They all walked off to meet their families, and James smiled at his mother, holding up a finger as if to say _just a minute_. Mrs. Potter suddenly became very interested in a young child's owl perched in its cage…

"You'll be alright this summer, will you?" James asked. He looked genuinely worried, uncomfortable about Lily spending the summer alone while she was still so broken up about her parents.

And for James's sake Lily smiled, willing herself not to keep crying. "I really will be. Okay? James?"

James was looking unconvinced, but he nodded reluctantly. "C'mere then."

The hug was short and sweet, but Lily still felt a bit drunk afterward.

"Write, alright?"

"Will do, Potter. Thanks for everything this term."

"Listen, my mum is having a load of her old Hogwarts friends over at some point this summer. A reunion or something with all of her oldest and dearest friends. Probably going to be a lot of tea-drinking and chatting about grandchildren. So obviously, Sirius and I are legging it. Want to meet up with us?"

"I shall await your owl, Master of Rudeness," said Lily, with a tiny curtsy.

"I am most obliged, Sovereign Swot," he replied, with a dramatic bow.

And as they both laughed James pulled Lily in for another hug.

"Alright, Trouble. Quit making my mum wait. Take care, will you?"

"I will," Lily promised, her lips very close to James's ear.

And as Lily walked off to meet Libby, she had the faint impression that James was still watching her. When she turned to look, however, James and his mother had gone.

***

**A/N: Yes, I am aware that this chapter is incredibly short. Think of it as a bridge between the 6****th**** and 7****th**** years.**

**I am also aware that this chapter falls very flat after the last one. But please bear with me…the seventh year is upon us! James and Lily are only a few short months away from….well…you know ;)**

**As always, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS!!!! Stick with me guys…love is in the air.**

**xx**

**marziipan**


	19. Curious Encounters

There was something about that summer. Perhaps it was her parents. Perhaps it was Petunia getting married and Lily being expressly uninvited. Perhaps it was the fact that she didn't care at all.

Perhaps it was living between Libby's house and her uncle's house, the latter a place where magic was only found on the television, witches and wands and broomsticks all part of a world of fiction. At seventeen, it was difficult to revert back to keeping her magic a secret, and disappointing to have to adhere to the "no magic outside Hogwarts" rule despite being of-age.

Worse, Lily often felt herself missing a certain Gryffindor boy, and the feeling confused her; surely she must have imagined their growing closeness over the past term? Her life changed so much so fast that Lily felt that she no longer knew the person who left Hogwarts in June.

Beneath her resentment, Lily had to admit there was something about a Muggle's life that Lily quite enjoyed. It was much simpler, and less dangerous, and these days Lily would be lying if she said she felt a total sense of belonging in the wizarding world. With the current state of things, Lily felt her connection to Muggles more than ever.

It was a sweltering July day at Libby's house, and Lily was happy that Maggie and Alice had come by. They spent the afternoon in the garden practicing spells, and Lily celebrated finally mastering Occlumency, something Severus had tried to teach her several times, but she always got the impression that he enjoyed her failure more than her success in that area; he seemed to enjoy breaking into her mind far too much. Mastering it was a strange, private victory for her.

When the girls washed up and sat in the living room waiting for dinner, they finally opened the letters that they had neglected that morning, too engrossed in conversation and spell-play to pay them any interest.

Lily's Hogwarts letter was rather heavy this summer.

She opened the envelope and several papers got away from her. In their haste to scoop them all up one of the girls knocked something to the floor.

"What was that?" asked Libby.

"No idea," Lily muttered, examining the booklist for the coming term.

It was silent save for the occasional sound of rustling parchment.

Libby threw her booklist aside and swept up another piece of parchment. A moment later—

"Oh, sorry, Lily! I thought this was mine! Here," she said, handing it over, "it's got your name on."

"What is it?" Lily asked distractedly, looking over her list of supplies.

There was a moment of silence, and when Lily looked up she found Libby reading from a letter with the Hogwarts watermark. She read silently for a second and then said, "Lily! You've been made Head Girl!"

"Really?" said Lily excitedly. She had forgotten all about the Head Girl selection! Suddenly something made sense—she dipped down and peeked under the table and found something gleaming against one of its legs. Her Head Girl badge had fallen out of the envelope and Lily lifted the gold, shining object and examined it with excitement.

She reached for her letter, but Libby held it away from her. Her eyes had gone wide, flitting wildly across the letter, and before Lily knew it, Libby had inexplicably fallen to pieces in hysterical laughter.

"What?" demanded Lily, feeling affronted by Libby's amusement over Dumbledore's choice for Head Girl.

"Oh—my—_god!_" cried Libby, clutching her side. "This is brilliant, Dumbledore's gone mad!" She could barely speak for laughing.

"Hey!" said Lily, and she made to snatch the parchment angrily away, but again Libby held it away from her. "You lothave_ got _to see this—oh, go on, Lily, let them see just a moment and then I swear I'll hand it over."

Lily folded her arms and huffed as Libby passed the letter to their friends.

And just like Libby, Alice and Maggie read the letter in silence for several seconds before they both burst into laughter.

It was easier to snatch the parchment away from Maggie and Alice, and Lily had to block out the three girls' laughing fits to concentrate on reading:

* * *

HOGWARTS SCHOOL

_of_ WITCHCRAFT _and_ WIZARDRY

Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore

(_Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock,_

_Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards_)

Dear Miss Evans,

It is my pleasure to inform you that you have been selected among your peers as Head Girl for the upcoming term at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

After careful consideration, you have been chosen for your exemplary academic performance as well as your fine leadership qualities during your time at Hogwarts. I am confident that you will make an excellent role model to your fellow students and hope you will assume all the responsibilities entrusted to Hogwarts Head students with the utmost decorum.

You will accompany our selection for Head Boy, Mr. James Potter, into the Hogwarts Express Prefects' compartment on the first of September, where you both shall receive further instructions regarding your duties and responsibilities as leaders of the student body.

I look forward to this term with particular enthusiasm, as you will be leading your classmates with yet another member of my House. I have no doubt you will both do Gryffindor proud.

Yours sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall

_Deputy Headmistress_

_

* * *

  
_

Lily stared. She squinted at the parchment and tried reading it again. Perhaps the second time around, it would make more sense.

She tried again, and then once more, and on the third time reading it she focused her eyes on the third paragraph and _willed_ it to make sense.

James Potter _was_ still spelled J-A-M-E-S-P-O-T-T-E-R, wasn't it?

Perhaps if she read it _one_ more time, the universe would make sense again. But oddly, the name that followed _Our selection for Head Boy _said _James Potter_ no matter how many times she looked at it.

Her heart skipped a beat.

***

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***

James Potter's heart did not skip a beat. He was not remotely excited, nor nervous, nor surprised.

Because even by the middle of August, James Potter's Hogwarts letter remained sitting, unopened and a little dusty, on top of Sirius's on a shelf in the Potters' kitchen.

It was this that started Dorothy Potter yelling at her son and, as she had come to regard him over the years, her other son, one August morning.

Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew had arrived the previous night to stay for the remainder of the holidays, and perhaps seeing them, completely prepared for the coming term after their visits to Diagon Alley over a week ago, was the last straw for Mrs. Potter.

"Alright, alright," James grumbled over his scrambled eggs. "We'll open them after a spot of Quidditch. That do?"

"No, it will not," she thundered. "Because we're going to Diagon Alley after your last bite of breakfast and not a moment later. I've a lot to do over the next couple of weeks and I don't have time for you boys to be so lazy! Anyway, you ought to be excited. It's seventh year!"

"Yeah, NEWT year," Sirius said, smiling falsely. "I can hardly contain my joy."

James choked on some bacon, laughing.

Mrs. Potter rolled her eyes. "And speaking of seventh year… I suppose I shouldn't bother hoping one of my boys is going to get the Badge?"

"Oh, cheers Dottie," James said dryly.

"Well…you four get a bit…" came her noncommittal mutter.

"And what's this _hoping_?" her son added. "No one _hopes_ to be Head Boy, Mum, they get stuck with it and they feel too guilty about Dumbledore choosing them to let him down."

"That is rubbish, your cousin Ricky was thrilled."

"Yeah? And where is he now?"

"He's doing quite well."

"Mum, he's a secretary. And his nose is so far up the Minister's arse he'll be dead from suffocation by next week."

"I don't like your mouth sometimes, James," she said, trying not to grin. "What your father would say…"

Sirius leaned in. "What, agree?"

James snorted. "Well no point in wishing, Mum. I reckon McGonagall is working out whether she ought to just stick detentions in with my regular class schedule to save her the bother, and Peeves has asked Sirius to join him as a Poltergeist after he dies. So. That's that."

"Anyway, it probably won't be a Gryffindor boy," said Remus.

"And what's wrong with a Gryffindor boy?" Mrs. Potter demanded, ready to shoot down any word against her husband's and son's House.

Remus chuckled. "It's just that I don't think they've ever had a Head Boy and Girl from the same House. And we all rather suspect the Head Girl this year will come from Gryffindor."

James smiled slightly.

"Still," Mrs. Potter sniffed. "I always thought it would be you, Remus! Prefect and everything."

"Oh sure," came Sirius's bark-like laugh. "'Welcome back to Hogwarts, Mr. Lupin,'" said Sirius, in a rather good impression of Professor McGonagall, "'Cheers on your excellent work keeping your rogue mates out of trouble as Prefect. It was everything we were hoping for. This has inspired us to make you Head Boy. We're certain you'll have no trouble balancing your new responsibilities with becoming a blood-thirsty animal every month, and we feel the added attention from the student body is a completely wise decision under these circumstances.'"

Sirius had not gotten halfway through this when the whole kitchen, except for Mrs. Potter, who regarded Remus's condition as no laughing matter, had erupted in laughter.

Mrs. Potter ruffled Remus's sandy brown hair and sighed, "Never mind all that. We're going to Diagon Alley today." She flicked her wand so that Sirius and James rather unexpectedly received a parchment envelope each to the forehead.

"Ow!" James whined, as Remus and Peter laughed aloud. "Fine, fine. Keep your hair on, lady."

Mrs. Potter smiled reluctantly at her son's cheek and began clearing away breakfast. James palmed the envelope, rolled his eyes at Sirius, and said, "At least let me finish eating." And he flung the envelope to the middle of the wooden table.

_Clunk._

James froze. Sirius's eyes found the center of the table mid-bite, and Remus looked up so quickly he got whiplash. Mrs. Potter turned abruptly on her heel, and Peter stared, agape, at James. The silence hung between them for what could have been seconds, or minutes, or an hour, and the only moving thing in the kitchen was the bit of egg dangling from Sirius's chin.

And in the same second of tremendous commotion, all five of them dove for the envelope.

***

The first thing on James's list at Diagon Alley was not books, or new robes, or fresh Potions ingredients. It was getting as far away from Sirius, Remus, Peter, and his mother as he possibly could.

It wasn't that he wasn't amused, too. He laughed just as hard as anyone else did when the badge fell out into his hand. But it got old, and quickly.

Because Remus and Peter had already finished their shopping, they opted to explore Diagon Alley and find somewhere to have lunch, agreeing to meet James and Sirius at 3 o'clock. When Sirius and Mrs. Potter dipped into Madam Malkin's, James made his escape.

After the morning he'd had, he enjoyed an incredibly pleasant hour on his own. It was a particularly sunny day, and very warm, and just when he was thinking how nice it was to be away from anyone who knew what the words _Head Boy _meant, he saw a mane of red hair from the corner of his eye.

The double-take nearly sent his glasses flying into the road, and on second glance, James suddenly got the impression his legs were made out of foam.

The girl was on tip-toe, one hand pressed against a shop window as she peered inside while the other held onto several shopping bags. James gawked as the girl pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, and through the reflection of the shop window he could just distinguish the outline of a heart-shaped face. Though her back was to him, it was unmistakably Lily Evans.

But this Lily Evans was not wearing her black Hogwarts robes, her tie secured snugly around her throat, her shirt pressed, her shoes shining and black. This Lily Evans was wearing devastatingly form-fitting jeans. The purple-and-turquoise top she adorned made James want to throw his shopping into the road. It flowed around the middle, clinging to her on the top by two thin straps over her bare shoulders. The hem and neckline were made from lace, though James was not entirely sure "neckline" was the right word, considering there was a rather generous gap between _it_ and her neck… With his eyes locked on her, he didn't miss her stretching upward to get a better view inside, and her shirt riding up to expose the small of her back…

James groaned. Under the sun, her long, wavy red hair was nothing like it looked in candlelight. It was red, and ginger, and plum, and—

"Prongs? You still in there, mate? I've been calling you," came a distant voice.

"I…it's…what?"

"Where've you been?" asked Sirius. When James did not answer, he followed his friend's line of vision.

"Cor," Sirius breathed. "Tasty ginger there, eh? It's one of nature's rarer gifts, but will you look at—"

"That's Lily, you idiot."

"I know, it's just, I'd forgotten how fit she is."

Just then, Libby Eaton came out of the very shop Lily had been gazing into.

"Eaton looking alright as well," Sirius said casually, commenting on the short, curly-haired blonde as if appraising a piece of jewelry.

"Libby, right…" said James, barely noticing she was there.

Lily turned to meet Libby at the same moment Sirius shouted, "Oi! You birds! How much for half an hour, and do I get a discount if I host?"

The girls turned, but James only saw Lily, her bright shirt flowing about her slender frame, and, squinting past the sunlight, she saw them. She looked extremely pleased, and awfully attractively so.

James tried not to break into dance.

"Hey!" Lily called, and she leapt delicately into the road and jogged toward them.

_Fucking hell_, thought James, not entirely certain he hadn't said it aloud.

He was shocked when he felt something solid hit him, and it took a moment to realize that Libby was hugging him.

"Hello titchy one," he said hoarsely as she kissed both his cheeks.

"How are you?" asked Libby enthusiastically.

"I'm…"

Lily's eyes didn't leave James's face—the expression on which James now seemed to lack control—as she dropped her bags and hugged Sirius.

"I'm…fine. You, Libby?"

"Doing fine, it's been a good summer, been practicing a lot and there are a few things I want to talk to you about. Have you been practicing? I was wondering if—" Libby stopped in her tracks. "OH. MY. GOD. I nearly forgot—_you've_ had an exciting summer, haven't you, _Head Boy?_" And she fell to pieces laughing, and every joke James had already heard all morning came flying at him. But he hardly noticed.

James swallowed as Lily approached him.

"Sorry to interrupt," she said to Libby, who stepped back looking rather harassed.

When James made no move to greet Lily, she waved uncertainly in his face. "Hello, Potter."

_Potter?_ James groaned internally. "Erm. Hi."

"You alright?"

He tried to make himself stop staring at the way her brilliant green eyes threw the sunlight, or the way her shirt brought them out… "I…your eyes."

Lily paused. "Yes, I've got two of them!" she said awkwardly, in a tone consistent with speaking to a very young child.

James shook his head dazedly, wishing now that she were wearing her loose-fitting, black Hogwarts robes. "Just. It's the black. I'm used to the black."

"_What???_"

James tore his eyes away from Lily's, but they landed very unfortunately on her bare shoulders, which not only looked good enough to eat, but also happened to be dotted here and there with the most appealing, fawn-colored clusters of—

"Freckles."

Lily looked self-consciously at her shoulders. "Are you _quite_ alright, Potter?"

"Huh?"

"Well, this has been a lovely conversation," said Lily, laughing a little, and she wrapped her arms around James's shoulders. "What _is_ wrong with you?" she asked so only he could hear.

Over Lily's shoulder, he saw Sirius make a gesture that very clearly said _You are acting like a lunatic._

Perhaps it was because he hadn't seen her in so long, and he was now realizing how much he'd missed her. Perhaps it was that they had come to a sort of crossroads last term, growing closer and closer without really being sure why, and had to separate during that very critical time in their relationship. Perhaps it was the way the sun was hitting her, or the way her shirt revealed a bit too much skin for James's brain to continue functioning. Whatever it was, he had to snap out of it.

He squeezed her back. "Do you know, Evans, I think I've quite missed you."

Lily laughed as she pulled away. "Fancy that."

James chuckled, vaguely noting that Lily had not said anything at all about his making Head Boy, even after Libby had so obviously brought it up. Thinking about this, he chuckled again, his eyes rather unfocused, and looked up at Libby and Sirius. They both looked very confused. Sirius closed his eyes and shook his head, as if recovering from witnessing a freak show finale. Drawing breath, he said, "Right. Well. I'm starving. Gonna head off for a bite. Care to come Libby?"

"Actually, I'm a bit peckish myself," said James, snapping out of his reverie at the thought of food. "Where you headed?"

Sirius glared at his best friend.

James raised his eyebrows.

"James," said Sirius very deliberately, "I think Libby probably wants to say hello to Remus and Peter. We'll go find them and we can meet _you_ _two_ later_._"

"Oh!" cried Lily, "I'd _love_ to see Remus and Peter! Shall we all go?"

"Oh for f—" Sirius spluttered, rolling his eyes, then quickly steadied himself. "Have it your own way then, and don't ever say I've never tried to help you." And he stalked off. Libby, James, and Lily watched in confusion as Sirius marched away. A few paces away, he turned on his heel to face them again. "Well??? Are you coming?"

Lily, James, and Libby hurried after him.

As it turned out, they ran into Frank, Alice, and Jasper along the way, and as Lily had already seen Alice quite a lot this summer, she did not feel badly saying "See you at Hogwarts!" and parting ways to avoid awkwardness with Jasper. And as James and Jasper were not exactly best friends, the pair sought lunch elsewhere.

Given the heat and the pleasant surprise of running into one another, James and Lily opted to order drinks with their lunch, and the latter ordered them bright red, slushy drinks that James would not have been caught dead drinking in front of Sirius.

"Sorry I never responded to your second letter," Lily took care to tell him a few moments after their food arrived. "It's been a really…strange summer."

"Ah, that's alright, Evans. I can imagine."

Lily surveyed James for a moment. "It's nice to see your temporary madness has subsided," Lily remarked.

"Temporary madness?"

"Yes. Or would you like to talk more about '_freckles'_ and '_the black'_?"

"Evans, bite your tongue. You don't know what it's like to be a bloke these days."

Lily laughed. "What do you mean _'these days'_?"

"Well, _this_ day. A warm day outside Hogwarts. I'm used to dress codes, Evans. Collars and waistcoats and decorum and all of that rubbish. You can't just go around in scanty Muggle dress and expect me to speak the language of wisdom or something. It's just completely unreasonable."

Lily breathed a short laugh through her nose. "I'm not dressed scantily. It's _hot_ out. And Libby's showing more skin than I am and _she's_ dressed modestly."

"Well, I dunno what Libby's wearing so I can't say."

"You _just_ saw her."

"Yeah, look, can we talk openly for a moment? Libby could have skinned Hagrid and worn _him_ out for a day of shopping. Wouldn't have noticed." James was not sure what had got into him. He was feeling a lot like he often had in the fourth and fifth years, when he could not seem to control what came out of his mouth when it came to Lily.

But she smiled, her cheeks faintly flushed.

All through lunch, the only thing able to distract James from how happy he was to see Lily and how pretty she looked was the same thing that had been weighing on his mind all summer—how she was coping. Whenever he hinted at the subject, however, Lily seemed focused on avoiding it completely. James convinced himself he ought to wait until she was ready, and reveled in the way it felt to make her laugh instead.

"Finished with your shopping?" she asked, taking a bite of her pasta.

"Yeah, I think so" James answered, pulling his Hogwarts letter out of a pocket to double-check it. In doing so he accidentally exposed his shiny new gold badge, and he was sure Lily had seen it.

Now that he thought of it—why hadn't she said anything? Was she so horrified by the idea that she was hell-bent on pretending it had never happened? Sure, James was horrified at first too but now he was beginning to take umbrage.

He glanced awkwardly at her. Her chewing had ceased. James could see that Lily nearly smiled, but fought it, her green eyes attached to his. He eyed her warily, and as they both sat frozen, James shrugged with an expression of utterly baffled amusement, as if inviting her to enjoy the hilarious irony of it all.

After a pause, Lily began chewing again. "Congratulations on that, by the way. I wanted to tell you before, but…well…with Libby cracking jokes it…didn't seem like the right time."

"Yeah."

"…Yeah."

"Hey, so…congratulations to you, too. Always knew you'd get it."

"Thanks."

The silence was so tense that James began to toy with the badge in his pocket. He caught her watching this, her lips pursed very tightly. James raised an eyebrow.

He smirked. "You can laugh, you know."

"I don't think it's funny," Lily said, all too quickly.

"You don't?" he asked, becoming amused by her discomfort.

"No, of course not."

"Hm." James nodded for a moment, his eyes on Lily's. Hers were wide and guilty, and she sat with her hands clasped in front of her as if trying to contain herself, as if trying not to laugh at a priest tripping over his robes in the middle of mass.

Wordlessly, James extracted the badge. He held it up for a moment, testing Lily's resolve. "So you don't think this is funny?"

Lily shrugged her shoulders slightly, unfazed.

James nodded, as if observing some scientific phenomenon and collecting data. "Mhm."

James raised the badge to his chest, fastened it to his robes, and looked directly into Lily's eyes, his hands in his lap. He didn't say a word.

He thought he caught the corner of her mouth twitch. Despite being made fun of all day, he was having a rather good time making fun of himself to Lily.

"What about this?" he said finally. "Do you think _this_ is funny?"

"Mm-mm," said Lily, shaking her head and looking beautifully guilt-ridden.

James felt another smirk twist his lips. "That'll be ten points from Gryffindor."

And as if she'd been holding in laughter all her life, Lily positively exploded with it.

James was laughing too, and the pair was making quite a spectacle of themselves.

"James Potter, Head Boy," Lily cried, wiping her eyes. "What's next? Oh, you've no idea what it was like reading that."

"What do you think _I_ felt like?" said James sheepishly, holding his hand to his chest.

"Stunned?"

"A bit, yeah," James chuckled. "Don't even ask me who I had to shag for this gig."

Lily shrieked with mirth. "Dumbledore's completely lost it!"

"I know! It's sort of brilliant, isn't it?"

"Well, it'll certainly make for an interesting term. But listen, Potter," Lily said, pointing her fork at him. "No funny business. I'm serious. I'll still cover for you and your antlers and your furry mates but that's it. Got it?"

"You're just scared you're going to get dragged down with me," James smirked.

"A bit, yeah," Lily laughed. "Honestly, what was he thinking?"

"I think he might be trying to scare me straight."

"I never thought I'd see the day when I agreed with the people who called Dumbledore a fool. But here we are."

"Cheers, Evans," said James wryly.

She smiled widely, reached across the table, plucked the cherry from James's drink, and popped it into her mouth.

"I was going to eat that, Evans."

"Yes, I suppose you were," she said airily, licking her lips.

James fought the urge to leap across the table.

Lily lifted her glass. "I've got to go soon. I'm spending the rest of the summer at my uncle's and I have to find a way to hide all the evidence of my deep dark secret. So 'til Hogwarts…what shall we toast to? To the Head Boy? To Dumbledore going mad? To the resistance?"

"How about to strappy turquoise tops?" James said, raising his glass too.

Lily rolled her eyes. "To Head Boy then," she grinned.

"And to Head Girl."

They both drained the remainder of their drinks. As they stood up, Lily asked, "Potter…are you going to give me hell this term? Or are you going to be good?"

"A little of both, I imagine."

"It's the little pleasures in life, isn't it?"

"Indeed, Miss Evans. And for the larger pleasures, well, that's what turquoise blouses are for."

Lily took care to wallop James on the arm before hugging him goodbye.

***

**A/N: Ohhhhh I'm awfully sorry about another long delay!!! I'm so busy these days that I'm struggling to find the time...but don't worry, I'm still having such fun with it =)**

**I figured after the past few chapters it'd be nice to include a little fluff. I hope you enjoy, and endless thanks to my wonderful readers and reviewers!!!!**

**On that note.. happy TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY-THREE REVIEWS to me!!!!! 110 Alerts, 91 Favorites, and 14,976 hits later, and I couldn't be happier =)**

**Happy Wednesday to all!**

**xxxxx**

**marziipan**


	20. Starting Again

The fresh term at Hogwarts was certainly the most buzz-worthy the students and professors had seen in years. If anything was more widely-discussed than Albus Dumbledore's peculiar choice for Head Boy, it was this year's choice for professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts.

Professor Adder was as wide as he was tall and molded from pure muscle, with a young, plump face. Accustomed by now to a new Defense professor each term, few students even bothered to look up from their plates at the start-of-term feast when Professor Dumbledore introduced him. When he introduced himself, however, all eyes were on him. He noted that the "current situation" and "overall attitudes" at Hogwarts must be "repaired," though no one was really certain what was wrong to begin with. Some of the more shrewd students did not fail to notice that Professor Adder paid many indicative glances to the Headmaster, and by the middle of September it had become more or less clear to the student body that the delegation was less of a choice and more of an imposition. Whether Professor Adder was Ministry Official or Death Eater, however, no one could be certain, but as far as the Head Boy was concerned the idea that the two could be confused was more alarming than any Death Eater teaching at Hogwarts.

The seventh-year in question could be found, one September morning, weaving through the sea of Hogwarts students swarming the corridors before their second lesson of the day. James had gained several inches over the summer, glancing six feet in height, and his characteristic smirk now curled around more defined features. His hazel eyes still peaked out from behind a pair of thin, square-rimmed spectacles, the arms of which still lost themselves in a spectacular black surfeit of helter skelter hair. He walked resolutely along, one of the few people at Hogwarts for whom the students bothered to step out of the way, with a golden badge gleaming on his breast.

But not much had changed, really: the tail of his crinkled white shirt still hung hopelessly out of his waistband; he had already spent a Saturday in detention for Transfiguring Professor Adder's trousers into a yellow tutu; he spent the night of the full moon the same way he had since fifth year; and he was, more than ever, Sirius Black's shadow (or perhaps it was the other way around).

James reciprocated pleasantly to a few passing _hello_s and _how are you_s, when halfway to Transfiguration he spotted a couple of second year boys wrestling over something small and gold.

"Oi!" he called sharply, cutting through the crowd and striding toward them. The boys immediately stood at attention, the taller one clutching at the golden object greedily.

"What's going on here?" he demanded, managing to inject a note of patience in his voice.

The boys looked at each other nervously before the smaller one piped up, "Owen's stolen something from me and—"

"I only fancied a _look_—" the other interjected.

"I said when I'd _finished_ with it—"

"You've had it for _ages—_"

"Whoa, whoa," said James, holding up his hands. "One at a time, lads. Let's see it then. What've you got, Owen?"

He held out his hand. James leaned forward slightly, towering over the two antsy-looking boys. Owen opened his hand to reveal a tiny golden Snitch.

James peered at him over his spectacles, and he knew that if Lily were here she would see what the boys probably could not: he was fighting his first instinct, as he was often forced to as a rule-enforcer—a most powerful urge to grin.

He cleared his throat. "Where'd you get that, Logan?"

The smaller boy answered softly, "Nicked it, Mr. Potter. Like you used to! I was going to give it back, I only wanted an ickle look—"

But James ignored his excuses. "_Mister Potter?"_ he blustered, emphasizing every syllable. He stared, dumbfounded, at the culprits for a moment, and then shook his head. "Alright. You've had your fun. Give it here."

Owen quickly obeyed.

James surveyed the Snitch for a moment, then pocketed it and peered down at the second years. Owen and Logan looked back, attentive and silent, as if waiting to be dismissed.

"And fix your bleeding ties, lads, man alive!" he barked unexpectedly, plucking at Owens red and gold tie. The boys fumbled hurriedly with their ties, straightening their robes. "Show Gryffindor a bit of pride, eh? And don't be late for Defense Against the Dark Arts or Adder will have your heads. I might too, to be honest. Don't let me break my arse on the Quidditch Pitch this term just so we can lose the House Cup on account of your mucking around in the corridors. Go on then."

"Thanks, bye Mr. Potter!"

"See you around, Mr. Potter!"

James chuckled to himself as they scampered off.

"The funny thing about it," called a silky voice from behind him, and James whipped around as it continued, "Is your appalling hypocrisy."

Lily Evans was leaning against a stone pillar in the corridor, her arms crossed, her left foot tucked around her right ankle, and her emerald eyes twinkling out from her amused face.

James's hand jumped to the back of his neck, and he rubbed it self-consciously. "Standing there all along, were you?"

"Yes. I had a wonderful view of the horrendously wrinkled shirt hanging out of your trousers as you reprimanded Owen and Logan about their ties."

"Ah. That's about where I expect your eyes to wander in my presence."

Lily didn't acknowledge this. "And your shoes are untied."

James bent low to tie his shoes, his eyes locked on Lily's. "You're very critical, you know, Evans. You'll make a most irritating wife someday."

"Well, you're very easy to criticize. Which is why I'm not through yet."

"Go on then," said James, standing up again.

"Perhaps you should watch your _bloody_ language around second years, _Head Boy_."

"Oh, _sod_. Did I let a swear slip?"

"You said _arse_."

"Did I? Ah, I'm such a _wanker_."

"Yes, you looked a _damned_ fool."

"What can I say, Evans; I'm sorry for _fucking_ cursing."

Laughing, the Head Boy and Girl made their way to Transfiguration.

Yes, Lily had watched the entire exchange between James and the second-year Gryffindor boys. And she had watched him laughing with Sirius, Remus, and Peter in Potions the previous lesson. She had watched him wipe sweat from his brow when he hovered over his cauldron to check his potion's clarity. She had watched him bite his lip when he realized they had forgotten to add Alihotsy root. And, several paces behind him, Lily had watched him make his way to Transfiguration as he shouldered past his peers, cool and confident, arrogance turned to pride.

But James was, it seemed, hopelessly ignorant. He was usually too busy figuring out how best to handle his new responsibilities, fit them into lessons and Quidditch Practice, and painting the town red with Sirius, Remus, and Peter.

For the moment, Lily could easily forget how taken she was with James lately. It was Thursday, and lessons had ended for the day, but Professors McGonagall, Slughorn, Sprout, and Flitwick were expecting next week's Prefect's schedule in the morning.

But James was, predictably, far too distracted, not with Quidditch, or other Head Boy duties, or homework, but with mucking around with Sirius while Alice, Maggie, and Libby watched and laughed.

"Forget Prefects' schedules," said Sirius. "D'you know what we should do, mate? We should work out how to use your new powers for evil. You've got connections now. We should—I dunno—find a way to mess with Adder some more."

"I've already had a detention for that, cheers," said James darkly.

"What? It was _your_ idea," said Sirius.

"Yeah, and I would have gotten away with it if you hadn't patted me on the back and said 'well done' straight away. You completely lost it."

"Of course I did, it was hysterical."

"Three disappearances this week," said Remus behind a copy of the _Daily Prophet_, "And you lot are going on about grown men in ballerina skirts."

"I don't care _what_ they go on about, but not until James gets his arse down on the grounds to get this done."

"Alright, Lily, calm down," said Libby, who had very clearly begun to notice the way Lily looked at James sometimes. "They're just having a laugh. And why can't you work on it _here_?" she asked.

"Because he won't concentrate for more than 4 seconds with Sirius around. No offense, Sirius."

Sirius smiled like an insane person.

"Stuffy in here anyway innit?" said James, getting to his feet and pulling a jumper over his head. "Ready?" he asked Lily with a bright smile.

"Yes, yes, I've bloody_ been_ ready…"

"Alright, alright…"

It was early October, and James and Lily were lying on their bellies in a pile of crunchy, red-orange leaves under the large Oak by the lake. This was their location of choice for conducting "business" while the weather still permitted it, though they both donned jumpers, and Lily a plaid scarf.

They were lying rather close today, their elbows nearly touching and their arms occasionally grazing each other as they made their way through next week's schedule.

The truth was, James was looking so handsome these days that Lily had to will herself not to blush every time her eyes met his. Worse, Lily was certain the whole world was beginning to notice. James had never gotten more attention from the female population at Hogwarts, and it was disheartening to imagine herself as just another one of them. But she couldn't help it—James incorporated authority into the joke-cracking, mischief-making madness of his character with staggering ease. His Head Boy badge suited him far, far too well.

Perhaps she was deluding herself, but she was certain she caught him staring at her now and again in lessons, and several times she had approached the Marauders only to find them stop talking very abruptly, and it always left her with the distinct impression that they had been talking about her.

_But_, said a voice in her head_, it's the MARAUDERS. OF COURSE they're talking about things they don't want other people, particularly the Head Girl, to hear. Probably plotting…_

To be fair, Lily was getting quite a lot of attention from the opposite sex herself. James made a point to joke about it every time he noticed this, and though he had stopped bullying people for the fun of it long ago, he didn't seem quite above publicly humiliating anyone that tried to pique Lily's interest.

"Evans, his forehead sticks out farther than his nose."

"Evans, he had the Jellylegs Jinx put on him in fourth year and it made him cry."

"Evans, he handles a wand about as well as he could a live eel. Covered in margarine."

"Well, I didn't say _yes_, did I, Potter?" Lily said in agitation on this late afternoon, poring over the Prefects' schedule, amazed that James had, yet again, found a way to get off-track. "Now can you focus? I'm exhausted and I'm dying for a meal."

"Alright, alright. Just amusing, that's all."

Lily rolled her eyes. "I haven't seen anyone since Jasper, and that was ages ago. You'd think you'd lay off my 'love life,'" Lily chuckled, making air quotes.

"And then Max Conrad asking you to the Yule Ball we _might _be having. It's October!"

"I know," Lily laughed. "That was a bit silly. I did used to fancy him a bit though."

"_You_ fancied _Max Conrad?_ _When?_"

"It was in fifth year. And what's wrong with Max Conrad?" Lily demanded.

"He's a Slytherin, for one! What is it with you and these Slytherins?"

"Oh, James, grow up. And that's really horrible of you, coming from Head Boy! You should be able to put your prejudices aside!"

"And I'll tell you what about Max Conrad!" he added, waving a finger at her, "I heard Priscilla split up with him 'cos she caught him getting off with Susanne Meadowes from Hufflepuff. You're lucky he didn't try one on you. At least no one really knows Susanne, you'd've been the Scarlet Woman of Hogwarts."

"Well…he did snog me," said Lily apologetically, the color rising in her face.

"He snogged you?" James spluttered, eyes wide. "You—you _kissed _him? He was going out with Priscilla!"

"Yes, I know, I felt terrible. I mean I was really shocked when he did it initially, but obviously that's the reason I didn't let it continue."

"_The_ reason, eh?"

"Well, a really big one. You know what I mean."

"You appalling tart," James chuckled. But he was staring dazedly into the lake. A gust of wind ruffled his already untidy hair. The sun was setting, bringing out the gold in his eyes. The look in them made Lily regret telling him anything.

"You alright?" she asked.

"Fine," he said, then looked her square in the eyes. "Can I ask you something?"

Lily nodded.

"Did you snog Jasper?"

"I—What? Why?"

"'Cos he said you did. And I dunno. I wondered."

Although, blushing, Lily was reluctant to answer, she for some reason did not find it at all strange that James was coming right out and asking questions that were really none of his business.

"Er. Well, yeah. Once. It was last term."

"When exactly?" James asked, staring straight ahead and barely moving his lips.

Leaves crunched under Lily as she shifted uncomfortably. "It was. Erm. Your birthday."

Why did she feel so guilty? She watched James as he nodded slightly. He didn't look very surprised. Had Jasper told him everything?

"You were going out with Libby," Lily said abruptly, not really certain why she felt the need to add that part, nor why she did so with such a defensive note in her voice.

"Oh, don't worry, I remember when it was," said James, looking grumpy. "Brilliant. Now I know what you were thinking of when you produced such a cracking Patronus the next day," James said harshly. "Sneaking out of the Three Broomsticks with Jasper the Cornish Pixie for a tight-lipped snog under the stupid stars."

Lily watched him cautiously for a moment. "Why are you being like this?"

"I…dunno," said James. "Sorry."

Lily had no idea why she said it—it just came out: "If you only knew what I _was _thinking of…"

"Well, now you've got to tell me," James said stiffly, still gazing into the lake.

Lily laughed. "I'll tell you if you promise not to laugh."

"Oh dear. How's about I promise to_ try my hardest_ not to laugh? Because if you're going to tell me you thought of—I dunno—the coconuty scent of Podmore's teased-up peacock locks and feather-combed panache or something—"

Lily laughed loudly. "You absolute mank, it's nothing like that!"

"Alright then, I promise," James smiled.

"Well, I thought of…oh Merlin _why am I telling you this?"_

James rested his chin in his hands expectantly, looking rather like a child as he gazed at her.

Lily sighed as another gust of wind gave her a chill and carried gold and amber leaves around and past them. She looked out over the lake, teetering on the edge of her own nerves, and took a deep breath.

"I thought of…well…d'you remember that night… the end of our fifth year? You found me on the grounds with Severus and his mates?"

"Yeah…" said James slowly.

"Well, I thought of that," she finished brusquely, very pink in the face.

"Er—you thought of nearly getting your knickers cursed off by a load of mangy Death Eater wannabes? What are you like, Evans?" He squinted into the setting sun, his glasses a sheet of glare.

Lily huffed, "You idiot. No. I thought about…well, I was really scared that night, you know? The things I saw and heard…and after Severus and I had just had a falling out…and I knew he wouldn't have wanted me to get hurt, but I didn't feel _safe _with him. And then you came. And it was like, 'Okay. James is here. I'm alright now.' You have no idea…I was so relieved. I'll never forget that feeling."

"That you were going to be alright?"

"How safe I felt. With you there."

It was the loudest silence that had ever occurred, despite the rustling of leaves tumbling over the grass and falling into the lake. James stared at Lily, and barely perceptibly, he breathed, "Oh…" He blinked. "So that's why it was…"

"Hm?"

"Nothing. Nothing…"

"Er—shall we crack on with scheduling?" Lily blurted.

James shook himself from his reverie and, voice cracking a bit, he agreed, "Yeah…yeah, sure. Spose we'll have them patrol in pairs?" he asked absently. He chewed on his lip, but not in concentration. Although Lily looked down at the schedule again, James stared ahead again, his glasses reflecting the rippling lake.

"It doesn't matter to me," Lily assured him breathlessly. "But I think we ought to keep Grant and Dalloway apart, as knowing them we'll probably find them snogging in a corridor instead of patrolling like they're supposed to. So I say we have Grant do the six o'clock in the west wing and Dalloway can manage the landing near the dungeons. We don't really need them much earlier as it's dinner and lessons before that, and the later ones we can cover alright and no one is usually out of the Common Rooms at that—"

Lily stopped short. She'd looked up from the parchment for James's approval and found him watching her very intently.

Their faces were mere inches apart. James did not turn away when Lily caught him staring, but kept his eyes locked unabashedly on hers.

Lily felt suddenly breathless, and she knew her cheeks were going scarlet. Neither of them said anything for several seconds, and Lily struggled to keep her eyes on James's; his gaze was smoldering.

A thought occurred to Lily and, silly though she felt, her first instinct was to vocalize it…

Nearly out of breath, voice trembling but strong enough to be heard above the wind, Lily very slowly asked, "You want to kiss me right now, don't you?"

It was not presumptuous. It was not even flirtatious. It was an honest question, and James did not fail to notice the hint of disbelief in her voice.

James cast around for a moment for something witty, something clever or cool to say, but he abandoned this immediately. He knew it was not the time to try to impress her.

Lily watched his eyes move very slightly from side to side as he considered her, and he said the most honest thing he could think of. "I always want to kiss you, Lily."

Lily's lips parted; she looked stunned. The pair gazed at each other, both of them breathing audibly, no more than half a foot apart. "I thought…" began Lily—but she was not sure how to say it without seeming as if she were fishing for reassurance.

"Go on," said James, voice low, husky.

"I thought you'd…I didn't think you looked at me that way. Not anymore."

"Really?" But James was not surprised. He had finally taken his friends' advice to give Lily some breathing room, and she had noticed.

"Well, since you saw Cordelia…and then you went out with Libby and…I guess I just figured I was sort of an awkward phase for you or something."

James laughed aloud at this. The moment he recovered, he cleared his throat, looked Lily straight in the eyes and said, "Well, you were very wrong. Like I've said, you are the thickest clever person I have ever met."

"Really?"

James laughed again. "Honestly, _thick as dung _sometimes. Come on, Lily, don't be daf—"

And his thought was suspended, halted by a pair of wonderfully soft, delightfully eager lips. It lasted only a second or two, during which James's astonishment crippled him. His eyes remained wide and shocked as Lily pulled away, emerald eyes shining, pink lips parted in shock at her own brashness. The world was still for a moment, James's mouth hanging open, eyes wide with one eyebrow slightly cocked, his cheeks so flushed they practically glowed, the green eyes fixed uncertainly on the hazel.

James swallowed, searched for the feeling in his face and hands, and blinked several times with a little shake of the head. It was strange; the chill in the air had suddenly vanished…

He lifted a shaking hand and brushed a few locks of Lily's shining, claret hair out of her face, though the wind blew it right back again. He cupped the side of her face, and, dazed, traced her bottom lip with his thumb, as if shocked it had just touched his mouth. Lily released an inadvertent sigh as goosebumps covered her body and the hair at the back of her neck stood on end. James combed his fingers along the nape of her neck and into her hairline, his mouth hovering so close to hers...so close, Lily could almost taste it…

He paused for a second, then pressed his lips to hers. James kissed Lily; a long, deep, hungry kiss, pouring every kiss he had ever wanted to give her into this. Lily sighed deeply as they pushed themselves upright, and she snaked one arm around his waist while the other ran up his back, collecting a handful of his shirt as she held James tightly, desperately to her. They did not break apart for a long time.

And in the lake, the sodden Prefects's schedule floated by...


	21. Author's Note Sorry!

Er…Intermission?

Hello everyone. I'm sorry for the tease but this is unfortunately NOT a new chapter. I do have one brewing, it's just not ready yet!

I did want to update to thank you all once again for the incredibly wonderful reviews. I absolutely love to read them and I get very very excited when I see I have a new one waiting for me.

Unfortunately, my schedule is kind of absurdly busy these days. I'm working two jobs and some days I'm going for 15 hours. It's difficult to find the time, and when I have it, it's difficult not to fall asleep!

I'd like to have chapter 21 up by this weekend, or perhaps Monday (at the latest). After that, I'll try to make the last few updates closer to weekly instead of every two weeks.

Thanks for sticking with me (and most importantly, my Lily and James) so far! There really are no words for what it feels like to see that I have over a hundred readers and nearly 300 reviews. Just wow. Really.

New chapter coming soon. Sorry again for the tease!

LOOOOOOOOVEEEE,

marziipan


	22. Double Back

**I'M SO SORRY!!!!!**

**Firstly, for the very long wait.**

**Secondly, for this chapter. *hides***

*******

It was ridiculous.

Sitting across from James at dinner that night, Lily had to continually remind herself not to make eye contact with him. If she made eye contact with him, the idiotic grin that she could not wipe from her face—however hard she tried—would surely escalate to frenzied, uncontrollable laughter.

Why was it so _hot_ in the Great Hall?

"Lily, will you pass the potatoes?"

And she knew she was being peculiarly quiet this evening. Was she being obvious? Then again, James was being extremely quiet himself, and perhaps everyone would assume they were just tired from carrying out various Head Student duties.

"Lily? The potatoes?"

Why did he have to be sitting _directly _across from her? If he had just gone several places down, she would not feel like such a dithering fool. Working so hard to avoid his gaze, her face sensationally red, was really worse than the prospect of the whole school finding out that only twenty minutes ago, she was all but clawing at James Potter in a pile of leaves during what was certainly the most stupefying kiss of her life.

"LILY!"

"Wha? Huh? 'S'wrong?"

"I NEED STARCH."

"What???"

"SPUDS. NOW."

"Sirius, what in the name of arse are you talking about?"

"I've asked you forty-five times to kindly pass the potatoes, but clearly you are too busy fantasizing about what it might be like to get twenty NEWTS or whatever it is you Heads think about."

"I—Oh, right. Sorry." Lily cleared her throat and, feeling a bit harassed, passed the potatoes to Sirius. She avoided his gaze too, certain that one look from her might tell him everything. The second the thought occurred to her, she realized how absurd it was.

"You alright?" he asked, laying very calculating eyes on Lily as he took the platter and slowly dallopped some potatoes onto his plate.

"Quite, thanks."

"You _are_ being a bit funny, you know," said Libby, who was also seated across the table.

"I'm not," said Lily, far too quickly. It was so silent for a moment that she decided to chance the teensiest glance at James.

He was already looking at her. He shrugged, a smile immediately dominating his features. They were both so red Lily felt like she and James might as well stand on one of the tables and shout, "WE JUST SNOGGED. A LOT."

It took a moment for Lily to realize that she was smiling so wide there was every possibility her molars were showing.

James snorted through very tightly pursed lips, obviously trying to swallow a bout of laughter.

The pressure in Lily's head was so high she felt like it wouldn't hurt to release a bit of it. She let a giggle slip.

James's shoulders twitched as he laughed in another short breath.

And Lily laughed.

And then they were both goners.

"What the _hell_ is this?" said Sirius, alarmed and amused. "What've I missed?"

Clutching at her side, her eyes watering, Lily could not answer. She was laughing so hard she felt a bit insane.

"Oi, Prongs! Don't leave us in the dark! What's happened? You lot at the top of the Hogwarts food chain have a duty to keep the minions informed."

James gasped for air. "Ah, it's—it's nothing—really. I think we're—just tired."

"Tired from what?" asked Peter.

And something about that question sent Lily over the edge again.

Lily's laughter had Alice chuckling as she said, "Really, what _is_ going on?"

"No, honestly," Lily choked. "It's just exhaustion. I feel a bit delirious."

"Clearly," said Sirius, his eyes wide. "You've both gone absolutely bonkers."

James said, "No worries, Padfoot. It's nothing." But he was grinning like the guiltiest, maddest of men. He looked up at the enchanted ceiling of the Great Hall in an attempt to steady himself, the stars reflecting in his glasses as he took a deep breath.

"Well, I don't believe you," Sirius said gruffly. "Something's going on."

"Leave it, Sirius."

Lily looked up. Remus was smiling pleasantly, but there was an intensity in his eyes which made Sirius obey. Sirius shrugged. "Alright then. 'Just tired' it is. Madness."

Libby cleared her throat. "So did you two finally do it?"

"_What_?" yelped Lily, and in the same moment James inhaled a piece of food and began choking frantically. Sirius thumped him on the back, laughing.

Libby chewed her food quietly for a second, looking between James and Lily as if they'd both completely lost it. "The schedule. Did you finally get it out of the way? Honestly, what _is _wrong with the pair of you?"

"Ahh," James sighed through laughter. "I'm just a happy sort of man, aren't I?"

"A _mad_man is what you are," said Remus.

"Not altogether false," said James fairly. "But still, Moony. I resent it. Especially coming from someone who has single-handedly convinced Hogwarts that a spook lives in the Shrieking Shack."

Remus flushed brilliant red.

"What?" said Libby. "I've never heard you talk much about that, Remus. It _is_ haunted though. You can hear the erm…well, the shrieking."

"Alright," said Lily, in danger of succumbing to hysterics again. "That about does it for me. I think if I sit here any longer I might burst." She got to her feet and collected her things.

"I reckon I _have_ burst something, feels a bit dodgy right about here," said James, rubbing a stitch in his side. "Mind if I join you, Evans?" he asked, ruffling his hair and flashing a winning smile. "Having a bit of trouble with one of the questions for Potions. Thought you might take a gander at what I've got so far."

"I'm more than happy to have a look at what you've got."

And they both fell to pieces laughing again.

***

James and Lily were holding their breath.

James woke up the next couple of mornings not daring to believe that the last few days of his life had actually happened. Toothbrush hanging out of his mouth, staring at himself in the mirror positively dumbstruck he'd think, _Did Evans have her hand on my thigh under the table at dinner last night? Well, that doesn't sound right at all. Have I gone mad?_ He'd have to wait until after a meeting with the Prefects, or double Herbology, or coming back from lunch at Hagrid's when Lily would catch his hand in hers for a few seconds, or sneak her arm around his waste, or stuff him into a cupboard and snog for England to realize he hadn't gone mat at all.

_Maybe __**she's **__gone mad,_ he'd muse happily, his fingers tangled in her long, sweet-smelling red hair.

Lily was what one might consider _deliriously_ happy. It was all right most times, but the constant urge to vomit rainbows and butterflies made it rather difficult to concentrate in lessons, particularly with James in the room looking _studious._ James was very funny and more often than not too silly for his own good, but as far as Lily was concerned nothing was worse than when he went all serious. Or _studious._

The way his face cracked into a wicked grin when he'd catch her staring at him took a close second though.

It was Wednesday evening. Lily was exhausted from an extremely long day of lessons, a meeting with James and the Prefects, and monitoring the corridors for an hour, and she was just finishing up studying for her Arithmancy exam the following morning. She was enjoying her time alone in her dormitory, so much in fact that she nearly fell asleep, when a very loud sound startled her.

"Huh—wha—who's—blimey, Libby! Easy on the hinges!" said Lily groggily, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. "Why've you come banging in here like a bloody parade of—"

"Tell me you didn't kiss James Potter."

Silence. Horrible, horrible silence. Libby stood, uniformed and shaking with anger she was clearly struggling to control.

"Libby…" Lily said, anxious.

"No, no. Just—I've just come from practice and Jack cracked a joke to James about snogging you. And I couldn't tell by his reaction if—just—Lily, tell me you didn't kiss him."

Lily sat there, her eyes fixed on Libby, a deer in headlights. "Oh, Libby…I don't know what to say…"

"Right," Libby said gruffly, beginning to strip from her Quidditch uniform with considerable force, "Right, so you did then. Brilliant. It only makes _no_ sense whatsoever, but fine, who cares what I think of it?" She stuffed her Quidditch robes into her trunk and began packing her schoolbag for the morning. Lily could almost feel her anger radiating around the room.

"Libby, I'm sorry I've made you feel this way. I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better," she said tentatively, afraid her friend would fly off the handle at any moment.

Lily started to utter more words of comfort, trying to phrase it in the way least likely to start Libby shouting at her. But the next words Libby spoke betrayed far less anger than Lily had anticipated—what actually came was worse. She sounded heartbroken. Libby threw down one of her books, looked Lily straight in the eyes, her own leaking fat, hot tears, and choked, "Why? _Why_ did you kiss him, Lily? You know how I feel about him. And to just—to just—rub it in my—"

"I wasn't trying to—"

"I don't care what you were _trying_ to do," said Libby, barely able to get the words out. "It's what you've done. What was it Lily? He f-fancies you for about two years and you can't be bothered, but the minute he goes off you, you can't stand it? You can't stand the idea that he could l-like someone else? So you have to—to just go ahead and put ideas in his head and—"

"Libby, I'm _sorry_ but you two broke up _seven_ months ago! On _your_ terms! I thought you might feel a bit uncomfortable, but I had no idea you'd be this upset about it."

She was hardly listening. "So Potter finally got what he's always wanted, and you get to play around with his feelings for a while before you go off him, because _you don't even like him_. You just can't stand that he's finally realized that there are plenty of girls in the world and you're only one of them. Just ask Portia Vane, he's seeing her as well! Not that it matters, he's probably too busy reveling in the fact that he finally got to the one girl he couldn't get, the girl every bloke in the stupid school fancies. You don't even have anything in common," she spat. She was still crying, but her face was contorted in anger and bitterness. Lily was too stunned to speak. "D'you know what he told us, all of us on the team beginning of last term? He told us he got a bit stupid over you because you're fit and everything but that you're a high-strung, bad-tempered swot that he wouldn't get on with in the long run anyway. But that's alright, he thinks you're _pretty_. I'm sure that relationship will last _ages_. Good luck with that." And she stormed out of the dormitory, leaving a stunned Lily behind, speechless and agape.

When Lily woke up from what was most certainly the worst night's sleep she had ever had, she did not speak to Libby. In fact, she had her heart set on never speaking to Libby ever again. She was certain she barely passed her Arithmancy exam, and even worse, she had Professor Adder's class the following period.

"Stow your wands, everyone," James announced as he strolled in, used to Adder's insistence that a wand was not necessary in his class. "No point learning defensive magic, there's only a lunatic taking over the universe." Several people chuckled, and James winked at Lily.

She glared at him, then looked away before he had a chance to furrow his brow. "Has yours got cobwebs yet?" Sirius smirked, patting James on the shoulder so that he looked away from Lily. "Mine has, I think. But I can only put half the blame on Adder. It's on you as well, leaving me to be Head Boy. Your dreams were too big for our love!"

"Ah, mate, don't make me be sick on your shoes," James warned.

"What's wrong, Prongsie? Love overload?" He glanced at Lily. "What d'you reckon, Lily?"

"I reckon you should put your arse in a seat and Spellotape your mouth, Sirius."

"Whoa," said Sirius. "A bit tense? Sort her out, mate, if you know what I mean," he winked at James.

"All right," said James, glancing warily at Lily. "Just—leave it, Sirius."

Sirius looked between his friends in confusion, then shrugged and found a seat.

Lily did not speak to either of them the entire lesson, and Professor Adder's lecture that day, in which he insisted that werewolves and vampires ought to be sent into the wild _where they belong_ (because the idea of them carrying wands was laughable), only further infuriated her.

But Lily could only stand so much of this. She was on the verge of exploding with anger, and she needed to let it out. She was torn between her desire never to speak to him again and screaming herself hoarse at him, possibly until his ears flew off his head. She could not _believe_ she'd actually been stupid enough not to realize he was seeing Portia Vane, and stupid enough to believe he actually had feelings for her. _Of course he hasn't got feelings for me_, Lily chastised herself, _half the girls in the school fancy him_.

Thinking she probably could not stand sitting down for lunch at the same table as Libby, and least of all James, Lily stalked out onto the grounds, muttering to herself like a lunatic and flinging herself under the quickly shedding oak tree to do some reading.

But she found herself unable to get past the first couple of sentences of the chapter. She kept seeing Libby in her head, red-faced and furious, tears in her eyes as she shouted at Lily, wanting to hurt her…

And James, laughing at Lily with the Team, or meeting Portia just after he'd been with Lily…or worse…kissing her moments after he'd kissed Portia….

How could she have missed it? Portia was always talking to James at mealtimes, smiling at him in the corridors, finding an excuse to talk to him in the Common Room, asking for help with every singly subject—Lily rolled her eyes—And how could Potter refuse anyone handing him attention and admiration?

Perhaps it wasn't even worth talking to him about this, as he was so obviously completely stuck in his—

"Boo!"

"WAAAAAA!"

Lily's heart was in her throat, pounding so hard she was suffocating. "You—what the _hell_?"

James was leaning against the trunk of the oak, doubled over with laughter. He'd jumped from a high branch directly in front of her, practically shaking the earth when he landed. Lily had been so immersed in her thoughts, so calmed by the stillness of her surroundings, he'd nearly frightened her to death. Both hands were clasped over her heart and her eyes were shut.

Still laughing, James dropped to his knees and crawled over to Lily. He kissed her forehead, then rested on his elbows, hovering over her.

"Blimey, Lily, I'm actually _sorry_. Didn't think I'd frighten you _that _much."

She opened her eyes. "What the _hell_ were you doing up there?"

"Followed you out here, didn't I? Climbed up while you were reading and—_hey—_"

He furrowed his brow as Lily rejected his attempts at embracing her and pushed him away. He paused, then chuckled, as though she were playing a game with him, and tried to kiss her. "What gives?" he asked as she pushed him away again. "Are you _actually_ angry?"

Lily pushed him clean off of her, then got to her feet. She waited until he did the same.

"Can I ask you something, _Potter_? Why does half the school know what happened between us last week?"

"Er—"

"Because evidently Jack made a comment about it at your last practice and Libby overheard. And now she's furious with me."

James looked only mildly concerned about this as he watched a leaf soar past him and catch in Lily's hair. He pulled it out matter-of-factly and explained, "I—well, I told Sirius and erm…he sort of…well, to put it delicately, he went round shouting about it a bit." He dropped the leaf, smiling sheepishly.

"Why did you tell Sirius?"

James blinked. "Because I was not aware you wished to keep it a secret?"

"Stop trying to be funny, this is serious. She's really angry!"

James laughed in spite of himself. "Lily, I'm sorry, but what do you want me to do? Sirius is my best mate and I was well chuffed. He knows I've fancied you for ages, you know, sort of been there for the worst, and I wanted him to share in my victory."

"Your _victory_?" Lily's voice was dangerously low, her eyes slits.

James knew he'd chosen a disastrously poor choice of words the moment they'd left his mouth. "Ah, Lily, I didn't mean it that way. Come on, I went a bit giddy and I told my best mate. It's not like I made up a banner and dangled it off the Astronomy Tower. And I didn't know you'd be all embarrassed about it and wouldn't want people finding out."

Lily watched him for a moment, flustered. "I'm—oh, I'm not embarrassed, James, I'm just—it was awful with Libby before. She was gutted and I suppose I didn't really think about how she'd react to…to…"

And then, something about what Libby had said struck Lily. How could she have forgotten? She was so focused on Libby's reaction she'd forgotten all else…

"You alright?" James asked when Lily was silent for several moments.

Lily smiled. But it was not her usual bright, lovely smile. In fact, she looked a little deranged.

James gulped. "Er, say something, Lily. You're, er, making me feel a bit edgy. Heh."

Lily attempted to arrange her expression so that she could give the impression of sanity. She cleared her throat delicately. "James," she said, calmly and quite seductively.

"I—yes?"

She sauntered closer to him, and when she was near enough, she ran her hands up his chest and hooked them around his neck. James's eyes looked about to leap out of his skull.

"What was that you said before? You were really chuffed about the other night?"

James chuckled, his crooked grin twisting his lips. He blushed deeply and wrapped his arms around Lily's waist. "Yeah," he said rather bashfully. "And—and giddy. I said giddy as well…" His voice had gone all husky again, something that usually made Lily melt. Now however…

"That's very _interesting_, Mr. Potter," she cooed, nuzzling his nose with her own as she stressed the word. In saccharine tones, she continued, "Because I was very _very_ worried you might not feel that way…"

James was torn. On the one hand, he was enjoying this attention and closeness immensely. On the other, there was something not quite right about it… "Er—why—why on earth would you think that?"

"Well," said Lily, pretending to think very hard. "I was just worried you might think I was too much of a HIGH-STRUNG-BAD-TEMPERED-SWOT," and she emphasized each slur by ripping James's hands off of her, shoving him, reaching over his head and pulling his robes over his face.

"Whoa!" he cried, scrabbling for the neck of his robes to expose his face again. By the time he'd righted his robes, Lily was halfway up the lawn. "No! Wait! Lily!" he swore under his breath as he tore after her. "Oh come on, Lily! At least let me explain!"

"What is there to explain? It's what you think and there's nothing either of us can do about it."

"Lily—just—stop—it!" James struggled after her, and when he overtook her he stopped dead in front of her, hands up as if in surrender. "Just please—allow me to explain."

"I'm not interested," she said, folding her arms.

"Why not?" he asked, dropping his hands and pouting.

"Because there's nothing you can say."

"But I didn't mean it!"

"So you lied?"

"Yes! I mean—no! I—well, in a manner of speaking, yes."

"Then you're a liar. Again, not interested."

"Ah, blimey Lily, you always—you get me so tongue-tied and it's not fair. Can't you give me one chance to _not_ make a prat of myself?"

"You _have_ made a prat of yourself."

James huffed. "Redeem myself then?"

Lily considered him for some time. "Go on then," she said casually.

"Okay. I _did_ say that. I said it, and I was only…I dunno…being bitter. Because I really really liked—well, _like_ you, and for ages you wouldn't even give me the time of day. And…I guess I wanted to make myself feel better or something," he said, shrugging and looking stressed. "Honestly, I wanted to believe what I was saying more than I actually believe it. I mean, no, wait, I didn't mean—I don't believe it at all, okay?"

"I don't believe you."

"Oh, come on, Lily! How could I like you so much if I thought those things about you?"

"I've been asking myself that same question."

"Huh? Listen, Lily…I obviously don't think you're high-strung and bad-tempered, I just said that because you wouldn't go out with me. I was being a real bell-end. You're a laugh, we always have a laugh together. That's why I like you so much. And…er…well, okay you are a bit swotty. But it's a good thing! You're studious! Come on, don't be sore, Evans—" (something about hearing James's former, more formal way of addressing her warmed her inside)—"I like myself a swotty lass. You'll be the successful one and you can bring home galleons by the bucket," he grinned hopefully.

Lily couldn't help giggling a bit.

"Crikey O'Reilly, Evans, I thought you knew me! The day I slag you off…well…it'll be Saint Whatsit's Day. Saint Clang Whatever."

Lily laughed. "Saint Glinglin's Day, you mad wizard."

He chuckled back. "Go on, give us a cuddle," he said wickedly.

She leaned into his arms. It felt good. He held her tightly, running his hands up her back, and kissed the top of her head. Into her hair, he mumbled sweetly, "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings."

She sighed happily in reply. The side of his neck was warm, and Lily buried her face into his balmy scent. She breathed him in, intoxicated by the enormity of her affection for him, feeling so small beneath its weight and frightened by her inability to fight it, but elated all the same. She was superbly vulnerable though wrapped safely in James Potter's arms, and she could not believe how overwhelming her feelings were after lying dormant for years.

She looked up into his warm, hazel eyes. He looked so relieved, and happy, but still characteristically impish with a few locks of hair falling under his glasses and into his eyes. Subconsciously she tilted her head up, leaning into him and he knew what she wanted. James bent his face to hers and kissed her, tenderly at first, then more urgently. No one had ever kissed her the way James Potter could, fiercely but gently, his delectable lips never too aggressive, never too timid, his warm, slick tongue never too eager. She felt so strongly—too strongly…

"James," she breathed into their kiss, "stop." She did not think she could stop on her own.

"What is it?" he asked, in that irresistibly throaty voice.

"I…I have to ask you something, and…just be honest, all right?" she said desperately.

"What is it?" He was still holding her, and she was distracted for a moment by the way his thumb was tracing little delicate circles on her back…

Lily took a deep breath. "Are you seeing Portia Vane?"

James's mouth twitched, before, very quickly, he answered, "No."

He did not look as shocked by the accusation as Lily would have liked.

She raised her eyebrow.

"I'm only seeing _you_," he promised.

Lily continued staring at him, as if searching for the truth, then sighed. "Perfect. Your romantic life is the _entire_ castle's business for about two years, and now that it might concern me I'm left in the dark. I never thought I'd miss the days when your personal life was practically in the _Daily _bloody _Prophet!_"

"What are you even talking about?"

Lily knew she was being ridiculous; James had never been any more flagrant about his love life than any other normal seventeen year old. She had just been hypersensitive to it lately, so aware of every little deed and change of interest and girlfriend and crush and whatever else.

"I…I…"

James waited, eyeing her warily.

And all she wanted was to be able to say, _I don't even know what I'm saying. I'm really sorry, just forget it, I'm just a little on edge today._

But to her absolute horror, she felt a tide of emotion coming in, and she felt like if she spoke she might cry.

"What is the matter with you?" he asked sharply.

"Nothing," said Lily with a sigh, and as she looked at the floor she could not stop a tear from falling.

"Look at me."

Lily shrugged and continued looking away. She was about to say, "I've got to run," but James repeated, "Look at me, Lily."

And when she did, when he could see that she was, in fact, a blubbering mess, he pulled a pained expression.

"What is it?" he asked.

She couldn't take him being kind like this, being so understanding when there was no reason for her to be crying in the first place. It wasn't like he had promised her anything…

She gulped. "I don't mind, you know," she lied. "If you're seeing someone else. It's not like…I mean we're not…I was just curious. Libby said you're seeing Portia. I thought I'd ask you." Lily steadied herself.

James sighed. "I _was_. Well, that's not even really true. I dunno, she seemed keen and we spent a bit of time together. But _nothing_ happened." He looked at her for a moment. "And what do you mean you don't mind? You're crying," he rolled his eyes.

"I'm just—upset that Libby is so angry." Lily was amazed how quickly the lie materialized.

James looked taken aback. "I—oh."

"Honestly, you can be honest about Portia. We're friends," Lily shrugged.

"Friends," James repeated hesitantly. "Interesting." He looked at his fingernails for a moment, then very casually he said, "Well, if we're only friends, I think I'd rather keep that information private. You know, as it's between _Portia_ and me."

Lily stomped, "Oh, damn it, Potter, have it your own way! We're not _totally _friends—we've been messing about, I get it. Now tell me what's going on!"

"Nothing!" he shouted. "I've just said, nothing! Dunno why it should concern _you_, as you apparently don't mind if I see other people, and claim we're _friends_ who've been _messing about_!"

"So?"

"What do you mean _so_?"

"Ugh—can't you just tell me?"

"Why should I?" James demanded.

"It just…_bothers_ me, alright?" she said, trying to sound composed though another couple of tears trickled down her face.

James looked confused but also…almost afraid. He looked unsure how to proceed, and he was looking cautious as he asked, "Why?"

"Why? Why what?"

"Why does it bother you? That I might have dated Portia?"

"Yes—but, no—not just that, I mean…_anyone_."

"Why?"

"What do you mean _why?_"

"I mean _why does it bother you? _Does it bother you to see Frank and Alice together? Are you annoyed when Remus snogs someone, or Pete? Do you have a strop when Sirius goes out on a date?" James was looking agitated now, but Lily was sure she caught a look of triumph in those impish hazel eyes. Was he mocking her?

"No, and I didn't say it made me angry. I said it just bothers me."

"_Why_?"

"Why do you keep—I don't know why, alright? It just _does_. I can't help it."

"I'm not asking you to help it, I am asking you to explain why you feel that way.

After all, we are _just friends._"

"Well I don't know."

James actually raised his voice when he spoke again, and he was no longer confused, or agitated, or cautious. He looked angry…

"It bothers you to see me show interest in other girls and_ you don't know why?_" He shot her a very suggestive, very incredulous look…

Lily felt her stomach turn over, and her palms were sweating. "No, I don't know why," she said firmly, folding her arms. She felt strangely panicky. After over a year of what seemed to be a complete lack of interest in her, and after seeing him handle his relationships with other girls so casually, pursuing them with such throwaway emotion, Lily didn't think she could handle being next in line.

James sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Well. I dunno what to say then."

"I haven't asked you to say anything, I'm just saying…"

"What?" he snapped.

"Look, I'm sorry I brought this up."

"Well, I'm not. Apparently something needs to be discussed. If you're so upset you're _crying _over it—"

"I'm not—I wasn't—god, you can be such a smug little bastard sometimes." Lily felt her lip trembling again.

"Smug? _Me_ smug? You're the one—you can't even—you're standing here _crying_ because—and you can't even say—you can't even tell me—_me_ smug?" He was spluttering, so angry that Lily had the nerve to criticize his dating habits, yet so afraid that he was misguided in his inkling about Lily's distress.

"Just…let's please forget this, alright?"

"I want you to tell me how you feel." His voice was so firm it was almost a command.

"I've told you how I feel, it bothers me when—"

"I want you to tell me how you feel about _me_," he said quite loudly, growing impatient.

That panicked feeling rose in Lily's gut again, and she just couldn't do it. Feeling like an utter coward, she said, "What kind of thing is that to say?"

"God, Lily, cut the crap. Just talk to me. Just _say_ it."

"You don't sound like you need to hear me say anything, it seems like you have your mind pretty made up about how I feel."

He took a deep breath, looked into her eyes and said, "I just need to hear you say it."

It was such a simple statement. Delivered calmly, evenly, with barely a variation in expression, yet the whole world lie in it. It carried endless possibility, as if Lily need only make this one small effort, and she could have anything…

And for a moment, it worked. "James…" she began softly. "I dunno exactly how I feel…but…it's just that when…sometimes…er….with _you_… it feels…I feel like…"

"What?" he said equally softly, taking a step toward her.

She froze. She was terrified. She felt so horribly small under the power James seemed to have over her that she began scrambling for a way to back out of what she had just said.

James, apparently sensing this, grew agitated again. "God, Lily, just _talk_ to me. What am I going to do, bite your head off?"

"No, but you can—you might—" Lily gave a tiny scream of frustration, and all her fear and anxiety came out again when James urged her to speak, and she actually _wanted_ to. She _wanted_ to tell him, and she was being guided so easily by his words, allowing him to put her right where he wanted her. She felt weak, and powerless, and, never having allowed these types of things to compromise her this way, she did not know what to do.

"Just tell me the truth," he said.

"Fine. You want the truth, you can have it. I really _could _have liked you, James, and I suppose I thought I did for a while. But you're so arrogant you think you can just treat girls however you like and cast them aside whenever you're through and everyone's still just supposed to worship you or something. You can't just throw a load of sweet talk at me and expect me to lap it up like Cordelia or Libby or Portia—"

"You _do_ realize Libby broke up with _me_, don't you?"

"Yes, but—"

But James cut her off, raising his voice. "And you _do_ realize I only went out with Cordelia once, and _she_ ended our date early, don't you?"

"Well, I—"

"And you _do_ realize I was honest with Portia from the beginning about not being interested in a relationship, upfront from the start about having serious feelings for someone else, and _she_ decided to back off—don't you?"

Lily made to argue again, but she felt foolish. He was right. Again, she had let her feelings affect her judgment. And again, James was angry.

"And may I point out," he harangued, "that Libby broke up with me because she thought there was something between you and me when she saw your Patronus in Defense Against the Dark Arts last term. Did you know that? She pretty much had her mind made up after that, but just to be sure, she came right out and asked me if I had feelings for you. You can guess what I said. Cordelia stormed off on me that night at the Three Broomsticks because I gave Myers a duffing up over you, but I'm pretty sure she noticed I wanted to strangle him even when you were _enjoying_ his pathetic come-ons. And you're a clever girl, Lily—care to take a stab at who I referred to in my chat with Portia? Or shall I spell that out for you too? I've got this far, what's a bit more pointless explanation of common knowledge?"

As James ticked off each explanation, Lily felt the major, devastating blows to her entire argument. Sense told her it was time, that there was nothing more James could give her if she didn't give anything back. He had made effort after effort, fair and honest efforts, worn his heart on his sleeve time and time again, and there she was, a Gryffindor too cowardly to trust his affection, to afraid to get hurt the way she knew James could hurt her.

She looked away. "I don't even know why we're talking about this," she said coldly. "It doesn't matter."

"Doesn't it?"

"No."

It was quiet for a few seconds.

"Do I really have to—" James sighed, defeated. "Just answer yes or no then—do you feel anything for me other than friendship?"

Lily hesitated. Then—"No. I don't."

"You don't," he repeated.

Lily nodded, fighting tears with everything she had as James closed his eyes and nodded.

"What was this?" he asked bitterly, gesturing between himself and Lily, and she knew he meant the past couple of days.

Lily shrugged.

"Well then. I s'pose that's my cue to _bow_ out of the conversation," he said with a cold smile and a mock-bow. He turned, took several steps up the lawn, then stopped. When he faced her again, the cold smile had vanished. Instead, he looked heartbroken.

"And Lily?" he called over the wind. "If this is the way you feel, don't bother me in future with any more of your self-indulgent criticisms on how I handle my relationships." And he walked swiftly toward the castle.


	23. Taking Sides

The Wizarding World was in a panic. The Ministry was on the verge of collapse. And things were changing at Hogwarts.

This was true even when one did not consider the fact that after her fiasco on the grounds with James, even Remus, Sirius, and Peter seemed reluctant to speak to Lily. In her presence, Sirius looked about as offended as he might have had _he _been the one she'd practically dumped before they'd even gotten going. With aggravation, Lily remembered a lesson in mid-November, in which Professor Flitwick was assigning pairs to practice Heating Charms.

"Sirius, if you'll pair up with Lily…"

Sirius looked up lazily. "Lily who?"

The class laughed, but Lily was actually rather hurt.

Remus took an unmistakably icy tone every time he spoke to her, and this hurt Lily more than she could have anticipated.

Her question about one of life's mysteries had, at least, been answered; yes, boys gossip to their friends about their love lives too.

Nerves were running high enough without Professor Adder towering over the corridors and classrooms, pointing out the Dark Lord's more "valiant" endeavors with very little subtlety and preaching the importance of "cooperation." Most disturbing of all was Dumbledore's recent tendency to spend less and less time at the castle. Many of the students who had grown to idolize their Headmaster had to endure the very disenchanting experience of shaken faith and, what is more, at a time where they needed something to believe in more than ever.

Lily Evans could not be counted among them.

"He's fighting, you mark my words," she declared at a meeting with James and the Prefects in November. "I know we'd all like him to be here, but skill and brains like that aren't much good holed up at Hogwarts when Voldemort's on the loose. He's out there."

"I agree," said Remus thoughtfully. "He's not the sort to sit back and do nothing. I think it's one of the reasons Voldemort's come back even stronger lately."

"Say _You-Know-Who_, will you?" said Alan Smith with a grimace.

"No, we will not," said Lily, without waiting for Remus to reply. "We stand no chance with that sort of attitude."

Vega Wallace snorted.

"What?" Lily snapped.

"What, you reckon _saying his name_ will give you a chance? Clearly you've no idea what he's capable of, what sort of power—"

"I know what he's capable of," Lily cut in fiercely. "But I won't sit here and be intimidated by him. And you might mind your tone, Wallace. You wouldn't want everyone stereotyping you, would you? Just another Slytherin who can hardly contain her admiration when talking about the foulest wizard who's ever lived."

"Oh look here," sneered Vega. "Poor pigeonholed Evans always moaning about prejudice against Muggle-borns, and what's that you just said? Is it a very difficult realization, Evans, when you look in the mirror and find a filthy hypocrite staring back?"

Lily's eyes were slits. "I was only saying," she explained slowly, "That you might take care to control the absolute joy pouring out of you when you talk about the appalling things Voldemort gets up to. This isn't the first time."

"I must say," said James, who was twirling his wand and looking rather bored, "I think this is awfully irrelevant." His chair was balanced on its back legs and James's feet were crossed on a desk in the empty classroom where they were convened. "We're supposed to be reiterating new security precautions, not having a political debate. Can we get cracking?"

"Well, I'm glad _someone _agrees with me," said Vega, rolling her eyes.

James leaned forward, and the front legs of his chair clunked against the floor. "I'm sorry—you've misunderstood me. I'm too wound up to talk about Voldemort at the moment and I'll be happy when this meeting is over. But I don't agree with you. And as long as we're all being open, if you have another go at Evans I won't mind releasing a bit of frustration," he said, flicking his wand and smiling ominously.

"Is that a threat, Potter?" Vega spat, leaning forward in her seat.

James shrugged. "Just saying, I've got a lot to offer in the hex department."

"All right, that's quite enough," Lily warned. "Let's move on, shall we?"

Both Lily and James would have liked to say that this kind of confrontation was atypical of their meetings. But the world these days seemed encompassed by two kinds of people—friends and enemies—and those who were smart chose with meticulous care.

This was the very reason that—at odds though they were regarding more personal matters—James and Lily were nonverbally but undeniably part of a scarce bond that revealed itself now and again at Hogwarts: step on one's toes, and inevitably find yourself at risk of drawing wands with the other.

Probably no three individuals in all of Hogwarts fell into this category more precisely than Sirius Black, James Potter, and Remus Lupin. Their camaraderie revealed itself beautifully in their refusal to listen to any of Adder's rubbish, but the pressure he'd put on the school did create a bit of a fissure in their relationship with Peter. James was unsure if he'd ever forgive him when he said, "Wouldn't life just be easier if we just did what he said? I mean,we don't have to _agree _with him to just shut up and do what he says, you know, just to make things easier. Right?"

Adder's imposition upon Hogwarts was the reason that James, Sirius, and Remus spent more time than ever in detention, courtesy Professor Adder. "Interesting," came Professor Adder's sour tones, "that I am constantly having to reprimand Remus Lupin, a _Prefect_, and James Potter, _Head Boy_ of Hogwarts. Remind me—who delegates these clearly very momentous responsibilities?"

"Professor Dumbledore," James said proudly.

Professor Adder smiled frostily. "Well, then, on your third detention this week, you must agree—Dumbledore seems to be going a bit _potty_. Don't you agree, _Potter_?"

Even Sirius agreed that it was taking a bit of a risk for James to spit at Adder's feet, but there he was.

Peculiarly, it seemed the more detentions Professor Adder awarded them and the more points he deducted from Gryffindor—whether for speaking their minds or rebelling in some hilarious way—the less likely Minerva McGonagall was to punish them for anything at all. Indeed, their seemed to be an unspoken agreement between Professors Flitwick, Sprout, Vector, Burbage, and McGonagall to allow James, Sirius, and Remus do whatever they pleased as long as they took care to give Professor Adder hell.

For this reason, James came bounding into Transfiguration one morning and shouted, "Happy Anniversary, Professor!"

Professor McGonagall looked up and raised an eyebrow. "I beg your pardon, Potter?"

"He meant _month_iversary, really, Professor," Sirius clarified, as though no further explanation was necessary. Remus was shaking his head, already at his desk and very pink in the face.

She raised both eyebrows indifferently at the inexplicably beaming Gryffindors.

"It's been a month since you've given us detentions!"

"A whole _month!_ That's never happened!"

"We knew you loved us all along, really, Professor."

"It might as well be chocolates and a rose, as far as we're concerned."

"You old dear!"

"Old?" said Professor McGonagall dangerously.

"Er—well, happy anniversary anyway, Professor." The boys shuffled off to their seats.

Lily could swear Professor McGonagall had to fight a smile as she began the lesson.

As far as James and Lily were concerned, the former seemed unlikely ever to forgive the latter for "messing" him "around," as he so obnoxiously put it. Any time Lily found herself in James' presence, she was often unable to decide whether she wanted to hex his lights out or snog him to within an inch of his life. The rather complicated matter was that it was not what one would call out of the ordinary for her to act on either impulse, and James, naturally, could not help but notice.

These days, it was odd for Lily to do anything without James fitting in some obnoxious comment or other about her hopelessly shifting feelings about their relationship. At dinner one Friday evening, Lily nudged Sirius. "Pass the pumpkin juice?"

Sirius reached across the table for the pumpkin juice when James interjected, without looking up from his plate, "Pass her the water pitcher."

Sirius froze awkwardly. "She's just asked for the pumpkin juice, mate."

"Nah, she'll change her mind in a minute." He continued chewing his pie.

The people sitting between them giggled awkwardly, but even Sirius seemed to think James had crossed the line. When he passed Lily the pumpkin juice, he did so with an apologetic shrug and, for once, did not join in with the laughter.

Lily poured her drink with a heavy, angry hand, letting the juice slop into the glass and splash several people—including Sirius—as she shot James a dirty look.

And she drank, thinking bitterly that now Potter mentioned it, a glass of cold water would really go down a treat.

What certainly did not help was that Lily was almost certain she hadn't spoken a word to Libby in weeks. Even more infuriating was the fact that Libby and James seemed to be getting along swimmingly.

"It's Quidditch," said Maggie, nodding wisely. "Lads like James will do anything for Quidditch. You've got to remember, they've survived a whole _breakup_. In the name of _Quidditch_."

More than anything, it irked Lily how like-minded James and Libby were. She was so tightly wound these days she thought she might snap.

She nearly did too, one day in Professor Adder's lesson. It was the last lesson of a very long day, and Adder had cut his lecture short in order to make an announcement.

"I'm sure many of you have heard whispers of a winter ball this term. I am very pleased to confirm these rumors!"

Lily furrowed her brow. Professor Adder? Hosting a ball? She snuck a glance at Remus. He raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, very exciting," said Professor Adder. "Most exciting of all will be some of our guests of honor. Melvin Hornsby, for one."

"Melvin Hornsby?" said Jasper. "The _Imperius _bloke?"

"He _has_ advocated relaxing some of the restrictions on the spell, yes."

"The _curse_, you mean," Lily rolled her eyes.

"Miss Evans, Melvin Hornsby is valuable for more than his stance on Unforgiveable Curses, and might I mention that there is a time and a place for such things. If relaxing restrictions on the Imperius Curse allows us to gain important insights, then perhaps we ought to open our minds. In light of your rather…ah, _recent_ integration into the Wizarding World, I will forgive your ignorance."

"I'm not ignorant," said Lily, already feeling her skin burn with anger, "I might be Muggle-born, but I'm not an idiot."

"Prove it then, by respecting those ranking higher than yourself. Head Girl doesn't mean much, Evans, if your counterpart is anything like what Dumbledore normally chooses to represent the student body." He sneered at James.

Lily wasn't listening. "…'Hornsby is _valuable_ for more than his stance… valuable? Really? Appraising people like stones and metals again. Honestly!"

"I see that you are bitter, but a Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson is no place to vent your frustrations."

"A Defense Against the Dark Arts Lesson? Ha!"

Adder glared at Lily. "Clearly you have something to say. Well, then, if you insist on eating into everyone's educational schedule, you have the podium. Go on." He folded his arms.

Lily huffed. "I think it's ridiculous that we're having a _ball_ in the middle of a war." Several people gasped. "That's right, we're in open _war,_ and those too blind or too stupid to see it deserve the shock that's coming to them."

"What delusions are these now, Miss Evans? War? Where are the battlefields, I wonder?" Several students laughed.

"Anywhere there's a witch or wizard in existence it seems. And you want to have some stupid ball to give us an opportunity to mix with your evil mates. Death Eaters probably."

There was a loud, collective gasp, then shivering silence. After a while, Adder spoke. "That is a very serious accusation, Evans. I would bite my tongue if I were you."

Lily seemed partly in agreement, but continued anyway. "I wonder what Professor Dumbledore has to say about this ball."

Adder smiled. "Well. As you would find if you made the trip to his office, Professor Dumbledore is not here. He seems to have realized the error in his ways, being so _difficult_ when it comes to the Ministry. And I'll have you know that this ball has been Ministry-approved. Over Dumbledore's head." He smiled coldly. "Good for morale, you see."

"Morale," Lily scoffed, but she found herself so enraged she could barely put words together.

"What's that, Evans?"

"I'm not stupid, you know. You think you can shove all of this Ministry approval rubbish under my nose and I'll think, ok, no problem, as long as the Ministry thinks it's all right. But the Ministry approved those attacks on innocent Muggles last Spring, and if you think that just because I'm Muggle-born I'm stupid enough—"

"You see," said Adder, talking loudly over Lily. "That is the problem with your lot. You Muggle-borns are so wrapped up in defending yourselves, defending your magical ability, defending your right to even _exist_ amongst us…" he chuckled coldly again. "Well, you neglect to actually _prove _any of it. A lot of talk, very little action. It's very sad."

Fury lashed at Lily's insides. She opened her mouth, and she was sure that the wildest and most vile insults were a split second from tumbling out of her…

And suddenly, an invisible hand clapped over her mouth. Her body felt rigid, unmovable, 'til some unseen force weakened her knees, and as they gave out she sunk into her chair, completely mute and utterly confused.

"Well," Professor Adder hummed, "It looks as if someone has finally decided to see sense. It is usually best to bite one's tongue in such cases, Ms. Evans, at least until one has attained a solid grasp on reality."

How badly the riposte within ached to escape …

Yet she remained mute. She said nothing.

Class resumed, and Lily very gradually regained her facilities. The moment had passed to come back at Adder, but a new purpose occupied her attention. What had just happened?

She looked around, and as her eyes passed over James—seated several places in front of her and a bit to the right—she caught it; very stealthily, he pocketed the wand that had just been pointing in her direction.

She bit her tongue through the remainder of the lesson, hardly paying attention to Professor Adder. The moment class was dismissed, she darted after James and was able to catch up with him several paces down the corridor. She grabbed his arm and yanked, causing him to unexpectedly stop dead, and a small first year girl slammed into his back and toppled over.

Flustered, Lily helped the girl to her feet apologetically. When she scurried off, Lily glared at James.

"Come on," she commanded, stalking off.

"Huh?"

She doubled back and grabbed at his arm again. "Get in here." She dragged him into an empty classroom, then faced him with her hand on her hips.

He rubbed his forearm absently.

"What've you done?" she demanded, crossing her arms.

"Why is everyone always asking me that? Honestly, if I had a Sickle for every time someone asked—"

"Cut the crap, Potter. You immobilized me!"

"Well spotted, Magellan," he replied dryly.

"Why'd you do that?"

"Because, Evans, the last place you need to be right now is under Adder's skin. And I wouldn't put it past him to draw wands, and I'd rather not spend the rest of my life in Azkaban for murder. I'm only young."

"You think I can't handle myself?"

"It's not a question of whether you can handle yourself."

"It is!"

"Of course I think you can handle yourself, but that doesn't mean you should be stirring certain…erm…pots," he replied pleasantly.

"I wasn't stirring any pot."

"You were. You're very hot headed," he grinned.

"Well, it was none of your business."

"Of course it was my business."

"It absolutely was not."

"He was having a go at you," James shrugged.

"Exactly why I wasn't going to just lie down and take it! But that doesn't make it _your_ business."

"Evans, you are thick as shit sometimes. If someone has a go at you, it's my business."

Lily huffed, throwing her arms in the air and finding herself very unsure what to do with them. She stammered for a moment and glanced around as if searching for someone to agree that James was out of line. "You're so—you—you don't have to swoop in and rescue me every time something unpleasant happens!"

"Yeah, I do."

"No, you don't."

"Can't help it," he shrugged.

"I can handle myself."

"I know that."

Then don't bother in future!"

"Ah, Evans, get over it," he mumbled, ruffling his hair.

Lily shouted her retort, and James came back at her, getting moody now, and Lily, fuming, shouted over him as the color rose in both Gryffindors' faces. At which point the intensity of the argument resulted in James backing Lily forcefully against the wall, she could not be sure, nor was she certain how amongst all the angry shouting she wound up attached to him at the mouth, her fingers tangled in the mess of hair at the back of his head as she kissed him feverishly.

"God you're annoying," Lily panted

"Mhm."

"I've got to—meet Alice," Lily managed to utter as James sucked at her bottom lip.

"Yeah—got practice—anyway," he breathed.

"'Kay."

But neither of them went anywhere.

Lily could not be sure if she was immensely happy or incredibly annoyed that this had become typical of their relationship.

***

On the third of December she got Libby back.

It was Saturday, and the Gryffindors had just won a well-rehearsed Quidditch match against Hufflepuff. Yet Lily had never seen James Potter look less in the mood to celebrate.

Libby came into the Common Room, enjoyed a very welcoming reception, and immediately approached Lily. "Will you come upstairs with me?"

It was strange how Lily did not realize, until that very moment, that she'd been waiting weeks for this. Nor did she notice, until that very moment, how deeply she missed her friend. She nodded.

The girls' dormitory was quiet, save for the muffled sounds of the celebration below. Libby paced for a moment, plucking at her wrist guard for a minute before she finally spoke.

"First of all—I'm sorry."

Lily smiled, shocked inside at how easily she was willing to forgive Libby.

"No—listen. I was horrible. I've been putting off apologizing to you because I can hardly face how really horrible I was. I'm…well…it's embarrassing."

Lily took Libby's hand and pulled her near her bed. They sat, and Lily took a deep breath. "It's alright. I know you really…liked him."

Libby laughed bitterly. "Honestly, Lily, I was in love with him. _Was…_don't even know how accurate _that_ is… anyway…" She sighed. "I sort of always knew you were going to forgive me for that. Because you're lovely that way. But I still…I feel like I need to explain myself."

Lily nodded.

"I want you to know that I knew…even before anything happened between you two…just…I sort of hoped that he'd realize…I just, I guess I didn't _get_ it, you know? How you two could…and I don't mean anything by it, it's just that you're so different. I dunno, I suppose it doesn't matter."

"Libbs?"

"Yeah?"

"You're talking rubbish."

Libby laughed, and so did Lily. "Alright. I suppose you're right. But listen, the point is—I know I went a bit…well, _mental_. And I'm so sorry. I really am. And I've said this to James and I want to tell you--I know you two are mad about each other. And I don't want you to think you need to tiptoe around me. Honestly. I've apologized to him and I really need you to forgive me too."

Lily sighed. "I do Libby. But…I don't think James and I are going to be together."

Libby blinked. "Why?"

"I dunno. It's complicated I guess. I think he…I mean, you were right…he just wants what he can't have."

"Ah, Lily," said Libby, burying her face in her hands. "Don't make me feel like a bell-end."

"Sorry," Lily tried to laugh. "But you were right. We're not…we don't make sense."

Libby looked up again. "Wow, Lily. The both of you...you really need to pull your heads of out your arses."

Lily laughed.

"Honestly, Lily…maybe it doesn't look right on paper...but in reality…it's just…well, _right_."

Lily shook her head. "Well, don't let Portia Vane overhear you saying that."

"Ah, come on Lily, he's just a bit flirty with her out of sheer boredom. Just because she fancies him rotten doesn't mean he gives a rat's…"

"You know him, though. Probably getting off with her behind the broom sheds at lunch."

Libby paused. "Aren't you seeing him though?"

"No. Well, a bit. I dunno."

She smiled. "Look, if he's seeing you, he's not seeing anyone else."

Libby got up and began to change into pajamas. She spoke again when she finished. "So, today in the changing rooms we were all talking. Potter and Belby reckon we ought to go to the ball. Be a good place to have an eye out, you know? If you're right, and Adder _has _got some dodgy people going—excellent telling-off the other day, by the way, been meaning to tell you—it'll be a pretty enlightening experience, I'd imagine. Plus, Dumbledore wouldn't miss it. No worries. Anyway, _I_ think you should ask James."

Lily snorted.

"You should though, Lily," she said, sitting down. "Just get married already," she laughed.

"Right," Lily scoffed. "I'm sure he'll pencil our wedding in between a date with Portia Vane and shagging Myra Proust."

"He got off with Myra Proust?"

"I dunno," Lily rolled her eyes. "I just…I think I need to just forget about him."

Libby gazed at Lily for what seemed like a long time. She heaved a great sigh, then looked at the floor. "Okay. I really don't want to have to do this. But. Well, here we are."

"What?" Lily asked, baffled.

"It just…absolutely boggles my mind that after all this time you still don't get it about James."

"Get what?"

"Just--have you got a container or something?"

"Er--what size are you looking f—?"

"Lily, just anything, and quickly. Before I change my mind."

Lily got up and fumbled for a vial in her dresser drawer. She handed it over.

Without speaking, Libby pressed her wand to her temple. When she pulled it away, a long, luminous, silver thread followed, and she coiled it into Lily's vial.

"Look at that, alright? Alice has got a Penseive—her nan left it to her. Just there, in her trunk. Just—please—don't think badly of me. And—I'm sorry for anything I said that…sort of crossed a line. But I think you need to see it."

And she walked briskly out of the room and back to the festivities.

Lily didn't waste any time.

It was Winter, slowly turning Spring on the Hogwarts grounds. She was standing between Libby and James, who were seated on a log near the lake.

"Kind of funny today, wasn't it?" Libby asked, trying to be casual. "...in Defense Against the Dark Arts?"

James looked up from the book he was flipping through and glanced suspiciously at Libby. "Funny?"

"Just…interesting, I mean."  
James furrowed his brow, then returned to his book. "I suppose," he replied stiffly.

Libby kicked casually at a stone on the ground. "I was really interested to see what form everyone's Patronuses took."

James kept his eyes on his book, but Lily noticed that they'd stopped moving across the page, and his body had become unmistakably rigid. He said nothing.

"James…"

Still, nothing.

"I know you don't want to talk about this."

James looked up, closing his book with a _snap. _"Not really, no."

Libby moved closer to James. "And that's what's really bothering me most of all. I mean…all you did was cast a Patronus. The same Patronus you've produced for a year. But when Lily conjured one…I don't think I've ever seen you look so guilty. And that's how you've looked all day. Guilty."

James sighed, looking straight into the lake.

"Why is that, James?"

"Why what?" he snapped.

"Why do you look guilty? I mean…is there something going on between you two?"

"What?" James finally looked his girlfriend in the eyes. "Libby—God, no."

"Then what?" Libby sat even closer, taking James's hand and entwining her fingers with his.

James took a moment to collect his thoughts. "I don't know…it was awkward, wasn't it? I'm not saying it means anything," he added quickly. "But it did _look_…it was just uncomfortable."

Libby sighed. She pulled her hand away from James's and stood up. "I'm going to make this very clear. I want you to listen. And I don't want you to interrupt until I'm through."

James nodded.

"When this started….you and I…I told you I couldn't have a casual relationship with you. Do you remember why I said that?"

James nodded again, but this time his eyes moved the slightest fraction of an inch, so that he was not meeting hers entirely anymore.

"So this won't come as a shock then. I was so afraid to let this happen between us because I knew how you'd felt about Lily for two years. But I liked you so much that I convinced myself that a few months of you not being absolutely on top of her must mean you don't have feelings for her anymore. But here we are. And you know… there have been times when I thought you might be feeling the same way about me…getting there, at least…but today…God, I've been so stupid not to see it. Everyone else does."

"See what?"

"That she's crazy about you."

James stood up, laughing awkwardly. "No she's not."

"She is, and you know it. Deep down. And I'm afraid—" Libby looked down. "I'm afraid you won't admit it because you're scared to be wrong. Because I think it would really hurt you if you were."

James looked away, his face tense, jaw set.

"James?"

Very reluctantly, he met Libby's eyes.

"I can't be second best. Not to you. Not when I feel the way I feel."

James looked down.

Libby took a deep, trembling breath. "So I am going to ask you, point-blank. Because I deserve to know. Am I right? Do you still have feelings for Lily?"

James closed his eyes, a tense sigh seeping between them like a dark cloud as Libby waited on the edge of her fear.

James opened his eyes but could not meet Libby's. Gazing at her shoulder, his teeth clenched behind tense lips, James gave the slightest nod. For a second he seemed to be gathering his courage, and finally he looked Libby in her large blue eyes and whispered, "Yeah."

The way Libby looked, Lily wished she could hug her. It came as no surprise when that was exactly what James did. "Libby," he muttered into her hair, "I'm sorry. I didn't want this to happen."

"Why did you do this? Why didn't you just tell me from the start?"

"I guess…I suppose I thought I could get over it. That I _would_. I thought I was for a while."

She pulled out of their embrace, their arms still around each other, and she looked into James's face. Why did you let me think you wanted to be with me?"

"Because…I did. I _do_…I like you too, Libby."

If Lily had only Libby's expression to go by, she would have thought she was being brutally tortured. "You like me_ too_?" she said, as if the words were causing her physical pain. She pulled completely away from James and turned her back to him, facing the wall. She covered her face and sniffed loudly into her hands, and her voice shook erratically when she spoke again. "I know you don't mean it but that was the most horrible thing you've ever said."

"I'm sorry," James whispered.

"I want to be with you so bad. But I can't. And I suppose that's being redundant," she said. "But I deserve to be with someone who feels for me the way I feel for you. Someone who's as crazy about me as you are about Lily," and on the last word her voice broke, and James strode forward. He wrapped his arms around her from behind, his chin on her shoulder as he whispered something Lily could not hear.

"Just do one thing for me," said Libby, clutching at James's arms around her shoulders.

"What?"

"Don't wait. Don't hold back…you know, on my account. Just…you build each other up so much in your heads and then you put it off and put it off…and you're just hurting other people. You're being unfair. No one should have to feel this way."

"I know."

"So just be honest. With yourselves and other people. It's unfair what you're doing…stringing people along because you're too afraid to give each other a chance."

James was silent.

Libby spun around and faced James. "So just…just do it, alright?"

"Libby…"

"I'm serious."

"Libby, what do you want me to say? That I'm going to leave here and jump straight into Evans's bed or something? We split up about two and a half seconds ago."

"So?"

"So you don't have to act this way just because you think it's nothing to me."

"I'm just saying, if you want to be with Lily, just do it already."

"Yeah, I get that. I admitted I still feel something for her but who says I want to _be_ with her? You and I had a laugh together, and it was nice, and it was comfortable. It was nice not having to worry about offending someone every four seconds or saying something out of order or worrying I'm going to get reported to the bloody prefect brigade or whatever the arse it is she's involved with. I made an idiot of myself for two years over her, and the second I'm off her back she shows one involuntary sign of possibly being interested in me and I'm supposed to dive out of our relationship and start humping her leg?"

Libby wiped the last of her tears away. "You know that's all rubbish."

"Well, I think it's very odd that I finally give up on her, decide no one is worth making myself look like that much of an idiot, and she warms up like bleeding Fiendfyre."

Very grudgingly, Libby spat, "Have you ever considered she's liked you all along and was waiting for you to stop acting like an idiot?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"If she likes me…if she's so…I was a mess over her. She just wants…"

"What she can't have?"

"Well…yes."

"You know, Lily talks in her sleep."  
"What? What's that got to do with anything?"

"I wake up to it all the time. It's been driving me mad."

"Er…I'm sorry to hear that?"

"Very dodgy night's sleep when the really gorgeous witch my boyfriend 'used to' fancy is a few beds over calling his name in her sleep."

James froze, his mouth partly open.

"James?"

"Huh?"

Libby smiled bitterly. "Be honest. Pretend I'm Sirius. How do you feel."

"Ah, Libbs," said James, kicking at the same stone Libby'd been playing with. "I'm such an arse. And I'm sorry. But it's always been Lily."

*****************

**A/N: Twelve questions/concerns/criticisms I am FINALLY addressing:**

**1. Is Portia Vane related to Romilda Vane?**

_**Yes. Portia Vane is Romilda Vane's second cousin, i.e., Romilda's father's first cousin.**_

**2. How come you don't put more Marauder stuff/mischief making?**

** _Because this is a Lily/James fic and I'm an amateur writer working with very limited time. For some things, I have to trust the reader (THAT'S YOU) to fill in the blanks with certain moments and information, especially things that JKR has already explained and described adequately enough for you to get the idea of what is probably going on where I do not elaborate. =)_**

**3. How come you don't put more Severus/Lily stuff in?**

** _See answer 2._**

**4. How come you don't put more Voldy/war against the Dark Arts stuff in?**

** _See answer 2_.**

**5. You have spelling/grammatical/format errors here, here, and here.**

** _I know. If errors are bad enough that I think it will affect the clarity of this fic, I will bother to go back and fix them. However, once I have published a chapter, I can't be arsed if I think you'll be able to figure out what I meant. If there are errors, it's because I probably typed a chapter at 2 AM after a very long day while my brain was mostly asleep._**

**6. I HATE LIBBY!!!!!!!**

** _No, you don't. In fact, you've probably been Libby at one time or another, pining after the guy of your dreams—maybe your best guy friend, maybe your ex, maybe someone who doesn't even know you exist—while he pines for someone else. You don't understand why he can't see HOW PERFECT YOU ARE FOR ONE ANOTHER, so sometimes you act a little stupid and let your emotions get the better of you. Even worse—you finally get your golden chance with Mr. Right and it pans out horribly. Worst of all—you are friends with the girl he DOES want. Hopefully you eventually realize you don't need someone who doesn't see or appreciate how really wonderful you are._**

_**Through no fault of his own, James cannot have terribly deep feelings for Libby because he is, of course, in love with someone else =)**_

_**Don't get me wrong, I LOVE it when you guys get fired up about Libby, especially because she's an O.C. =)**_

**7. Will this fic follow Lily and James to their engagement/wedding/son's birth/deaths?**

** _Definitely not. In fact…I feel this fic has a MAXIMUM of two chapters left. Considering an epilogue or a series of one-shots though… Not sure yet._**

**8. Lily is supposed to be vivacious/stubborn/tough; why does she let James get away with x/talk to her like y/why doesn't she yell at him/fight back when he x/y/z?**

** _Lily Evans is feisty. But she has an ENORMOUS soft spot for James Potter. And she always has. _**

_**[This is mostly directed at one reviewer who wrote: **_

_"__**When James was yelling at Lily it sort of bothered me that Lily didn't really fight back, it seemed like she just sort of took it. Which doesn't seem in character for her, considering the way she spoke to him in OOTP..."**_

_**You have me bang to rights in one way. It DOES seem out of character for her based on OOTP, right? But…based on what Harry saw in OOTP, he thought she **__**hated**** James. And of course she doesn't!]**_

**9. Does James realize he helped Lily unlock the secret to the Marauder's Map?**

** _No. Ever since I read POA, I thought their personalities were just _**_**embedded**** into the map (otherwise, how was James able to contribute anything, being dead?). So when Snape tries to figure it out, that's what they **__**would ****have said. I also couldn't fathom how Fred and George worked out how to work the map. I figured they tried similar techniques as Snape and started "interacting" with Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs, who must have sensed two individuals very worthy of owning the Map, and given them a few prods in the right direction.**_

_** James, being slightly (smirk) bigheaded, would have been so pleased with himself for inventing something like the Map, he would have WANTED Lily to see it. So he gives her the same sorts of prods in the right direction. God, I'm so obsessed. Haha.**_

**10. Why didn't James just free himself from the "Levicorpus" spell (when Lily put it on him in the Common Room before bed)? **

** _a) he was surprised at first. b) he was having a laugh with her. c) I think Lily makes his brain fall out a bit =)_**

**11. Isn't Voldemort's regime supposed to be wayyyyyyy more developed/terrifying by now than you're making it out to be?**

** _Errrrrr….yeah. Kinda. I screwed up a bit. Haha! Too late!_**

**12. I'M IN LOVE WITH JAMES!!!!!**

** _Me too!!!!!! In fact, I've been SO in love with him since OOTP that I had to go and infect everyone else with my James infatuation. You're welcome!!_**

**HAPPY READING!!!!!! I LOVE you guys and your reviews mean much to me. Thank you thank you thank you. I can't believe what thoughtful reviews I've gotten. I wish I could thank all of you individually but I think maybe I wouldn't ever finish this fic. ^_^ Seriously though, I'm really just blushing all the time these days =) **

**PS – Happy Thanksgiving to all my American readers!! **

**xx**

**marziipan**


	24. End All, Be All

Here was the strange thing about the adolescent mind: with war on the horizon as certainly as Christmas was, and with the recent and unexplained disappearances of three wizards and witches in the past two weeks, all most people could talk about at Hogwarts was the winter ball.

Lily, for her part, was staunchly against attending, certain that complying with any of Professor Adder's wishes would constitute ceding to his manifestly pro-Voldemort sympathies. However, as James had recently convinced her, since Professor Dumbledore had responded warmly to the idea—surely with some ulterior motive—and suggested that all the students don another House's colors in the spirit of solidarity, it only seemed natural to attend.

She would probably go alone. Hard as she tried, she could not bring herself to interact with James with anything other than absolutely professional airs. Even after visiting Libby's memories, the power of her feelings for him and the weight of her vulnerability around him kept her affection in check. In light of this, James seemed to be in a perpetual state of deep irritation in her presence. Giving up was the wrong way to describe how he'd decided to handle things; they had reached a crossroads, and since Lily had teetered nervously on the edge rather than taking one path or another, James seemed determined to make it clear that any hope for friendship had been completely demolished.

As daunting as the winter ball was when Lily thought of what Professor Adder might have planned, she was a teenager too; the idea of finding a date was somehow equally daunting, and she hated to admit that there was only one person she really wanted as a date.

So, as uncharacteristically as ever, Lily decided to take a more cautious route. Sure, there was no one else she wanted to go with, and the idea of seeing James turn up with someone else on his arm made her want to be sick. But couldn't they go together without things getting complicated? Did they have to call it a date?

She had one thing going for her: only three days before the ball, Lily was certain James had not asked anyone. Although Portia Vane had been lingering hopefully behind at lessons to walk along with James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter to the next one, she had not asked him herself. So after a discussion with the Prefects about maintaining friendly inter-House relations, Lily waited for Remus to turn off for the library, and struggled to catch up with James on the way to the Gryffindor Common Room, as he had lately taken to nearly speed-walking away from meetings.

Lily cleared her throat, nearly skipping behind him to keep up.

James did not turn around, but Lily was sure he slowed his pace marginally. "What's up, Evans?" he asked in a bored voice.

Lily rolled her eyes, but took wider steps, determined to keep up with him. "I was erm—thinking about the ball," she said lamely.

James's chuckled condescendingly. "You ought to relax about that, you know. Going to a ball Adder's arranged isn't going to make you a Death Eater. Loads of people do things like this, doesn't make them turncoats. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, that sort of thing…"

Lily skipped ahead, only a few feet behind James now. "Actually," she said, getting breathless now, "I've decided to go. I was more wondering whether you'd asked anyone to go with you yet."

James slowed, then stopped. He turned on his heel, and Lily saw that his face appeared as bored as his voice had sounded. Rolling his eyes, he said, "You know I haven't."

"Right." Lily watched James eye her face, very aware that her cheeks were going red.

"I sort of figured there'd be no point asking you," James added with an odd mixture of callousness and sheepishness.

Lily nodded. Then, in a most dignified voice she said, "Well, actually—I thought perhaps we could go together. As Hogwarts Head Students."

James reacted favorably to the first half of her statement, then quickly looked surly again. "Evans, you can come with me as my girlfriend, but you can sod off with your Head Student rubbish."

Lily folded her arms. "Never mind, then. I'd rather go alone."

"Well if you're not coming with me you'd _better be_ going alone."

"Well, I am."

"Well, fine." James turned around again and continued walking.

"Fine," Lily muttered, beginning to walk again. Then, before she was even aware what she was doing, she reached for his arm and tugged at his shirt. When he turned around again, Lily was sure there was a small smile on his lips. "Are _you_ going to go alone?"

James raised an eyebrow. "Are you going to come with me?"

Lily's eyes narrowed. "No."

"Then I suppose I am," he answered irritably.

Lily started up the staircase, then double back, huffing. "Damn it, Potter. Just—go with me."

"I said I would," he answered pleasantly. "As your boyfriend."

"Fine then, come with me as my boyfriend. But I'm breaking up with you at the end of the night."

James smirked.

Lily made her way up the staircase again. "And do something with your hair at least," she barked without turning around.

"No point," said James, cutting her off near the top of the stairs and laying his lips on hers. Lily stopped dead, going bright red with shock and delight. He kissed her again, and before she even had a chance to close her eyes, James flashed his most mischievous smirk and continued, "I know how you like to _grab_ it."

Dodging Lily's hex and snickering, James dashed up the rest of the stairs.

Two weeks before the Christmas holidays, Lily selected—she was certain James had probably guessed—a set of deep green robes for the ball, and had charmed the usually sage green accents in favor of shimmering silver. When she entered the Common Room she was surprised to find Libby clinging to Jasper Podmore's arm. The little blonde smiled sheepishly at Lily and flushed, shrugging slightly in her electric blue gown which matched Jasper's hair to a tee. She was pleased; they did look very nice together.

James looked irritatingly handsome in solid black robes with a yellow tie and waistcoat, though he made his grand entrance from the boys' dormitory by tumbling down the stairs in a scuffle with Peter. He grasped Lily's hand tightly as they made their way out of the Common Room and into the Great Hall, and this made Lily's stomach do very strange things.

The Great Hall was dimly lit, and the floating candles overhead had been replaced with sparkling snowflakes. Icicles hung from the pictures, the molding, and the candle fixtures on the walls, and Paris Young—whom Lily had no idea was not actually a Muggle—stood at the center of the Great Hall to serenade the crowd, accompanied by three other men on instruments.

Then, to Lily's horror, she and James received a heart-stopping glare from the young man hovering near the doorway.

His black eyes fixing for a second on James and Lily's interlocked fingers, Severus looked murderous. On instinct it seemed, James reacted to Snape's gaze as if he'd been shoved. Composing himself quickly, James winked. "All right, Snivelly?"

Lily flushed and nudged James, unable to meet Severus's eyes. When Lily attempted to pry her fingers away from James's, not wishing to hurt her old friend's feelings, James held them more tightly.

Severus ignored this, and turned his gaze onto Lily. Finally, Lily looked up and stared Severus so hard in the eyes, so defiantly, he looked quickly away.

And she was right to have done it; Severus had been a good friend and confidant once, but what had he ever really given her other than anxiety and worry, whether over his dark future or the people who he'd associate with who'd always made her feel so unwelcome, even threatened? When they were alone, he treated her as if she was a piece of his property, and when his friends were around he acted ashamed to know her. Yet there he stood, brazen resentment painting his face, and the idea that he felt entitled to look at James as if he were a piece of scum hanging off Lily's hand infuriated her.

So she held James's hand more tightly, too. She raised her chin, looked straight ahead, and walked past Snape with Sirius, Peter, Remus, Libby, Alice, Frank, and Maggie—her _real _friends—in her wake. The effects of Severus's icy stare melted away and her insides warmed again when she felt James brush his thumb against the back of her hand. It was a miracle that was all she'd done; the way Severus had looked at James, she'd have preferred to hex him, or perhaps just shove him.

It was both empowering and terrifying to realize that she'd probably stick up for James over anyone.

"All right, Trouble?"

"Hm?"

James chuckled. "Sitting on an egg over there? Reliving your last Ancient Runes exam?" He sipped his punch.

"No, actually—I was trying to hear what Adder's saying to Dumbledore," Lily murmured. "Cheers, though, for talking over them," she smirked.

James rolled his eyes. "They're talking about the Ministry's stance on the rights of House Elves." He leaned very close to her face. "Nothing new."

Lily looked up, her eyes wide. "Potter! You reek!"

"Cheers, Evans."

"No, I mean—have you been drinking?"

"Me, drinking? Course not."

Lily grabbed the front of his robes and dragged him even closer to her, inhaling. "I can smell it, you idiot."

"Oh, alright then, so what? We've all had a few."

"No, we haven't," she said pointedly. "Where'd you even _get_ that?"

"From Madam Rosmerta. Came prepared!" He extracted a flask from the inside pocket of his robes and made to tip it over her punch. He looked up, searching her face for approval.

Lily bit her lip.

James grinned, lifting his hand to caress her chin with his thumb. "Go on—even Moony's partaking."

Lily looked up, searching the packed room for Remus. As if he knew what they were talking about, Remus smiled at Lily and lifted his glass to her. She looked back at James.

"Go on then," she smiled. "All right…that's plenty…I said that's plenty! James, for Heaven's sake, that's enough!"

James laughed. "Lighten up, gorgeous, and come have a dance."

And they did dance. In fact, Lily danced herself to the point of exhaustion with Sirius, Remus, Frank, Peter, Jasper, and—of course-James for nearly an hour straight, 'til she'd nearly forgotten about Adder entirely.

Severus stole his moment when James was chatting to Jack and Gwenog. Lily, Libby, Maggie, and Alice had chosen seats at one of the round tables in the Hall when Snape approached them.

"Can I have a moment?" he murmured, only looking at her.

Lily glanced at her friends, who'd all noticeably tensed in their chairs, hoping her face conveyed her message: _It's all right_, she thought.

She got up and followed Severus toward the edge of the mass of dancing students during one of Paris Young's slower numbers. She placed one hand lightly on one of his shoulders as he awkwardly took hold of the other. He did not place a hand on her waist.

"Come here with Potter, did you?" he hissed.

Lily laughed bitterly. "We don't speak in ages, and yet I'm not at all surprised that the first words out of your mouth have something to do with James."

"_James_," Severus sneered. In unison, they looked in the direction of the Gryffindor in question. He was watching them, still as stone, eyes narrowed.

He titled his head ever so slightly to Lily when she smiled at him in an attempt to comfort whatever worries were littering his thoughts.

Lily and Snape looked at one another again.

"I suppose I shouldn't be surprised either," was Snape's waspish retort, "Potter usually has his way."

Lily knew Severus was waiting for her to contradict him, but she would not give him the satisfaction.

"And I can see you're still determined against our…friendship." It was more a question than an observation.

"Still hanging around with Death Eaters?" Lily asked cheerfully.

Severus did not address this. "I was hoping we might try for civility tonight, Lily. I only wished to warn you."

"Warn me?" Lily laughed. "By asking about my love life?"

"Never mind that," he said, a note of urgency in his words now. "I…well, I'd heard about what happened to your parents."

Lily looked down. "Severus…I—I can't—"

"—talk about it, I know. But I wanted to say that…my thoughts…have been with you since. Always." Severus seemed to be taking great pains to get these words out. "Truly, you have my—very deepest sympathies. And…when the time comes…if you ever _should_ wish to talk about it…when you're ready…"

"Er. Thank you."

A new song started, but although they remained in a pose that matched the people dancing around them, Lily and Severus had, at some point, become perfectly stationary.

Lily searched Severus's face. "Sorry—what exactly did you want to warn me about?"

He sighed. "Well, as I say, I know what happened to your parents. I also know your plans for after Hogwarts."

"What do you know about my plans?" she hissed.

"I know that they are identical to Potter's."

It took Lily a moment to understand what on earth Severus could be speaking this ominously about. And suddenly, she did. "Severus—if you're talking about the Order of the Phoenix—"

"I beg you, Lily—don't do it."

"I have to fight."

"An organization like the Order is fine for people like Dumbledore, or Potter, or Black. They'll realize it's hopeless and the Dark Lord will welcome their service when it's over. But you, Lily—"

"Sorry—you claim to be sorry about what happened to my mum and dad, but you think fighting that sort of injustice is _hopeless_?"

Severus rolled his eyes, as if Lily had drawn a completely nonsensical conclusion. "The Dark Lord did not order the attacks on those Muggles."

"He had them locked away like science experiments!"

"But if the public had allowed these tests—"

"What tests? It's ridiculous! And I can't believe I'm standing here talking to you—once again—when you support the regime responsible for my parents being holed up at St. Mungo's right now!"

"What happened to those Muggles would not have happened had their families been willing to cooperate with the Ministry. You cannot come within such close proximity to Dementors, attacking them at will, and expect anything other than commotion. They are excitable creatures and they went on the offensive, just as those families did when they practically broke down the Ministry's doors."

Absolutely furious, Lily made to retort, and in the same instant, James appeared at her side as if out of thin air. "Everything all right over here?" he demanded.

Lily realized that it had probably been obvious to anyone nearby how heated their conversation had become. For his sake, she attempted to compose herself again. She looked away from Severus, the revulsion on his face almost too much to bear. For a very long moment, she and James looked at one another in silent conversation.

"It's none of your business," Severus spat through clenched teeth.

James didn't even look at him.

Very slowly, Lily said, "James, I'd like another moment alone with Severus."

James looked between them for another few seconds before he nodded once. "I'll be right over there," he said in a low voice, pointing to a table around which Sirius, Remus, Frank, and Jasper all stood, their arms folded, watching Severus and Lily.

When James walked away, Lily had to laugh.

"What was _that _about?" came Snape's resentful voice.

Lily shrugged. "I'm lucky."

Severus's eyes narrowed. "Anyway…my point in all of this is I'd hate to see you put in a dangerous position. And hanging around people who shout about how much they want to fight the Dark Lord is dangerous."

"How like you," she replied, shaking her head, "to warn me about something you can hardly wait to participate in."

Severus pursed his lips.

"The thing is, Severus…I'm like you. I can't stand on the middle ground waiting for something to happen, or not to happen. I want to be in it. Really—in the thick of it," she whispered, knowing she was pushing it and hoping all the same she was making Severus uncomfortable. "Even if you're certain it's hopeless."

He shook his head sadly. "Then you're marked."

"I suppose you are too," she shrugged, her eyes glancing over his left arm.

He understood immediately. "I assure you—there are no marks on _my_ skin."

"Second thoughts?"

"No…the Dark Lord wishes…for all his…er…_hands…_to have left school."

"Oh, Severus," Lily whispered. She looked down and let go of him. She shook her head, looking up. "I should get back to my friends now."

"Yes. You'd better get back to Potter before he becomes _distracted_."

Lily watched James accept another glass of punch from Portia and her friends, and as he stole a glance at her and Severus, she knew he'd never stopped watching them.

She walked swiftly away from Severus, and as she made her way to an empty table, James intercepted her.

"What did _he_ want?" he shouted over the music and talking

"Oh…nothing…it really was nothing and I'd rather not discuss it," Lily dismissed the subject as a dancing couple nearly pummeled into her.

"You seemed to be getting a bit…"

Lily furrowed her brow as she watched James. His eyes had gone a bit out of focus and he stumbled.

"You alright?"

"Yeah….yeah, sorry. You seemed to be getting a bit heated. Is what…what I meant." He blinked.

"How much have you had, Potter?"

He fixed his rather intense gaze on Lily, but very slowly it became more unfocused. Just then, Sirius slapped him on the back.

"Oi, Prongsie! Not throwing a wobbly over Snivellus, are you?"

"No, but I think Portia might have dumped about a litre of rum in his punch," Lily giggled.

"Hey," snapped James, his eyes locking with hers. "Don't have a go at Portia. Why are you always having a go at her?"

Lily was stung. "I've never had a _go_ at Portia, and I'm not doing it _now_."

"You have, and you are. She's a really lovely girl, she doesn't deserve that."

Lily was speechless, feeling herself becoming upset.

Sirius looked uncomfortable. "Er…Prongs? What are you talking about?"

"It's jealousy, that's what it is. Women."

Lily and Sirius stared warily at one another, and suddenly, Lily understood something. "James…is this because I was talking to Severus before? Because really, it was nothing. You should calm—"

"What do I care about old Snivelly?" James snapped. "Spend all night with him if you like, but lay off Portia." He looked around distractedly. "I should probably find her—she'll be wondering where I've—"

"Whooooaaaa, hold it right there, Potty," said Sirius, grabbing hold of James's robes and pulling him back.

"What are you doing? Cut it out!" James yelled.

"Ah, Moony?" Sirius hollered as James attempted to draw his wand, "A little help?"

Remus rushed over from his conversation with Maggie. "What is this?"

"I think—he's—a bit—put out about—Lily—dancing—with—Snape," Sirius struggled to say while wrestling James. "And now he wants to do something stupid."

"Er…what?" said Remus, grabbing one of James's arms so Sirius could grab the other, keeping him still.

"I dunno, lead Portia on or something."

"I don't want to lead her on!" James bellowed, causing Lily to take several paces back. "I've never told any of you this but I'm—I'm in love with her."

"What!" yelped Sirius, Remus, and Lily in unison. Lily immediately felt overcome by the urge to either burst into tears or punch James in the face.

Sirius rolled his eyes then. "You're not in love with Portia Vane, you idiot, you're in love with Lily."

Lily flushed. "In_…love..._with me_?_" she spluttered.

James shrugged Sirius off, grunting. "No, you haven't been listening. I love Portia. _Lily_ is just being jealous about Portia and making snide comments about her." He turned to look at Lily. "You've always been jealous of how I feel about her."

Lily's mouth fell open.

"Okay, okay," said Remus. "Everyone just…calm down a bit." He took James by the shoulders and looked him in the eyes. The bespectacled Gryffindor raised an eyebrow and ruffled his hair impatiently. "You drunk, mate?" Remus asked.

James shrugged him off too. "I'm not—why is everyone—" he sighed angrily, "I'm not drunk, all right?" Remus and Sirius started at each other, dumbfounded. Lily thought she might as well take this opportunity to leave, perhaps go upstairs and sleep for the rest of her life.

But Remus stood in her way. "Hang on a minute. I don't think he knows what he's talking about. Just wait a moment." But when he turned to face James and Sirius again, they had both dashed off, Sirius on James's heels as the latter made his way toward Portia.

Lily could have been sick.

Instead, without thinking, she fired a freezing spell, hitting James only a moment before he'd barreled into Portia, who was dancing with her friends. Some of the surrounding students laughed, then quickly turned their attentions back to dancing. People hardly paid attention—thinking it was another prank in the making, more than likely—when Sirius and Remus lifted the frozen James by his elbows, and Lily followed them as they took him to the far end of the Great Hall, very close to the door in case they had to make a quick exit.

She unfroze him. James blinked and shook his head.

"Look, mate, maybe we all ought to head back up to Gryffindor Tower. You're obviously not feeling well," said Remus.

"I don't want to go anywhere with _her_," James spat, pointing at Lily. She'd hardly recovered from the sting of his words when he said, "I want to go be with Portia. It kills me to be away from her," he said, with such passion and desperation it looked like he might cry.

Lily was feeling the same way herself.

Remus rolled his eyes. "You don't want to be with Portia, James, you think she's dim. Listen—did you drink—?"

"I'M NOT DRUNK, ALL RIGHT?" James bellowed. "WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK I HAVE TO BE DRUNK TO LOVE PORTIA? SHE'S PERFECT!"

This time, he got away. Lily watched in horror as James shoved anyone in his way on his path to get to Portia, and Sirius wasn't fast enough this time. James slammed into Portia, and the only thing keeping her from crashing to the floor was the wall behind her. James enveloped the stunned girl in his arms and kissed her clean on the mouth.

And she reciprocated.

Lily felt the tears coming, and the only thing she knew how to do was leave. She shouldered past the little group of people huddled near the door. She willed the tears to stay put, not to fall down her face and give her away, when she bumped into someone.

"Oh! Sorry!" she called, looking around for the person she'd hit. "Oh, I'm really sorry, Professor Slu—" She froze.

The portly man chuckled. "Quite all right Miss Evans! Er…come to think of it…are you?" His mustache twitched with concern.

Lily stared at her Potions professor. Potions… She was transported in memory to one year ago, the day they covered—

"Love potions," she whispered.

"Eh?" shouted the Potions Master.

"Professor Slughorn! I need your help!"

He stood straighter than she'd ever seen him. Somehow he looked less round. "What is it?"

"I think James Potter's ingested a love potion! I need an antidote!"

He looked rather crestfallen. "That's all, is it?"

"Yes—please—"

"Got to tell you, Lily, a love potion would have worn off by now. I think it's time to accept that you're—well—_stuck_ with him—at least until gradua—"

"No, no!" she said, frustrated. "I think someone's _just_ given him one, this evening!" Suddenly she felt so angry at Portia Vane that James, in his present state, would have hexed her to death could he hear what she thought of Portia.

"Oh! Right then…"

"Shall we…?" Lily gestured to where James was stretching his arms out toward a frightened looking Portia as Remus, Sirius, and Frank attempted to subdue him.

It was a mess getting him up to Professor Slughorn's office. Lily confronted Portia, which forced her friends to admit that _they_—not Portia—had slipped him a love potion with a bit of Portia's hair in it because they thought "it would be a laugh." Portia looked humiliated, but Lily didn't take the time to apologize for shouting at her. She dragged James off, threatening to kill Portia if he did not comply.

"Do I get to see her again later?" James asked dazedly.

"Yes," mumbled Lily. "She says she wants you to sober up first though."

Sirius's face broke into silent laughter.

"I'm not bloody drunk," James argued. As they turned down toward the dungeons, Professor Slughorn leading the way as Sirius and Remus flanked James like bodyguards, James said, "Didn't Portia look amazing tonight? Ahh…she's so perfect."

"Yeah, perfect," said Sirius, rolling his eyes.

"And we matched. Did you notice we matched?"

Remus chuckled. "Yeah, it was...er…really something."

As they walked into Professor Slughorn's office, James seemed to be becoming delirious with lovesickness. He kept laughing and laughing, until Professor Slughorn rather forcefully tilted his head back and poured the anecdote in his mouth.

James's face held a manic smile for several seconds longer until, very suddenly, it wilted more quickly than a garden in the desert.

"He'll be fine. I really should be getting back," said Professor Slughorn a bit moodily. "Close the door behind you, will you?" And he left the office.

James looked around, eyes wide, as if reabsorbing the night's events.

"Come on Sirius," said Remus, tugging at his friend's shirt.

"No," whined Sirius quietly, he'll be all right in a minute and we've got to—"

Remus dragged him to his feet and toward the door. "Will—you—just—come—on…"

When the door closed, Lily looked at James. His head was in his hands.

Sensing that he had her full attention now, he demanded, "What the hell happened?"

"Portia's friends gave you a love potion—for a laugh. So, erm…you've just spent the past ten or fifteen minutes madly in love with Portia."

"Christ," James mumbled. "Did everything I think happened…I mean…did all of that really…? Ugh, what did I _do_?"

"Well, you snogged her in front of the entire Great Hall," Lily offered.

"Yeah, cheers, Evans. Got it."

Lily stood. "Listen, as long as you're all right, I'm going to head to bed. This evening has just been…too much. I'll see you tomorrow or something. Keep an ear out for anything that happens with Adder for me."

Before she got to the door, James said her name. "Can you just…maybe not leave yet? I feel really…awful."

"So do I," said Lily, not turning around. "But I want to be in Gryffindor tower now."

"Well can I walk with you?"

Lily shrugged. She heard him get up.

The truth was, Lily wondered how so many things could keep getting between her and James. Was this a sign? When she vocalized this as she climbed into the Portrait Hole, James laughed.

"I suppose you could look at it that way. Or you can look at it like…well, we still like each other right? Even though so much has gotten in the way?" He smiled hopefully.

Lily sat down in the empty Common Room, her emerald gown fanning across a loveseat. She caught James eyeing her rather more impiously than she felt the evening's circumstances called for. "Damn it, Potter…you're just…such a child, sometimes. This is so simple for you. For you it's, feel something, react. Think something, react. I can't be that way."

"Wow, you think I'm immature," James mused ironically, "I never knew. Should we just save some time and I'll call myself the rest? Arrogant? Obnoxious? Because I don't mind saving you the trouble."

"Oh, James, this is just too much. This shouldn't be so hard," she said, shaking her head sadly.

"I agree," James shrugged. "What happened tonight—it was awful—but—so what? We can come back from this."

"Come back to what?" Lily laughed. "We're not even…" she sighed. "Listen…I know this wasn't your fault. But I feel like I need to go lie down. Really."

James looked down.

"Goodnight, James," she said, and without another word, she went up to the girls' dormitory.

A week left before the Christmas holidays, close to seven in the evening, Lily and James were very unexpectedly called into Professor Dumbledore's office. On his desk sat the _Evening Prophet, _and he'd opened it to a page about an anti-Voldemort Ministry official who'd come home recently to find the Dark Mark hovering over his house, which he'd shared with his wife and two toddler sons.

Professor Dumbledore looked grimmer than Lily had ever seen him, and he drew a long, weary breath before speaking.

"Thank you for coming so promptly." He pinched the bridge of his crooked nose for a moment, then continued, "As I am sure the two of you are aware, the wizard that calls himself Lord Voldemort has gained considerable power over the past couple of years. His allies have nearly doubled in number since last year alone."

James and Lily absorbed this, alarmed but composed.

"As leaders of the student body, I would not be surprised if some of them, particularly younger students, come to you with questions. I will suggest you be as informative as you can without causing alarm. And though I am sure we are like-minded in that we wish to work against this very dangerous wizard, I must implore you—do not roam the castle shouting about your loyalties, and any plans for resistance must be kept safely under your hat until the time is right. Though I am confident in your safety as long as you remain inside these castle walls, I cannot guarantee that you can put your faith in everyone that dwells within them."

James and Lily shared a fleeting glance, then nodded at their headmaster.

"Thank you. I know you will do Hogwarts proud. James, you may return to dinner. Lily, humor an old man with a quick word."

James glanced curiously between the two before heading out.

Dumbledore rose from his seat and turned away from Lily, gazing at a ruby-crusted sword hanging from the wall. "First I will ask the obvious question, simple though the answer may seem: am I right in thinking you have ended your friendship with Severus Snape?"

"Ages ago," she said.

Dumbledore nodded. "I think this is wise, unfortunate though it may be. Do not misunderstand me—I do not believe for a moment that Severus would aim to harm you. However, your friends are another story. And…the path he has followed, of which I am sure you became aware long ago, leads me to believe he will betray trust in other ruinous ways."

Lily nodded, a little sad. "Yes, sir."

"Very good. And on another note entirely… Miss Evans, remind me—when you arrived at Hogwarts over six years ago, to which House did the Sorting Hat delegate your considerable wit and skill?"

Lily was confused. "Gryffindor, sir, of course."

Dumbledore chuckled. "_'Of course'_ indeed, Miss Evans. Excellent choice of words."

"Er…sorry sir, but…I don't understand."

He turned to face her again, but remained standing. "Enlighten me—which qualities did Godric Gryffindor value most of all in his students?"

"Truth...chivalry…courage—"

"_Ah_," he cried gently, "courage..."

"Sir?" Lily sat closer to the edge of her chair as Dumbledore took his seat again.

"Lily. You were placed into Gryffindor House, and for good reason. Over the past six years, apart from displaying exemplary magic, you have led your House honorably, both as Prefect and now Head Girl. You have endured prejudice about your heritage with grace and dignity, and you have defended less popular students against those many others would be afraid to challenge."

"Th-thank you, sir…"

"But lately, I think you may have lost sight of what bravery truly is." He leaned closer. "Miss Evans…courage is not simply the absence of fear. Sometimes—and often when it matters most—courage means _being_ afraid! Yes, _being_ afraid—but facing the danger all the same, with your head held high. Even when you are feeling…oh…frightfully _vulnerable_."

Lily looked into the sparkling blue eyes with wonder. Could he be talking about…?

No, it was impossible.

"You may go," he said with a smile.

Lily nodded, feeling slightly dazed. When she reached the door, she turned around again. "Professor Dumbledore?"

He smiled more widely in response.

"That—what you just said—you weren't talking about—_are_ you talking about You-Know-Who?"

"I believe you had it right the first time. A very good night to you, Miss Evans."

Lily left Dumbledore's office feeling dazed, with no intention to return to dinner. She was hoping to retreat to her dormitory, in search of some peace, some quiet, some time to think, but what she found on the way was another matter entirely.

She turned into one of the many deserted corridors at Hogwarts—the whole of the student body sitting down to dinner in the Great Hall—to find James and Severus, mere inches apart, wands out, talking in very low, severe tones.

Her first instinct was to dash between them, but something kept her frozen there, at the end of the corridor, watching. The exchange quickly escalated, and James shouted, "When will you just _leave_ it? You're pathetic!"

When Severus fired the first hex, it was over. They circled one another, hurling hex after hex, and it was difficult to tell who was the more skilled wizard. They brandished their wands like swords, wielding dangerous and utterly wordless magic as Lily ran toward them.

"Stop! Stop!" cried Lily.

Snape shot her one fleeting, murderous look, then bellowed, "_SECTUMSEMPRA!"_

For a moment, Lily thought she had seen this spell before. Just as she remembered in the fifth year, a deep gash appeared on James's face, spattering his robes with blood…

But this time, James stumbled back, crumbling to the floor with arms splayed, and in the split second when he did nothing but lie there with that gash and a look of surprise on his face, Lily thought Severus's spell was a weak one.

With a shock of horror, Lily saw the blotches appear on James's white Hogwarts shirt, saw his forehead, neck, and cheeks open up as if someone had sliced them, the skin splitting easy as peach skin, and quickly, much too quickly, James bled profusely from the very deep, very wide gashes. Within seconds he lay in a large, red-black puddle, his eyes wide and frightened, his pallid hands scrabbling at his chest and stomach, mouth open in terror.

"Severus!" Lily shouted, "Severus, what have you done?_ Put him right!_"

Severus looked disgusted, remorseless for the horrific damage he was inflicting on James Potter.

"Severus!" Lily cried. "Please! _Please!_ Think of what you're doing!"

But Snape just stood there, his face contorted in rage and hatred, both steadily increasing the more upset Lily Evans became by James's injuries.

Lily marched up to Severus, mere inches from his face, and he could see that her bright green eyes were glistening, her lips taut with fright. "Severus," she repeated, grabbing the front of his robes, "I don't—I can't—I don't know how to stop this—this curse, I don't—Severus, _please _stop this!"

And she turned away from him, tears falling thickly now. Lily rushed to James, her heart twanging with fear and panic as she crouched over him. She did not even notice, would not have even cared, that she was kneeling in inches of his blood. Convulsing and grasping his wounds more feebly now, James breathed in weak, shuddering gasps, a sound that terrified Lily beyond anything she had ever heard, and in his frantic attempts to draw breath he began coughing blood. Lily was sobbing in earnest when she lifted his torso into her arms, cradling him. James Potter was dying, and very quickly.

"Severus," she bawled, "Stop it! Please, stop it! How do I—?" She turned her face to James now. "I don't know how to help you, I don't know what to do!" She looked around wildly as Severus continued to ignore her pleas. "HELP! SOMEBODY HELP!" she sobbed, her voice echoing in the corridor.

Lily's cries only seemed to anger Severus more—the way she held the enemy he so hated, the way she cried for fear of his life, pleaded with Severus to release Potter from the curse...

Revulsion painted his face as he looked at the pair of them, both soaked in Potter's blood; Lily clutched him tightly to her; James was too weak to reciprocate, to weak to speak...

Severus would have been happy to watch him die.

But—and he hated himself for this weakness—he could hardly stand to see Lily so distraught, even if her sympathies belonged to James…

Severus came closer to the pair and looked into Lily's scared, pleading eyes. Careful not to touch a drop of Potter's blood, he knelt down. Lily clutched at his robes again with her bloody hand, the other still wrapped protectively around James. Severus willed himself not to recoil as some of Potter's blood stained his robes. "Please," Lily whispered.

Snape moved his face very close to Lily's. "What's he to you?" he muttered barely audibly, eyes narrowed. He searched the moist bright green eyes with his cold black ones and spat, "What's an '_arrogant, bullying toerag' _to you?"

Lily felt the sting of her own harsh words, but she did not need to pause, did not even have to think before answering. In uncomplicated conviction she whispered, "I love him." It was so honest, so right, she spoke the words as if she'd said them a thousand times.

Expressionless, Severus stood, let Lily's hand fall from his robes, watched it wrap securely around the loathsome body he so desperately wanted to watch bleed dry. And in earth shattering agony that was near-physical, he muttered the counter-curse, repeated it several times under his breath, a songlike incantation that sounded strange coming from him, and slowly, steadily, the blood flow began to reverse, the wounds began to knit. With Lily weeping softly over him, James Potter colored with life, his skin slowly losing the near-translucent pallor, and a pink hue tinted his cheeks and lips again. Severus continued, taking several steps back.

Lily wiped the blood from James's face with her own robes, her tears slowly ceasing as his bleeding did. The moment he was strong enough, James raised a hand to clutch at Lily's shoulder. Her heart flooded with relief as his breathing became more regular, his eyes more focused. He looked dazed, woozy, still shocked by what had just occurred. When Snape's incantation trailed off into silence, and it was clear James would be all right, Lily buried her head in her hands with a great sigh.

James eyed Snape from his position on the floor with revulsion on his face and alarm in his eyes. He was stunned far beyond trying anything against him and Severus knew it; knew, too, that James would be too weak to manage a spell even if he tried.

Wordlessly, with eyes that seemed far brighter, far sadder than usual, Snape swept down the corridor and out of sight. James looked dazedly at Lily, whose clothes, hands, and face were covered in his blood apart from two tear tracks which divided the crimson blotches…and he fainted.


	25. A Rather Potty Conclusion

**Author's Note: Well. I know I've said this countless times, but I'd like to thank everyone, once again, for making this story such a REAL pleasure to write. It has been a wonderful exercise in story writing for me, despite being choppy, plot-holey, and, well, based on someone else's ideas. (Thanks, JKR!)**

**If you had not gathered from this chapter's title, this segment concludes "A Month of Sundays." I know that with a love like James and Lily's, it's difficult to say enough about their life together, and any ending will inevitably leave questions and might not necessarily give a sense of closure. Nonetheless, I hope this ending satisfies…all things considered.**

**Please do add me to your Author Alert list and stay tuned. There are many ideas and scenarios I have in mind about James, Lily, Snape, and the Marauders that I simply was not able to include in this story. Who knows…maybe I'll feel compelled to write a one-shot or two!**

**Many thanks to all of you wonderful, wonderful readers and reviewers. I hope you enjoy!**

**Oh, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!**

**xxxxxxxoooxxxxxxooxxxx**

**Marziipan**

*******

Lily could barely focus as she reported the incident to Professor Dumbledore. She could only think of James; James's face contorted in fear, James's robes drenched in blood, James's stomach splitting open…

She felt nauseous.

She wanted to get to the Hospital Wing where James was being treated so badly, she hardly cared when Adder decided that Snape's behavior only warranted a detention since, "Surely Severus would not have responded so severely to _nothing_," and "Had Potter been as skilled in duel, it is likely he would have fired a curse of equal measure."

She did not wait to hear Professor Dumbledore's reply to this. It was getting late, and soon Madam Pomfrey would not allow visitors.

She couldn't think about how angry she was at Severus, or how hard she was going to have to work the rest of the seventh year to keep Sirius from murdering Snape after what he'd done to James. As she dashed down corridors and flights of stairs toward the Hospital Wing, her thoughts were nearly incoherent, just impressions, feelings, memories…wild relief that James would be all right…shame for wasting their time with stubbornness…his face when she'd call him arrogant and obnoxious…his easy faith when saying, "We just _go_ together"…the way it felt to kiss him…

Sirius, Peter, and Remus were there, probably had been from the moment they'd heard about what happened. Lily couldn't believe how quickly the past hour and a half had flown…

She was pleased to see that James not only had company, but the four boys were laughing uproariously about something. Apparently the gravity of the night's events had eventually become too dull for the Marauders. Typical.

She cleared her throat.

All four of them grinned upon seeing her, and something about this made her stomach do somersaults. _He was really okay._

"The heroine of the hour!" Sirius bellowed, bounding forward and wrapping her in a rib-cracking hug.

"I really didn't do anyth—ow—Sirius, oh my god, I can't brea—"

Remus walked over, chuckling, and gently pryed Sirius off of Lily—for the most part. Standing at arms length and grasping Lily's shoulders tightly, Sirius looked quite deranged now as he looked into Lily's eyes.

"Thanks, Lily…and listen…I'm really sorry if telling you this creates something of an ethical quandary for you, but I am going to kill Snivellus."

Lily smiled slightly, glad that Sirius hadn't actually seen what Snape had done to his best friend.

"Somehow I don't think Snivellus is worth getting thrown in Azkaban," Remus mumbled.

By the look on Sirius's face, he did not agree with this.

"Anyway," said Remus, "Time to get going, eh lads?"

"See you tomorrow," James grinned.

Lily looked around at them. "Hey, listen—don't go on my account—"

Sirius laid an alarmingly wet kiss on her cheek, but otherwise ignored her. "Sleep well, Prongsie. Maybe Evans will give you a special nightcap," he winked, and Remus shoved him forward.

Lily really was in no mood to joke. Remus and Peter hugged her in turn, and the moment the door closed behind them, she walked, feeling dazed, toward the only inhabited cot in the dormitory.

"James," she breathed as she sunk onto his bed, immediately coiling her arms around his shoulders. Before he said anything, she pressed her lips to his in a warm, firm kiss. She cradled his face in her hands, kissed each cheek, then left another on his mouth. She didn't realize the tears coming out of her eyes until James began wiping them away.

"I'm all right," he mumbled, cradling her face now to steal more kisses.

"I'm sorry," she said, thinking it would be nice to kiss him several hundred times in a row.

"It's not your fault," he muttered, accepting another kiss.

"I'm sorry for everything I said to you. I was horrible," she cried. "You're not arrogant. You're lovely. And I'm sorry for ever being friends with that prat, Severus_,_" she sniffed."I've been so stupid."

James listened, combing his fingers through her hair and chuckling mildly. "It's all right."

"And you're right about how I've been behaving with Adder. Even Dumbledore said—we've got to be careful now."

"Yeah, we have," he replied solemnly.

They looked at one another for a moment before Lily nuzzled into his neck.

"Christ, Lily," James grinned, "I should get injured more often. Anything else you'd like to tell me how right I am about?"

"Yes—just one more thing." Lily sat up.

"Hm?"

She took a deep breath. "We _do_ make sense together."

James's eyes narrowed. "Yeah? Even though I'm an immature buffoon and you're a bad-tempered swot?"

"Yes," Lily smiled.

He chuckled again, attempting to kiss her through his grin. "And how do you know that?"

Lily hesitated. "Because I don't—know another way."

"Another way than…what?"

There was a pause, in which Lily attempted to articulate her feelings. But she couldn't. "_This_," she said, looking between herself and James as if that explained everything.

James blinked.

Looking away, she muttered, "Do you know what I mean?"

He nodded into the electric silence.

"Are you alright?" Lily murmured.

James bit his lip. "Yes, it's just…_this_ isn't enough, you know…wanting to be together…it's not enough…you've got to _trust_ me too."

Lily nodded, looking forlorn. "It's funny…deep down I know I _can_…I'm just afraid."

James sighed wryly, stretching his arms, and when they landed he took both of Lily's hands in his. He considered her for a moment.

Lily tried and failed not to look into his eyes.

"I really love you, Evans."

She froze, and now there was no avoiding James's gaze. It was difficult to concentrate on anything but the screaming in her head, her conscience shouting that she—unequivocally—loved him too. But what came out instead was her last sliver of uncertainty, the final fragment of doubt that she—and probably James, as well—could let come between them.

"Why?" she breathed, hating herself for the question's necessity.

James was taken aback. "Why—what?"

She bit her lip. "Why do you l—like me?"

A crease formed between James's brows. "Are you joking?"

"No. I'm really not," Lily laughed bitterly. "I sort of wish I were."

James tried to laugh too. "Lily…that question is…mental. Loads of people like you. Why do you think..?"

"So—so, that's it, is it?" she asked, feeling defeated. "Loads of people like me, so you fancy me too?"

"What?" James yelped, looking part amused, part panicked. He was laughing nervously when he explained, "No, no, I only meant—Lily, this is mad! There's every reason for me to like you. Why wouldn't I like you?"

"I just worry that…that this has always been about getting what you want, about _winning—_Even Libby said—"

James waved a hand at her "Ah, forget what Libby said—really, I could strangle that girl—I just meant—" James gestured pointlessly, searching for the right words. "I just don't understand how you can ask me why I like you, as if you can't see what I see in you when _loads_ of people can't help but like you."

Lily sighed.

"Ah, Lily, please don't think…" He shook his head. He sad up straighter in his cot and took her hands in his again. "Listen. There's only so much I can—I can only do so much convincing—at a certain point—" he sighed in frustration. He bit his lips, his eyes searching the floor over Lily's shoulder, as if the right words would appear there on a cue.

He looked up after some tense silence. "Do you remember what you said—the first time I tried to get you to go out with me?"

Lily smiled. "In all fairness, Potter, you asked after you charmed Severus's cauldron into a toilet, and when it flushed it sprayed us both with Ageing Potion."

A loud, rather rude bout of laughter burst from the should-be serious Gryffindor. "I'd forgotten about that!" he laughed. "Ah, you've got to admit, that was an award-winning bit of taking the piss."

Lily put very little strength behind the punch which landed on James's shoulder.

He sighed, the laughter dying away now. "If it makes you feel better, you're going to be a very sweet-looking old crone."

"Oh, shut it, Potter."

"Seriously though—do you remember what you said?"

Lily smirked. "I said 'Never in a month of Sundays.'"

"That you did. And…well…I'm still here," he shrugged.

Lily half-smiled.

"And despite a pretty pathetic attempt _not_ to still be here…well, here I am," he laughed self consciously.

Lily nodded. They both stared at the dark grounds beyond the windows for a while, Lily brushing her fingers against the back of James's hand absently. Neither was aware how much time passed when Madam Pomfrey popped her head around her office door.

"Time to go, Dear," she told Lily apologetically.

She hated to go, but she nodded and stood up. She slung her bag over her shoulder and stooped to kiss the top of James's head.

Her unwillingness to leave must have been clear on her face, as James said, "Don't worry, I'll be out of here tomorrow. Might as well get as much rest as I can—big game tomorrow!"

"James—you are _not_ playing tomorrow morning!"

"I am though," he grinned.

"No, he most certainly is not!" came Madam Pomfrey's muffled voice in her office.

"Leave it to women to worry over nothing," he mumbled, rolling his eyes. "'Cept for Professor McGonagall, of course. You wait, Evans—she'll clear me to play."

"Potter, I really don't think Professor McGonagall—"

"—Is dying for a Quidditch victory tomorrow to help our chances of getting the Quidditch Cup since Adder's already ruined our chances of getting the House Cup?" He smiled angelically.

Potter really did _always_ have his way.

***

The final Quidditch match before the holidays had been so thoroughly discussed the past few weeks that everyone's nerves were running high. Gryffindor would be playing Ravenclaw, the latter having formed one of the best teams Hogwarts had seen in a long time. Most of the Ravenclaws were certain this victory was in the bag, but the Gryffindors were determined to start their holidays on a high note.

That morning, the Gryffindor Quidditch team were some of the last to enter the Great Hall; James must have kept them in the Common Room late to discuss some tactics last-minute. They each ate a scanty breakfast and received many good luck wishes from their friends at the Gryffindor table and even some Hufflepuffs, who were counting on Ravenclaw's loss for a chance at the Quidditch Cup at the end of term.

"You look horrible, mate," said Sirius as James rose to his feet and gestured for his team to follow suit. Remus shot Sirius a warning look and said, "You've hardly stopped practicing to eat. No point worrying, just give 'em your best."

James smiled faintly at this, but Lily, who was sitting next to Remus, got the impression that the Quidditch game was not the only thing troubling him. She rose to her feet, leaned across the table and planted a kiss on James's cheek. "Give us a victory, will you Potter? I don't think I could stand to see Myers gloating otherwise."

James looked at her in surprise, stood for a moment in silence, and then said, "Alright team. Let's do this."

They left the Hall to some scattered applause and a bit of sportive booing from the Ravenclaw table.

On the pitch, James shook hands with the Ravenclaw captain, and they mounted their brooms. A moment before Madam Hooch blew her whistle and the Snitch was released, however, James gestured for a time-out. The curious audience watched as James made his way toward Georgia Gardner, who was commentating on the match, and appeared to be asking her to hand him the Megaphone. A moment later, she did.

"Hallo, fellow Hogwartians," James greeted from his broom, hovering near the commentator's box. His team was looking at him as if he were mad, some of them even looking annoyed. Some of the Slytherins seated at the other end of the Pitch began sniggering, but Lily noticed that Severus Snape alone remained expressionless. He was eyeing James through narrow eyes, his face stony, but Lily knew Severus, and she knew his face; she hated him even more, seeing that he had been permitted to attend the match, and that his face betrayed no remorse whatsoever. She knew he was extremely disappointed to see James in such good health after his ordeal the previous evening.

She looked away from Severus after a few moments, the noise from the crowd jostling her thoughts about him. Lily noticed that even Remus, Peter, and Sirius did not seem to know what James was doing. No one had ever made any announcements before Quidditch games, had they?

"Excuse the brief interruption," said James charismatically, "But I just wanted to deliver a message to a good friend of mine, and under the circumstances (the complicated details of which I will not bore you) I felt the need to do it this way, so that I can make myself look as big of a prat as possible." Many people in the crowd giggled. James chuckled back but, receiving a glare from Professor McGonagall, he turned his laughter into a cough.

"Right then, I'll move this along." James cleared his throat very theatrically and then, to Lily's absolute horror, spoke into the Megaphone: "Many of you know that I have been trying to get Lily Evans to go out with me for about thirty seven years..."

The crowd laughed loudly, some people wolf-whistled, and, though Lily would have given anything for the power to look away and bury her head in her hands, her shock and horror prevented her. She remained gaping up at James, her jaw dropped, eyes wide.

"…But somehow I have not managed to make myself look quite vulnerable enough, pathetic enough, or wretchedly enough in love for Miss Evans to believe I am being completely sincere. She is very stubborn, you see, one of the things I like about her. And that brings me to my next point. Here is your answer, Evans…"

The audience went, for the first time since James took the Megaphone, relatively quiet, and all eyes were on James, darting now and then to steal a glimpse at Lily.

James continued, "I like you, Lily, because you will talk to me about Quidditch and play a few casual games now and again even though you are crap at flying. I like you because you are really terrifying when I get on your bad side, and that is a bloody good laugh, but nothing feels better than when I am on your good one, even though I have only been on it about twice, and once was only because I was the one who found the Potions essay you'd spent about 8 hours working on before you misplaced it."

Even Lily joined the crowd laughing this time, and she continued to look up at James, but it was no longer because she was frozen in horror. At the moment, James Potter was the only person in the world who existed.

"I like you because you look good even with a tree branch sprouting from your head. I like you because you are clever, and a laugh, and probably the most genuine person I have ever met, even when I have had to learn that from your genuine hatred of me."

James had to wait a moment, as much of the audience was laughing in earnest now. When they quieted enough for him to continue, James said, "But most of all, Evans, I like you because you don't take any crap from anyone, and because you always call me out on mine."

James waited, watching Lily, and it was clear he was not completely sure what he was doing, or if she would ever speak to him again. But looking at her, something in her face seemed to tell him it was okay to finish what he had to say.

"So I'm going to ask you, _one last time_." He said this very loudly, the last part of his sentence punctuated by his nervous laughter. The Gryffindors in the stands were doubled over with laughter, and Siruis was whistling. Lily laughed into her gloves, shaking her head, feeling both uncomfortable and elated at the same time.

When James spoke again, it was even louder than his last statement. "For the love of Merlin, Lily, _will you be my __**effing**__ girlfriend?_"

Lily was so red at this point she was sweating in the cold December air.

"Have the Megaphone, and in the name of God's pajamas you had better say yes." The crowd laughed again, and James Magicked the Megaphone across the pitch toward Lily.

She could not speak immediately; she was laughing too much, the whole experience was so absurd. Some of the Gryffindors were chanting "Say yes! Say yes!" and whistling and hollering and the entire school was watching, even the teachers.

Finally, Lily raised the Megaphone to her lips, and James was on the edge of his broom, waiting. She released a strange, rather ironic laugh. "Oh, Potter. I don't know what I'm going to do with you," she sighed. "I do love you awfully though."

"Sorry?" James teased, shouting across the Pitch and pretending he couldn't hear. "You'd duel off ewe of Leathow?"

Lily rolled her eyes, but indulged him; "I love you," she repeated dryly.

"Hm?" he cupped his hand around his ear. "Dodgy Megaphone, that!" he hollered, though Lily's voice was echoing very clearly for all to hear.

"I love you, you idiot," she repeated, laughing now.

"Ah, must be those bloody Wrackspurts again. You love…?"

"You! James Potter! I love you!"

"That's four times you love me," James warned, pointing at her across the Pitch. "No going back from that, Missus. Now are you my girlfriend or what, ginger slag?"

"Have it your own way then, Captain Mad," said Lily in mock annoyance, her silky, amused voice carrying across the Pitch.

And as she laughed, her eyes locked on James's, many of the students at Hogwarts cheered, some pretended to vomit over the stands, and the teachers were either laughing appreciatively or rolling their eyes.

James, for his part, grinned enormously, gave the air a tiny punch with his fist, blew a very theatrical kiss at Lily, and sped off to join his team, who were all ready to play. Lily merely shook her head with a smile and sent the Megaphone back to Georgia.

The Gryffindors had never played better than they had that day. They celebrated their victory into the night, the entirety of which Lily Evans spent with James Potter.

And on the twelfth of December the following year, and three more after that, Lily and James wished one another a very happy St. Glinglin's Day.

The End.


End file.
